As Luck May Have 

by Nessy Thompson 

PART ONE 

Scene One: Jane's room. Jane and Daria are watching {what else?} Sick Sad World. 

TV: Was SPAM really created by aliens? Martian Meat, next on Sick Sad World. 

Daria: I wouldn't be surprised. God knows what they put in that stuff. 

Jane: Yeah. The only greater mystery is Cheez Whiz. 

Daria: True. So what do you have planned for this summer? 

Jane: Oh, you know, the usual. Staring at the ceiling, going to UFO conventions,
contemplating the meaning of life. How about you? 

Daria: Nothing much here, aside from taking over the world...and trying to figure out the
mysteries of SPAM. 

Jane: AND Cheez Whiz. 

Daria: Of course. 

(Long pause) 

Jane: Don't we have exciting lives? 

Daria: Well, maybe something interesting will happen to us. 

(Daria and Jane stare at each other blankly) 

Both: Nah... 

(Suddenly, the girls hear Trent yell, "Yes!" from downstairs. He runs up the stairs and bursts
into Jane's room. He runs over to the radio, turns it on, and starts dancing and yelling, "I
RULE!" The two girls stare at him in disbelief.) 

Jane: Hey Trent! You look like you just inherited a million bucks! What the Hell happened?! 

Trent: I won! I WON!! 

Jane: Won what?! 

Trent: I was the 15th caller to L103.7* and they gave me a trip for 4 to Florida! For a whole
week! 

(Jane turns off the radio, so Trent stops dancing) 

Jane: Wow, that's cool. (To Daria) Hey, you were right. 

Daria: Yeah, I guess I was. (Nervously, to Trent) Um, hey Trent, who are you going to bring?

Trent: Jane, Jesse, and you of course. (Smiles) Wow, this is going to be so cool! 

Daria: Your parents won't care if there are no adults there? 

Jane: Nah, they won't care. Our mom will tell your mom that she's going along too, if you
need it. 

Daria: Thanks, Jane. And you too, Trent. (looks at her watch) Oops, I've got to go. When is
does our flight leave? 

Trent: It leaves Sunday, which gives you today and tomorrow to pack. It's an early flight, so
I'll pick you up around...ugh, 6:30 AM on Sunday. 

Daria: Okay. Bye Trent, bye Jane. 

Jane: Later. 

Trent: See you on Sunday. 

Scene Two: Morgendorffer dinner table. Jake is reading the paper, {of course} and Daria,
Quinn, and Helen are talking. 

Helen: How was your day, girls? 

Quinn: Mine sucked! First, this kid sneezed on my face, so I had to redo my make-up in the
bathroom and my teacher yelled at me for being late to class. Then, Joey told me he
couldn't drive me to Sandi's house because there was an emergency football meet. THEN,
my NAIL broke, so I-- 

Helen: DARIA, how was YOUR day? 

Daria: Well, it was unusual. Jane's, uh, mom won a trip for 4 to Florida, and she said I could
come...that is, if it's okay with you guys.... 

Helen: Of course you can go! I think it'll be a wonderful experience for you, right Jake? 

Jake: (Looks up from his paper) What? 

Helen: Never mind. 

Quinn: A trip to Florida?! But...but that's not fair! I want to go too! 

Helen: I'm sorry, Quinn, but if you go, your father and I have to go, and we're simply too
busy. 

Quinn: This sucks! (She gets up and storms off to her room.) 

Jake: (Again, he looks up from his paper) Did something just happen? 

{Come on, you saw that one coming!} 

Scene Three: The airport on Sunday. It's an early flight, so everyone is kind of "out of it".
Jane even fell asleep leaning on Jesse's shoulder. 

Jesse: Thanks for inviting me, Trent. I needed to get away from my psycho family. 

Trent: Jesse, you're my best friend! Did you think I wasn't going to invite you? 

Daria: Yeah, Jesse. Besides, Jane needed a pillow. (Trent and Jesse laugh) 

Jane: (Only half awake) What? 

Jesse: (stroking her hair) Nothing, go back to sleep. 

Jane: Okay. (She falls back asleep. Trent glares at Jesse, and Jesse gives him a look as if
to say, "What?!?") 

Scene Four: After waiting a while longer, the plane is ready to load. The four sleepily shuffle
on board and take their seats. Jesse and Jane end up next to each other, of course. 

Trent: I guess we're here. 

Daria: Yeah. (she flops down into the window seat) I'm really tired. 

Trent: I think we all are. 

Daria: Yeah, well, I'm going to take a nap...I hope no one on this plane hates loud snoring. 

Trent: Aw, come on, Daria. Your snoring can't be half as bad as mine. 

Jane: Or Jesse's. (All three stare at her) Uh, not that I would know or anything. 

Daria: Sure, Jane. Well, in any case, I'm going to sleep now. 

Jane: Alright, so am I. Good night, Daria...or rather, good morning, Daria. 

Trent: Hey, if anyone complains, we'll beat them up for you, okay? 

Daria: Okay. Thanks, Trent. (She closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.) 

Scene Five: It's about an hour later. Jane and Daria are asleep, and Jesse and Trent are
talking. 

Jesse: You are planning on telling her during the trip...right? 

Trent: (sighs) I want to...but I have to get the right moment...and I'll have to get up my nerve. 

Jesse: Your nerve? Trent, you've never had trouble asking out girls before. What's up? 

Trent: I don't know, Jess. I mean, I really like her...more than any other girl I've ever liked in
my life. 

Jesse: You must. You let her have the window seat without a fight. 

Trent: (rolls his eyes) Please, spare me. But seriously, I don't get it. Why is it that I'm afraid
to ask her out, even though I like her more than anyone else I've ever liked, and I've never
had a problem asking girls out before? 

Jesse: Well, that's simple. With all the other girls, you would have just shrugged it off if
they'd said no. But being afraid to ask Daria out shows you really like her, because you
would care if she said no, and you're scared that she might. 

Trent: (Amazed) Wow, I'm impressed, Jess. Maybe you should have an advice column.
(yawns) Well, I'm kind of tired. I think I'll doze off too. 

Jesse: Good idea. 

(The two boys are asleep within minutes. What they don't know is that Jane had only been
pretending to sleep, and she'd heard the whole conversation.) 

Jane: So, he does like her! But they're both afraid to admit it to each other...dammit! I've
got to do something... but what? (she thinks for a second) Hmm...(grins) a whole week
without parents...just the four of us...in one hotel room...I'll think of something.... 

Scene Six: A few hours later, and the stewardess wakes up Jesse and Trent and tells them
that the plane is about to land. Jane is already awake, and Daria is still sleeping...AND
she's leaning against Trent's shoulder. 

Jesse: Aww...how cute. 

Trent: Shut up, Jesse! (looks down at her) It was probably an accident, anyway. (he taps
her shoulder) Daria? 

Daria: (Sleepily) Huh? 

Trent: We're about to land...you might want to wake up. (smiles at her) 

Daria: Okay. (Suddenly, she realizes what she is leaning on and bolts upright in her seat)
Sorry, I, uh-- 

Trent: Hey, don't worry about it. 

Scene Seven: About an hour later, around 7:45pm, the four arrive at their hotel room...and
what a hotel room! Actually, it's about five rooms. There are two bedrooms, a bathroom, a
TV room with a huge TV and a high-tech-looking computer, a little kitchenette, and a game
room {!} complete with a pool and a ping pong table, and a Nok Hockey board. 

Jane: Wow. 

Trent: Yeah, wow. 

Jesse: This is truly heaven. My house doesn't even have a game room! 

Daria: I think we can all say the same for our houses. Oh damn, I promised my parents I'd
write them when I got here. Ugh. Jane: Maybe the computer has Internet. Then, you could
send e-mail and get it done with and not have to worry about stamps or anything. 

Daria: Good idea. 

Jane: I'll bring your bags into our room. You can unpack later. 

Daria: Okay. (She logs onto the computer, and, sure enough, it has Internet.) Let's see,
what's Mom's screename again? Oh yeah. 

(Typing) To: SpicyLawyr@aol.com. 

Dear parental units and younger "cousin" Quinn, 

Well, here I am in Florida. The plane ride went well, aside from the fact that ten people
dropped dead from food poisoning. But our hotel room makes up for it. It's really a nice
place if you ignore the cockroaches in the refrigerator and the restless natives who keep
throwing rocks at our window. See you in a week. 

Your adopted child, 

Daria 

(Out loud) That ought to be enough to keep them wondering. Hmm...maybe I should keep a
record of the trip and send it to myself. I'll have something to read when I get home.
(Typing) To: SSWorldFan@aol.com. 

(Trent enters the room) 

Trent: Hey Daria. (Looks at the computer screen) Who's "SSWorldFan"? 

Daria: It's me. I'm keeping a record of our trip and sending it to myself so I'll have
something to read when I get home. (looks up at Trent and fidgets nervously) Uh, do you
want to help me write it? 

Trent: (Smiles) Sure. 

Daria: Cool. (Typing) 

Dear Future Me, 

Hello, it's Past Me and Trent, on Day 1 of our trip. So far, it's been okay. I slept through
most of the plane ride and accidentally fell asleep on Trent's shoulder. 

Trent: Aw, don't worry about it. If it makes you feel any better, you kept my shoulder warm.
Thank you. 

Daria: (Blushes) You're welcome. (Typing) Trent said it was okay and that I kept his
shoulder warm. Our hotel room kicks ass... it's more like a house than a room. It's got
everything, even a pool table. Unfortunately, I can't play pool for my life. 

Trent: Hey, I could help you if you want. You know, give you some tips on how to improve
and all that. 

Daria: (Smiles) that's nice of you, Trent. (Typing) Trent says he'll help me. Thank God,
maybe there really is hope. 

From, 

The Past Daria and Trent 

(Out loud) Send. There. (turns to Trent) So, when are you going to help me with my pool
game? 

Trent: (Looks at his watch.) How about tomorrow morning? It's late, and we've had a long
day, so maybe we should get some sleep. 

Daria: Trent, we've been sleeping just about all day, and you're tired? 

Trent: Hey, you can never get too much sleep. I'll give you your lesson at 10:30 am
tomorrow. 

Daria: Wow, you're even waking up early. 

Trent: Yeah. That way, they won't interrupt us. (points to Jesse's door, then Jane's) So, what
do you say? Is it a date? 

Daria: Of course. (yawns) Well, good night, Trent. 

Trent: Night, Daria. 

(The two wander into their rooms) 

Daria: (thinking) Dammit, I had the perfect chance! 

Trent: (thinking) Dammit, I had the perfect chance! 

PART TWO 

Scene One: It's the next morning, and Trent is helping Daria with her pool shots. Daria is
wearing the outfit she wore in "Road Worrior" and Trent is wearing a light blue shirt with his
usual pants. 

Trent: Okay, this is a common angle. You have to hit the ball just right...(he makes a shot,
and the four-ball drops straight in.) Okay, now you try. 

Daria: Um, okay. (She makes a shot and misses) Dammit. 

Trent: Here, let me help you. (He stands behind her and puts his hands over hers on the
stick) Now, you aim like this"and then you hit it like this... 

(At that moment, Jane walks into the room and sees Trent with his arms around Daria) 

Jane: Oops... am I interrupting something? 

Trent: (Turns red and quickly takes his arms off of Daria.) I was just teaching her how to hit
a certain angle in pool. 

Jane: Sure, sure, that's what they all say. Anyway, Jesse and I are going to hit the
swimming pool. You two wanna come? 

Trent: Sounds cool. How about you, Daria? 

Daria: Why not? 

Trent: Okay, Jess and I will meet you two by the pool in ten minutes. 

(He goes off to his room to change.) 

Jane: Wow, it's only the first day, and he's already all over you. 

Daria: Shut up, Jane. He was teaching me a move in pool. 

Jane: Or, rather, putting the moves on you. 

Daria: Yeah right. Come on, let's just get changed. 

Scene Two: The swimming pool. Daria is wearing a black bathing suit, Jane's is red,
Trent's is green, and Jesse's is orange. {Don't ask me why I picked orange} 

Jane: Who wants to play "Marco Polo"**? 

Trent: Sounds good to me. 

Daria: Me too. 

Jesse: Me three. 

Trent: Alright, then. Marco Polo it is!! 

(Trent and Jesse run and jump into the pool, causing water to splash everywhere) 

Daria: Well, do we use the stairs, the diving board, or the "Trent-and-Jesse Method"? 

Jane: Ah, what the Hell. (Jane and Daria run and jump into the pool as well) Ahh! It's cold in
here! 

Daria: Well, that's a swimming pool for you, there. 

Jesse: Who want's to be "It"? 

Jane & Trent: Not me! 

(The three stare at Daria) 

Daria: Well, I guess that leaves me. 

Jesse: Okay, go underwater and count to ten. 

(Daria does so, and comes up with her eyes closed) 

Daria: Marco! 

Jane, Jesse & Trent: Polo! 

(Daria moves towards the nearest voice) 

Daria: Marco! 

J, J & T: Polo! 

(As Daria moves, she doesn't hear Jane swimming up behind her. 

Suddenly, Jane shoves her into Trent, sending them both underwater.) 

Daria: (Thinking) Dammit, Jane! 

Trent: (Thinking) Dammit, Janey! (The two surface and glare at Jane.) 

Jane: What?! 

Trent: Ugh, never mind. (Daria is turning red.) (Thinking) Maybe this is a good chance to
hint. (As Trent turns to face her, she looks down at her feet. He puts his arm around her.)
Don't worry about it, Daria. It wasn't your fault. (He lifts up her chin so that he is looking into
her eyes) I'll make sure Janey doesn't do it again, okay? 

Daria: (Sheepishly) Um, okay. (She notices Trent is staring at her face.) What? 

Trent: Oh, nothing... I was just thinking that you look very pretty without your glasses. 

Daria: (Blushing even harder) Thanks, Trent. 

