A Day in the Life of a Fashion Clubber
By:
DJ Shoemaker
Those
boring disclaimers that no one pays attention to: Daria and all related logos are the property
of the creators of Daria, and MTV, not me.
Summary:
What would happen if Daria was forced to join the Fashion Club? Has anyone ever heard of justifiable
massacre?
Scene 1 - Lawndale High - the FC is in Mr.
O'Neill's class.
Ms. Li: (over
loudspeaker) Attention students.
There will be a meeting in the auditorium today after school, of all school
club representatives. Attendance is
mandatory!
Quinn: Well
isn't that a surprise.
Stacy: I
wonder what she wants.
Sandi: I
don't know, but it better be important.
Scene 2 - All of the club representatives are in
the auditorium, including the four fashion fiends.
Ms. Li:
Welcome students. I'm going to
get straight to the point here. Club
membership is reaching an all time low.
If membership is not increased, the superintendent of schools will cut
our funding. So I am making club
membership mandatory for all students, and all clubs must surrender to, I mean
comply with this new regulation.
Sandi:
Excuse me, but the Fashion Club does not have room for any new members.
Ms. Li: Then
you will have to MAKE room if you want to continue you status as an
organization in this school.
(There
are collective gasps and concerned talking among the students)
Ms. Li: I
know some of you may find this unfair. However,
let me assure you that your cooperation in this matter will bring honor to
yourselves, and to Laaawwndale High. Any
club that doesn't get at least one new member will be terminated.
Scene 3 - Morgendorffer kitchen - Helen, Jake, and
Quinn are sitting at the table.
Helen: Jake,
did you check on Daria?
Jake: Yeah,
she's still asleep. That must be some
fever she's got.
Helen: The
doctor said that it wasn't too serious.
She should get better soon. So,
Quinn, how was your day?
Quinn:
Terrible mom. Ms. Li said she was
making all of the clubs take on new members or they won't get to be clubs
anymore.
Helen:
That's strange. Why would Ms. Li
do something like that?
Quinn: She
said that membership was low or something, so she's making everyone in the
school join a club.
Helen: Well
I can't say I agree with her methods, but this could be a good thing. Those kids could stand to be more involved,
especially Daria.
Quinn: Sandi
called for an emergency meeting of the Fashion Club tonight. Were going to compile a list of requirements
that people will need if they want to join.
Helen: (exasperated)
Quinn...
Quinn: Mu -
om! We can't just let anyone join. That could ruin the Fashion Club's image.
Jake: Hey,
who's up for some club sandwiches?
(Helen
and Quinn give him looks of annoyance)
Jake: What?
Scene 4 - Sandi's house - the FC meeting is in
progress.
Sandi: Ok
Stacy, tell us our list of requirements so far.
Stacy: (Reading
her notes) All potential Fashion Club members must adhere to the following
requirements:
1. They must
only shop at our approved list of clothing stores.
2. They must
be avid watchers of "Fashion Vision".
3. They must
be compliant to all of the latest fashion rules and regulations.
4. They
can't wear glasses.
5. Under
absolutely no circumstances can they wear... (shudders)
... stretch pants.
Tiffany: (Use
your imagination for her slow speaking) But what if we can't find anyone
who meets all the requirements?
Sandi: Don't
worry about it. We only need to take on
one new member. There must be at least
one person in that school that will meet these guidelines.
Quinn: If not
we'll find someone who at least comes close.
Sandi:
Right. We won't give Ms. Li the
satisfaction of shutting us down.
Quinn: I'm
sure that when signup day comes, we'll have the entire school lined up at our
table. I don't think anyone could resist
a possible membership to the Fashion Club.
Scene 5 - school gym - all clubs have their tables
set up as students begin to arrive.
Sandi:
Remember, we don't admit anyone unless they meet all of our guidelines.
(Joey,
Jeffy, and Jamie are the first to show up at the table)
Joey: Hi
Quinn!
Jeffy: Hi
Quinn.
Jamie: Hey
Quinn, can I join?
Sandi: That
depends. Please see either me, Quinn,
Stacy, or Tiffany to be interviewed.
