Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV A Very Weird Midsummer Nights Dream By Steve Mitchell (Mid July. Daria, Jane, Trent, And Jesse are sitting In Wong Foo's Chinese restaurant Late one Friday night. The entire group has consumed a rather large helping of Fried rice and chow mein along with several egg rolls.) Chi Lin: Ok, Time to close shop now. You all go home and come back tomorrow. Jane: What? We're not even ready to go yet. Chi Lin: Time to go, My wife waiting at home. You come back tomorrow. I hook you up then. Jesse: Cool, free food. Trent: Guess it's time to go then. (Gets up in preparation to leave) Ready to go Daria? Daria: (Groans as she gets up) Yea. (Beat) I think I ate to much anyway. Jane: Hey at least you didn't burst. Jesse:(Stretches as he gets up) Hey Trent, Do you want to drive us all home or do you want me to drive? Trent: I've got it. Jane: Well now that a life altering decision has been made, how about we head on out of here. Daria: (burps) Sounds good to me. (The entire group heads out the door to the tank) (As Trent is unlocking the van) Jane: Hey Daria, Your looking a little pale. Are you all right? Daria: I've got a few stomach pains. I'll live. Jane: Do you want to ride up front? The fresh air might do you some good. Daria: Jane, what have I told you about trying to hook me up with your brother? Jane: I'm not, This is genuine concern for the well being of a fellow human organism. You should feel honored, I rarely show it. Daria: mm.. Thanks. Jane: It's cool. (All pile into the van and head out of the parking lot.) (As the van is heading down the dimly lit highway) Daria: Oh god, I think the dotted lines on the highway are making me dizzy. Trent: Are you okay Daria? Daria: Not really. Jane remember your crack about me bursting? Jane; Yea? Daria: Pull over Trent. (Trent pulls the van over to the side of the highway and Daria gets out and walks off of the side of the highway onto the grass. A moment later she blows chunks) Jesse: Aw man, that looks nasty. (Thinks for a moment) Hey that reminds me, You owe me a shirt. Trent; I know man. I'll get it to you as soon as I get some money together. (Trent walks up to Daria and Places a hand on her shoulder) Are you okay? Daria: (blurts out) NO! (Lets loose another volley) Trent: How about now? Daria: Feeling better. (Trent hands her a paper towel and she wipes her mouth) I definitely ate to much. Jesse: (walks up to them) Are you sure it wasn't the food itself? Daria: If it was, we would all be sick. I'll be fine, Can we go now? Trent: Are you sure? Daria: Yea, I'm okay now. Trent: All right then. (The three of them get back into the van) Jane: So did it taste the same on the way back up? Daria: (scowls) Next time I have to yurp, I'll just aim at you instead and you can find out for yourself. Jane: Touchy aren't we. (Cut to Daria's house) Trent: (as he helps Daria out of the van) You want me to walk you to the door? Daria: (blushes) Um..Uh..No, that's okay Trent. I'm fine. Trent: (shrugs) Okay then, Hope you feel better tomorrow. Later. Daria: Later. (Walks up to the door, inserts her key and walks into the house.) (As Daria enters the house Helen is seen sitting on the couch going over some legal documents) Helen: Daria? You're home early. Did you have fun with you're friends? Daria: Oh yea, Loads. I'm tired so I'm going to head up to my room and get some sleep. Helen: (concerned) Is something wrong sweetie? Daria: (Vo) There WILL be if you don't stop asking me these stupid questions. (Out loud) Everything's fine mom. Night. (Daria heads up stairs and grabs a shower, then heads into her room and get's into her sleep wear.) (Daria sits down on her bed, Takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes) Daria: I think that's enough Chinese for a while. (Gets under the covers, turns off the light and closes her eyes. After tossing a few times she finally drifts off to sleep.) (Begin dream sequence) (Daria is walking down a dimly lit sidewalk. No one is in sight. The only sound is coming from Daria's own nostrils as she takes each breath. Suddenly a voice is heard) Voice: Are you going to tell this guy or what? Daria: (looks all around her but see's nothing) Who said that? Voice: I did. (Dragula by Rob Zombie begins to play in the background) (Daria's vision blurs and the room appears to spin for