Trent: (He takes his arm off Daria and turns toward Jane) As for you! You're dead! 

Jane: Uh oh... 

(Jane turns to swim away, but Trent is too fast for her. He shoves her head under water.
She comes back up laughing and choking at the same time and splashes water into
Trent's face.) 

Jesse: Ah, sibling rivalry. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? 

Daria: Yup. Especially when it involves out-witting Quinn. 

Jesse: Which probably isn't too hard, knowing her. 

Daria: True. 

Jesse: I can't believe the way Trent flirted with you there. I admire his courage. 

Daria: Flirted?! Yeah right! Jesse, he was giving me a compliment! He was being nice to
me because he saw that I felt embarrassed. 

Jesse: Yeah, sure. Don't take MY word for it. 

Daria: What? Are you saying he likes me or something? 

Jesse: I'm not saying anything. 

Daria: Dammit, Jesse, you're no help. 

Jesse: I know. 

(Trent and Jane finally stop fighting and swim over to where Daria and Jesse are.) 

Trent: Sorry about that. Janey and I were just having a little... discussion. 

Jesse: That's okay, man. Hey, I'll race you to the other end of the pool! 

Trent: You're on! (Jesse suddenly takes off) Hey! Cheater! (Trent bolts after him) 

Jane: Guys. Go figure. 

Daria: Almost as mysterious as SPAM and Cheez Whiz. 

Jane: Comparing guys to SPAM...interesting concept. I can't believe how brave Trent is,
though. 

Daria: What are you talking about? 

Jane: Didn't you notice the way he was flirting with you? 

Daria: Why does everyone keep saying that? 

Jane: Because he IS! Are you really that blind?! 

Daria: Jane, what if he wasn't flirting? I don't want to get my hopes up, and then have them
crushed because you made an inference and you were wrong. 

Jane: (Thinking) If only I could tell her! Dammit, why did I have to tell Jesse that I knew?
Now, I'm sworn to secrecy, so I can't do anything but hint! UGH!! (Out loud) Well, Daria, all I
know is that I don't put my arm around someone unless I like them in THAT way. 

Daria: Well, maybe you're right, but there's still a chance that it isn't true, so I'm not going
and getting my hopes up. 

Jane: I guess I see your point. (Sighs) Oh well. 

Scene Three: The four swim for a few more hours and then go back to their hotel room,
completely worn out. 

Jesse: (Panting) Wow, that was fun. 

Trent: (Also panting) Yeah. We'll have to remember to do that again soon. 

Daria: I guess it's time for my "Day 2" letter to myself. 

Jane: Okay, I'll see you in a while. 

(Daria logs on and checks the mailbox. There is a letter from "SpicyLawyr") 

Daria: Hey, a letter from Mom. (Reading) Daria, how sweet of you to write! I hope you're
having a great time in Florida with the Lanes. Write back! Oh yeah, and don't be sarcastic
in your next letter, your father burst a vein in his eye again when he read it. (Out loud) Well,
what an unexpected surprise. Should I write back, or delete it and pretend I never got it?
Hmm...let's go for "delete". Now to write to myself. (Typing) 

Dear Future Me, 

Well, we spent most of the day at the pool, although Trent did help me with my pool game
this morning. Jane, of course, made it her business to embarrass me in front of Trent.
Luckily, he understood and beat up Jane. He also told me that I look nice without my
glasses on. Jane and Jesse are convinced that he's flirting with me. Ha, I wish. Now, I
almost wish I was popular so I'd have experience asking people out. Maybe I wouldn't be
so nervous then. Damn. Oh well, I have five days to get up my courage. 

From, 

The Past Daria 

(Out loud) That ought to do it. (She sends the letter and turns off the computer) Now, who's
cooking dinner? (She doesn't see anyone in the kitchenette.) I guess I will, then. (She walks
over to the fridge and opens the freezer. Inside, she finds a truckload of TV dinners.) Let's
see...chicken pot pie, no...fried chicken, possibly....macaroni and cheese,
maybe...spaghetti, no...lasagna, NO WAY...hmm...I guess macaroni and cheese. 

(She puts four mac & cheese dinners in the microwave. The beeping brings everyone out
of their rooms.) 

Jesse: Dinner! Alright!! 

Daria: Okay, okay, sit down! These are hot, so be careful. 

Jane: Need any help? 

Daria: Help is appreciated. (Jane and Daria put the TV dinners out, and everyone starts
eating.) 

Trent: Hey, thanks for making dinner, Daria. If you hadn't, we probably wouldn't be eating
tonight. 

Jane: Well, I would have made dinner, had she not. Geez, men are so lazy. 

Jesse: It's part of being a guy. You're supposed to be lazy. It's only proper. 

Jane: Oh, please. You and your Cheez Whiz. 

Trent: What? 

Daria: Uh, never mind. It's an inside joke. 

(The four finish eating and then go to their rooms) 

Jane: I think you should go for it. 

Daria: What? What are you talking about? 

Jane: Asking Trent out. 

Daria: I can't do that! I have no guts when it comes to that sort of thing. 

Jane: Well, you've got to at least try. You could be missing out on the relationship of a
lifetime. I mean, we could all die tomorrow, and you will have died knowing that you had all
this time to say something, but you didn't. 

Daria: Hmm...I guess you're right. If it makes you happy, I promise to say something to him
before the trip is over. But give me the whole trip, and don't rush me. And let me get the
right moment, okay? 

Jane: Sounds fair. But here's the catch: If you don't say anything to him by the time we get
home on Sunday morning, I'm telling him myself. 

Daria: (sighs) Alright, that's fair. (Turns out the light) Good night, Jane. 

Jane: Good night, Daria. 

(Meanwhile, in Jesse and Trent's room) 

Jesse: That was totally brave, man. I'm surprised she didn't catch the hint. 

Trent: But Jesse, she's a smart girl. I must be doing something wrong. 

Jesse: Aw, come on Trent. She's probably just as nervous as you are. 

Trent: Or, she doesn't like me. 

Jesse: Now, come on, Trent. Don't talk that way. I'm sure she'd say yes if you'd just ASK
HER. 

Trent: Hmm...maybe you're right. I'll tell you what. If I don't tell her by the end of the trip, you
can do it for me. 

Jesse: Deal. 

Trent: Just don't rush me, okay? And don't tell Janey. 

Jesse: I won't. (He turns out the light) Night, Trent. 

Trent: Night, Jesse. 

PART THREE 

Scene one: It's the next morning, and everyone's awake except Jesse. They are discussing
their plans for that day. 

Trent: Should we hit a water park, a theme park, the beach, or make this a rest day? 

Jane: I vote rest day. My muscles still ache from yesterday. (She and Trent look at Daria) 

Daria: Doesn't matter to me. 

Trent: Well, okay. Jesse and I were going to check out some things...that is, if he ever
decides to wake up. 

Daria: Yeah, what's with him? It's 11:30 already. 

Trent: Wait...it's only 11:30? Dammit, I should be sleeping now. 

Jane: Trent, don't be a jerk. 

Trent: Why not? 

Jane: (Rolls her eyes) Never mind. 

Daria: Jane, we already discussed how hard it was to figure out guys...no offense, Trent. 

Trent: Hey, who am I to argue? Even I can't figure myself out. 

Jane: In any case, let's do something until Jesse wakes up. 

Trent: Pool? 

Daria: Wait a minute. That's a two-player game...and I still suck at it. 

Trent: You could be on a team with me if you want. We'll take turns. 

Daria: Sounds fair. Come on, let's start. 

Scene Two: The three are in the game room, and are about 20 minutes into the game. The
only ball left on the table besides the cue ball is the eight ball. Jane is stripes, and Trent
and Daria are solids. 

Jane: Now up, Jane Lane, the greatest, best, most cunning- 

Trent: Come on, Janey, before we die. 

Jane: All right, all right. Now up, Jane Lane. She aims...and...she hits it...DAMMIT, it didn't
go in! Ugh! 

Trent: Your turn, Daria. 

Daria: Uh oh. I recognize this angle. This is the one I was having trouble with yesterday. 

Trent: Don't worry, I know you'll get it in. (He winks at her) 

Daria: All right, here goes nothing. 

Jane: Now up is Daria Morgendorffer. She aims...she glares at the announcer...she- 

Daria: Jane, just shut up, I'm trying to concentrate. 

Jane: All right, fine. Don't appreciate my announcing. 

Daria: Okay, I won't. 

(Trent laughs. Daria aims at the cue ball the way Trent taught her to...she hits....) 

Jane: AND THE EIGHT BALL'S IN! The winners: Trent and Daria...but only by a hair. 

Trent: All right! Daria, you got the angle right! 

Daria: It's amazing what you can do when the pressure's on you. 

Jane: I guess so. (Imitating Darth Vader) Trenti-Wan has taught you well. 

Trent: Trenti-Wan? 

Jane: (Ignoring him) But if you join me on the Dark Side of the Pool Table, you can truly be
a SPAMI Master. 

Trent & Daria: What? 

Jane: I don't know. Please don't ask. I'm feeling weird today. 

Trent: You're weird every day. 

Jane: Have I ever talked about SPAMI Masters before? 

Trent: Good point. 

Daria: SPAMI Master? That sounds like Thigh Master. I don't want to join the Dark Side of
the Pool Table just to become some crappy exercise machine that doesn't work. 

Jane: Ah, young Morgenwalker. You think you cannot be turned. The Pool Table is strong
with you, but it will be even stronger if you join the Dark Side. 

Daria: (Getting into the act) Darth Janer, I see the good in you...but, I'm pretty sure that has
nothing to do with what you're trying to say...by the way, what the Hell are you trying to say? 

Jane: Well, young Morgenwalker...be on MY pool team next time! 

(Jesse enters the room sleepily, still in his pajamas, carrying a stuffed Alf) 

Jesse: Hey guys. (He stretches and rubs his eyes) What's up? 

Jane: Well, if it isn't Jess Solo. (She spots the Alf doll) And Alf-bacca too! 

Jesse: What? 

(Trent, Jane, and Daria laugh) 

Trent: Never mind. 

Jesse: It's okay, I don't even want to know. 

Trent: Hey Jesse, are we going to check out you-know-what today? 

Jesse: You bet. Let me just get out of my PJ's and into some clothes. 

Trent: Okay. (Jesse leaves the room) 

Jane: What's "you-know-what"? 

Trent: The reason we're calling it "you-know-what" is because you aren't supposed to
know...yet. 

Jane: Yet? Trent, what are you talking about? 

Trent: Don't worry, you'll see. 

(Jesse enters the game room again, this time dressed) 

Jesse: Well, are we going or what? 

Trent: Yup. Bye girls. 

Daria: Bye Trent, bye Jesse. 

Jesse: See you later. 

Jane: Bye. 

(The boys leave, and Jane and Daria are alone in the room.) 

Daria: I wonder what they're up to. 

Jane: Me too...hmm....(she grins) 

Daria: Jane...what are you thinking? 

Jane: I'm going to go on after them...you know, like a spy mission. You wanna come? 

Daria: Nah. They said we were going to find out anyway. 

Jane: I don't care, I'm going. If you want to come, speak now, or forever hold your peace. 

Daria: I think I'll hold my peace, thank you. 

Jane: Suit yourself. See ya. (Jane exits, leaving Daria alone.) 

Daria: Okay. I'm alone. Now to find something to do.... 

Scene Three: Trent and Jesse are sitting at a bench outside the hotel. Jesse has a sheet
of paper in his hands. Trent has a pen in his. 

Trent: I can't believe we're doing this. 

Jesse: Why not? It'll be the perfect chance for you to tell Daria...and if you tell her
beforehand, it'll make it even better. 

Trent: I guess. A restaurant and then a walk on the beach. It's a nice idea. We're doing it
tomorrow night, right? 

Jesse: Yeah, and Jane and I will leave you and Daria alone at the beach if you want. 

Trent: Oh, I'll feel much better about asking Daria out knowing that my sister and my best
friend are making out somewhere. 

Jesse: Well, what do you want us to do? Stand behind you? 

Trent: (Sighs) No, I guess not. Anyway, what are we checking out first? Restaurants or
beaches? 

Jesse: I guess restaurants. The guy at the front desk gave me this list of all the good places
to eat. And as far as I know, there are two nice beaches around here. We'll have to check
them out and see which one is nicer...and which one is less crowded. 

Trent: (Rolls his eyes) Please. Hey, let me see the list. 

Jesse: Okay. (He hands the list to Trent.) 

Trent: (Looking at the list) Hmm...well, this list is good if you don't include Burger World. 

Jesse: Burger World? Yikes, how did that get on there? 

(Cut to: Beavis and Butt-Head at Burger World) 

Butt-head: Uhh...huh huh, hey Beavis, did you remember to, like, write Burger World on all
those lists at the Nessinia Hotel? 

Beavis: Ehh...heh heh, oh yeah. Um...yeah, you're like, smart and stuff, Butt-head. 

Butt-head: Dammit, Beavis, I already know that. 

Beavis: Oh yeah...heh heh, now we're gonna, like, get more customers and stuff...and then
we get more money...yeah, that's pretty cool. 

(Cut to: Trent and Jesse at the bench again) 

Trent: Well, whoever wrote it can't spell very well. "World" is spelled with a "U" here. 

Jesse: I guess we can exclude that choice then. Come on, let's get going already. 

Trent: Okay. (The two walk off to the rental car, get in, and drive off. Jane stands up from
behind the bench) 

Jane: Trent and Jesse planning a romantic evening? Wow, maybe they aren't so
SPAM-brained after all. (She walks back inside and starts for the hotel room.) 

Scene Four: Daria is lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, almost wishing she had gone
with Jane. 

