*usual copyright disclaimer: CHANT: Characters are not mine, um-lalalalala***
they are property of MTV -um, lalalalala*** Don't you dare use my plot idea
without permission or acknowledgement**Um lalalala****I just happen to LOVE
Daria****date: 01/18/01

Underrated
by medea42

Act 1: Scene 1: [Jake is at Morgendorffer kitchen table with a stack of papers
in front of him. He is talking on the phone, and speaks in a pleasant voice,
but his knuckles are white as he crumples up a piece of paper.]

Jake: Bill, that's fine. Sure. It's  business, you do what you have to
do!...Oh, absolutely! Call me, we'll do lunch! [hangs up phone]. Do lunch. DO
LUNCH!? I'D RATHER POISON IT, YOU BASTARD!!!

[Enter Helen, in business suit]

Helen: Jakey! Calm down - I'm sure whatever it is, it isn't that bad -

Jake: My biggest client just backed out.

Helen: Oh. [bt] well, sweetie, if you just concentrate on your next biggest
client...

Jake: He was my only client.

Helen: Oh [bt]I'm sure things will pick up dear, it's just a slow time of year
for promotions -

Jake: This is the only client I've had in six months.

Helen: Honey, I can carry the load of supporting us until you find your niche.
You certainly did that for me while I was in law school! I'm sure if I ask
around the office, someone will know someone who needs your skills.

Jake: [bitterly] Go ahead Helen. Be superwoman. Just run the show by yourself.
My career doesn't matter, oh NO! Jake, I can't make your graduation, it's beer
night out with the guys!  Jake, I can't go to your awards ceremony, your
brother has more important things going on that night!

Helen: Jake! I never said your career wasn't important! We just don't rely on
you too much. [Jake glares at her. Helen looks nervous, tries to continue.]
There are so many other ways you - [phone rings] [sounds relieved] Oh, Hi
Eric! Yes, I got the forms yesterday - [exits kitchen, chatting on the phone,
as Jake glares after her.]

Scene 2: [Casa Lane. Jane and Daria are standing over Trent, who is sprawled
face first on the living room floor.]

Daria: Let me guess. Trent looked under his bed and now he's afraid to sleep
there, and on the same day he looked under the couch and found out what
happened to his hamster in the third grade.

Jane: [pokes Trent with her foot.] I was going to vote for passed out drunk,
but he saves that for our family reunions.

Daria: If that's what he does at a family reunion, what does he do at a class
reunion?

Jane: Last time there was something about a can of Lysol and a blow torch. I
just posted bail and didn't ask questions.

[Trent rolls over.]

Trent: Hey Janey. Hey Daria. [bt] My life is over. Can you bring me some food?

Daria: I thought dead people can't eat.

Trent: yeah, but I'm hungry anyway.

Daria: as long as you notice you're dead. Jane, is there anything in your
fridge?

Jane: nothing that didn't escape in the last blackout.

Daria: sorry Trent, I guess you'll have to join the ranks of the starving
dead.

Trent: Starving Dead. That would be a good name for Mystic Spiral. Too bad it
doesn't mean anything anymore.

Jane: What are you talking about? Did Max and Nick run off to get married?

Trent: We lost our gig at McGrundy's(1). I'm going to have to get a job.

Jane: When you were doing so well before.

Daria: Is there anything we can do?

Trent: Just... remember the Spiral in its day.

[Daria and Jane look at each other, each with eyebrows raised].

Jane: Are you seeing what I'm seeing, Daria?

Daria: A horrible mixture of my sister and your brother morphing into each
other. [shudders] Let's go find something meaningless to do. My home life is
enough of an existential crisis.

Scene 3: [Morgendorffer house. Jake is reading the paper and Helen sits down
across from him]

Helen: Jakey, are you feeling better now?

Jake: [lowers paper, glares over at Helen]. No, I'm not. [puts paper back up].

Helen: Is there anything I can do?

Jake: [throws down paper] Besides make me feel inadequate?

Helen: I do NOT Jake.

Jake: Yes, you do. [mimicking Helen] Oh Eric, I have to go, Jake got his tie
stuck in the dishwasher. Sit down, Jake, I'll just handle our crying daughter
myself.

Helen: Most of the time those things were something you didn't want to do, so
you were trying to get out of it anyway.

Jake: Dammit Helen, you're not supposed to admit you know that!

[Helen rises from table and exits in a huff.]

Scene 4: [Morgendorffer home. Daria enter from front door. Jake is on couch
with a cold pack on his head. Helen is coming down stairs and meets Daria at
the door. Helen has one finger over her lips.]

Daria: [quiet voice] What's with Dad?

Helen: Your father is having a very bad day. Why don't you go up to your room
and watch that show you like? I'll bring you dinner later.

Daria: You want me to limit my social contact with you?

Helen: Or you can take care of your father should he have another heart
attack.

