(Hey, I don't have any good ideas for background music, so just imagine whatever you want if it matters to you? ) Opening theme song by Splendora rolls. Close up of Daria that turns to the logo. Under the logo: Daria In "Twist of Fate" By: Kayla Jones (jkj2@home.com) INT.: (We see a close up (C.U.) of a television, but can't quite tell where the setting is placed. On t.v. we see that [what else] Sick Sad World On screen is a picture of a can of Cheese Whiz and a toilet.) SSW ANNOUNCER: Urine? Canned processed cheese? Find out why it's call Cheese *Whiz*, on the next Sick, Sad World! (camera pulls out of close up to where we can see the setting is in fact in Jane's room. Daria is sitting on the bed with the remote, and Jane is painting something colorful and geometric on a canvas) DARIA: I always thought that stuff smelled funny. JANE: Yeah, and it never quite tastes right either. (cleans paintbrush) Speaking of which, I'm hungry. Let's go get some munchies. DARIA: If this task will require moving, you're on your own. JANE: Aw, come on, I need someone to carry drinks. And, you never know, we might run into Trent . . . DARIA: Where my excellent people skills will do me good. JANE: That's the spirit! (Drags Daria out the door) CUT TO: LANE KITCHEN (Jane is standing on the counter scouring the top cabinets for junk food. Daria looks on with several bags of snack chips Jane has already chosen in hand) JANE: Hmm. It's a toss up between grease covered Corny Chunky Chippers, or Munch 'n Crunch party mix. DARIA: Well let's see, high cholesterol or high fat grams? I just can't pick one. JANE: You're right. I'll take both. Hey, how about getting us some sodas? In fact, get me two. This stuff is salty. (Daria goes to the fridge near the basement door,[also Trent's room] As she is closing the door with the three sodas in hand, the basement door comes flying open, knocking her down and spraying soda across the room. A cute blonde, remotely resembling Trent, steps through the door followed by the narcoleptic one himself, to see Daria in her pathetic state. The blonde wears a blur shirt, similar to Trent's green one, and some carpenter blue jeans) TRENT: Hey Spence! Be a little more careful man! Sorry `bout that Daria. DARIA: (mumbling, barely audible) Yeah, It's alright. SPENCE: (extending a hand to help her up) Yeah, sorry. I don't believe we've met. I'm Spence Walker (puts out his hand for a hand-shake, but Daria just stares at him blankly) (pause) DARIA: Daria Morgendorffer. (Spence takes back his hand a little awkwardly) SPENCE: Charmed, I'm sure. TRENT: Spence is gonna help the band with gigs and stuff. You know, setting up equipment, sound check- JANE: (jumping off counter) -keep the wild fans off your back, massage your feet, wash your laundry . . . TRENT: That reminds me Janey, I found another lump of clay in the washer. Mom's been getting a little crafty in there again. I needed to wash a load since I'm outta clothes and the band has got a gig at McGrundy's. SPENCE: Hey, you girls comin' to the gig tonight? JANE: Count us in, right Daria? DARIA: Anything to get out of the Morgendorffer funny farm. TRENT: Cool. It'll be fun to have you come Daria. (Daria blushes and looks away) DARIA: Umm, . thanks Trent. DISSOLVE TO: MORGENDORFFER HOME / KITCHEN; [evening] (The family is seated around dinner table eating nothing else but the infamous lasagna and squiggly bacon thingys for dinner. Jake is engrossed in the paper.) QUINN: . . . so anyway, Sandi's mom insisted celebrating her award by taking the whole family on a ski trip! HELEN: She would! Linda always finds time to gloat. QUINN: Now Sandi is looking for someone to watch her cat Fluffy while they're out of town. Her mom said if she doesn't then Fluffy will have to go to a kennel, where *unpopular* animals stay! But then I got this Idea! DARIA: Really? I didn't think a brain of such small capacity was capable of such a task. QUINN: I told Sandi I'd ask if it was okay for me to watch Fluffy! I figure it'd work out for both of us since the latest issue of Waif says taking care of pets reduces stress and causes less wrinkles `n stuff. DARIA: Are you sure this isn't just some cheap ploy to get on Sandi's good side because she's president of the Fashion Club? HELEN: Daria, I think its great that your sister wants to help her friend out! Quinn I say its okay if Fluffy stays over, just remember she's your responsibility! QUINN: Great! I'll call Sandi right now and tell her she can bring the cat over. (grabs cordless and exits) HELEN: So Daria, what did you do today? DARIA: Finished my plan for world domination and toaster control to hit in the year 2000. Other than that, I was alienated and ignored just like every other day. HELEN: (sighs) Daria, why can't you be a little more optimistic? DARIA: Excuse me? HELEN: Try to make a few new friends or get out more! Jake back me up here! JAKE: Oh. Daria, what your mother's trying to say is you need friends! Strive for friends or else you'll just end up bitter and middle aged because your brute of a father shipped you off to military school at a young and tender age! "Little Jakey needs to toughen up" he said! Oh yeah dad! Look at me now big, bad Mad dog Morgendorffer! LOOK AT ME NOW!!!! HELEN: Jake! Will you please focus here! Daria you need to get out more and try new things is all I'm trying to say. DARIA: Gee mom, you're right. HELEN: I am? DARIA: Yes. In fact I'm going out right now. I'll be out with Jane, so don't wait up. (exits) HELEN: (oblivious that Daria was going out anyway) I'm glad we convinced her to get out. I think we're finally getting through to her. (Jake is back to being intently focused on the paper) HELEN: Jake! (.la la LA la la.) CUT TO: COMMERCIAL BREAK; lead in: shot of Daria being knocked down as Spence comes through the door. COMMERCIALS: Hmm. Well let us see. We all know that MTV has like five minute commercials that take FOREVER, so I guess I'll pick about five . First we get to see a Ten Spot commercial for a new Tom Green show. Next one for some disco revival CD that's "not sold in stores" when it really is, and features some dude with a fake afro on the cover. Then one of those 1-800 Collect commercials with David Arquette since you can't watch t.v. without seeing one of those, followed by a 7up commercial "are you an UN?" and let's complete our toture with the annoying "stress stinks! Arid works!" commercial. All done. See? You lived!? EXT.: MC GRUNDY'S PUB ; NIGHT CUT TO: INT.: MC GRUNDY'S PUB: (Daria, Jane, Trent, Jesse, Spence, Max, and Nick sit at one of the tables [so it's a large table!] while Mystik spiral waits to go on. We see small groups of people milling around and the usual background people we always see in the club) SPENCE: (kiddingly coming onto Daria) I'd like it if you and me could get to know each other better.Grrowrr. (Daria has an uninterested/disgusted look) TRENT: (noticing her expression) Aw, he's just kidding around Daria. JANE: How nice of Trent to console you Daria! Isn't that sweet! (Daria kicks Jane hard under the table) JANE: Ow! JESSE: What happened? You okay? JANE: (through clenched teeth, glaring at Daria) Yeah. Fine. JESSE: Cool. JANE: (aside to Daria) I think you broke my leg! DARIA: (hisses aside to Jane) Only because I can't reach your neck! TRENT: What did ya say Daria? SPENCE: I thought she said she bought that new CD by Beck. TRENT: Oh. Yeah, I hear it's pretty good.[*] [*] I'm not a big fan of Beck and I haven't heard it, but I think Trent needed to add to the conversation.-K (Just as Trent finishes saying this an announcer, probably forty-five, with thinning gray hair steps on stage) (pan to focus on stage) ANNOUNCER: Attention! Attention please! (the crowd calms down to focus on the announcement) ANNOUNCER: Thanks! Tonight I'd like to point out we have a special on Mc Grundy's own name brand brew! Free tonight only with our shovel full 'o onion rings! But now for your musical delight, here's Mystik Spiral! TRENT: Come on guys, see the rest of you after the show. DARIA: Good luck. JANE: Yes! Good luck be upon you dear brother! (she is rewarded with a questioning look from the group) What?(winks at Jesse before they go) (The band plays two new songs, Behind my Eyelids, and finishes up with Icebox Woman) TRENT: Thanks! You've been a great crowd! (applause from audience. They don't really show any emotion, but then again do they ever?) JESSE: (trying to add to Trent's ending comments) Um, yeah! What he said. Goodnight! (crowd applauds again, but less people this time.) CUT TO: EXT.: MORGENDORFFER HOME / NIGHT (We see Linda parked outside the house, the car piled with skis on the roof. Sandi [in a very fashionable snowsuit] is coming up to the door with a kitty carrier in one hand and a pink bag in the other. She rings the bell) CUT TO: INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM (Doorbell rings and we see Sandi on the doorstep as Quinn answers the door.) QUINN: Hi Sandi! SANDI: Hello. Here is Fluffy.