Daria: (Thinking) Now, how am I going to go about telling Trent that I like him? I mean, I
know I have until Sunday, and it's only Tuesday, but they say the longer you wait, the harder
it gets, and it's hard enough already. Ugh, what am I going to do? Hmm.... Okay, the next
time Jane and Jesse go off by themselves, I'm taking action. That's my sacred vow to
myself. I just know I'm going to throw myself off a bridge if I don't tell him soon. (Suddenly,
she hears the door open.) (Out loud) Jane? (She gets up and goes to the living/TV room
and sees Jane there.) 

Jane: Hey, Daria. 

Daria: Hey, Jane. Did you find out anything? 

Jane: (Thinking) Maybe I shouldn't tell her...it would be a nice surprise, and I'm not
supposed to say anything anyway. (Out loud) No, I didn't find out anything. I saw them, but I
couldn't make out what they were saying, and I would have been caught had I moved any
closer. 

Daria: I guess we'll just have to wait in suspense then. How about some ping-pong, Darth
Janer? 

Jane: You're on Morgenwalker! 

Scene Five: It's a few hours later, and Jesse and Trent are driving back from their little
quest. 

Trent: The Gigi Restaurant...I can't believe how nice it is, and it isn't even that expensive. 

Jesse: And of course, it was last on the damn list. 

Trent: Well, that's how the other places get business. A lot of people are too lazy to go to all
the places on the list, so they just decide on the first nice place they come to. 

Jesse: Well, I'm glad we checked out all the places on the list. 

Trent: Not including Burger World. 

(Cut to: Beavis and Butt-head at Burger World again) 

Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, we're not getting, like, more customers and stuff. 

Beavis: Eh...heh heh, yeah, this sucks. 

Butt-head: Shut up, dumb ass. (Butt-head slaps him in the face) 

(Cut to: Jesse and Trent in the car again) 

Jesse: I doubt Burger World would've been that good anyway. 

Trent: It sounds like one of those crappy fast food places that will hire anyone. 

(Trent drives into the parking lot for the Nessinia Hotel and parks. He and Jesse get out of
the car and start toward the building their hotel room is in.) 

Trent: So, when do you want to break the news to the girls? 

Jesse: I don't know. Tonight at dinner, I guess. What do you think? 

Trent: Sounds good to me. (The two enter the building) I just hope they like the idea. 

Jesse: You mean, you hope DARIA likes the idea. 

Trent: (Glares at Jesse) I didn't say that. 

Jesse: But that's what you were thinking...I could tell by your expression...the wide
eyes...the vacant smile.... 

Trent: (Rolls his eyes) Well, I'm glad I can count on friends to support me in all I do. 

Jesse: (Slaps Trent on the back) Aw, come on, man. You know I'm just kidding. 

Trent: Well, ha ha ha, can't you see my laughing face? 

Jesse: Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I actually think it's
cute...you know, with Daria and all. 

Trent: Whatever. (They reach the door and unlock it) 

Jesse: Hey girls, we're back! 

Jane: (From the game room) Ahhhhhh!!!! 

(Jesse and Trent run into the game room, thinking maybe Jane might be hurt. When they
get there, they see her standing at the ping-pong table, eyeing the ping-pong ball as if it
were going to jump up at her.) 

Jesse: Jane, what's wrong? 

Jane: This ping-pong ball is what's wrong...I swear it's evil. 

Daria: Either that or there's a hole in your paddle. 

Jane: There's a repelling magnet in it or something. 

Trent: I think I sense jealousy here. Who's winning? 

Jane: Daria, of course...but only by a hair. 

Daria: A hair? Jane, I have four times as many points as you! 

Jane: Yeah, well...all right fine, so I'm losing miserably. 

Daria: Which means you're making dinner tonight. 

Jane: Yeah, I know, I know. Damn bet. 

Jesse: That's okay, we're making dinner tonight...and we have an announcement too. 

Jane: (To Daria) Ha! 

Daria: Well, then you're making dinner tomorrow. 

Jane: (Thinking) You wanna bet? (Out loud) Okay, that's fair. 

Trent: Come on Jesse, let's go fix something. 

Jesse: Okay. (They leave the room.) 

Daria: Do you think their little announcement will be about whatever they were checking out
today? 

Jane: Beats me. I guess we'll find out in a few minutes. 

Scene Six: The dinner table. Jesse and Trent had made spaghetti and meatballs for
dinner, which were actually pretty good considering two made it from scratch instead of
making the TV dinners. 

Jane: So...what were you guys going to announce? 

(Trent and Jesse look at each other and grin. They stand up.) 

Jesse: We have planned a special evening for tomorrow. 

Trent: We're taking you guys out to dinner at a really nice place... 

Jesse: ...and then an evening walk on the beach...a really nice, intimate beach. 

Trent: (Rolls his eyes) And that's about it. 

Daria: Wow...which restaurant? 

Jesse: It's called the Gigi Restaurant. It's a nice Italian place. 

{Come on, it HAD to be Italian! It's a rule about Daria, which I broke by having them eat
macaroni & cheese before} 

Jane: Who said guys couldn't do something nice? 

Trent: Well, don't tell anyone, it might ruin our "pig" reputation. 

Jane: Oh please, give me a break. 

Scene Seven: Daria is writing to herself again. 

Daria: (Typing) 

Dear Future Me, 

Well, it's the third day of our trip, and I still haven't said anything to Trent. We had an
interesting pool session this morning. Trent and I were on a team, and we went against
Jane, who went into a strange Star Wars kick after we beat her. Trenti-Wan Kenobi, Darth
Janer, Jess Solo, Alf-bocca, and Daria Morgenwalker...hmm...I'm sorry, but I really couldn't
see us doing Star Wars. I also beat Jane six out of eight times in ping-pong match, and
she was convinced that her paddle wasn't working. And Trent and Jesse announced at
dinner that they had a nice evening planned for us tomorrow. Dinner at the Gigi Restaurant
and then a walk on the beach. The beach part was probably Jesse's idea, knowing him. 

From, 

The Past Daria 

(Out loud) Well, that about wraps it up. (yawns) Wow, I'm tired. I guess it's time to hit the
sack. (She gets up and stretches, and then shuffles off to her room.) 

PART FOUR 

Scene One: Daria wakes up at about 10:45, and sees that Jane is gone. 

Daria: What the Hell? Where is she? (She gets out of bed, brushes her hair, and walks out
into the living room to see Trent on the couch watching TV) Hey Trent. 

Trent: (Looks up) Hey Daria. Say, have you seen Jesse? He wasn't in our room when I
woke up. 

Daria: No, I haven't seen him, and Jane is missing too...uh oh, you know what THAT
means. 

Trent: Yeah. Boy, they just can't get enough of each other, can they? 

Daria: I guess not. (Remembering her vow and her talk with Jane) Uh, hey Trent, since
they're gone, do you want to do something? 

Trent: I guess so. (He switches off the TV) What do you want to do? 

Daria: I don't care, I just need to get out of here. 

Trent: Good idea. (Remembering his deal with Jesse) How about taking a walk? 

Daria: Okay, let's go. 

Scene Two: Jane and Jesse are outside the hotel sitting on a bench. 

Jane: I don't get it Jesse. I mean, they both like each other...why can't one of them just ask
the other out? 

Jesse: I wish I knew. I was hoping tonight would be a good opportunity for Trent to say
something. 

Jane: You mean, you didn't plan this evening as an excuse for us to be alone on a beach at
sunset? 

Jesse: Well, there was that too. (Kisses her.) But don't worry, I think we'll have plenty of time
alone if I've planned it right. 

Jane: You think that maybe Daria and Trent will admit their feelings while we're alone? 

Jesse: That's what I was hoping for. And Trent promised he'd try to say something. 

Jane: Okay. (They kiss again) 

Scene Three: Daria and Trent are walking around the hotel, talking about various things. 

Daria: So, you and Jesse had to do your concert without a drummer? Yikes, that must have
been painful. 

Trent: Actually, it wasn't. We made up a song on the spot that didn't need a drum part, and
the crowd loved it. 

Daria: Cool. (Thinking) Dammit, I've got to do it soon. (Out loud) Hey Trent? 

Trent: Yeah? 

Daria: Um, did you ever think that maybe the two of us could- 

(Suddenly, someone jumps out of the bushes, startling the two.) 

Daria: Oh my God- 

Beavis: I AM CORNHOLIO!! I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!! 

(Daria is so shocked that she passes out and collapses in Trent's arms. He just barely
catches her.) 

Trent: Hey- 

Beavis: Do YOU have T.P.? Where I come from, we have but one bunghole!! (Beavis says
various stupid phrases about bungholes and T.P., and then wanders off into the distance.) 

Trent: Who the Hell was that little bastard? (He looks down at Daria) And why did Daria
pass out at the sight of him? (sighs) And I think she was just about to say something
important too. (He lifts her up and takes her back to the hotel room.) 

Scene Four: Jane, Jesse, and Trent are standing over Daria who is now on the couch and
still out of it. 

Jane: What the Hell happened to her, Trent? 

Trent: I don't know. This weird loser jumped out of the bushes, and he said his name was
Cornholio, and when Daria saw him, she fainted. 

Jane: Beavis. 

Trent: What? 

Jane: Daria used to live in Florida, in a town a few miles away from here called Highland.
She told me about these two jerks that used to bother her all the time whose names were
Beavis and Butt-head. 

Jesse: Butt-head? 

Jane: Yeah. 

Trent: Well, if he was anything like his friend, it's a good name for him. 

Jane: Anyway, whenever Beavis had too much caffeine, he would claim to be "Cornholio".
That's why Daria passed out. She knew him...unfortunately. 

Trent: Well, I just hope she comes to soon. We have a nice evening planned. 

Jane: I'll go find something to wake her up. Maybe there's some limburger cheese in the
fridge. (Everyone stares at her.) Hey, just a thought. Jesse, help me look for something. 

Jesse: Okay. (The two walk out of the room.) 

Trent: Oh, Daria, I hope you're okay. (He kisses her on the forehead) I need to tell you
tonight. (He sighs and squeezes her hand.) I'll stay by your side until you wake up.... 

Scene Five: About an hour later, Daria wakes up to see Trent asleep leaning against the
foot of the couch. 

Daria: Trent? Are you awake? 

(Trent rubs his eyes and then looks over at Daria.) 

Trent: You're awake! Are you okay? 

Daria: Yeah, just a little drowsy. Ugh, what happened? I have the worst headache. 

Trent: You passed out when you saw that guy. 

Daria: Oh yeah...Beavis...otherwise known as "The Great Cornholio". 

Trent: Well, if he made you pass out, he must not be all that great. 

Daria: You're telling me. Where are Jane and Jesse? 

Trent: I have no clue. (Nervously) Hey, um, what was it you were about to tell me? 

Daria: When? 

Trent: Before you were so rudely interrupted by Beavis. 

Daria: (Suddenly nervous) Oh yeah. Um, well, I was just wondering if maybe- 

Jane: DARIA!! (She says this as she and Jesse enter) You're awake! (Runs over to her)
Are you okay?! 

Daria: Yeah. (Whispering to her) At least I was before you came. 

Jane: (Also whispering) You mean, you were gonna do it? 

Daria: (Whispering) I'll tell you more about it in our room. 

Jesse: Hey Daria, it's nice to see you again. Feeling better? 

Daria: Yeah, I guess. Um, I think I'd better rest up, though...you know, for tonight...and I've
still got a pounding headache.... 

Jesse: Okay. See you later. 

(Daria and Jane exit to their room) 

Trent: Jesse! 

Jesse: What?! 

Trent: She was this close. (He holds his thumb and index finger about a centimeter apart)
THIS CLOSE!! 

Jesse: Then why didn't YOU say something? 

Trent: (Sighs) I don't know, Jess. All I know is that I'm scared of rejection, and it's getting
harder to say something the longer I wait. 

Jesse: Well, you'll have plenty of time tonight. 

Trent: I guess. 

Scene Six: The Gigi Restaurant. The four Darians are sitting in a booth, with Daria and
Jane on one side, and Jesse and Trent on the other. So far, it's been a rather uneventful
evening. Well, for Daria and Trent, that is.... 

Jane: I just love spaghetti. I could eat it every day. 

Daria: And your mom says that's okay? 

Jane: What? 

Daria: Haven't you ever seen the commercial for "Goldfish"? 

Jane: (She thinks for a minute, and then remembers the stupid little jingle.) Oh yeah. I love
the fishes 'cause they're so delicious! 

Trent: Can you say, "psycho"? 

Jane: Hey, I wasn't the one who brought it up, it was your little girlfriend here. 

Daria: (Blushing) Jane! 

Trent: Dammit, Janey. 

Jesse: (Breaking up the possible fight) Hey, here's dinner. 

(The waiter comes over and sets plates out in front of everyone. Jane, of course, has
spaghetti, and so does Jesse, Trent has a slice of pizza with EVERYTHING on top, and
Daria has...oh no, not that! Lasagna! But, I guess it makes sense) 

Jane: Hey Jesse...did you ever see "Lady and the Tramp"? 

Trent: Please don't start. 

Jesse: Yeah...great spaghetti scene... 

Daria: Uh oh, here it comes.... 

(Jane and Jesse start doing the "Lady and the Tramp" thing with their spaghetti) 

Daria: That's repulsive. 

Trent: (Rolling his eyes) You're telling me. 

Jane: You guys are just jealous. 

Daria: (Semi-Sarcastically) We don't have any spaghetti, Jane. 

Trent: Besides, we wouldn't want to copy off a Disney movie, unlike SOME people...I'm not
going to mention any names.... 

Jane: (Rolling her eyes) Fine, be that way. (Thinking) Ugh, one of them better say
something at the beach. 

Scene Seven: The four are at the beach Trent and Jesse had picked out, which was
ever-so-creatively named "Sandy Beach". Trent and Daria are alone, sitting at the edge of
the shore line, and Jesse and Jane had gone off somewhere. The four had agreed to meet
back at the car at exactly 9:30. 

Trent: It's nice, isn't it? 

Daria: What? 

Trent: You know, the sunset on the water and all...and the fact that I'm sharing it with one of
my favorite friends. 

