A Fashion Statement By Stephanie Scene1- Thin, blonde, and lacking intelligence, the peppiest cheerleader at Lawndale High, BRITTANY TAYLOR walks down the hallway, her boyfriend KEVIN THOMPSON by her side. BRITTANY: I learned new cheers today, babe! KEVIN: Wow, really? Can't wait to hear them at the football game. You have the absolutely loudest voice! BRITTANY: [twirls hair around finger] Thanks, Kevie! Well, I am the prettiest cheerleader and all! KEVIN: Yeah, I know, babe. Not to mention the most...um...uh...prettiest! Brittany and Kevin head for Mr.O'Neill's class. They pass by DARIA MORGENDORFFER at her locker with her friend JANE LANE. BRITTANY: [twirls hair around her finger] Hiiii, Daria! DARIA: Brittany. Hi. KEVIN: Hey, Daria! Brittany learned new cheers today. BRITTANY: [cheerfully] YEAH! Goooo, team! DARIA: That's....really....um, school spirited of you? JANE: [sarcastically] Uh-huh, sure. BRITTANY: Thanks, you guys! You should come to the football game to hear me cheer! KEVIN: Yeah, really! She's, like, the loudest! DARIA: Um, I have to dry-clean my cat. Sorry. BRITTANY: Awww, that's okay, I understand. JANE: [muttering] Daria, who's that gullible? DARIA: [muttering back to Jane] We're talking to Brittany here. BRITTANY: Well, see ya guys in O'Neill's! Brittany and Kevin walk into Mr.O'Neill's class. Scene2- MR.O'NEILL is a soft-spoken man that has a thing for button down shirts. He is standing in front of the class. BRITTANY and KEVIN sit side-by-side in the front row. MR.O'NEILL: Let's continue our discussion on esteem. Brittany? Tell us what you think esteem is. BRITTANY: [thoughtfully] Being a cheerleader!! MR.O'NEILL: Um, yes, well that's very...ah, perceptive. Daria? Do you have any insight on what esteem is? DARIA: I have an idea of what low esteem is. MR.O'NEILL: Would you share it with us? Please? DARIA: Um, okay. Low esteem means feeling bad about yourself. Like you're not happy with your life or your achievements. MR.O'NEILL: Do you actually...know someone like this? DARIA: Yeah, I do. Her name is Daria Morgendorffer. MR.O'NEILL: [disappointed] Oh, Daria.... KEVIN: I never knew there were TWO Darias in this school!! Whoa! BRITTANY V.O. [voice over]: Daria is so smart! Sure, she's really kind of weird, but she's really smart! And smartness means better fraternities at better colleges! But she still needs to work on her clothes. Scene3- BRITTANY is in the gym practicing cheerleading stunts. KEVIN sits in the bleachers watching her in awe and stupification. BRITTANY: We've got a football! And all the guys! We've got spirit! To make fans riiiiise! Gooooo, team! KEVIN: [whistles loudly] YOU'VE GOT THE LOUDEST VOICE!! BRITTANY: [twirls hair around finger] Thanks, Kevie!! She turns around to get her pom-poms on the bleachers when all of a sudden she spots QUINN MORGENDORFFER and the FASHION CLUB enter the gym. SANDI: Is this the right place? QUINN: Yeah, I think so. TIFFANY: How come it smells like dirty sweatsocks in here? STACY: Or stale nail polish. SANDI: I believe they do aerobics in here for your information. TIFFANY: Oh, you're soooo smart, Sandi. Brittany frowns. What are THEY doing here? BRITTANY: Hiii. Can I help you? Are you looking for the girls' room? SANDI: No. We are Lawndale High cheerleaders. And you're, like, the captain or something? BRITTANY: Yeah! That's me! And I haven't recommended you to be on the squad yet. Sandi and the rest of the Fashion Club ignore Brittany. QUINN: [disgusted] Are those blue and yellow thingies what we have to wear? BRITTANY: Lawndale High colors! TIFFANY: Blue and yellow are soooo ugly. STACY: What do you think, Quinn? QUINN: Pink and white would be cute. Or pastels. SANDI: Definitely. As president of the Fashion Club, I think pastels are IN this season. We can color coordinate to match each season. BRITTANY: Excuse me, but blue and yellow are the school colors! It would be totally un-spiritual--er, spirited--to change them. SANDI: Excuse me, Brittany, but bolds of blue and yellow is the worst fashion statement. Pastels are IN this season as I stated earlier. BRITTANY: But...but...but that would be wrong! Pastels have NOTHING to do with Lawndale Lions! QUINN: Ohmigosh, she's right! We'd totally clash with the football players. TIFFANY: Oh, you are soooo right, Quinn. SANDI: Pastels on football players is a definite fashion statement. We could start a whole trend. STACY: That's really cool, Sandi! Oh, I admire you so much! SANDI: Well, I am president of the Fashion Club. BRITTANY: [pouting] What do you think you all are doing?! You can't just come in here and change school colors! That's...that's...that's MEAN! QUINN: Oh, come on, Brittany. You don't want spectators at the football game to see you looking like a total fashion trauma or something. BRITTANY: [growing angry] I am NOT a total fashion trauma! QUINN: Brittany, we're the Fashion Club. You'd think we know these things. SANDI: Pastels are totally right for Lawndale. I'll talk to Ms.Li about it and have it changed. BRITTANY: [whimpering] But I'm the captain! You're not even on the squad! STACY: [confused] Yes we are. We, um, talked to Ms.Li about this. She says the more cheerleaders the merrier. BRITTANY: [upset] Ooooh!!! Brittany storms off furiously throwing her pom-poms to the floor. KEVIN: Babe? Where are you going? BRITTANY: Hrrumph! Scene4- The next day at