a brief moment. Daria is suddenly seen facing an exact duplicate of herself) Daria: Oh what is THIS? Daria 2: Do you really want to know? Daria: Do I have a choice in the matter? Daria 2: Not really. Daria: Okay then, so who are you? Daria 2: I'm you. More specifically I'm part of your subconscious. For identification purposes, you may call me ID. Daria: Let me get this straight, I'm having a face to face conversation with my libido? ID: That's correct, Tell her what she's won Johnny. Daria: Oh yea, I'm rolling on the floor with laughter NOW. ID: I THOUGHT there was a minuscule change in your breathing pattern. So to repeat my question, Are you going to tell Trent or what? Daria: And what pray tell do you wish me to tell him? ID: (sarcastic) Oh, Gee wiz that's a tough one. What have I been trying to get you to tell him despite the effort you put forth to suppress me. Daria: That's been you? ID: Well duh! Although I have been getting some outside help from your friend Jane. Tell her thanks for me. Daria: I reject that on principal. ID: Which one, telling him about your feelings or telling Jane thank you for me? Daria: Both. ID: Figures. Well, I guess you leave me with no alternative then. I'll just have to tell him myself. Daria: You can't do that! That's entirely up to me. ID: Is it? I'm a part of you. All I have to do is gain control long enough to work my magic and all will be out in the open once and for all. Who knows what fun we could have with Trent. He might even get to discover first hand all the little fantasies we've shared at night. Daria: That'll be a cold day in hell. (Lunges at ID but she moves to quickly for her to grab hold.) ID: You'll have to do much better than that. (Places her hand to her ear) Do you hear that? That's the sound of hell freezing over. (Takes off running) Daria: Now I KNOW I'm not going to eat any more Chinese for a while. How real IS any of this? How the hell am I going to get out of this nightmare? Voice: By beating her to Trent. Daria: (turns to face the voice) Oh Come on man, Have a heart. I've heard enough voices for one night. Voice: You might want to hear mine. (a person appears out of the shadows. It's Jane) Daria: (look of despair on her face) (sighs) I don't know whether to be happy or pissed as hell to see you. Jane image: I would hope you'd be happy to see me. Daria: Your not Jane are you. Jane image: Correct! Daria: Who are you then? Jane image: Another part of YOU. Daria: You're a part of ME, yet you choose to look like Jane. Jane image: I didn't choose anything. YOU chose to have Jane represent me. Daria: Why would I do a thing like that? Jane image: Probably because she's your best friend and deep down you trust her. Daria: This is starting to sound like a classic case of multiple personalities. Jane Image: Not quite. I'm your ego, The decision maker of your psyche. Daria: (sighs) Okay, I'll bite. If you're my ego, then who's my super ego? Ego: YOU are. You've chosen to represent the righteous side of you. The side that believes in doing what's proper and what you believe in your heart to be right and consistent with your principles. Daria: (shrugs) Makes sense. So why are you helping me? Ego: Because ID is being a bitch and is going outside the guidelines of getting her way. The normal procedure is that you both run your arguments past ME and then I decide what we're going to do. Typically though, I side with you. You always HAVE presented the best of arguments. Daria: Yea well, I hate to lose. So How do I beat her? Ego: I can't tell you that. But what I CAN tell you that within your mind, ANYTHING is possible. You need only to imagine it. I suggest you keep that in mind. Oh, and one more thing. Just because ID is a part of you, doesn't mean she knows everything that YOU know. (She fades from view) Daria: Great, My own psyche won't help me. This really sucks. (Thinks for a moment) So how the hell do find her? Voice of Ego: Use your imagination. Daria: Well that was cryptic. (Starts walking down the street) (mumbles) Come out, come out wherever you are. (Beat) Oh god, I can't believe I just said that. (Daria hears footsteps and see's a shadow move quickly down the next street) Son of a.... (runs after it but stops to find the next street over empty) Damn! (Thinks for a moment) Okay, I'm inside my own mind. My own Libido has turned against