Daria: [bt] Please bring dinner around eight. I'd like lasagna.

Scene 5: [cut to Daria in her bedroom watching TV] OS: Spontaneous combustion
at will? The cult of the Supernova, next on Sick Sad World!

[OS: Loud crash.] OS:Quinn: Fine, don't let me get the boot cut pants! I hate
you Daddy!


[Daria clicks off TV.]

Daria: Why watch people exploding on TV when I can get a front row seat in my
very own home?

Scene 6: [Daria is standing halfway down Morgendorffer stairwell. Jake is
pacing the living room floor and ranting.]

Jake: My daughter hates me because I can't give her money for new pants. My
wife thinks I'm incompetent [shakes fist at floor] and I know you're looking
up at this and laughing, old man! Is this what you wanted? For my life to be
in ruins, for my children to hate me, for my wife to see me as helpless dead
weight? [sees Daria] I suppose YOU want money for your bone collection?

Daria: That's OK, Dad. I can always grab a shovel and head to the cemetery.

Jake: [resuming rant]Oh, I'd like to dig up some bones - or maybe DANCE ON THE
OLD BASTARD'S GRAVE! [Daria exits out the door while Jake is still ranting.]

Scene 7:[Jane's bedroom. Jane is covering her canvas in aluminum foil. Daria
is on bed, reading Les Miserables.]

Jane: So your Dad was talking about corpse desecration? Cool. Can I come to
dinner?

Daria: Only if he decides to serve tongue. [bt] Maybe I should dig up my tape
recorder. Dad's been fun these days.

Jane: You could just hand him a shovel. Go in for some father/daughter
bonding.

[Trent enters, still looking haggard.]

Trent: Hey Janey, Hey Daria.

Jane: How are you feeling today, oh brother mine?

Trent: Dark, depressed, useless.

Daria: So you're feeling like your old self again?

Trent: [still frowning] You're funny, Daria.

Daria: [bt] I'm sorry Trent. [pause] You could say my dad lost a major gig,
too, so I guess whatever happened to you is going around. Kind of like the
flu.

Trent: Misfortune flu. That would be a good name for a band. [bt] That's too
bad for Jake, though. Say, Daria, what does your dad do exactly?

Scene 8: [An unidentified bar on Dega Street. Jake is bent over a huge beer
mug, gazing into it dejectedly. A hand appears on Jake's shoulder. Jake turns,
and we see the hand on his shoulder is Trent's.]

Act 2: Scene 1: [Morgendorffer kitchen. Quinn is sitting at the table, staring
into space. Helen enters wearing her business suit.]

Helen: Sweetie, what's the matter?

Quinn: Dad wouldn't give me money for some new jeans that I REALLY need.
They're fashion club standard requirements!

Helen: [firmly] We're a little short on cash, and your closet is already
petitioning for leniency. Your father is having a hard enough time as it is,
without answering to the dictation of your friends.

Quinn: [aghast] Are you saying we're poor?

Helen: I didn't say that we're poor. [to herself] Thank God Daria isn't here,
she'd probably jerk your chain and tell you you'd become unpopular. Besides,
I'm starting to have serious doubts about the validity of the fashion club as
an extracurricular activity.

Quinn: You just said UNPOPULAR!? I HAVE to have those jeans!

[Helen's phone rings. Helen answers really fast]

Helen: Heloooo! [super cheery] Oh Eric, it's so GREAT to hear from you!

Scene 2: [later that evening, Morgendorffer living room. Daria is watching TV,
Helen enters]

Helen: Daria, have you seen your father?

Daria: You mean the guy that runs in circles and tears his hair a lot? [bt]
Not since breakfast. He got eggs on the ceiling.

Helen: So that's what that was. [annoyed] Where could he be? The unemployment
office closed hours ago!

Daria: Maybe he became disgruntled and went to get revenge on his boss.

Helen: Your father was self-employed.

Daria: Makes the idea even more interesting.

[Front door opens. Jake and Trent stagger in, arms around each others'
shoulders.]

Jake: Helen, break out the lasagna! We're having dinner with my new client!

Scene 3: [Lane house. Jane and Daria are sitting in the kitchen, cringing at
the noises coming from the basement]

Jane: Daria, I blame you for this torture.

Daria: What do I have to do with it?

Jane: It's YOUR father who has prompted this onslaught of new inspiration for
the Spiral. If you'd just kicked either man when he was down, he would have
just stayed home and whimpered instead of going out where the other one could
find him.

Daria: I HAVE ethics you know. And sometimes they compete with my sanity. [bt]
Besides, Tom was coming over. I wanted Dad out of the house.

Jane: And what does Helen have to say about this unchaperoned courtship?

Daria: Who knows? For years I thought every sex talk involved the phone
ringing and the parent leaving the room. I thought the Internet was invented
to fill in the gaps.