(hands Quinn The cat carrier) and here is her bag and list of things you need to do for her everyday so she feels at home. Oh, and, like, try to keep her away from foundation. The last time she got into my makeup, it wasn't pretty. But, I'm sure *you'd* never do anything wrong. Right Quinn? QUINN: Of course not Sandi! I mean, not like I'm perfect or anything. Nobody's perfect at anything. Except you do, do a very good job as Fashion Club President! Not like I would call that perfect. SANDI: What are you trying to say? QUINN: I'll take good care of the cat. (She shuts the door, looks at the many unnecessary cats things and sighs) CUT TO: MC GRUNDY'S PARKING LOT / [NIGHT] (The band is loading up the tank. Spence is helping Max with the drums. Daria and Jane stand by talking.) JANE: . . . So that's why I think Ms. Li has recently started implanting tracking devices on students through school lunch. DARIA: Recently? You mean she hasn't already? JANE: (fake paranoia) I think it's the coleslaw, but the mystery meat is quite suspicious. DARIA: Why not the whole damn school-lunch menu? JANE: Too obvious. Speaking of obvious, why don't you tell Trent about your feelings for him already? You can totally tell. It's written all over your face. I mean the way you stared at him all through the gig, and he was staring too! DARIA: Jane, I guess I'm just nervous about being turned down. JANE: He can't turn you down if he's as into you as he looks! Besides the flirting is making me sick already. Just tell me you'll at least make an effort. I'm tired of spending fifty dollars a week on Pepto Bismal. DARIA: Fine. If it shuts you up, fine. TRENT: (interrupting their little jam session) Hey you guys, we're all packed up and ready to roll. (Trent takes the wheel and everyone else slowly piles in back. As Daria and Jane are about to get in there is only room left for one more, which Jane quickly fills, taking advantage of her opportunity to play matchmaker) JANE: Hey Daria looks like you ride shotgun. Aren't we lucky? DARIA: (thinking) Yeah, lucky there are witnesses Jane.(aloud) Hmm. (Daria mumbles something about Jane's death in the near future and climbs up front) TRENT: Hold on to your hats! (the Tank screeches out of the lot and out of view) (. . . la la LA la la . . .) CUT TO: COMMERCIAL BREAK; lead in: shot of Jane's face as she's kicked under the table. COMMERCIALS: I'm not in the mood for commercials so let's make this short and sweet shall we? Um, we'll kick it off with some tampon commercial, follow that up with one of those song/dance Old Navy commercials, The irritating and thoroughly retarded 10-10-345 one, and last but not least a Hostess commercial where some animal gets jacked over thinking something is a snack cake and ends up asking "Hey! Where's the cream filling?" That oughta do it. CUT TO: INT: INSIDE OF THE TANK / DRIVING (Daria is trying to do what she and Jane agreed on, but is having trouble striking up a conversation with Trent.) DARIA: So Trent, I think the gig went really well tonight. TRENT: (deep in thought and not really focusing) Hmm, we practiced. (Jane, listening from the back seat, gets a worried look) DARIA: So. um, seen any good movies lately? (Lost in thought Trent doesn't even answer that one and Jane cringes) DARIA: (thinking) Why do I even try? There's nothing between us, and there never will be. I might as well give up. (sighs aloud) CUT TO: EXT.: MORGENDORFFER HOME / NIGHT (Trent drops Daria off, everyone mutters goodbye to her and they speed off as she goes inside) CUT TO: INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM (Daria is coming in through the door as Quinn is chasing a white persian cat all over the house. Daria just stares at the pandemonium blankly.) JAKE(O.S.): Honey, get control of that animal! It just broke half of the good china! QUINN: (we hear something crash) I'm trying, but the cat just won't listen to me! DARIA: Smart cat. (exits upstairs) (camera pans so we can see Jake on the couch reading through the mail. Quinn enters carrying a sour looking feline. She sits down next to Jake plopping the cat down next to her. It glowers at Jake and keeps making hissing noises) JAKE: I don't think that thing likes me. QUINN: (gingerly stroking the cat) She's not that bad daddy. You just need to-(Fluffy suddenly scratches Quinn on the arm. She bolts up screaming) OW!! STUPID BEAST!!! JAKE: What were you saying honey? QUINN: (forcing a smile) Heh, . um, you just need to be nice and gentle. (phone rings and Quinn picks up) Hello? Oh hi Sandi! (takes cordless up to her room to talk.) CUT TO: QUINN'S ROOM (Quinn is on her bed and now shares a split screen with Sandi) QUINN: Yes Sandi, everything's fine! SANDI: Good. Did you remember to do her hourly grooming? QUINN: Of course! I would never forget something as *important* as that! SANDI: Oh well, I just know how you can sometimes be forgetful Quinn. QUINN: (eyes narrowed) What do you mean? SANDI: (fake nonchalant tone) Oh, it doesn't matter. QUINN: No, tell me. SANDI: Well, someone as forgiving and fair as me doesn't hold a grudge, but.there was that time when you forgot to buy *diet* soda for the meeting at your house and I had to go thirsty the entire time. QUINN: I didn't forget, I um,.I just grabbed the wrong case! (we see Fluffy walk by the door) SANDI: (rolling her eyes) Oh yeah. That's like *totally* different. SANDI: I just wanted to know if everything is fine with Fluffy and-(we