Daria: Ditto. I haven't seen a sunset like this in a while...I mean, not since before I moved,
anyway. 

Trent: Well, I'm glad you did. Otherwise, you would never have met Jane, and then you
would never have met me. 

Daria: True. I never liked it out here, anyway. 

Trent: Why not? 

Daria: Those two losers made it Hell for me, plus I didn't have any real friends in school. I
mean, no one hated me, but it kinda sucked having no one to talk to. 

Trent: I can imagine. Jess and I were friends since kindergarten, and we were always very
close until he started dating my sister. Now, it's all about her. I can't make fun of her
anymore without him attacking me...it kinda makes me wish I had someone special too. 

Daria: (Hinting, but too afraid to give herself away) I'll always be around if you need to talk,
Trent. 

Trent: Thanks Daria. (He puts his arm around her, trying to be casual) Right now, you're
about the only one I can really talk to about...well, anything. 

Daria: Anything? 

Trent: Not including guy stuff, of course. 

Daria: Would "guy stuff" happen to include dating? 

Trent: Sort of...I mean, depending on how you look at it. But, we've never really talked about
dating, have we? 

Daria: No, we haven't...I mean, probably because I've never really dated before. 

Trent: Never? 

Daria: Nope. I guess there're just too many weirdoes out there. 

Trent: Do you think I'm a weirdo? 

Daria: No at all. You're one of the only nice guys I know. 

Trent: Really? 

Daria: Yeah. I guess that's kind of why-- 

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! 

Trent: (He takes his arm off Daria) Dammit, that's my watch. It's 9:27, so we'd better head
for the car. What were you saying? 

Daria: (Losing her nerve) Oh, nothing. 

Scene Eight: Daria typing up her day once more. 

Daria: (Typing) 

Dear Future Me, 

Well, Day 4 of our trip is over now. Trent and I took a walk this morning, and I passed out at
the sight of my old "friend" Beavis. Then, Jesse and Trent planned a nice evening for us.
Dinner at a REALLY nice restaurant, and then a walk on the beach. I almost told Trent how I
felt about him. Five more seconds would have done the trick. FIVE SECONDS!! Now, I've
almost completely lost my nerve. It's impossible. It just wasn't meant to happen. How the
Hell did Jane do it?!? 

From, 

The Past Me 

(Out loud) This isn't fair. Why can't I just tell him? (She sighs and goes to her room) 

PART FIVE 

Scene One: Thursday morning. Daria wakes up early for some reason. 

(8:15 AM) 

Daria: (Seeing the clock) Oh man, what the Hell am I doing up? (She looks over at Jane
and notices that she doesn't look too good.) Jane? Jane?! 

Jane: (waking up) Uhh? 

Daria: Are you okay? You don't look too good. 

Jane: I'm...I'm...ech, you're right...I don't feel so good.... (Suddenly, Jane gets up and runs to
the bathroom, and starts puking into the toilet. {Where else?}) 

Daria: (Running to her side) Are you okay? 

Jane: I just threw up...do I look okay? 

Daria: No, get into bed. 

Jane: Uhhh. (She walks off to the bed and flops down on the covers.) 

Daria: I'll go get Trent and Jesse. 

Jane: Uh huh. 

(Daria leaves the room and walks over to the boys' room. She knocks lightly.) 

Daria: Guys? (Grumbles and shuffles are heard within the room. Finally, Jesse opens the
door.) 

Jesse: Daria, I want you to understand that you're one of my good friends, and I would
never trade that friendship for anything, but when you wake me up at 8:30 in the morning,
you could risk being shot. 

Trent: (Sleepily) Dammit, shut up, Jesse. 

Daria: Guys, this is important! Jane is sick, she just threw up! 

(The boys wake up immediately and run into the girls' room.) 

Jesse: Jane, are you okay? 

Jane: Jesse, I have a headache, please don't yell. 

Trent: Um, he didn't yell. 

Jane: Trent, will you keep it at a lower volume there? 

Trent: (Whispering to Jesse and Daria) Wow, she's got it bad. Is there a thermometer
anywhere? 

Jesse: (Whispering back) I'll go check. (He walks out of he room) 

Daria: I'll go see about some chicken soup. Trent, you stay here with Jane. 

Jane: Uh, no, Trent, why don't you go help Daria? I'll be okay on my own. 

Daria: (Thinking) Even when she's sick, she just doesn't give up. (Out loud) Alright then,
let's go. (She and Trent head into the kitchen, leaving Jane alone. As Jane looks around he
room, things begin to look blurry.) 

Jane: Oh man, maybe I should have had Trent stay here...why does my mirror suddenly
look like a huge wad of SPAM?.... 

Scene Two: Meanwhile, in the kitchen.... 

Daria: (Searching through cabinets) Dammit, they have every type of soup here except
chicken! Oh wait...yes, here's a can. Trent, get a pot out, okay? 

Trent: Okay. (He reaches down and grabs a pot off a shelf.) Hey Daria? 

Daria: Yeah? 

Trent: Do you think Janey will be okay? She didn't look very good. 

Daria: Trent, I'm sure she's okay, just a little under-the-weather. 

(She picks up a can-opener and starts opening the chicken soup.) 

Trent: I hope so...I mean, she doesn't get sick very often. 

Daria: (Pouring the soup into the pot) It happens to everyone, Trent. Don't be so worried. 

Trent: Okay. (Thinking) Say something, Trent. ANYTHING! (Out loud) Daria, do you like...uh,
ham? (Thinking) Dammit, Trent, what the Hell was that?! 

Daria: Ham? 

Trent: Sorry, that came out of nowhere, it was just on my mind. 

Daria: Yes. 

Trent: What? 

Daria: The ham...I like ham. 

Trent: Do you really? 

Daria: Yes. 

Trent: Wow, that's good, I didn't want you to think I'm an idiot or something. 

Daria: It's okay, Trent, I know what it's like to accidentally blurt something out. {Think: Road
Worrier- "If you lived here, you'd be home by now." "And bored out of your mind."} 

Trent: Okay. (Looks over at the pot.) I think the soup's ready. 

Daria: (Also looking over) Whoa, yeah, you're right. (She pours it into a bowl) Come on,
let's bring this to Jane. 

Scene Three: Jesse, Daria, and Trent all enter the room at the same time, and Jane
is...well, defining the term "sick". 

Jane: The sun is as yellow as Cheez Whiz on a bright purple morning. (She turns her head
and sees her three friends standing by the door.) No! Go away, Hanson! You're all girls, ya
hear me?! Girls!! And your music blows!! 

Trent: She has good taste in music...for someone who's going crazy. 

Jesse: Trent! What the Hell are you saying? She's going insane! 

Jane: It's raining SPAM. (He eyes grow wide and she breaks into song) I'm siiiinging in the
SPAM!! Just siiiinging in the SPAM!! 

Daria: Uh oh.... 

Jesse: (Sitting by her side) Jane?! Are you all right?! 

Jane: You are the master of the SPAM? 

Jesse: Er, uh, no. Jane, it's me! Jesse! Your boyfriend, remember? 

Jane: (She looks confusedly at him and then shakes her head) Jesse? What happened? 

Jesse: You were...delirious or something. I think you should rest. 

Jane: No, no, I'm fine. (She gets up, and then flops back down on the bed.) Whoa, no I'm
not. 

Trent: Dammit, I had something planned too. 

Jane: You did? 

Trent: Yeah, I was thinking we'd make this another swimming pool day, but we'll stay here if
you want us to, Janey. 

Jane: You go ahead, I'll call the front desk and see if they can get me a nurse. (She reaches
for the phone, but her arm falls limp.) Oh man, I have zero strength. 

Daria: It's okay, I'll call down. (She picks up the phone and dials) Hello, is this the front
desk?...yeah, could you send a nurse up to room 3375?...WELL THEN FIND ONE!! (She
slams the phone down and Jesse, Jane, and Trent stare at her in amazement) Stupid
people. 

Scene Four: Highland High's summer school. It's a few hours earlier than scene one.... 

Ditzy teacher (I made her up, so she remains nameless): Well, class, since today is career
day, I have selected wonderful careers for you and your buddies. (She hands Beavis and
Butt-head their cards.) 

Butt-head: Nurses? Dammit, this sucks. 

Beavis: Yeah, this sucks! 

Butt-head: Shut up, ass munch. (He slaps Beavis across the face.) 

{This is the part of my story where you get to feel really psychic} 

Scene Five: It's around 9:15 AM, and Daria, Trent, and Jesse are waiting by the phone by
Jane's bed. Suddenly, it rings. 

Daria: (Picking it up) Hello?... Yeah, this is room 3375...you did?...great!...yeah, give them
a key...okay, bye. (To Trent and Jesse) They found a nurse with some student helpers {feel
psychic yet?} and they'll be here in a few minutes. (To Jane) Are you sure you'll be okay?
Do you need us to stay here? Can we get you anything? 

Jane: No, I'm okay, you guys go on and have fun. 

Daria: (Reluctantly) Well, okay. But it won't be as fun without you there. 

Jane: (Smiling slightly) Thanks. Now, go already! Don't let me keep you here. 

Trent: All right. Take care, Janey. 

Jesse: (Sits by her side and kisses her on the cheek) I'll miss you, Jane. 

Jane: Dammit, Jesse, you're going to get my germs. Besides, you're only going to be gone
for a little while. 

Jesse: Okay...bye Jane. 

(Jesse and Trent leave the room to change.) 

Scene Six: Daria, Trent, and Jesse are leaving for the pool. 

Jesse: Are you sure we should leave? The nurse isn't here yet. 

Daria: They're giving her the room key. Look, Jesse, Jane will be fine, she's just a little sick.

Jesse: Well, okay. 

Trent: Let's go. (Yelling to Jane.) We'll be back by lunchtime, okay Janey? 

Jane: Okay. See you later. (Daria, Trent, and Jesse leave, and Jane looks around the room
again.) Wow, it sure is sunny in here. I wonder what the others are up to.... 

(The front door opens and a young, annoyed-looking nurse walks in with {oh boy, this is a
tough one} Beavis and Butt-head. {You WERE psychic!}) 

Nurse: Now boys, we have to look after a very sick girl today, so I don't want any trouble,
okay? 

Butt-head: Hey Beavis, huh huh huh, we're looking after a sick girl. 

Beavis: Heh heh heh, yeah, that's cool. 

(The nurse enters Daria and Jane's bedroom, but Beavis and Butt-head stay behind in the
TV/living room.) 

Jane: Are you the nurse? 

Nurse: Yes I am, but you can call me Chelsea if you want to, or Miss Thompson if that suits
you better. {The nurse is named after my sister, FYI} Now, what are your symptoms? 

Jane: Well, I-(a crash is heard from the TV/living room) 

Chelsea: Dammit, I'm going to kill those boys. 

Jane: You brought your kids? 

Chelsea: No, I had to bring some student volunteers from Highland High's summer school
program. Hold on a second, I'll be right back. (She gets up and leaves the room) 

Jane: Uh oh.... 

Scene Seven: The pool, about 20 minutes later. Trent, Daria, and Jesse are there, but they
aren't exactly having fun. 

Trent: Do you guys want to play catch or something? 

Jesse: Sounds good to me. 

Daria: Yeah. 

(Trent throws the ball to Jesse, but he isn't watching, so the ball hits him in the head.) 

Jesse: Ahh! What did you do that for? 

Trent: We were playing catch, remember? 

Jesse: Oh yeah. 

Daria: Is it me, or are we NOT having fun? 

Trent: Well, I'm not having fun. 

Jesse: Me neither. This wasn't a good idea, I guess. 

Daria: Yeah. Want to dry off and go back? 

Jesse: I guess so. (The three slowly get out of the pool and begin to dry off) 

Scene Eight: Daria, Trent, and Jesse enter the room, and all is quiet. 

Daria: Is it me, or is it suspiciously quiet in here? 

Trent: It's suspiciously quiet in here. 

Daria: Where's the nurse? 

Jesse: I don't know, but this is weird. 

(Jesse, Trent, and Daria hurry to Jane's room) 

Daria: Oh dammit.... 

(Butt-head and "Cornholio" have Jane backed into a corner of the room, and Butt-head is
holding a needle...like, one of those big, long needles that you have frightening dreams
about.) 

Butt-head: (In an Einstein accent) We want to do experiments! 

Beavis: We will turn you into T.P. for my bunghole! 

Jane: (Angrily) All right, that's it! (She kicks the needle out of 

Butt-head's hand, then kicks Beavis in the gut) 

Beavis: AHHH! I'M AM CORNHOLIO!! 

(Jane kicks him once more and he falls to the ground. Then, she punches Butt-head in the
face, causing him to fall to the floor too.) 

Butt-head: (Half-dead) Uhhh...huh huh, what a cool chick.... 

Jane: Whatever medicine that nurse gave me, I want more of it. 

Daria: And just imagine the damage you could do with those combat boots on. 

Jesse: Yeah...and speaking of the nurse, where is she? 

Jane: She left after Beavis drank her five bottles Pepto-Bismol and went into his psycho
"Cornholio" stage. It was actually kinda funny before Butt-head found that needle. 

Daria: That was what I thought. I hung around them sometimes because their stupidity was
so amusing. 

Jane: Well, now that THAT'S over with...what do you want to do? 

Trent: Nok Hockey? 

Jane: Sounds good to me! 

Scene Nine: After dragging an unconscious Beavis and Butt-head to the pool and throwing
them in, Jane and Daria play against each other in Nok Hockey. They're about half an hour
into their game. 

Jane: I WILL come back! I know it! I can feel it in my bones! 

Daria: Jane, you've been saying that for the last half-hour, and I'm still beating you...24 to 3. 

Jane: Yeah, well...well, I'm just getting warmed up! You'll see! 

Daria: Considering I only need one more point to win, you must have one Hell of a plan. 

Trent: I'm willing to place my bet on Daria. 