Jane: [glaring down the stairs] Great, so I can blame Tom for this, too.

Daria: To date you've blamed Tom for the breakup of the Beatles, the hole in
the ozone layer and limited use of bubblewrap. This one was just a gimme.

Scene 3: [Lane basement. Mystic Spiral is playing while Jake looks like he is
in physical pain. The band stops playing, and Jake sighs in relief].

Trent: And we call that Bleak Existence.

Jake: That was, uh, def! Is that the word you kids use now?

Trent: Whatever works for you man. The next song we're gonna play -

Jake: Uh, how about we take a break and talk about your presentation?

Jesse: Yeah man, let's take a break. I gotta get a beer.

Trent: We don't have any.

Max: That sucks. Who was supposed to bring the beer?

Nick: Back off, Max! It's not like you'd play any better with it. [beat] or
worse.

Jesse: Hey, man, back off. That's not cool!

[All three guys start yelling at each other, Trent tries to intervene and is
shouted down. Jake looks panicked for a moment, then resolute.]

Jake: ATTENTION!

[All MS members stare at Jake.]

Jake: Nick, sit on the couch. [Nick sits] Max, here's $30, get us some GOOD
beer. Bring the receipt! [Max takes the money and zooms up the stairs] Trent,
you sit on the couch, too. [Trent sits] Jesse [pauses] Jesse, you just stay on
the stage and look pretty.

[Moment of silence as Trent, Nick and Jesse stare at Jake bug-eyed]. Jake:
Now, we're going to set some goals here...

Scene 3: [Quinn's bedroom. Quinn is lying on her bed reading when the phone
rings.]

Quinn: Oh, hi Sandi. Yes, I know that Fashion Club went shopping yesterday. I
TOLD you, I was grounded. Yes I told Mom it was for a school function, it just
didn't work this time, OK? Oh FINE Sandi, I'll be there tonight! [hangs up
phone] GAH!

[Daria pokes head in doorway]

Daria: What's the matter? Your nail polish not glittery enough?

Quinn: What do YOU want?

Daria: I want you out of the house, thus my venture into [distasteful gesture
at Quinn's room] this.

Quinn: Well you're getting your way. Sandi's mad that I didn't go shopping, so
I HAVE to show up tonight. [bt] And nail polish is important, Daria.

Daria: Sure, if you're addicted to the fumes.

Quinn: You just don't get it. [Wailing] How long can I go on with this
charade?

Daria: Which one? The charade that you actually like your friends, or the
charade that you have a brain?

Quinn: Daria, I have an IMPORTANT problem. If Sandi notices that I'm not
shopping, I'll be out of the fashion club!

Daria: You can go shopping. There's nothing stopping you. [beat] You just
can't buy anything.

Quinn: I can't buy anything without any money!

Daria: There's outright theft. And then if you get caught, I can turn your
room into a library when you go to jail.

Quinn: Oh stop it, Daria. If you didn't have that rich boyfriend you'd be in
just as much trouble as I am.

Daria: [angry] Yeah, and you just have those boys that have followed you
around forever, but I see you're not taking advantage of them in this
situation. [bt] Or would they dump you because you're poor enough to be my
sister?

Quinn:EW! Daria, just get OUT! [Daria slams door and leaves. Quinn throws
pillow at the door.]

Scene 4: [Morgendorffer living room. Helen is pacing the floor as she talks on
the phone.]

Helen: Eric, I increased billable hours by 30% this year! No one else in the
firm has come close to that figure...Yes, I know, but Harris only brought it
up a piddling 18%, and lost it on that battery class action. I'm the one who
refilled the coffers after THAT mess. [giggling] Why thank you, Eric.
[suddenly harsh] 15%! Fine, 10%...OK, I'll meet you halfway at 8%. Done. [bt,
sweet] Oh, and Eric, the paperwork for my raise better be on my desk tomorrow
or I'll be taking LOTS of vacation time in the middle of October. [br] Great!
See you tomorrow, bye!

[Jake enters, wearing jeans and a black T-shirt]

Helen: Jakey! Did you go job hunting dressed like that today?

Jake: I have a job honey - my client. Besides, we'll do fine on your income
until this project comes together. And Daria says she doesn't WANT to go to
college -

Helen: Have you forgotten about our plans? How are we going to retire to Aruba
if only one of us is working?

Jake: You would have to quit working for that to happen. And you know what?
Those were never my plans - they were all YOUR plans. And they SUCK! [ Jake
turns on his heel and walks back out the front door].

Helen [to Jake's back]: Where are you going now?

Jake: Rehearsal!

Helen: [stares at door, sighs, and turns lifts her briefcase onto the kitchen
table.] As long as our family's OK. [stares at the briefcase a minute, then
pops it open].

Scene 5: [Trent and Jake are sitting on the Lane couch in the basement. They
are eating pizza and drinking soda].

