Story ©2008 The Angst Guy

Daria and associated characters and their images are ©2008 MTV Networks



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Daria Morgendorffer gets a bit part on another animated TV show after her own show is cancelled, but the outcome is not what she (or anyone else) had expected.


Author's Notes

On October 4, 2007, Daria fans were astonished to see what appeared to be Daria Morgendorffer on the Comedy Central TV show, Drawn Together (episode 30: "Lost in Parking Space, Part Two"). The appearance was all the more shocking as Daria was a mutilated victim in a Hostel parody. "I blame men," was her monotone comment after having a nail driven into her right eye. This story picks up shortly after the end of that episode.



Thanks to Comedy Central and Drawn Together for remembering Our Heroine, even if—well, I guess any publicity is good publicity. Thanks.



SCENE: A bus terminal with a large sign that says: LAWNDALE BUS TERMINAL in the background. Jane Lane stands alone at the passenger dock, dressed per usual, holding a hand-painted poster-board sign that reads: WELCOME HOME, DARIA, FROM “DRAWN TOGETHER”! She looks at something in the distance, then steps back. Moments later, a passenger bus pulls up to the dock with a screeching of brakes. The doors squeal open. Jane’s blue eyes widen in shock as a single individual dismounts from the bus: Daria Morgendorffer, dressed per usual and holding a suitcase, with a large taped-on bandage covering her right eye. She does not have her glasses on.


JANE: [shocked] I thought that scene was done with special effects.

DARIA: [deadpan] Their budget is a lot smaller than ours was.

JANE: So, that part where the Care Bear was—


JANE: And Fred Flintst—


JANE: And Scrappy—

DARIA: He’s lost a lot of weight.

JANE: [makes a face] Ouch.

DARIA: I wish you had been there. You could have kept an eye out for me.

JANE: Damn! I was going to use that pun!

DARIA: I’m sure that one day soon, you will. [looks around] Is my family here? I can’t tell without my glasses. Not that I’m complaining.

JANE: [back to normal] Your mom’s at her office filing a lawsuit against Comedy Central, your dad’s in bed recovering from that little heart attack he had when he saw your scene on TV, and Quinn, um—

DARIA: —was too grossed out to be here.

JANE: In her favor, she did give me two bucks to buy you a get-well card, but I haven’t made it to the drugstore yet. Wanna pick out a card for yourself?

DARIA: Maybe later. I have a little headache.

JANE: My car’s over there. How about if I drive?

DARIA: If you insist.


[They walk toward the parking lot. Jane still carries her welcome sign, though it drags on the ground.]


JANE: I was going to ask if you think your appearance on that show will lead to a groundswell of support for releasing our show on DVD, but my guess is that our fans will probably be too grossed out to even mention it to MTV.

DARIA: You nailed it.

JANE: Damn, you did it again! Save some of the good ones for me, will ya?

DARIA: Did anyone else watch?

JANE: Trent slept through it, if that’s what you’re asking.

DARIA: That wasn’t what I was asking.

JANE: Tom threw a party at his place and invited everyone over to watch the episode. When you came on, he laughed so hard Perrier came out his nose.

DARIA: You were there?

JANE: Only because of the free food. You wouldn’t believe how much shrimp I ate. Oh, and I was there to give you moral support, that too.

DARIA: Thanks for thinking of me.


[They reach Jane’s car. Jane puts her sign and Daria’s suitcase in the trunk as they talk.]


JANE: I couldn’t eat any more shrimp after you came on, though. The cocktail sauce reminded me of blood. So I had steak instead.

DARIA: With ketchup.

JANE: Well, I was over being grossed out by then.


[They get into the car. Daria bangs her head on the car roof as she gets in the passenger side.]


DARIA: [winces in pain] Ow!

JANE: You probably can’t see too well, so be careful when you—

DARIA: Shut up.

JANE: I’m just keeping an eye out for you.

DARIA: [glares at Jane] As soon as I can get a hammer, I’ll show you how that nail-in-the-eye trick was done. It was quite interesting.

JANE: [starts car] What I can’t figure out, though, is why you said you blamed men. Isn’t that more like Ms. Barch’s line?

DARIA: The guys who do “Drawn Together” are guys, Jane.

JANE: Oh. Ooooooooh, I get it!

DARIA: You certainly will when we get home.

JANE: Damn, I should have said, “Oh, I see,” because that would have been another eye pun!

DARIA: Just drive.

JANE: You nailed it. [laughs] God, I kill myself sometimes.

DARIA: That’ll be my job.


[The car pulls away.]



Original: 10/08/07, modified 11/04/07, 10/21/08