me in an effort to cast its dark emotions on Trent. My own ego appears to me in the form of Jane and tells me to use my imagination to find this person. (Beat) Hell is truly myself. (Sighs) All right then, If I were the lustful emotional and troublesome part of myself, where would I be... (The entire seen blurs and fades back in. Daria now finds herself in the halls of Lawndale High.) Whoa! I don't think I can take much more of this. (Hears a tapping from inside one of the lockers. Daria walks up to it and opens it to find Both Brittany and Kevin inside the locker making out) Kevin: Hey Daria, do you mind? This is our spot. (Reaches out and closes the locker) (Mind you these lockers are barely large enough for your books) Daria:(shakes her head) I don't even want to know. (She begins walking down the hallway) Okay, There must be a reason why I've brought myself here. (Looks around) I swear this place sucks more information out of a students brain than it puts in. Hmm..Lawndale High, The black hole of education. (Chuckles) (Daria walks up to a classroom door and opens it. Suddenly she is caught by an intense vacuum that almost sucks her into the room. Fortunately she is able grab hold of the wall, pull herself clear and slam the door) (Panting) Damn imagination! (Quinn rounds the corner from another hallway followed by the three J's) Quinn: I CAN'T believe that Sandi would think the fashion club couldn't get along without her. I mean COME ON. Joey, Jeffy, Jamie: Uh huh, Oh yea, right Quinn: (as she walks up to Daria) Oh HI Daria, Guys this is my sister Daria. Three J's: Hey Daria Daria: Are you feeling okay Quinn? You just called me your sister. Quinn: Well of coarse I did silly, That's what you are. (To the three J's) Listen can you guys carry me for a while? I'm kind of tired. Three J's: I will, No me, I'll carry you Quinn. (All three pick her up and begin to carry her down the hall and out of sight.) Daria: This dream is getting to damn weird. (Suddenly the school bell rings. The classroom doors open and the hallway floods with students) Oh good, It gets worse. (Daria is suddenly tapped on the shoulder from behind. Daria turns around to find herself face to face with Jane.) Daria: Ego? I though you weren't supposed to help me. Jane: (lifts an eyebrow) Who's Ego? Daria: Um..Never mind. What are you doing here. Jane: What do you mean what am I doing here? It's a school day, I just couldn't find a good enough reason to cut. Daria: Um Jane, it's night out. Jane; (looks out a window) So it is. I guess the days just drastically got shorter. Daria: (dismisses it as just another dream quirk) Uh huh. Jane, just for the purpose of filling you in. This is all a sick sadistic dream of mine concocted by bad Chinese food. Jane: I thought you threw all that up? Daria: Yea well, some of it must have stuck with me. Other wise how would I be able to explain this dream. Jane: Borderline psychosis? Daria: Very funny Jane. Jane; I though so. Daria: (Music is heard coming form somewhere down the hallway) What the hell is that noise? Jane: Sounds like Trent's band. (They begin walking toward the noise) Daria: They're playing somewhere in the school? Jane: Yea, I didn't tell you? A pipe broke in our basement and it got flooded out so Trent and the band decided to set up here. Daria: In the school? What possessed Ms. Li to allow that? Jane: Who said they asked her? Daria: (Suspicious) Okay. (Stop walking about ten yards from the auditorium) Jane: Sounds like he's in the auditorium. Daria: Sounds that way. Jane: (looks at Daria) Your stalling aren't you? Are you even afraid to TALK to my brother now? Daria: No, It's just... Jane: Daria Anne Morgendorffer, I never thought you would get this bad. Hmm..I wonder if electroshock therapy would help you get over it. Daria: (Daria looks at Jane for a good minute and then lunges forward and tackles Jane.) It won't work ID. ID: (Breaks free and jumps to her feet putting a few yards of distance between herself and Daria then morph's back to Daria's mirror image) Ok I'll bite. What was my goof? Daria: Jane doesn't even KNOW my middle name. Even if she did she wouldn't address me by it, she knows I'd bring a world of hurt down on her. ID: Noted for future reference. (Makes a mad dash through the auditorium doors with Daria in close pursuit, only to find the room empty with