(They
all go to Quinn. Sandi gives her an
annoyed look)
Quinn: Ok,
first question. Joey, where is your
favorite place to shop?
Joey: uuuh...
J.J. Jeeters?
Quinn:
Wrong! Next question. Jeffy, are you an avid watcher of "Fashion
Vision"?
Jeffy:
What's "Fashion Vision"?
Quinn: (sighs)
Wrong, next question. Jamie, true or
false. Would you wear -
Jamie: I'll
wear anything you want me to! Wanna go
out with me?
Quinn: Well,
that's three rejected applicants in less than one minute.
(the
3 J's walk away disappointed)
Quinn: This
is going to be harder than I thought.
End scene 5 - cut to commercial break.
Commercial bumper - Quinn interviewing the 3 J's.
I've only seen Daria on The N, so the commercials
here would be promos for all the other crappy shows they play on that network.
End commercial break.
Scene 6 - FC table - the FC is interviewing
everyone that comes to their table.
A girl takes the seat in front of Stacy and starts
her interview.
Stacy:
Question one, where is you favorite place to shop?
Girl: I'll
shop wherever you want me to.
Stacy:
Sorry, but I'm looking for a specific place.
Girl: Ok,
well, uuuuuhhh...
Stacy: (sighs)
Next.
Girl: No
wait! I like to shop at... uuhh... uh...(starts panicking and begins to hyperventilate. Is it a coincidence she's
being interviewed by Stacy?)
(Stacy
gets up to lead the girl away)
cut to another girl that's being interviewed by
Tiffany.
Tiffany:
First... question... where... is ... your... favorite... place... to... shop?
(the
girl falls asleep in her chair)
Tiffany: (disgusted)
Why does this keep happening?
The clock on the wall shows a time lapse from
Cut to the FC table. Everyone has concerned looks on their faces.
Sandi: I
can't believe no one even came close to meeting our requirements.
Quinn: Maybe
we shouldn't have been so selective.
Stacy: What
are we going to do. Ms. Li's going to
shut us down for sure now.
Sandi:
That's not going to happen. We
have to come up with a plan.
Scene 7 - Daria's room.
(phone
rings)
Daria:
Hello?
Jane: Sounds
like you're feeling better.
Daria: Yeah,
I should be back at school tomorrow. Did
I miss anything?
Jane:
Nothing except for the mandatory club signups.
Daria: The
what?
Jane: Ms. Li
saw the opportunity to get more money, and she jumped all over it. It's now mandatory for all students to join a
club, and stay in for at least one grading period.
Daria: What
did you pick?
Jane: Art
club. It didn't take long to decide
that. What are you going to join.
Daria: The
Society for Conciencious Objectors. Ms.
Li can't make me join a club.
Jane: I beg
to differ. She already threatened to
fail anyone who doesn't surrender to her will.
Daria: And
just when I thought the school would be a safe haven from the threat of
Communism.
Jane: I'm
sure you'll think of something.
Scene 8 - the next day - Daria is sitting in Ms.
Li's office.
Ms. Li:
Well, Miss Morgendorffer, you seem to be in quite a predicament. You need to join a club, and all of them are
filled up. Luckily for you, there's
still one club that needs a new member.
Daria: And
what would this club be?
Ms. Li opens the door, and the FC enters. As soon as they see each other, Daria and the
FC get shocked looks on their faces.
End scene 8 - commercial break
Bumper: FC
walking into Ms. Li's office.
See break one for commercial details.
End commercial break.
Scene 9 - LHS hallway - Daria and Jane are at their
lockers.
Jane: I
can't believe she stuck you with the club from hell.
Daria: No,
I'm still sick. This is just a demented
dream.
Jane: If it
was, I would be in my pink taffeta.
Daria: The
worst part about this is I have to deal with those fashion freaks for nine
weeks. (sighs) I wonder is there's such a thing as a justifiable massacre.
Jane: I'm
sure any judge would make an exception in your case.
Scene 10 - Quinn's room - the FC, with new member
Daria, are having their first meeting.