Jesse: Ditto. 

Jane: (Glares at him) Jesse! 

Jesse: (Shrinking back) Hey! You know those people who always go to the side of
whatever team's winning? Well, I'm one of those people. Besides, unless you magically get
22 points before Daria can score one, you've lost. 

Trent: Face it Jane, you've got your own boyfriend against you. 

Daria: It truly is a sick, sad world. 

Jane: (Suddenly angry) Oh yeah?! (She slams the puck and it ricochets against the sides
about 6000 times {not literally, you moron} and flies through the goal.) 

Daria: I sense...anger? 

Jesse: Wow, that was cool...you have to teach ME how to do that! 

Daria: (Imitating Brittany) I don't think that's something you can teach.... 

Jane: Well, in the words of Daria, 'It's amazing what you can do when the pressure's on
you.' 

Daria: Well, I must say I'm proud of you...now you only have to get 21 more points to beat
me. 

Jane: How depressing. 

Daria: Hey, you could still make a comeback. (She hits the puck, and it glides into Jane's
goal) Oops, maybe not. 

Jane: Dammit...well, I only lost because I'm used to playing this against Trent, and he sucks
at this game. 

Trent: Hey! I do not! 

Jane: Yes you do! 

Trent: No I don't! 

Jane: All right then, one on one, right here, right now! 

Trent: You're on! (Trent takes Daria's place, and he and Jane start a furious game of Nok
Hockey.) 

Jesse: (To Daria) More sibling rivalry...who needs TV when you've got these two? 

Daria: I know what you mean. Want to get a snack? 

Jesse: Sounds good. (The two exit the game room and head for the kitchen.) 

Daria: (Looking through the cabinets) Let's see...potato chips are always good. (She
brings the bag to the table and sits down next to Jesse) 

Jesse: This vacation has kicked so much ass, don't you think? 

Daria: Yeah...I guess. 

Jesse: What's wrong? Is something bugging you? 

Daria: Sort of. 

Jesse: Care to share? 

Daria: It's not exactly the type of thing I can talk about with you. 

Jesse: Why not? Aren't I your friend? 

Daria: Yeah...but it's sort of...girl stuff. 

Jesse: You mean like hair and nails? 

Daria: Do Jane and I honestly look like the "hair and nails" type? 

Jesse: No, good point...but what's "girl stuff" then? 

Daria: (Sighs) If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone and not interrupt me until
I'm done...got it? 

Jesse: Got it. 

Daria: Okay. (Sighs) See, ever since the day Jane introduced me to Trent, I've always sort
of had a little crush on him...but I've always been too afraid to tell him. So, the other night,
Jane and I made a deal-either I would tell Trent how I felt about him by this Sunday, or Jane
would do it for me. And, as you've noticed, nothing has happened yet. (Her eyes water a
little.) I mean, I WANT to tell him, but I have no courage, and this huge fear of rejection, and
if he says no, it'll screw up our friendship, and if I don't get up the courage, I'll have to have
Jane do it, and then it will look like I didn't care enough about him to tell him myself! And I've
tried to tell him about a million times already, but something's always gone wrong, like
Beavis would pop out of the bushes, or it would be time to go, or Jane would try to rush me.
(A tear runs down her face) I mean, it's just not fair! Jane had it so easy with you! You
actually liked her back! But Trent probably doesn't like me as anything more than a friend,
and that's all going to be ruined when either Jane or me tells him the truth! (She sniffs) Oh
god, I'm crying. 

Jesse: (Putting his arm around her) It's okay, Daria. (He sighs) Look, if I tell you something,
will you promise not to tell Trent I told you? 

Daria: I guess...why? 

Jesse: Just promise me, okay? 

Daria: (Reluctantly) Okay. 

Jesse: Daria, Trent likes you too. We were talking about it on the plane while you and Jane
were asleep. The reason he hasn't asked YOU out is because he's afraid you'll say no and
then you'll never speak to him again. Do you know how many songs he's written about you?

Daria: No.... 

Jesse: I mean, one of you has GOT to ask the other out-and soon! You two are so crazy
about each other that you'd be perfect together. I couldn't think of a cuter couple...besides
Jane and me of course.... 

Daria: So, you're saying...he DOES like me? 

Jesse: Yup, and just as much as you like him. If not, more. 

Daria: Wow...that's all I can say...wow.... 

Jesse: Feel better now? 

Daria: Yeah...but I still don't know how or when to tell him. Jane is watching my every move
like a hawk. 

Jesse: I can take care of Jane for you...but I'll have to do it tomorrow. 

Daria: Why? 

Jesse: Oh, you'll see. 

Daria: Okay. I won't question you on this. 

Trent: (From the game room) HA!! TRIUMPH!! I RULE!! 

Jesse: I guess we know who won the Lane Nok Hockey tournament. (He gets up) Let's go
back to the game room before they think we got lost. 

Daria: Okay. Hey Jesse? 

Jesse: Yeah? 

Daria: Thanks a lot. You're a great friend. I owe you one. 

Jesse: Don't mention it. 

Scene Ten: The dinner table. Jane finally made the dinner she promised she'd make. 

Daria: Lasagna! It just HAD to be lasagna! 

Jane: Hey, our bet was that whoever lost would make dinner...we didn't specifically say
what kind of dinner. 

Daria: How evil of you. 

Trent: Well, it could have been worse. She could have made SPAM-burgers. 

Jane: That's disgusting. I would never fix SPAM for dinner...at least, not if I were going to be
eating it. 

Trent: Let's not get all tense here. We should be celebrating. 

Jane: Celebrating what? 

Trent: I don't know, it just sounded right. 

Jesse: Why do I have the sudden feeling an alien is going to burst through my chest? 

Daria: That only happened in Alien, you moron. Why do you think it would happen now? 

Jesse: Hey, they WERE celebrating when it happened, you know. 

Trent: Yeah, but they weren't eating lasagna. 

Daria: Although, if I were an alien living inside you, I'd WANT to get out of there if you were
eating lasagna. 

Jane: No one appreciates fine cooking anymore. 

Daria: Jane, you made TV dinners! In today's world, those are not considered "fine
cooking". 

Jane: Oh yeah, good point. 

Jesse: Hey, I know this is totally off the subject, but can someone pass the salt? 

Jane: You put SALT on LASAGNA? 

Jesse: I put salt on everything. It's a salty world. 

Trent: It's a brain-dead world. 

Jane: It's a scary world. 

Daria: It's a sick, sad world. 

Jane: I'll agree on that. 

Trent: Ditto. 

Jesse: Yeah, that's nice, but I really would like the salt now. 

Jane: Oh, okay. (She rolls her eyes and hands him the salt.) Men and their Cheez Whiz. 

Trent: I still don't get that. 

Daria: You aren't supposed to. 

Trent: Oh. 

Scene Eleven: Daria is typing up her day again. 

Daria: (Typing) 

Dear Future Me, 

Gee, I'll bet your wondering who this is. Anyway, this day was by far the strangest. Jane got
sick, and Trent, Jesse, and I went to the pool. We decided it wasn't any fun, so we came
back to find that this nurse had given Jane some medicine that gave her super-energy, so
she beat the crap out of Beavis and Butt-head, and we threw them in the pool. Won't the
pool cleaners be surprised? Anyway, after that, we had a Nok Hockey tournament, and I
beat Jane 25 to 4, which got her blaming Trent, so the two of them battled it out in their own
tournament. And while they were doing so, Jesse and I went to get a snack, and I found out
the truth about Trent: he DOES like me! The only problem is that I don't know how to tell
him. Jesse said he'd keep Jane away tomorrow, but I still don't know. All I know is that I've
GOT to do it, or I'll have to watch Jane do it for me. This trip is becoming very weird. 

From, 

The Past Me 

(Trent enters the room as Daria hits the send button, only she doesn't notice that he's in the
room.) (Out Loud) Well, I'm telling him tomorrow. I mean, what is there to fear, right? I'm only
admitting to him that I've liked him since the day I met him, and according to Jesse, that
won't screw up anything because he likes me too...oh, dammit, who am I kidding? (Sighs)
I'll never get up the courage to talk to him. (Trent is about to say something, but decides
against it. He turns around and quietly goes back into his room. Daria then gets up and
goes into her room, only to find Jane smiling like an idiot.) 

Daria: What happened? 

Jane: Jesse and I are going skating tomorrow! He told me after dinner! 

Daria: (Thinking) So THAT'S what Jesse had planned. (Out loud) Well, what are Trent and I
going to do all day? 

Jane: (A devilish grin spreads across her face) Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something.... 

Daria: Please Jane, don't be like Upchuck. 

Jane: Oops. Forgot about that little creep. 

Daria: How could you forget a jerk like him? Not that you wouldn't want to or anything. But
seriously, I don't know about this, Jane. (She flops down onto the bed.) I mean, Trent and I
are going to be alone for the whole day? It's like, if I tell him at the start of the day, I'll feel
really awkward around him for the rest of the day. Jane: (Sitting next to her) Look, Daria,
everyone feels that way at first, but it won't be like that. Trust me. 

Daria: What will it be like then? 

Jane: That's something you must find out on your own, young Morgenwalker. 

Daria: Okay, Janey-Wan Kenobi, if you insist. (She turns out the light) Night Jane. 

Jane: Night Daria. 

* = not a real radio station, as far as I know 

** = Marco Polo: a game played in the pool where the person who's "it" has to close their
eyes and tag someone. If the person who's "it" yells out, "Marco!", all the other players have
to yell, "Polo!" 

PART SIX

Scene One: Daria wakes up, and it is about 1:30. {By my standards, that's still early, but
then again, the sky is bright green in my world....} As she gets up and stretches, she sees
Jane at her easel, looking out the window and painting the landscape that she sees.

Daria: What are you doing here?

Jane: (Turning around) What do you mean, what am I doing here?!? It's my room too, you
know!!

Daria: Yeah, I know, but weren't you going skating with Jesse or something?

Jane: Yeah, at 3:15! Did you honestly think I'd be gone this early when it comes to Jesse's
sleeping schedule?

Daria: Oh yeah. (Smirking) I guess some things 'aren't' more important than his sleep....

Jane: (Rolling her eyes) Very funny. Thanks a lot.

Daria: Yeah, well, you know me. Always there to lend a helping hand. (Becoming serious)
Jane?...could we talk?

Jane: What about?

Daria: About...well, "you-know-who".

Jane: Okay, shoot.

Daria: Not here. I don't want to risk (she gestures toward the door) 'them' hearing us.

Jane: Okay, do you want to go for a walk?

Daria: Why don't we get some brunch?

Jane: NOW, you're talking!

Scene Two: J.M. & Alzaetia's Waffle House from Hell, a few miles away from the Nessinia.
{Not ONE WORD, Mike! Not ONE WORD!} Jane and Daria are eating...well, waffles. I
mean, duh, what else do you eat at a waffle house? Um, er, anyway, Jane is trying to help
Daria out while eating waffles at the same time.

Jane: (With waffles in her mouth) I think, (she swallows) that you should give really really
obvious hints all day. (she stuffs another forkful in her mouth) That way, he won't be able to
take it anymore, (she swallows again) and he'll just ask you out. (She wipes her mouth on a
napkin.)

Daria: I've never seen anyone eat like that before in my life. It's gross.

Jane: Thank you. But seriously, what do you think of my plan?

Daria: (Sighing) I don't know, Jane. I mean, I don't know a goddamn thing about "flirting".
Besides, what if he 'doesn't' catch the hints?

Jane: Well then,...um...uhhh...let me order some more waffles. (As she says this, a couple
walks up to their table holding hands, obviously the owners of the place.) Now, 'there's' a
cute couple for you.

Woman: (Smiling) Thanks. I'm Alzaetia, but you can call me Al for short, and this is my
wonderful husband, J.M.. (She gestures to the man beside her.) Want more waffles?

Jane: You bet.

Al: (Calling to the kitchen) One plate of waffles, guys! And make it snappy!

Jane: (Grinning) Whoa. You own a restaurant and look what happens....

J.M.: Well, hey, that's how it is. If you tell the damn cooks to get the order done, they slack
off and take their time. But if you tell them to make it snappy, they actually get the order
done before you die.

Jane: Interesting theory there.

Daria: Why do you call yourself J.M.? What, you're too cool for your real name?

J.M.: (He grins) Yes. Say, I couldn't help but overhear your little situation. Could we offer
some advice?...I mean, not that you're friend isn't helpful or anything.

Jane: (Snickering) Oh right. I couldn't give advice to a dead dog if my life depended on it.

J.M.: Then again, once the dog's dead, I don't think it's really his choice whether or not he
follows your advice.

Jane: (There is a pause as she thinks about it for a moment.) Good point.

Daria: (She sighs) So do you have any advice or what?

Al: Okay, okay, it's coming. But first, what are your names?

Jane: I am Jane Lane, and this is my partner in crime, Daria Morgendorffer.

Al: Daria...hey, that's a cool name. Anyway, Daria, who is this guy you're after?

Jane: His name is...

Daria: ...Trent.

Jane: My older brother.

J.M.: Wait, wait...that would make him...Trent Lane?! You mean, 'the' Trent Lane?! The lead
singer for Mystik Spiral?!?

Jane: Yep, that's him.

J.M.: Wow, could you get me his autograph?

Al: (Rolling her eyes) Dammit, stay on the subject, will you?

J.M.: (Smiling sheepishly) Sorry.

Al: It's okay, dear. (She smiles at him and squeezes his hand.) Anyway, Daria, you should
just be completely honest with him. Tell him how you really feel.

Daria: That's it? Hell, you might as well tell me to "be myself".

J.M.: (Grins) Well, goddammit! Calm down and let her finish!

Daria: Sorry. My nerves are on end. Continue.

Al: Anyway, talk about all the things you like about him. Start out sounding friendly, but then
make the things you mention sound a little deeper. 