Trent: Thanks for bringing food buy. I've felt weird the last couple days.
Guess I forgot to eat.

Jake: Anything for my best client! [under breath] No matter what Helen says!

Trent: Everything OK there Jake?

Jake: Oh, Helen's whining about me getting a day job - [falsetto] but Jake,
what about college for the girls, but Jake, what about my retirement? [normal
angry voice] What about my dreams, dammit!?

Trent: Woah. [Jake calms] I totally know how you feel, man.  It's like that
with me and the whole world sometimes.

Jake: Really?

Trent: Yeah, man. This band's my dream. I want to make it as a musician, I
really do, and I want to take these guys with me if I can. I could be doing it
faster, but somebody's got to be there for Janey, and my parents just haven't
left  the resources for me to live my own life.  I totally see the same thing
in you - all you've ever wanted is to be your own boss, be in charge of your
own life. I want the stage, and you want to run the show, like one of those
guys at the circus -- you know, the ones with the top hat and the whip?

Jake: Uh, yeah. [makes sense of Trent's comment] You're right! Let's get to
work.

Scene 6: [Jesse enters basement]

Jesse: Hey man, we were supposed to jam tonight over at Nick's.

[Trent and Jake are bent over some notepads]

Trent: Sorry man, business.

Jesse: Rehearsal is business, too, man.

Trent: [to Jake] I'll be right back.

Scene 7: [cut to head of stairs/Lane kitchen]

Jesse: Dude, what is with you and this old guy?

Trent: He's not some old guy. He's Jake. And he can help us out.

Jesse: Rehearsal would help us out.

Trent: How much time have we spent rehearsing already?

Jesse: Uh...

Trent: We rehearse all the time, man. We need something more, and it ain't
talent. If that was all, we'd still be at McGrundy's. Jake's got what we need
to get us that gig back, and for the Zon to start paying us again.

Jesse: Uh...

Trent: And it's NOT selling out. Everybody in the biz does this sooner or
later. You do know there's more to the music scene than Lawndale, right?

Jesse: Uh...

Trent: Jesse, you gettin' this?

Jesse: Got a calculator? I think that we rehearse about 20 hours a week.

[Trent gives Jesse a "what-the-hell"? look and exits down the stairway. Door
shuts, Jesse is still standing there pondering. Jesse opens door.]

Jesse: Are you looking for that calculator?

Scene 8: [Daria is sitting in Morgendorffer living room. Daylight, next day.
Helen comes marching through in casual clothes].

Helen: Damn that Eric, forcing me to take vacation time! I'll just see how he
manages now that I've pulled all of the files for a client I'm not at liberty
to discuss off the company database! [bt] What am I supposed to do for two
weeks?

Daria: Maybe relax?

Helen: How am I supposed to relax? My clients count on me, and I have you
girls to support - ooh, where's your father?

Daria: Might as well vent to me, Mom. Want me to sign a waiver saying I won't
call child protection if you talk to me like you talk to Dad?

Helen: Where is he!?

Daria: He called and said he'd be working late.

Helen: Working? He calls playing with those boys working?

Daria: I think he calls it working because if he called it having fun, you'd
try to keep him from doing it.

Helen: Daria, go to your room!

[Daria exits. Helen looks after her thoughtfully.]

Helen: Hm...

Scene 9: [Daria's room. She picks up the phone and calls Jane. Split screen]

Jane: Yo!

Daria: How's life in Never-Never land?

Jane: Peter Pan snorted too much pixie dust and Jake keeps crashing into
walls. Other than that, not too bad. How about you in the land of the uptight
lawyers?

Daria: Mom put me on solitary confinement. I think it's supposed to be a
punishment.

Jane: Woah. What did you do?

Daria: I stuck up for Dad. [Eyes widen] Woah, I DID stick up for Dad.

Jane: And why are you sticking to your punishment? It's been at least 30
seconds, shouldn't she be back at work now?

Daria: Mom's on mandatory leave. Eric found out Mom was fudging overtime to
schmooze clients, and had put in enough hours she could sue the firm.

Jane: How much work does a workaholic lawyer have to do in order to sue her
own firm?

Daria: Let's just worry about the woodchuck.(2)

Jane: Shall I start a betting pool on how long your mother can not work before
she explodes?

Daria: I would have given her until five minutes ago, but I still haven't
heard bones and flesh splattering on the walls. Looks like Mom's made of
tougher stuff than I though.

Jane: Teflon?

Daria: That would explain a few things.

[OS: from Jane's side: a loud chord plays and ends in a snap. Nick: Aw damn,
gotta get a new one now] [Jane hunches shoulders and winces]

Jane: Ol' Jake's made of tough stuff, too. I'm starting to see why he and your
mom are still married. Your parents both come from a good foundation of
dysfunction. [another chord/snap/wince] Daria, I gotta go. Jake's trying to
combine drill instruction with rehearsal for the Spiral.

