Ah, Good Memories

"Tell me why we're paying good money that we could be spending on bad pizza to see another faculity roller hockey game, Lane."

Jane Lane passed a box of popcorn to Daria Morgendorffer, a tiny, evil smile on her face as she watched the Z-93 FM DJ's skating around the packed gym. "Patience, amiga. I heard through the grapevine that the teachers have – something special – planned to freak out the Z93 folks."

Daria accepted the offered cup of soda and straw from her friend. "This one – I knew we needed to be here for. Here they come."

The seated crowd went silent as the lights in the gym went out, except for a spotlight that suddenly appeared and shone down on the people from Z-93. "Yes, I've a feeling that this could be good," Jane continued, as the beams from two other spotlights suddenly shone on the doors to the opposite side of the gym, where the Lawndale High teachers, all wearing roller skates and carrying hockey sticks, stood silently.

Dr. Armalin, the Sociology/Psychology instructor, raised his stick and pointed it at the Z-93 people. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men," he called out at the top of his voice, followed by the LHS teachers slamming the ends of their sticks down on the gym floor three times in unison after every sentence. "Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children."

Even Daria's eyes were open wide with surprise, and the DJ's were visibly unnerved as the hockey sticks slammed down again. "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers!"

Armalin looked directly at the overweight 'Spatula Man', and 'Rock & Roll Randy', and pointed his stick at them like a prophet out of a Biblical epic as he bellowed, "And you will know my name is the LORD when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

The LHS players slammed their sticks against the floor three times more; on the third strike, the spotlights went out for a good six seconds, and then, a chant began to rise up out of the crowd and through the darkness:

"Janet B! Janet B! Jannn –et B! Jannn-et B!"

As the chant began, the sound of a single pair of skates circling the gym floor could be heard; a spotlight came up - and stayed on Ms. Barch as she skated, holding her hockey stick to her side the way a samurai would hold his sword close.

After about thirty seconds of circling the gym, the entire crowd now chanting 'Janet B!", Ms. Barch stopped in front of the DJ's. She spun her stick from her side and swung it in a series of blinding movements as if it actually were a sword, then shopped and held it in front of her as if in salute.

"Oh, hell yea!" Jane said, nudging Daria as Ms. Barch, amid a wave of cheers, skated over to her teammates as a horn sounded for the game to begin. "I told you that you'd never forgive yourself if you missed this one."

"I think you're right," Daria replied, noticing the wet spot growing in the front of the Spatula Man's pants as he raced for the boys' locker room. "These are the moments from which memories are made...'"




19 December 2009