Sandi:
Quinn's cousin, or whatever, I'm going to let you know now. As long as you are a member of the Fashion
Club, you must adhere to all of our rules and regulations.
Daria: First
of all, the name is Daria, and second, I refuse to watch "Fashion Vision".
Sandi: Look,
I don't like this any more than you do.
But if we don't make this work, you'll fail for the grading period and
we'll cease to exist as a club.
Daria: Tell
you what. Don't make me participate in
any of your mundane activities, and I'll tell Ms. Li of all the wonderful
things we did together as a group. I'll
get to keep my grades, and you'll get to keep you club.
Sandi: Deal.
I don't think I could fit 8 weeks into one episode
without any confusing jumping around.
Sooo... montage to the rescue! The
music for this will be "I Stay Away", by
(montage)
-
The FC is holding a meeting at Sandi's house. They discuss while Daria is off to the side
reading.
-
Next, were in the halls of LHS. The FC and Daria are all standing together as
Ms. Li walks by. As soon as she's out of
sight, they go their separate ways.
-
The FC is having another meeting in Quinn's room,
while we see Daria on her bed reading.
-
Cut to a split screen of the FC in Cashman's with
bags full of clothes on one side. On the
other side we see Daria in the thrift store across from Cashman's.
-
The FC is having yet another meeting at Tiffany's,
and Daria is (guess what) reading.
End montage.
Scene 11 - the FC + Daria are in Ms. Li's office.
Ms. Li: Girls, I have heard a rather disturbing
rumor. It seems that Miss Morgendorffer
hasn't actually been participating in any of the Fashion Club's activities. Is this true?
Daria: As a matter of fact, that is true.
(The FC all have shocked looks on their faces)
Ms. Li: Well, then I'm afraid that I'm going to have
to fail you Miss Morgendorffer, and disband the Fashion Club.
Daria: I'm not finished. The reason that I haven't been participating
is because they had me working on a special project.
Ms. Li: And what is this "project"?
Daria: I can't tell you just yet.
Ms. Li: Very well then. If I don't see proof of this project by the
end of the week, you know what the consequences will be.
Scene 12 - LHS hallway.
Quinn: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Daria: Don't worry about it. I don't want my grades to be ruined just as
badly as you don't want your precious club ruined. Just leave everything to me.
Scene 13 - later that
night - Daria's room.
This isn't as much a
scene as it is a mini - montage. Because
this is a short montage, the music for it will be the guitar hook from
"Hypnotize", by System of a Down.
-
We see Daria typing on her computer with Jane on
the bed drawing in her sketch book.
-
Then Daria prints out what she typed, and she and
Jane begin to put together a small book.
Scene 14 - the FC +
Daria are once again in Ms. Li's office.
Ms. Li: Do you have this project of yours Miss
Morgendorffer?
Daria takes the book out
of her backpack and gives it to Ms. Li.
Ms. Li: (reading the cover) " A Day in the Life
of a Fashion Clubber". What's this?
Daria: We decided that since we didn't exactly share
the same views, I could do something for the club that excercises my
talents. So I wrote a short story about
the typical day of a Fashion Club member.
Ms. Li: I must say, I am impressed. Well, Miss Morgendorffer, you can keep your
GPA, and girls, you can keep your club.
(the FC exchange looks of relief)
Daria: Does this mean I can quit now?
Ms. LI: Yes, but I don't see why you wouldn't want to
-
(Daria is out the door before she can finish)
end credits - song: "Blood Red Summer", by Coheed and
Alter egos:
-
Jane as Guy Fawkes Day
-
Jake as Homer Simpson
-
Daria made to look like Ben Stein
-
Kevin being fired out of a cannon
-
An 80's Upchuck in a "members only" jacket
-
Mack made to look like Bob Marley
-
Mr. O'Neill struggling to lift weights
-
Stacy and Quinn dressed as nerds playing chess
Peace
authors notes:
Technically, this is my second Daria fanfic. (I never finished
my first one) I tried to stay as accurate to the character's personalities as I
could. One of the only inaccuracies I
could find is that I don't think the FC would use such complicated words as "avid",
or "compliant", (or "the"). For the most
part though, I think this story turned out alright.