The First






Text ©2008 The Angst Guy (

Daria and associated characters are ©2008 MTV Networks



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Synopsis: Daria and Tom do it for the first time—and it’s rated G!


Author’s Notes: This entire ficlet evolved from a conversation on PPMB in late June 2003 about Helen Morgendorffer’s hippie name, which then deteriorated into a long, disgusting, hijacked thread about “snowballing.” If you have to ask about it, you don’t need or want to know.


Acknowledgements: Thanks to everyone on PPMB who contributed to that utterly disgusting thread. You asked for it.










       Tom sighed. “Oh, c’mon, Daria. You’re so uptight. Just try it.”


       “Daria, it’s not like I’m asking—”

       “Tom, first of all, this is stupid and sick. Second of all, if I was suffering from some incurable mental disease and I did do it, and if anyone were to find out about it, I would have to kill you, then I’d have to track down everyone who heard about it and kill them, too.”

       Tom considered this. “Okay. That’s fair.”

       Daria stared hard at him. “You really want this, don’t you?”

       Tom nodded. “I really do. Just try it.”

       “It’s dehumanizing!”

       “Daria, it is not! Everyone does this, all right? It’s normal! Just—”

       Daria threw her hands into the air. “Crap, okay, sure, why not. Just keep this a secret, okay?”

       Tom nodded quickly. “I’m ready,” he said, trying not to grin.

       Daria groaned, then reached down into the snow at her feet, scooped up a handful, and packed it into a ball. Looking around to make sure no one could see her, she then threw the snowball at Tom. It hit him on the right knee.

       Tom gravely clapped his gloved hands together. “Daria Morgendorffer has thrown her first snowball ever. The crowd goes wild. Congratulations.”

       It was hard not to smile a little. “You owe me, and I mean you owe me big.

       “Okay. Pizza tonight?”

       “Pizza now, and pizza for Jane, too—with drinks and breadsticks. Let’s go.”

       Tom nodded. He’d tell Jane about it during the pizza, for sure. He grinned, thinking about the repercussions. Daria was beautiful when she was angry. “Agreed,” he said, and they left the park together.






Original: 07/28/03; modified 06/26/06, 09/22/06, 10/02/06, 10/23/08