Daria: that's it. I'm coming over. I've got to see this.

Scene 10: [Daria and Jane stand at the head of the Lane basement stairs.
Mystic Spiral is playing, an all instrumental piece that emphasizes Jesse's
guitar skills. Jake is head banging.]

Daria: Jane, shut the door. [backs away, covering face] My eyes! My eyes!

Scene 11: [Helen is sitting at the Morgendorffer kitchen table, trying to read
a book. She pages through it, shakes the book and finally slams it shut.]

Helen: I can't do this! Damn that Eric! Things will be hell when I come back!

[Enter Quinn with a sheet of paper in her hand]

Quinn: Mom, can you sign this?

[Helen takes paper and starts reading]

Quinn: Don't READ it!

Helen: Quinn, why do you need a worker's permit? Are you trying to save money
for modeling school?

Quinn: Can we do this without any questions?

Helen: As a good parent I need to know where you're working.

Quinn: But what about developing independence?

Helen: That doesn't even work with Daria.

Quinn: Oh, fine!  I got a job at a record store on Dega Street. They needed
someone sober to handle the cash.

Helen: [beat] Hm. Well, that's good news and bad news. [pause] Is this because
of your father not working?

Quinn: How else can I pay for my clothes, mother? I have to live up to a
standard!

Helen: It's not enough that you have a home and a family that loves you?

Quinn: Looking good is important to me!

[Daria walks through front door, stands in living room watching Helen and
Quinn]

Quinn: [going on] I NEED a change of wardrobe, every two months, minimum. I
was just running low on orange, pink and red body glitter and Dad refused to
give me money for that -- and they're fundamental to a wardrobe.

[Helen frowns, grabs the paper and signs it. Pushes paper towards Quinn]

Helen: I suppose you're working on Dega street so your friends won't see you?

Quinn: exactly! [takes sheet, sees Daria] Don't you say a WORD about this at
school!

Daria: That would involve talking to someone.

Quinn: Whatever, Daria! [storms up stairs]

Daria: Dega street deserves you, Quinn.

Helen: [gazing after Quinn] I have to agree.

Act 3: [Outdoors. Camera pan: shoots to a wood sign that says "High Hills
Park" that has diabolic graffiti etched on it. There is a run-down gazebo that
Mystic Spiral is setting up on, and Helen is hooking up two gigantic speakers
on either side of the gazebo. Daria and Jane are sitting at a park bench,
watching].

Jane: Helen's certainly done a turnaround on this whole Jake and the Spiral
situation.

Daria: Mom needed another project or she'd have a stroke. And Trent happened
to be standing in the kitchen at the time.

Jane: Poor Trent. You can barely stand Helen running your life, I'm not sure
how he puts up with it.

Daria: I think he actually loves my mom running his life.

Jane: [slaps hand to forehead] Oh where did I go wrong when I was raising him?

Daria: [smirks] Oh good, I finally managed to traumatize someone today.

OS: Helen: Jesse, what did I tell you about your hair?

OS: Jesse: To brush it before I came.

OS:Helen: And why didn't you?

OS: Jesse: I had a chick over last night. I couldn't do that stuff in front of
her. It's part of the image.

OS: Helen: Come here, young man!

OS: Jesse: [strangled] OOOOOOOOOOW!

Jane: I gotta get this on tape. I don't think Jesse's ever been groomed
before.

Daria: Next, on Sick Sad World...

[shot to Jake. He paces around gazebo, still wearing black T-shirt and jeans].

Jake: [to Helen, who is still OS] OK Helen, let go of his hair. Helen, NOW!
You might get injured by that mess![bt] Guys? Are we ready?

[Helen walks over to Jake's side and takes his hand. Close up shot to their
hands, you can see she is slipping him earplugs. Shot to Helen's profile - she
already has her earplugs in place. Shot to Mystic Spiral in gazebo, all
warming up on their instruments. Jake gives a two finger salute to Trent that
Trent returns.]

Trent: Ready, boss! [to band] One, two, three [launch into Who the Hell are
the Joneses. The speakers bounce].

Scene 2: [shots to different parts of Lawndale. A man turns off his lawnmower
and cocks his head. Jodie Landon peeks out her front door, wide-eyed. Her
parents behind her look annoyed. Brittany sneaks Kevin out her door, and eeps
as her pigtails start bouncing. Quinn pokes head out of the Dega street record
shop and smiles. Andrea opens a window while she packs a picnic basket,
putting only bottles of hard liquor in the basket.]

Scene 3: [Later that afternoon at High Hills park. All of the high school
Lawndale crowd mill around the park on picnic blankets, some teenagers and
adults surreptitiously passing bottles wrapped in brown paper. Expressions
range from enraptures to annoyed, but all stay and watch. A few men and women
in the crowd dressed in "yuppy casual" watch with intense interest, and
whisper to each other. Shot rests on Daria, Jane and Tom].