Mystic Spiral music playing on the auditorium speakers from a stereo system.) ID: Aw son of a.... Daria: (Vo)I think I'm starting to get the hang of this imagination stuff. (Out loud) Did you really think I wouldn't be able to tell the real Jane from an imposter? ID: Hey, I had you for a good few minutes there. Daria: Not likely. I'm afraid I'm going to have to.... (Trent and Mystic spiral happen to walk up on the stage) Aw hell! Trent: Hi, were mystic Spiral but we might change our name. (They begin to play a new song) ID: Thanks Daria, I knew you'd lead me to him sooner or later. Daria: Note to self, Stop thinking about Trent. (ID begins to make a dash for the stage) No you Don't! (Thinks hard and shackles appear around ID's legs anchoring her to the floor) ID: What the! (Sighs as she gets up) I can see I'm going to have to take care of YOU first. (A light saber appears in her hand and she ignites it producing a red beam. She then cuts herself free of the shackles) All right then, Lets dance. (Takes an offensive stance) Daria: Okay, If she can do this, so can I. (Thinks hard and A light saber appears in her hand. She ignites it producing a blue beam) (ID takes the offensive by thrusting with several aggressive maneuvers which Daria is successful in fending off. Daria knocks aside ID's light saber and smacks her in the head with the butt of her saber, she then moves to strike but misses as ID moves out of the way and kicks Daria's legs out from under her. Meanwhile Trent and the rest of the band are playing on stage as if none of this was happening.) (Cut to reality) (It is about nine o'clock the next morning. The door bell at the Morgendorffer residence rings. Show from the inside as Helen answers it) Helen: (opens the door to see Jane and Trent standing there wearing their trademark shades) Why Hello Jane, Trent. What brings you two over this early? Jane: We came to see Daria. She wasn't feeling that well last night so we figured we'd stop over to see how she was. Helen: I thought she seemed a little out of it last night. I'm afraid she's still asleep though. Trent: Um..Would you mind if we came in to see if she's up yet. We were kind of concerned about her. Helen: I guess that would be all right. I'll go see if I can get her up. Jane: Oh that's okay Ms. Morgendorffer, We'll take care of that. It would probably seem less like a nightmare. Helen: (scowls for a moment then lightens up) Daria probably WOULD see it that way. I guess you can go on up. Trent: Thanks. (Both Jane and Trent head up the stairs to Daria's room) Jane: (peeks in to see Daria tossing a bit in her sleep) Looks like she's having some sort of dream. Trent: Should we wake her up. Jane: As much as I'd like her to wake up in your arms Trent, It's not good to wake someone from an intense dream. Trent: How do you know what she's dreaming about? Jane: I don't stupid, but look at the way she's tossing in her sleep. She's obviously dreaming about SOMEBODY. Trent: What do you think it is? Jane: (smirks) Probably a romp in the hay with somebody special? Trent: (looks confused) Um..Okay. Jane: (shakes her head) Have a seat on the edge of her bed, I'll sit on the other side. Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll wake up some time today. (Cut back to the dream) (ID Has Daria pinned by pressing her saber against Daria's with as much force as she can muster. Daria manages to throw her off to the side and jump to her feet. ID also get's to her feet. Daria moves to charge at ID but at the last second ID turns off her light saber, steps to the side, grabs Daria and spins her around, Then she rolls backward kicking Daria into the rows of chairs behind her.) ID: (runs up onto the stage where Trent is standing. He has stopped performing at this point and now looks confused) As much as you'd like to believe Daria, Sometimes The better third is the one who likes to take chances. Trent: Who are YOU?? ID: I'm someone with an important message. (Leans forward) (Cut to Reality) Trent: Check it out, She stopped tossing. Jane: Is she awake yet? Trent: (leans closer) It doesn't look like... (Daria while still in her sleep reaches up and pulls Trent toward her and kisses him passionately. He starts to resist but then gives in until she releases him moments later.) Jane: (shocked) Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE she's still asleep? (Cut to the dream) ID: Now THAT felt good. You know what? I kind of like being in control, Maybe I'll stay for a while. (Hears someone running up and ID turns around suddenly) Daria: MY ASS!! (Leaps up onto the stage with her light saber in hand and strikes with all her might decapitating a completely surprised ID) (Cut to reality) Daria: (Wakes up panting) BITCH!! (Calms herself and looks around the room to see Jane and Trent looking at her strangely) What's going on? Jane: You tell us! Daria: Tell you what? (Looks at the expression on Trent's face and see's that his lips are still very wet from where she kissed him) Oh my god! (Her face turns beet red as she realizes what has transpired) I've got to get out of here. (Daria jumps up from bed and runs to the door only to here Helen calling her) Helen: (from downstairs) DARIA! I've got breakfast ready! Daria: (Turns in a panic) Not an acceptable option. (Closes the door and Faces Jane and Trent with a still red face) THIS nightmare is even worse than the one I was already having. Jane: (thinks for a moment) Trent, I'm heading downstairs to check on Daria's breakfast. You can stay and chat with Daria for a while. It looks like you have a few things to discuss. (Walks out the bedroom door and goes down the stairs to keep Helen busy) Daria: (Turns to Face Trent) Look, I'm not sure what happened. But whatever it was I didn't mean to do it? Trent: (Lifts an eyebrow) Really? Damn, That was a good kiss too. Daria: (Jaw drops) I...I Kissed you. Trent: (Shakes his head yes) A good one too. Daria: Oh god my life is over. You must hate me now. Trent: (confused) Daria, Why would I hate you? You're one of the coolest people I know. Look, It's obvious you were having some sort of dream. Who was it you were kissing? You can tell me, Jane won't know. Daria: (swallows hard) It was...You. Trent: (Surprised) ME! Whoa.... Daria: (Vo) Well, there's no going back now. (Out loud) I've kind of had feelings for you for quite some time. Trent: (trying to absorb this new material) I always thought there was SOMETHING. I kind of figured it was...well I don't' know, out of my league. Daria:(looks down) I understand if you don't feel the same way. I always sort of knew it wouldn't work out. Trent: (looks thoughtful and then takes her hand) Daria, I...I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something between us. I'm not sure what it is but I know that it's more than just friendship. Daria: So....What does that mean? Trent: I wouldn't object to getting to know you better. We could hang out from time to time, go places together and I don't know, maybe see where that leads us. (A tear runs down Daria's cheek) are you okay? Daria: Yea, it just seems that the moment is too perfect for some reason. Trent: Well, I don't.... Quinn: (pops her head in the door) Hey Daria, Mom say's your food is getting cold. And by the way do you know where my...EWWW!! Are you guys getting mushy on each other? God, That is SO nasty. You'll probably break out in that rash again. Ick, I have to get out of here before it spreads or something. (Closes the door) (Both Daria and Trent break out laughing.) (Cut to later that morning) (Daria and Jane are seen driving in Daria's car) Jane: So are you going to tell me about this dream or what? Daria: Frankly Jane, I'd rather I'd rather pluck every single hair on my body one by one until I was one hundred percent bald. Jane: (Smirks) Sounds like a new fashion trend. Aw, come on. It couldn't be THAT bad. You did get SOMETHING out of it. Daria: No way! Jane: Please! Pretty please! With sugar on top. Daria: No deal Jane! Jane: How about with sugar on top and the fashion club In their graves? Daria: Hmm, That is pretty tempting. But can you pull it off? Jane: At the rate you're going I guess you'll never know. Daria: (smirks) And neither shall you. Jane: (glares) I Hate you! Daria: Nicer words have never set foot upon these ears Jane. Roll ending credits: (Salty Chocolate Balls from the South Park "Chef Aid" Cd plays in the background (Show alter ego's of the Daria cast) DeMartino as a WWF wrestler Jane as a cop Trent as cupid Upchuck as the Grim Reaper Daria experiencing the Quickening Ms. Li in front of a firing squad Jake as Neo from "The Matrix" Helen as Trinity from "The Matrix" Ms. Barch as a sentinel from "The Matrix"