(A boy carrying a plate of waffles who looks around 15-ish walks up behind the couple and
joins in for no apparent reason)

Boy: For example- start out by saying how you like the way he tells that really funny joke,
and end saying how you love the way he always listens to you and cares about what you
have to say.

Daria: Sounds good. Wait, who are you?

Boy: The name's Curtis. {Happy, Mike? You got to be Curtis.}

J.M.: He's our kid.

Curtis: And your waiter. (He slams the plate down in front of Jane.) Here's your damn
waffles.

Al: Goddammit, Curtis! (She grins at her son) Stop with that or we'll never get any
customers to come back!

Jane: Well, service with a smile I always say.

Curtis: Hey, I like her.

J.M.: (Rolling his eyes) Oh boy. Speaking of service, the two of us had better get back in
the kitchen before that new cook screws up another order. Damnation! But it was nice
talking to you guys.

Daria: Bye. (J.M. and Alzaetia walk back to the kitchen, still hand in hand, leaving Curtis
still standing over Jane and Daria like a looming shadow of death. {Um...right.}

Jane: Nice people. Good advice, too. We should come 'here' next time you have a
problem. (She looks up at Curtis) What are 'you' still doing here?

Curtis: Umm...do you want something to drink?

Jane: Did I 'ask' for something to drink?

Curtis: No, but I'm obligated to say that. Dammit! I hate being a waiter.

Jane: Then why do you do it?

Curtis: Family business. I'm obligated to work here until the day I bite the big one. I mean,
my parents kick ass...they're the best...but I'd much rather do something else with my life.

Jane: Like?

Curtis: I don't know. Some job where I get lots of respect. Either that, or I want to be a
secret agent.

Jane: That could be pretty cool.

Curtis: Damn straight!

Jane: Ah, those childhood fantasies that just never die....

Curtis: Gee, thanks for the support. (He eyes Daria for a moment, who has her head in her
hands and is staring off into space) Your friend doesn't seem very talkative.

Jane: (She turns to Daria) Oh damn. Hey Daria...Daria...DARIA!!

Daria: (Snapping out of it) I didn't do it! (She looks around and realizes where she is) Huh?
Oh yeah, hi. Sorry about that.

Curtis: Hey, no problem. I have days like that all the time. Anyway, I have to get back to
work now, although I doubt my parents would fire me. Enjoy your goddamn food. (He turns
and walks over to another table to take their order.)

Daria: (Rolling her eyes) Well, wasn't that sweet?

Jane: Really cool family, though.

Daria: And they gave good advice. I'll be damned if I actually follow it.

Jane: (Getting a little annoyed) Look, Daria. I don't understand what the Hell your problem
is. (As her anger builds up, she starts yelling what she is saying uncontrollably) I mean, you
'know' you like him, and you 'know' he likes you. Just 'ask' him for god's sake! I mean, all I
ever hear is, "How can I ask him out?" from you! I'm sick of it! You have nothing at all to
worry about, and most girls would 'kill' to be in your place! So just stop it already! (She
takes a few deep breaths and then looks up. Everyone in the restaurant is staring at her,
and it's completely silent. Immediately, she feels sorry for blurting all that

out.)

Daria: (Shocked) I...I...(long pause)...you're right, you know. (She stands up) You're damn
right.

Scene Three: Trent wakes up at about 2:15 in the afternoon {Now, 'that's' a good night's
sleep for you there!!}, and Jesse is still snoring away. {This scene is extremely important,
so remember it!! J}

Trent: (Thinking) Maybe Daria's awake. (He gets up and shuffles out of the room and over
to Jane and Daria's door. Taped to it is an interesting note scribbled in red pen on a yellow
piece of paper in Jane's handwriting. Trent reads it out loud):

Dear Trent and Jesse,

We went out for brunch,

And we'll be back soon.

But we'll kick your ass,

If you dare leave the room.

-a poem by Jane Lane

Love always,

Jane and Daria (who had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of this poem)

Trent: (Rolling his eyes) Well, that seems like a nice, happy, non-hostile note there. I take it I
shouldn't leave the room. But what to do? Bug Jesse?...hmmm, maybe. Plot on ways to tell
Daria the truth?...it's a possibility. Rummage through Janey's things for blackmail?...nah.
Eat something?...maybe. Go back to sleep?...hmm, sounds like a good plan to me. (He
starts toward his room, but then rethinks his brilliant strategy.) Hmm...I have a better idea....
(He heads into the TV room....)

Scene Four: {Or at least, I 'think' I'm at scene four. Oh sure, I could scroll up and check, but
that would be 'easy'.} AHEM, anyway, Jane and Daria arrive back at the hotel room at
about 2:45 PM. {Okay, so they're slow eaters, and I have no sense of timing whatsoever!
So sue me!} When they walk in, they see Trent and a half-awake Jesse eating a nutritious
breakfast of Twinkies and milk.

Jane: Well, I'm glad we're eating healthy this morning....

Trent: Hey, I believe in healthy eating...about as much as I believe that the world is flat.

Jane: (Sarcastically) You mean...it's not?

Daria: I just love how intelligent some people are today...take Jane, for example....

Jesse: (Getting up, walking over to Jane, and putting his arm around her) Well, if Janey
says it's flat, then I'm okay with that...whoa, that rhymes! Hey Trent, maybe we could make
that into a song!

Trent: I am not singing a song about my own sister!

Jesse: (With a devilish grin) Well then...who WOULD you sing a song about?

Trent: (Turning a bit red) Umm...(thinking quickly)...the guy who invented the guitar?

Jane: Ugh, you take all the fun out of us torturing you.

Trent: (Grinning) I try to. It's nice to know that I've accomplished my goal.

Jesse: Oh, you just don't want to tell us who that certain special girl is. (He winks at Daria,
who gives him a death glare)

Trent: Yeah, maybe I don't...is that so wrong?

Jane: Yes.

Trent: Oh, why the Hell do I bother?

Jane: Because someday, there may just be someone around to defend you.... (She grins
and glances at Daria, who gives her a death look too.)

Trent: I can only hope.... (he looks at Daria and smiles, but not too

obviously)

Jesse: (looking at his watch) Damn, we'd better get moving if we want to get to the rink on
time. (he grabs his wallet and his jacket, and he and Jane start out the door) Bye you two!

Jane: Bye guys!

Trent: See you later!

Daria: Good riddance!! (Everyone looks at her) What? I just felt like saying it! (everyone
shrugs their shoulders and Jane and Jesse walk out of the room, slamming the door
behind them.)

Trent: Well...now that they're gone...um, what do you want to do?

Daria: I don't know, but I think I need to get out of this room. I have the headache from Hell.

Trent: Why don't we go to that beach we went to the other night?

Daria: That sounds good. The fresh sea air might be good for me.

Trent: All right then, let's go.

Scene Five: Daria and Trent are once again at the very-uniquely-named "Sandy Beach",
and have been there for a few hours now. They haven't really said that much so far, but
have merely enjoyed each other's company and the sound of the waves as they sit on a big
rock overlooking the ocean. Finally, Daria speaks.

Daria: (remembering J.M., Alzaetia, and Curtis's advice) Hey Trent?

Trent: Yeah?

Daria: Could we discuss something?

Trent: Sure, what?

Daria: Could we talk about what it is we like about each other...you know, since we're good
friends....

Trent: Why not?

Daria: Umm...you can go first.

Trent: Okay...I like you because you always have something intelligent to say. You never
seem to let anything bother you, either. I also like how you're there for me when Jesse and
Janey aren't. It's nice to know that someone cares. (he smiles at her)

Daria: (she smiles back at him shyly) Okay, now it's my turn...I like how you can actually
make me think. Not many people can do that anymore. I also like how you stick with your
band, and how you have your heart set on a goal that you keep working towards...and I love
how well you can play your guitar......and how wonderful your laugh is.......and how you just
make me feel so...so complete.... (she looks up at Trent and looks into his eyes. For a few
minutes, they just sit there, saying nothing, just gazing into one another's eyes. Finally, Trent
breaks the silence)

Trent: Daria?

Daria: Yeah, Trent?

Trent: (there is a long pause) I just...I...I...I love you...so much....

Daria: I've been wanting to hear that the whole trip.... (She wraps her arms around his neck
and they kiss each other, holding for what seems like hours, but what is really only a few
minutes. When they finally let go, they are both out of breath.)

Daria: Oh god, Trent...this has to be the best day of my life. (she leans her head against his
shoulder)

Trent: Mine too. (He leans his head against hers, puts his arm around her, and gazes up at
the sky. Trent notices something.) Hey, a shooting star. You gonna make a wish?

Daria: Hmm...(she thinks for a minute)...to tell you the truth, I have nothing to wish for now.

Trent: You said it. (he kisses the top of her head, and they sit and watch the sunset together
in total silence except for the soothing sounds of the sea.)

Scene 75 _: Sorry, it's my lucky number. Actually, it's scene six, which takes place back at
the hotel room. Jane and Jesse walk in at 9:00 at night, completely worn out from skating,
to find both Daria and Trent asleep on the couch with their arms wrapped around each
other. {They weren't sleeping together like THAT! I'd never do that to them, goddammit!!
You perverts make me sick!!}

Jane: (She stares at Daria and Trent with wide eyes and blinks a few times, not believing
what she is seeing) Oh my god...(she pinches her arm) Oww!! Wow, I'm not dreaming!! It
'was' possible!!

Jesse: This is one of those rare moments that I regret not having bought a camera.

(Daria wakes up, still holding Trent.)

Daria: (half-asleep) Eh?

Jesse: We aren't here.

Jane: We are simply figments of you imagination. 

Jesse: You're dreaming.

Jane: Now, go back to sleep.

Daria: (still half-asleep) Uh-huh. (she closes her eyes and goes back to sleep)

Jane: Hey Jesse?

Jesse: Yeah?

Jane: Getting any ideas?

Jesse: (thinks for a moment) Actually, I 'was' getting kinda hungry. Thanks for reminding
me.

Jane: (rolling her eyes) You're such an idiot sometimes, you know that?

Jesse: (completely clueless) What?!?

Jane: Never mind. (She takes his hand and they head into Jesse and Trent's room.)

PART SEVEN

Scene One: Daria wakes up at 12:00 noon the next morning on the couch, still in Trent's
arms. She kisses him on the cheek as she gets up off of the couch and goes over to the
computer.

Daria: (thinking out-loud) I never had a chance to write to myself last night. I guess I should
do it now. (She brings up the e-mail screen. There is an e-mail from her mother.) Oh,
dammit, she wrote me again. (Reading)

Daria, why haven't you written back?! Did you get my last e-mail? Anyway, if you did, it was
very rude of you to ignore it....(she doesn't bother to read the rest of the letter.) 

Daria: I'm not letting my mom ruin the best vacation of my life. Delete! (she smiles) Okay,
now for the letter to my future self.

(Typing)

Dear Future Me, 

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday, so I'm writing this morning about what happened
then. Yesterday was the best day in my life. First, Jane and I went out for brunch at a nice
little breakfast place called "J.M. and Alzaetia's Waffle House From Hell". Pretty cool
name, huh? And to top it off, we met the really cool restaurant owners (J.M. and Alzaetia),
and their rather...um, unique son name Curtis. They gave me some advice on what to do
about Trent, and Curtis served us our food with a frown and a "dammit!" Now, THIS was a
cool family! But the thing that made this day the best day ever was that Trent admitted his
feelings for me. It was so romantic, the way it happened. To tell the truth, I'd only been
wishing that I'd be able to get my feelings out in one way or another, but I never expected
that it would be on a beach at sunset. And I never expected for him to feel the same way
about me. And I never expected for him to kiss me. My first kiss. I wish it had never ended.
Afterwards, we watched the sunset together, and then came back to the room and fell
asleep on the couch. All in all? A great day.

From,

The Past Daria

(She sends the letter, goes over to where Trent is still sleeping, and sits on the edge of the
couch, staring down at him.)

Daria: Hey, you alive there?

Trent: (Waking up slowly) Huh? Oh, hi Daria.

Daria: Hey Trent.

Trent: (Smiling) You know, it's a lot nicer seeing 'you' first thing in the morning rather then
Jesse.

Daria: That's really sweet, Trent. (They lean forward and kiss, not noticing Jane and Jesse
as they both come out of Trent and Jesse's bedroom.)

Jane: Whoa, maybe we should leave....

(Trent and Daria stop and look up at their friends, slightly embarrassed.)

Daria: Can't we get a little warning next time?

Jesse: No way! That would take all the fun out of it!

Daria: (Rolling her eyes) Great friends I have. Anyway, I'm going to make breakfast. I still
can't believe this is our last day here.

Jane: And that we have to catch our flight at 5 PM. That's too damn early to leave!

Trent: Yeah. (He sits up and faces the group) I don't think I ever want to leave this place.

Daria: (standing up) Hey, anyone up for pancakes?

Jane: You cook?

Daria: As long as they put directions on the box, I'll make 'em.

Jesse: Well, 'I'm' up for pancakes!

Trent: Me too!

Daria: Oh, come on. You guys are up for 'anything'!

Jane: Not SPAM.

Jesse: Or Cheez Whiz--whatever that's supposed to mean.

Daria: Compared to lasagna with salt, Cheez Whiz is nothing.

Jesse: Yeah, well...(everyone turns toward him)...well...uhh...oh, shut up! (he grins)

Daria: I'm glad you see my point. In any case, I'm going to make pancakes now. You're
going to help me, Jane....

Jane: Um, that's okay, I'd rather not....

Daria: That was a statement, not a question.

Jane: Oh...well, come on, then! Let's begin a pathetic attempt at making a food that these
guys will eat no matter what! (She turns to the guys) You ARE going to eat this stuff....

Trent: I don't know, Janey....

Jane: That was a statement, not a question. (The two girls head off to the kitchen)

Trent: (turning to Jesse) We're very lucky, you know that?