Tom: Your Dad and Mystic Spiral have staged quite the event.

Jane: I'd have to say they've managed something exactly between Armegeddon and
hell freezing over.

Daria: Too bad that's already taken for an album title(3). [bt] and Lawndale
just doesn't seem that icy today.

[Mr. O'Neill approaches, dressed as he was for the barbecue in Mart of
Darkness]

O'Neill: Ah, Jane, could I have a word with you?

Jane: Sure, but I'll only share one. Any more than that and disease might
spread.

[O'Neill looks confused a moment, raises shoulders and forges ahead].

O'Neill: I'm concerned about your brother. The lyrics of his song are
so...dark, [bt] and moody. I'm concerned for his mental health.

Jane: No need to worry. He's already completely insane.

O'Neill: [horrified] He is?

Jane: Sure. This whole concert is part of his plan to signal the chickens it's
time to revolt.

O'Neill: ah...

Jane: I think it's a big improvement over his long running grudge towards
English teachers. He thinks they're all paid by the government to promote
illiteracy by making the written word unutterably boring.

[O'Neill takes two steps backwards, then turns and half-runs away].

Daria: [looks at watch] Congratulations, Jane. New record - you got rid of
O'Neill in less than three minutes.

Tom: Yeah, but you didn't make him cry this time.

Jane: Always have to set the bar higher, don't you?

Scene 3: [Fashion Club minus Quinn are sitting on a blanket, with water
bottles and mirrors.]

Tiffany: Why are we watching those weird people we see with Quinn's cousin?

Sandi: BeCAUSE, Tiffany, they are MUSicians. For a SERious career in fashion,
you have to at least DATE two musicians.

Tiffany: But they're so grungy.

Sandi: Tiffany, we are prePARing to move beyond high school fashion standards.
[bt] Besides, it's a requirement for supermodels to reform musicians. It's
part of our life's work.

Stacy: I wouldn't want to clean up that bald one. He's so gross. And where's
his hair? I thought musicians were supposed to have long hair?

Tiffany: If we're going to clean them up, shouldn't we like, go talk to them?

Sandi: No, that would make us groupies. We have to get them to talk to us.

Stacy: Maybe Quinn could help us with that.

Sandi: Quinn is hardly capable of something this advanced. She IS only the
vice PRESident for a reason.

Tiffany: [looking around] Where is Quinn?

Scene 4: [Dega Street record shop. Quinn is wearing a dark blue T-shirt with a
smiley face that has a bleeding bullet hole in the forehead. She stands behind
the counter, counting money into the hand of a heavily pierced Goth guy.]

Goth: Only twenty bucks? That's not even enough for half a tatoo!

Quinn: Sorry, but that's market value for your CDs. If you brought in some
Dead Can Dance you would have done way better. I'm really being generous, what
you've got should only come to $17.

Goth: And what would some high school girl know about music?

[Quinn pops a CD into a stereo on the wall behind her. Out drifts "Every Dog
Has Its Day"(4)]

Quinn: [over music} I know THIS is the latest in what's cool.

Goth: And who is that? Some pop band?

Quinn: Hardly. Don't you know Lawndale's own Mystic Spiral when you hear it?
They're part of the original Lawndale music underground. [sniffs] And you call
yourself a goth!

Goth: Yeah, right, and you're NOT some spoiled prep girl in disguise. How do I
know they're just not a stupid boy band in black?

Quinn: [shrugs] Go see for yourself. [hands him a CD in a cardboard case, with
the High Hills park map on the back]. First Spiral CD, on the house. They're
playing at High Hills Park. Didn't you hear the baseline on the way over here?

Goth: [brightens]That was them? [recovers, nonchalant] Maybe I'll go check
them out. If I have nothing better to do. [exits with CD in hand, looking at
back]

Quinn: [shakes head] No accounting for taste. [looks under counter. Calls out]
Hey, James, we're down to the last five Mystic Spiral CDs!

[James appears in a doorway on the other end of the counter. Looks vaguely
like Jerry Garcia - thin, long beard, tie-dye]

James: Woah, we haven't moved those CDs since we got 'em two years ago.
Couldn't even give 'em away free. [bt] Hey, Quinn, are you that Jake guy's
daughter by any chance? I see him hang out with the band a lot.

Scene 5: [Morgendorffer living room. Jake is sitting on couch next to Trent.
Nick, Max and Jesse are in various chairs. Helen enters with a case of
Killian's Red (5).]

Helen: [handing out beers] I am SO proud of all of you. [grabs two beers, sits
in Jake's lap and hands him one]

Jake: So you're not mad about your job anymore?

Helen: [raises eyebrows] I didn't say that. [Jake looks nervous, but relieved
when Helen raises her bottle] to Mystic Spiral! What a great team!