school, BRITTANY storms down the hallway only to find KEVIN wearing the worst pastel uniform. BRITTANY: [astonished] Kevie! What have they done to you?! KEVIN: I-I don't know! What's with the new shade of blue? It's not even Easter yet. BRITTANY: I bet those were the doings of the Fashion Club! Those...those...un-nice girls! She clenches her fists and storms towards Quinn's locker. JEFFY, JAMIE, and JOEY are surrounding QUINN. They are obviously her biggest fans. JEFFY: Oh, Quinn, I love the way you decorated your locker. JOEY: Yeah! I never knew it was so...hot! JAMIE: Can I get you anything? Iced tea? Can I do your homework? Ohh, anything, please! QUINN: [chuckling] Well, a diet soda would be nice. JAMIE: All right! JOEY: I'll get it for her. JAMIE: No, I came up with the idea, man! JEFFY: Since you two are fighting, I think I'll go get it! JOEY: No way, dude! Brittany approaches QUINN's locker just as the Fashion Club saunters down the hall, talking. To Brittany's horror, they're wearing pastel uniforms in a light yellow and powder blue. BRITTANY: [horrified] Eeek! She's the only one of them wearing bold blue and yellow. The three boys surrounding QUINN's locker suddenly make a mad dash for the nearest soda machine. Brittany shrieks--QUINN is wearing pastels from head to toe, too! SANDI: Hey, Quinn. QUINN: Sandi! Hi! These outfits look so much better! TIFFANY: I totally agree with you, Quinn. SANDI: Did you see the football players? They are color coordinated with us. A very choice fashion statement. BRITTANY: That's it! What have you done?! You've sucked all the spirit out of Lawndale High! All the pride! Ms.Li did NOT say this was legal! SANDI: [indignant] Yes, she did for your information. You are officially off the squad since you refuse to wear your school colors and choose to be un-color coordinated with us. The four of them walk off, leaving a baffled and confused BRITTANY behind. DARIA and JANE come up from behind a sobbing Brittany. DARIA: What the hell have they done to this school? Suddenly, we decide our mascot should be a pastel lion. JANE: Our lockers are all pink, too. Pale pink. DARIA: You know, I wonder if I could transfer to a military school. I hear they stick to one color all year long. JANE: And would that be camoflauge? Brittany whirls around, wailing. BRITTANY: [wailing] OH, DARIA, JANE! Did you see what they did?! Kevie looks like an Easter bunny! JANE: A damn big one at that. BRITTANY: Oh, it was the Fashion Club! They totally changed everything! I-I know how you feel, Daria! The low esteem and everything! I'm getting my esteem sucked out of me! Have you ever heard of a low-esteemed cheerleader? Wahhh! DARIA: There, there, Brittany. Daria awkwardly pats Brittany on the back, in attempt to comfort her. JANE: The works of the evil fashion villains. I must say, it's quite a statement. BRITTANY: Will you peoples stop saying statement?! I want to get the Lawndale colors back! I want to be the captain again! JANE: What do you mean? Ugh, sorry I asked. BRITTANY: Sandi kicked me off the squad because I didn't color coordinate with them! DARIA: I know I will regret this. BRITTANY: I'm not a cheerleader anymore! Oh, I'm so saaaad.... DARIA: Brittany, Jane and I will help you out. JANE: Yes, with our classic ritual. A good kick in the ass. DARIA: Actually, Jane, that's a very good idea, but not what I was thinking. Brittany, leave it to us. BRITTANY: [stops crying abruptly] Oh, thankyou, Daria and Jane! You guys are the best! She skips off. Scene5- DARIA and JANE are at the Morgendorffer house. QUINN has just left for her date, and the two of them are picking out pastel clothing. JANE: Daria, are you sure this is sane? DARIA: No. JANE: I don't want to look like an Easter bunny. DARIA: It's not permanant. JANE: Yes, but I will regret this for the rest of my life. DARIA: Think about it, Jane. We are helping a cheerleader. A cheerleader that lacks intelligence. So she needs us to supply this intelligence. JANE: Okay, Daria, whatever. Scene6- The next morning, DARIA and JANE stand at Daria's locker. Dressed in pastels. Head to toe. JANE: This is disgusting you know. Pastels are evil! DARIA: I know. I feel like ripping the pastels off myself. But we have a deal with Brittany. BRITTANY walks by. She sees Daria and Jane in pastels. BRITTANY: [shocked] Daria, Jane! You're not helping me! You've turned on me! DARIA: Shh. We have a plan. If you interfere, I think your days as a cheerleader will be over and will as well wound you for life. BRITTANY: [confused] Oh. Okay. The Fashion Club walks by DARIA's locker. SANDI: Isn't that your cousin over there, Quinn? QUINN: Um, yeah, I think so. STACY: Uuuch! She's wearing pastels! Like us! SANDI: [disgusted] Ohmigosh, we can't let people see us wearing the same clothes as your cousin and her weird friend! Emergency--to the bathroom. TIFFANY: Why? SANDI: Change of wardrobe! SANDI notices BRITTANY standing a few feet away from DARIA and JANE. SANDI: Brittany, we would like to inform you that we no longer would like to be Lawndale High cheerleaders. BRITTANY: Yess! Goooo, team! BRITTANY: [squeals] Thanks, Daria and Jane! She skips off. DARIA: Now you know how loathed we are by the student body, especially the superficial majority. JANE: Well, as you said, we did a good deed. DARIA: I hope this deed doesn't go on my permanant record. THE END