Jesse: Yup. We've each got a great girlfriend, and they're 'already' fixing our meals!

Trent: (chuckling) Yeah. I guess we're not doing too badly.

Jesse: Damn straight! 

Scene Two: The kitchen. Daria and Jane finally managed to get the pancake batter to look
the right color, and are putting the pancake mix on a skillet.

Daria: You know, Jane, I don't think my life could get any better.

Jane: (Smiling and raising an eyebrow) Yeah?

Daria: Yeah. I mean, here I am, I have the greatest friends, I got to be in Florida for a week,
Beavis and Butt-Head are dead, and I just spent an entire night in Trent's arms. For once, I
actually don't feel like something's missing.

Jane: Other than Quinn's brain, that is.

Daria: What brain?

Jane: I rest my case.

Daria: Anyway, I don't really care what's going on in her empty skull. Besides, now I can
brag about having a steady boyfriend and she can't...this is too good.

Jane: Yup. We have pretty good lives.

Daria: You said it.

(There is a long pause as the girls go deep into though. Finally, something snaps Jane out
of it.)

Jane: Hey...what's that smell?

Daria: Uh oh.... (the two turn to see that the pancakes are burning. {Ha ha!! Fire!!} No,
there's no fire. Geez! {Why not? That sucks!} No, YOU suck. {This story sucks. There's no
fire in it!!} Well then, why don't you just go away? {I WILL!! HA!!} Anyway, getting back to
the story, Jane and Daria quickly turn off the burner and get the pancakes off the skillet.)

Both: Dammit!

(They investigate the pancakes. On side of all of them is completely black, and the other
side is a healthy-looking golden brown. 

Daria: Umm...think they'll notice?

Jane: Think about it, Daria. They're guys. They're hungry. They'll eat anything classified as
"edible". Put two and two together...no wait, that's three and three together...or is it one and
one and one

together? Oh dammit, you know what I mean!!

Daria: Yes I do, and it's a good point. The question isn't "Will they

notice?", the question is "Will they 'care'?"

Jane: Exactly.

Daria: (quickly) But just in case, let's have the black side facing

down.

Jane: (quickly) Agreed.

(The girls put the pancakes on a tray and walk out of the kitchen)

Scene Three: The dining area, around 12:30 AM. {Yes, it took them

'that' long to get the pancakes right.} Jane was, of course, right

about the guys caring about the burnt pancakes, because they're wolfing

'em down faster than...uhhh...ummm...a speeding bullet?? {Boy, talk about

creativity and originality!} Oh shut up, dammit. {Oh yeah? What are

you going to do? I'm your sarcastic split personality, you can't punch

me or anything!} Well then, could this possibly wait till later?!? I'm

trying to write a freaking story here!! {Oh fine....}

Daria: (watching Trent and Jesse as they wolf down their food) Jane, I

take back what I said to you yesterday at the waffle house.

Jane: About what?

Daria: About when I observed your eating habits and said, "I've never

seen anyone eat like that before in my life. It's gross." But now that

I see these two....

Jesse: (With his mouth completely full of food) Mmmbbff!!

Daria: Really? No way!

Jesse: (he swallows his food) Very funny. What I meant to say was,

"Hey!!"

Jane: Why? After all, she 'is' right....

Jesse: Well...uhh...damn, you're right! But hey, we're men. Pigging out

is what we do, dammit! And we're damn proud of it, right Trent?

Trent: (who has shoved a forkfull of pancakes in his mouth, and is

caught off guard by Jesse's question) Mmm mmmff!!

Jane: I'm sorry, the only languages I speak are English and Spanish. 

I'm afraid I don't know the language you two have been speaking.

Trent: (he too swallows his food) Heh heh, sorry about that. I meant

to say, "You bet!"

Daria: Guys will be guys.

Jane: Yeah. But sometimes, that's a good thing.

Daria: Other times, it makes me wonder why these two aren't on Sick,

Sad World.

Jane: They don't need to be we're living in it.

Daria: Good point.

Scene Four: The game room. Jesse and Daria are playing a friendly game

of Nok Hockey, while Trent and Jane are playing an intense game of

ping-pong. {Jane was determined to beat him in 'something'!} Uh, anyway,

to prevent any confusion, the "clack" noises are the ping-pong ball

hitting against the table or a paddle.

Jane: You're (clack) going (clack) down!!

Trent: No (clack) way!!

Jesse: (to Daria) Okay, you've beat me at Nok Hockey three times in a

row. And you know what losing does to me?

Daria: No, what?

Jesse: It makes me hungry.

Daria: And, what does 'winning' do to you?

Jesse: Umm...it makes me hungry.

Daria: And what does 'tying' with someone do to you?

Jesse: I'll have to go with...it makes me hungry.

Daria: And what does getting hit in the head with a metal baseball bat

do to you?

Jesse: It makes me feel hurt and injured...and hungry.

Daria: What 'doesn't' make you hungry?

Jesse: Umm...flying?

Daria: Jesse...you don't fly.

Jesse: I rest my case. Although if I 'was' able to fly...

Daria: ...it would make you hungry. Come on, let's go find something to

pig out on while those two battle it out.

Jesse: Good plan. (He and Daria walk out of the room)

Trent: You're (clack) gonna (clack) lose!!

Jane: Not on (clack) your (clack) life!!

Scene Five: Daria and Jesse are in the living room Jesse on the couch,

and Daria in a chair. They're eating a bowl of popcorn and talking

about...stuff. {Heh heh...talk about descriptive...}

Jesse: (referring to Trent and Jane) They're so funny when they argue

during a game. They just look so damn serious!

Daria: Yeah...but Trent looks serious in a...a cute way.

Jesse: (He raises an eyebrow) My god, I never thought I'd be alive the

day you called something "cute".

Daria: To tell you the truth, me neither. I think I'm becoming overly

in love. (She gets a worried expression) What if I become like

Quinn?!?

Jesse: Are you going to start wearing baby tees now that you're going

out with Trent?

Daria: Hell no!!

Jesse: Are you going to start using a freaky high-pitched voice?

Daria: Not if my life depended on it!!

Jesse: Are you going to start wearing makeup?

Daria: Don't make me puke!!

Jesse: I rest my case. You'll 'never' be a loser like Quinn. Besides,

you can never be 

"overly in love" with someone, Daria.

Daria: Yeah right. Next, I'll be worshipping a six-foot-tall statue of

him twice a day. (she looks over at Jesse) Why? Have the same feeling

with Jane?

Jesse: First of all, I definitely could 'not' picturing you worshipping

a statue of 'any' kind, whether it was of Trent or not. Second of all,

yeah, I do have that same feeling. I say, "You can't be overly in love

with someone," in a pathetic attempt to try to convince myself that I'm

not becoming obsessed with how much I love her.

Daria: Have you told her that?

Jesse: Should I?

Daria: Yes. It would make her feel good.

Jesse: Are you sure?

Daria: Well, how would you feel if she admitted something like that to

you?

Jesse: Umm...good. Dammit, how do you do that?

Daria: I'm a genius. A modest one at that.

Jesse: Yeah, I can tell.

Jane and Trent: (In the background, from the game room) AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Daria: What the Hell was that?!?

Jesse: Come on. (He and Daria walk into the game room to see Trent and

Jane kneeling down on the floor, with their hands over their heads as if

to shield themselves from something.) What happened?

Trent: The ping-pong ball...it's...it's possessed.

Daria: (raising an eyebrow) Possessed?

Jane: Well, Trent sort of hit it too hard and it bounced off the wall,

and it came flying toward us, and it bounced off another wall, and flew

around the room, and...and....

Daria: Well, where is it now?

Trent: Under the pool table.

Jesse: So why don't you go get it?

Jane: We don't want to go near that thing.

Trent: It might bite.

Jane: I volunteer you to get it, Jesse.

Jesse: (sighing) Oh please. (he reaches under the pool table, pulls

out the ping-pong ball, and hands it to Trent.) Here, dammit.

Trent: Actually, I'm not really in the mood for ping-pong anymore.

Daria: Who won "The Battle of the Lanes: Part 2"?

Trent: HER, of course. This isn't fair. I've lost my ability to kick

ass.

Daria: Well, you still kick ass in my book. (she walks over and hugs

him)

Jesse: Aw, now isn't that cute?

Trent: Shut up, Jesse. We let you two enjoy your moments this whole

trip, so now you could at least let us enjoy ours.

Daria: Ditto. (she and Trent leave the room)

Jane: They're so cute together. They should have gotten together LONG

ago. Now they're becoming worse then us!

Jesse: And we thought it was impossible.

Jane: We stand corrected. I feel as though we've been let down.

Jesse: What?

Jane: Shut up and kiss me.

Jesse: Okay. (They kiss each other as the scene fades out.)

Scene Six: Daria and Jane are in their room {I'll bet there's no fire

in this scene.} and they are packing {Fire is cool and Nessy's not

putting it into her story!} because they need to leave the room by 3:30.

{It's not really that I'm a pyromaniac, I just think fire is cool} Right

now, it's about 3:00 {Wait, that's what a pyromaniac IS} and the two are

talking as hey pack. {Hi, I'm Nessy and I won't put fire in my story

because I'm booor-ing!} All right, that's it!! (Nessy takes out a metal

baseball bat and beats her other personality continuously with it, until

it is reduced to a...eww, I don't even want to know the word for it.) 

Heh heh, that ought to do it. In case you couldn't understand the

description of the scene, it said: Daria and Jane are in their room and

they are packing because they need to leave the room by 3:30. Right

now, it's about 3:00 and the two are talking as they pack.

Daria: (folding a black T-shirt) The week went by too fast.

Jane: I know what you mean. (She shoves something red into her

suitcase) Before I came, I thought, "Wow, a whole week!" Now that we're

leaving, I'm thinking, "Wow, only a week?"

Daria: (She opens her suitcase and sees a folded up piece of paper)

Hey, what's this? (She unfolds the paper and reads it out loud:)

Daria,

My curiosity got the better of me.

This vacation:

10. made me wonder if I died and went to Heaven.

9. kicked ass.

8. was pretty good.

7. didn't suck.

6. was almost interesting.

5. was boring.

4. was extremely boring.

3. felt too pathetic to be considered a vacation.

2. felt like Hell.

1. made me wish I could spend a week with the Spice Girls.

(Circle one, or add one of your own)

From,

Trent

Jane: How long do you think that thing was on your suitcase?

Daria: Who knows? Maybe Trent typed it up when we were gone one day. 

{Remember that "extremely important scene"?}

Jane: Well?

Daria: Well what?

Jane: Which one are you going to circle?

Daria: I thought I'd add one of my own. You should do it too.

Jane: But the letter's for you.

Daria: Screw that. I'm sure he won't care if we both add one.

Jane: And if he does, you can beat him up for me.

Daria: Ha ha. Okay, let's see....

Scene seven: Trent and Jesse are packing in their room, and it's about

the same time as it was in the last scene.

Trent: (Rolling up a shirt into a ball and throwing it into his

suitcase) So, on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate this

vacation?

Jesse: Only up to ten? I'd go for ten with a couple of zeros after it.

Trent: Ditto on that one. I hate to sound weird, but...

Jesse: But?

Trent: ...nah, it's a stupid thought.

Jesse: No really, tell me.

Trent: Well, I hate to sound like a weirdo, but do you think maybe

there was a reason I won this vacation?

Jesse: Yeah, because you were caller 15 to that radio station.

Trent: No no, not like that, genius.

Jesse: Then...what do you mean?

Trent: I mean, do you think maybe it was my destiny or something? 

Like, I was 'supposed' to win this vacation?

Jesse: Oh, I get it. Yeah, it's like...like you were supposed to win

this vacation so you and Daria would finally admit your love for each

other.

Trent: Think it's true?

Jesse: You never know, Trent. You never know.

Scene eight: The four are boarding the plane at about 4:30. The car

ride was a silent one, because they're all kind of "bummed out" at the

fact that they're leaving so soon. The stewardess directs the four to

their seats, and finally Jane speaks.

Jane: I can't stand the silence between us anymore!! Trip highlights,

anyone?

Jesse: Hmmm...anything but the leaving.

Jane: Funny. No seriously, I'm curious. What did you all think of the

trip?

Jesse: Well, I liked the pool day, not to mention that stupid little

"romantic evening" Trent and I planned, and, of course, the skating was

a lot of fun. (He grins)

Trent: Don't you mean (he makes quotation marks with his fingers)

"skating"?

Jane: Hey, we skated!! (Everyone looks at her, Jesse included) Well,

most of the time, anyway. But Trent, now it's your turn. What did

'you' like about the trip?

Trent: Yesterday. (he looks over at Daria and smiles)

Jane: Well, duh. I'm not a dunce. Was there anything 'besides'

yesterday that you liked?

Trent: Our first day at the pool was fun...but, it can't compare to

yesterday.

Jane: I give up. Daria, how about you?

Daria: I second Trent. Nothing compares to yesterday. But, knowing

that I caused my dad to burst a blood vessel in his eye was also kind of

rewarding. Now I know that I don't necessarily be home to do that! 

But, of course, the fact that I wasn't there means I missed an

opportunity to take a picture. Damn!

Jane: Oh, geez. We were on vacation in Florida for a week and all

you're going to remember is your dad bursting a vessel in his eye and

your day and night with Trent?

Daria: Well...yeah. (She grins and squeezes Trent's hand.) Anyway,

what about you, Jane?

Jane: Me? My highlights were skating, the nice night the guys planned

for us, and kicking Beavis and Butt-head's pathetic little asses.

Daria: Oh yeah, that was another highlight, thanks for reminding me. 

All in all, I'd say this trip ruled. Speaking of which... (she reaches

into her pocket and pulls out a slip of paper.) You can have this back

now, Trent. (she hands the paper to him)

Trent: (he unfolds it) Oh yeah, this. (he reads it out loud)

Daria,

My curiosity got the better of me.

This vacation:

10. made me wonder if I died and went to Heaven.