Jesse: But we're not a team, we're a band. [Nick nods in agreement. Everyone
else shrugs and drinks. The phone rings, Helen picks up.]

Helen: Hello? Oh, just a moment. [hands Jake phone] It's for you.

Jake: [sets down beer, leans back, Helen still on his lap] Hello? Terry Barry
Barlow (6)? Yes, I remember you...Thank you. It WAS a fun project. [laughs]
Oh, I had a few connections...No, not at the moment. [pause] Well that's a
generous offer. [Begins squeezing Helen's waist. Her eyes widen as the
pressure increases] Oh really, I can't right now. [pause] Really, Terry. I'm
with a client right now. How about lunch? Say, on Wednesday? Great! I'll
pencil you in! Bye now![hangs up] [loudly] HAH! [drops Helen. Mystic Spiral
stares at her on the floor.]

Trent: That's not cool.

Jesse: You spilled your beer.

[Helen sits up, glaring at Jesse]

Scene 6: [Dega Street record shop. Quinn is pulling Mystic Spiral CDs forward,
and marking them with price tags. She takes down the "free cds" sign in front
of the stack and tosses it.]

Scene 7: [Daria and Jane at Pizza King].

Daria: It looks like all is again well for the men in our homes.

Jane: I'd say unfortunately, but Mystic Spiral's actually starting to sound
good. [bt] Your dad is actually a good influence.

Daria: He is? You'd never know it from seeing Quinn or me. [bt] You know, if I
didn't absolutely know better, I'd say the same thing about Trent.

Jane: Yeah?

Daria: He only curses his father every twenty minutes now. But let's not get
too excited. The last time he got over his issues, his secretary had to ask
the government to declare his office a federal disaster area.

Jane: I'll get excited when Trent gets up at 11. [bt] So how's Helen taking
this?

Daria: She has a serious case of phone envy, but that's an improvement.

Jane: for now, anyway. She's probably waiting for someone to violate Spiral
copyright so she has an excuse to sue.

Daria: Tearing others to shreds is how Mom feels good about herself.

Scene 8: [Trent's bedroom. Daylight hours. He is sprawled on his back, wearing
Pac-Man(7) boxers. The duck phone quacks. Trent picks up]

Trent: Do you know what time it is? [sits bolt upright] Uh, yeah, just a
little joke Mr. McGrundy. You know how Mystic Spiral likes to present a
nocturnal image. [forces a laugh, no cough.] Yeah, absolutely. Two nights a
week? That would be great! [bt] I'll pencil you in. [Trent hangs up phone,
phone immediately quacks.]

Scene 9: [Sandi Griffin's bedroom. Tiffany and Stacy are watching her hang up
the phone.]

Stacy: How many times have you called now?

Sandi: At least twelve.

Tiffany: I thought you said the band should come to us.

Sandi: We have to adjust our strategy, Tiffany.

Tiffany: But doesn't calling a guy violate Fashion Club policy?

Sandi: Under section 3, code 4 it CLEARLY states that - [phone rings]

Sandi: Hello? [bt] Oh, HI Quinn. So kind of you to call and explain your
neglect of Fashion Club duties. [cut to split screen, Quinn is in the record
shop. Trent is handing her a stack of new Mystic Spiral CDs. Other band
members are poking around store, Max and Nick are off in a corner, holding two
CDs and waving their hands at each other in an argument]

Quinn: I'm not NEGLECTING my duties, Sandi, I'm fulfilling them. You did
mention a project for us to meet musicians, didn't you?

Sandi: [sniffs] yes, that IS what's on our current agenda. And HOW are you
fulfilling this duty by not being PRESENT?

Quinn: [Jane-like smirk] I've sighted Mystic Spiral on Dega Street, in the
record shop.

Sandi: And what are YOU doing on Dega Street?

Quinn: I had to do some research to find out, didn't I?

Sandi: I suppose that's a good reason. Fine, we'll be there in ten minutes. I
assume you'll still be there?

Quinn: I have to do some stuff for my mom, but I'll meet you at the Pizza
King.

Sandi: Very well [hangs up phone]

Scene 10: [cut to Quinn in record shop.]

Quinn: [to Trent] You might want to clear out of the shop really quick. A
bunch of high school girls are on their way.

Trent: Thanks Quinn. [bt] Say hi to Daria for me.

Quinn: Sure thing, Trent. [picks up piece of paper from counter, walks over to
boss, who is talking with Jesse]. Here's my notice James. I'm sorry I couldn't
give you a full two weeks,, but my parents insist I quit now.

James: Sorry to see you go Quinn. You've sold more than I have since I opened
the shop. If you ever want to come back, you're totally welcome.

Quinn: Just call me in a few years when your shop is ready for a makeover.
[bt] Oh, before I leave - you might want to mark up the Mystic Spiral albums
another twenty percent. There's a rush on its way over.

James: [whips out label gun] Good idea, Quinn.

Scene 11:[Morgendorffer living room. Daria is sitting on the couch reading
while Helen paces the floor.]

Helen: The house is clean, my books are filed, I've had my quality time with
you girls -

Daria: All five minutes of it.

Helen: I don't know what else to do!

Daria: Have you tried sitting down?

Helen: Yes, but it just doesn't feel natural! [phone rings. Helen answers] I'm
sorry, Jake's not - oh, HI Eric. [sour] What do YOU want? Oh, really? [bt] and
what's in it for me? Hm...yes, 35% does sound good. I'll be there right
away.[hangs up] sorry sweetie, I have to run.

Daria: [props feet on coffee table, settles in with her book]Now THIS feels
natural.

Scene 12: [Daria and Jane are sitting at the Morgendorffer kitchen table,
eating lasagna]

Jane: Thanks for having me over. Trent's been working so much that grocery
shopping consists of what's left from a band run at a drive-through.

Daria: It was my duty as a humane person to feed you. I've seen the back of
your fridge. [shudders]

[Enter Helen, fastening an earring, wearing her business suit.]

Helen: Oh, hi Jane! [bt] Daria, make sure you rinse off your plates when
you're done. And I'll make sure we have some bonding time on Sunday, OK?

[Daria opens mouth to respond, Helen walks out]

Jane: Did she spend any of her forced vacation bonding with you or Quinn?

Daria: Only if you count asking us where the scrub brushes and cooking mits
were. She doesn't really know how to bond if it isn't pre-scheduled. She's
taking classes on learning spontaneity.

Jane: I hope Trent isn't going to use your mom as a role model now that he
knows what success looks like. [phone rings. Daria answers]

Daria: I'm sorry, Quinn had an unfortunate hair drying incident. The surgeon
is accepting all major credit cards, if you want to leave your number.

[cut to Daria/Trent on other phone line. Trent is at a phone booth at a gas
station]

Trent: [laugh/cough]Good one, Daria. Is Janey there?

[Daria blushes for a moment, then recovers]

Daria: Uh, yeah. She's right here. Just a sec. [hands phone to Jane] It's
Trent.

Jane: What's up, O brother mine?

Trent: The band got called out of town for a gig, so I left some frozen
lasagna for you in the fridge.

Jane: Lasagna?

Trent: I've seen Helen do that, and it seemed like a pretty good idea.

[shot to Jane's annoyed expression].

Scene 13: [A cemetery. Jake hits play on a boom box, and out comes 3 Dog
Night, "Joy to the World". He starts dancing on and around the grave plot.
Shot to name on plot: Buck "Mad Dog" Morgendorffer, husband, soldier and
father.]






Footnotes:

1. McGrundy's Pub is listed in the Daria Diaries as the original regular gig
for Mystic Spiral. The pub has simply never been shown on the series.

2. For the English as second (or third or fourth) language readers: a popular
tongue twister to teach enunciation is: "How much wood can a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

3. "Hell Freezes Over" the title of the Eagle's reunion album.

4. "Every Dog Has Its Day" premiered by Mystic Spiral in the episode "Groped
by an Angel"

5. Killian's red - my favorite beer, an Irish red. At least it's my favorite
when they don't decide to send skunked batches to the States.

6. Terry Barry Barlow - the balooning/chain restaurant owning guy from "Of
Human Bonding"

7. For those of you who were born AFTER the advent of the arcade game, this
was a character from the first popular arcade game. The purpose was to run
around munching ghosts. *shrug* apparently they tasted great and were low in
calories.


Acknowledgements:

Thanks to my beta readers:

Thomas, RuthlessBunny and traP

Author's Notes: Ever since Daria! (however unfortunate that episode may have
been) I have puzzled at why the kinship between Jake and Trent has remained
unexplored. In Underrated, I tried to really develop the clear foundations of
a friendship by drawing out what both men had in common. While the males of
Daria are cast as largely incompetent, or with lesser motivations, most of the
characters do have a "flip side" of sensitivity, caring and genuine needs that
are ignored or unexplored by the main cast members. As was pointed out in that
song, Trent and Jake are both struggling to be sensitive, supportive to the
changing roles of women, and 90s kind of guys (into the 21st century, so you
can see where these cartoon heroes might struggle a little). They're both at a
disadvantage -- both had limited or negative relationships with their fathers,
both live in households dominated by women (when anyone is present, in Trent's
case) and both are still trying to navigate what they want in life while
trying to attend to the happiness of the people they love.

Dedication:

To the guys who "get it" about women: my husband Nate, my working partner
Kris, and to my old friend AB, who was on my mind while I wrote this.  AB, I
am so proud that you decided to do what you wanted to do in life rather than
what you were told to do.