9. kicked ass.

8. was pretty good.

7. didn't suck.

6. was almost interesting.

5. was boring.

4. was extremely boring.

3. felt too pathetic to be considered a vacation.

2. felt like Hell.

1. made me wish I could have spent a week with the Spice Girls.

(Circle one, or add one of your own)

From,

Trent

Trent- Jane and I added our own. This vacation:

11_. was a comedy for the whole family to see. Two enthusiastic thumbs

up. -Daria

33. tasted just like grandma's home-churned butter. -Jane

(Trent and Jesse laugh)

Jesse: Daria, you're more right then you think. It felt that way.

Daria: Well, I figured they could probably make a lot of money if they

filmed this trip. Everyone loves a good stupid comedy.

Trent: Ditto on that one. And Janey...butter?

Jane: Yes, butter. I felt I had to compare our vacation to butter.

Trent: Why?

Jane: Trent, never ask an artist, "Why?".

Trent: Why? (everyone stares at him) What?!?

Jane: Boy, you really don't get it, do you?

Trent: I guess not...wait a minute....

Daria: Trent, it's not important. Don't worry about it.

Trent: Okay.

Jane: You know, I feel like keeping the time-honored tradition of

sleeping on the plane. Bye everyone. (She leans back in her seat and

starts to doze off)

Jesse: Must run in your family, Trent.

Trent: No way.

Jane: Yeah, you're much worse.

Trent: Aren't you supposed to be sleeping? Or at least 'trying' to

sleep?

Jane: How could I pass up a chance to insult my own brother? (she

grins)

Scene...uh...well, the scene after the last one: Trent and Jesse are

talking about things, while Jane and Daria snooze. {I had to get the

word "snooze" in this story...it was my goal}

Jesse: So, you think you and Daria are meant to be or just a fling?

Trent: Who knows? Hopefully, we're meant to be, because I've never

felt happier in all my life then I did yesterday, and I've gone out with

plenty of girls, as you know.

Jesse: (rolling his eyes {You know, I've noticed there's a lot of

eye-rolling going on in this story}) Yeah, try three or so.

Trent: Well, for me, that's plenty. But Jesse, I'm worried.

Jesse: About what?

Trent: About...well, a lot of things. First of all, are we even going

to get a lot of chances to be together once we get home? I mean, half

the things we did on this entire trip are things that we couldn't have

done if we weren't living in the same place.

Jesse: Trent, as long as you want to keep this relationship alive, and

you 'try' to keep the relationship alive, it will live. Take her out to

eat every once in a while. Plan some road trips for either you two or

the four of us. Take her out for a movie every now and then. Have

flowers delivered to her. There are tons of possibilities.

Trent: Okay, that sounds good.

Jesse: Oh yeah, but there's just one thing.

Trent: Yeah?

Jesse: Call her, but don't call her every day. Make it two or three

times a week. Leave a little mystery in your relationship. If you call

every day, you'll run out of things to talk about, and long awkward

silences are bad.. Also, if you don't call as much, she'll look forward

to your calls more.

Trent: Wow, I'm impressed. How is it that you know so much about

relationships?

Jesse: My mom's a psychologist. It runs in the family.

Trent: You know, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you as my

best friend.

Jesse: Thanks, man. But you know that if you ever needed advice, I'd

be here to help.

Trent: It's nice to know.

(Suddenly, a 14-year-old boy turns around and looks at the two of them)

Boy: My god, you guys make me sick. I feel like throwing up listening

to you. "I'll always be there for you, man." I just want to PUKE!!

Jesse: Who the Hell are you?

Boy: Heh heh, my name's Dan, also known as "That Annoying Kid Who Keeps

Shooting Arrows At My Car Whenever I Drive Past His House." (He grins a

somewhat evil grin) It's a nice reputation.

Trent: You shoot arrows at cars?

Dan: Yes, all the time. I sit on the roof and shoot arrows at passing

cars...and also, I tape notes to the arrows and shoot them at my best

friend's window, since she happens to live across the street...and also,

I shoot arrows at that really really annoying dog that lives next door

to her...and also 

Jesse: (cutting Dan off) Okay, okay, we get the picture. Haven't you

ever had the police called on you?

Dan: Yes, numerous amounts of times. But I just tell them that I don't

live at the house who's roof I'm standing on, and my parents pretend

they don't know me. Then I just outrun the police when they come after

me. They'll forget what you look like in no time. Besides, I've only

had the police called on me once or twice. I usually miss the cars I

aim at.

Trent: That must be an interesting life.

Dan: You bet it is!

Trent: And your best friend must be really weird.

Dan: You bet she is!

Jesse: Dan, you really need a girlfriend.

Dan: You bet I do!

Trent: So, you live in California?

Dan: No, I live in New Jersey.

Trent: Then why are you on this flight?

Dan: I have no idea! Maybe somebody told me to get lost.

Jesse: (sarcastically) I can't imagine why....

Dan: I can! (His cel phone rings) Dammit! Phone call! Well, it was

interesting talking to you guys who at first made me want to puke. Have

a nice life! (He turns around and clicks his cel phone on) 

Hello?...Hi!...Where've I 'been' for the last two weeks?...Uhh....

Jesse: (turning to Trent) Trent, promise me something, okay?

Trent: Yeah?

Jesse: Promise me that the next time you start to feel like you have no

life, you'll think of Dan.

Trent: It's a deal.

Scene...well, I have no clue what scene it is. I got lost somewhere

back there. But, this is the last scene, so it doesn't really matter

what number it is. Like anyone really cares anyway: It's a few weeks

later, and Trent and Daria must be the happiest couple alive, save Jesse

and Jane. The four are at Daria's house, and no one else is home

because her parents are working late and Quinn's with the Fashion Club

at some mall somewhere. They're sitting on the couch in he living room

watching "Sick, Sad World."

TV: Is the newest criminal on "America's Most Wanted" a 14-year-old boy

who's choice weapon is the bow and arrow? Find out next time on "Sick,

Sad World"!

(Trent and Jesse's eyes widen, and they look at each other)

Trent: Oh my god....

Both: Dan?!?

Jane: Who's Dan?

Jesse: Uh...no one. Just some guy we met one time.

Daria: (clicking off the TV) Well, the show's over. I guess we'll

just have to tune in tomorrow if we want to see whether or not it was

the guy you know. So what do you want to do now?

Jane: Hey, didn't you keep a log of our trip to Florida?

Daria: Yeah....

Jane: Well, why don't we read it?

Daria: I don't know....

Jane: Aw, come on, just for a laugh.

Daria: Oh, all right. It's kinda personal, though.

Jesse: Well, if you don't want us to read it, we won't.

Daria: Nah, let's do it. I haven't even looked at it yet.

(Our four heroes walk into the next room, turn on the computer, and

bring up the e-mail screen.)

Computer: You've got mail!

Daria: Oh, shut up. (she clicks the e-mail screen and they go over all

the letters, laughing at certain parts, and trying to remember others.

{For the full transcripts, read "Daria's Trip Log"})

Trent: Wow, this thing brings back a lot of memories.

Jesse: Gee, there sure is a lot about Trent in here.

Daria: Shut up, Jesse.

Jane: Man, now I wish we were back there in Florida.

Jesse: Me too.

Trent: Ditto.

Daria: Well, why don't we make a pact?

Jane: What kind?

Daria: We'll save up money all year so we can go on the same trip next

summer.

Jane: I'm up for that. Deal everyone?

All four: Deal.

Trent: (looking at his watch) Dammit, we have to go, Janey, or Mom

will throw a fit.

Jesse: I guess that means I have to go too, seeing as you're my ride

here.

Daria: Okay. Bye guys.

Jesse: Bye! (he heads out the door)

Jane: Later, Daria! (she heads out the door after Jesse)

Trent: Bye Daria.

Daria: Bye Trent. (she pulls him forward and kisses him) I love you.

Trent: I love you, too. (he turns and walks out the door. Daria

closes it behind him and walks over to the computer. She is about to

shut it down, when she notices something. It's an e-mail from the

computer at the hotel, but it doesn't appear to be part of her log.)

Daria: What's this? (she clicks on it to open it and reads it to

herself)

Dear Daria,

It's Friday, and since you and Janey are out at brunch, I was inspired

to do this. I'm writing this letter because I may not have the guts to

tell you this in person......Daria, I love you more then I could

possibly explain to you in words, and I know Jesse may have told you

already if I didn't, but this letter is to show I cared enough to ask

you myself. I hope you still talk to me after this, and I'll end this

letter now because I want to make it brief. I love you, Daria.

-Trent

Daria: (Out loud, despite the fact that no one can hear her) I love you

too, Trent. I love you too.

Author's note- Comments? Questions? Compliments? Criticism? It's all

appreciated, so e-mail me at pencraft@nac.net to tell me what you

thought. But if you send me chain letters, I'll rip your guts out and

hang them on my wall. Have a nice day!!

DARIA'S TRIP LOG

DAY 1-

Dear Future Me,

Hello, it's Past Me and Trent, on Day 1 of our trip. So far, it's been

okay. I slept through most of the plane ride and accidentally fell

asleep on Trent's shoulder. Trent said it was okay and that I kept his

shoulder warm. Our hotel room kicks ass...it's more like a house than a

room. It's got everything, even a pool table. Unfortunately, I can't

play pool for my life. Trent says he'll help me. Thank God, maybe there

really is hope.

From,

The Past Daria and Trent

DAY 2-

Dear Future Me,

Well, we spent most of the day at the swimming pool, although Trent did

help me with my pool game this morning. Jane, of course, made it her

business to embarrass me in front of Trent. Luckily, he understood and

beat up Jane. He also told me that I look nice without my glasses on. 

Jane and Jesse are convinced that he's flirting with me. Ha, I wish. 

Now, I almost wish I was popular so I'd have experience asking people

out. Maybe I wouldn't be so nervous then. Damn. Oh well, I have five

days to get up my courage.

From,

The Past Daria

DAY 3-

Dear Future Me,

Well, it's the third day of our trip, and I still haven't said anything

to Trent. We had an interesting pool session this morning. Trent and I

were on a team, and we went against Jane, who went into a strange Star

Wars kick after we beat her. Trenti-Wan Kenobi, Darth Janer, Jess Solo,

ALF-bacca, and Daria Morgenwalker...hmm...I'm sorry, but I really

couldn't see us doing Star Wars.

I also beat Jane six out of eight times in ping-pong match, and she was

convinced that her paddle wasn't working. And Trent and Jesse announced

at dinner that they had a nice evening planned for us tomorrow. Dinner

at the Gigi Restaurant and then a walk on the beach. The beach part was

probably Jesse's idea, knowing him.

From,

The Past Daria

DAY 4-

Dear Future Me,

Well, Day 4 of our trip is over now. Trent and I took a walk this

morning, and I passed out at the sight of my old "friend" Beavis. Then,

Jesse and Trent planned a nice evening for us. Dinner at a REALLY nice

restaurant, and then a walk on the beach. I almost told Trent how I

felt about him. Five more seconds would have done the trick. FIVE

SECONDS!! Now, I've almost completely lost my nerve. It's impossible. 

It just wasn't meant to happen. How the Hell did Jane do it?!?

From,

The Past Me

DAY 5-

Dear Future Me,

Gee, I'll bet your wondering who this is. Anyway, this day was by far

the strangest. Jane got sick, and Trent, Jesse, and I went to the

pool. We decided it wasn't any fun, so we came back to find that this

nurse had given Jane some medicine that gave her super-energy, so she

beat the crap out of Beavis and Butt-head, and we threw them in the

pool. Won't the pool cleaners be surprised? 

Anyway, after that, we had a Nok Hockey tournament, and I beat Jane 25

to 4, which got her blaming Trent, so the two of them battled it out in

their own tournament. And while they were doing so, Jesse and I went to

get a snack, and I found out the truth about Trent: he DOES like me! 

The only problem is that I don't know how to tell him. Jesse said he'd

keep Jane away tomorrow, but I still don't know. All I know is that

I've GOT to do it, or I'll have to watch Jane do it for me. This trip

is becoming very weird.

From,

The Past Me

DAY 6-

Dear Future Me,

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday, so I'm writing this morning

about what happened then. Yesterday was the best day in my life. 

First, Jane and I went out for brunch at a nice little breakfast place

called "J.M. and Alzaetia's Waffle House From Hell". Pretty cool name,

huh? And to top it off, we met the really cool restaurant owners (J.M.

and Alzaetia), and their rather...um, unique son name Curtis. They gave

me some advice on what to do about Trent, and Curtis served us our food

with a frown and a "dammit!" Now, THIS was a cool family!

But the thing that made this day the best day ever was that Trent

admitted his feelings for me. It was so romantic, the way it happened. 

To tell the truth, I'd only been wishing that I'd be able to get my

feelings out in one way or another, but I never expected that it would

be on a beach at sunset. And I never expected for him to feel the same

way about me. And I never expected for him to kiss me. My first kiss. 

I wish it had never ended. Afterwards, we watched the sunset together,

and then came back to the room and fell asleep on the couch. All in

all? A great day.

From,

The Past Daria

DAY 7 (The letter that wasn't mentioned in the story)-

Dear Future Me,

You know, I feel really dumb writing to myself. Oh well. Although, I

wrote a letter this morning, I felt I had to write another one that

talked about today, our last day here.

First, Jane and I made pancakes. One side looked okay, but the other

side looked straight out of Hell. Trent and Jesse, of course, ate them

anyway, which was good. Then, we headed into the game room, where Trent

and Jane had a furious ping-pong game going. Jesse and I were playing

Nok Hockey, and I beat him three times. Losing, of course, made him

hungry, so we went into the next room and talked over a few bowls of

popcorn. After that, we confronted a possessed ping-pong ball, and that

was pretty much it. I have to go now because it's time to pack. I will

remember this week for as long as I live.

From,

The Past Daria

THE END