hear a loud crash and shattering of glass) What was that? QUINN: Um, my clumsy sis- .uh cousin fell over. (hastily and run together) wowlookatthetimegottago! SANDI: But- QUINN: Bye! (she quickly hangs up on Sandi and split screen dissolve to regular shot of Quinn's room.) Fluffy, now what have you done! (as Quinn exits to go see what the cat is up to, Daria passes by with an amused smile.) QUINN: Oh my God!! CUT TO: EXT.: LANE HOME / NEXT AFTERNOON CUT TO: INT.: TRENT'S ROOM (Trent is on the phone with Spence [sorry yet another split screen. I don't like to repeat but hey] while he is organizing his guitar picks in color order. The only reason he's awake is that he stayed up all night determining if a pick was purple or fuschia, Jane wasn't much help.) TRENT: Yeah, if the gigs keep going like last night you'll be getting some pretty good pay man. I think everyone had fun yesterday too. (he holds a blue pick up to the light) SPENCE: Yeah, but what about that Darla chick? TRENT: Daria. Yeah man she's cool. She just isn't very expressive. She's awful funny, and has a different outlook on things. Daria is really smart too man. She really helped me out when I was bummed out, and when I needed to get Jane a birthday gift. I'm surprised no one's picked her up yet. She's really special man, she has.something. SPENCE: Whoa dude. You sure sound like you like her a lot. TRENT: (Deep in thought, faraway looks comes across his face) Yeah I do. (moment of silence) Hey Spence I gotta go do something. SPENCE: (knowingly) Sure dude. Later. TRENT: Later. (they hang up, dissolving the split screen. Trent exits.) CUT TO: EXT: MORGENDORFFER HOME CUT TO: INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM (Quinn has her hands on her hips and stares at a sleeping Fluffy with hatred. Music "Paranoid" by Garbage [couldn't think of a better song] plays as scene rolls into a montage sequence) Show a shot of Quinn sweeping broken glass as an amused Fluffy looks on, next her with a disgusted look as she dumps the litter box, one of an annoyed Helen showing Quinn claw slashes on the couch, then Quinn rolling her eyes while brushing Fluffy who wears a smug look, Quinn wincing while putting Neosporin on cat scratches, Jake finding a little "present" in his shoe, repeat shot of her dumping litter box but looking more exasperated, last shot of Quinn as she finishes lint rolling a lot of cat hair off of a huge stack of clothes and smiles satisfied, only to have Fluffy jump on them a second later (exits frustrated. End montage sequence) CUT TO: LIVING ROOM / EVENING QUINN: (looking exhausted) I HATE CATS!!! HELEN: (looking through briefs on couch) Now honey, you can't just hate all cats just because Fluffy isn't all that nice. QUINN: Fine, I very much greatly dislike and dispise them to the greatest extent possible!! (exits into kitchen) HELEN: Hmm. I find that a shame. DARIA: Yeah. There's no way that sentence was grammatically correct. (Helen eyes Daria a little weirdly, but doesn't say anything. Doorbell rings, and Daria goes to answer it. She opens the door to find Trent with flowers in hand, and that little half smile thing he does) (.la la LA la la.) COMMERCIAL BREAK : lead in: shot of Quinn as cat scratches her and she screams and jumps off the couch. COMMERCIALS: a Dancing Khakis commercial with the cool choreography, a Herbal Essences one with all the "Yes! Yes!"[talk about an organic experience. That stuff is cool, I use it, but my hair was never so clean it made me want to shout: "yes!"] An army commercial that focuses on how great your college funding will turn out, and not about whether or not you'll be shipped to Kosovo, That Pepsi commercial with the little girl with all those weird voices, a Reeses commercial on: "How____ eats a Reeses peanut butter cup..An MTV News brief about how Snoop Doggy Dog stole Rupaul's panties and now they are going to court to discuss why Usher needs to put out another album [that oughta grab attention] and last but not least, some singing Blockbuster new releases tapes ["I'll be there."] RETURN TO: (same shot we left off with. Daria is holding the door open speechless) TRENT: Daria, could I uh, talk to you outside? DARIA: er,um, sure. (she steps out on to the porch with Trent and closes the door. We see Helen look up from her briefs and give a slight smile) CUT TO: PORCH TRENT: Daria, I went for a drive earlier and it got me thinking you know? And I thought about what great friends we are, and everything I like about you. That's when I realized it was everything I *love* about you. Daria I- DARIA: I love you. (a little surprised, Trent smiles. They are leaning in for a kiss and as they are about to, they are stopped suddenly caught in the headlights of Linda's car as she pulls up. They squint to see.) CUT TO: INT: Linda's car SANDI: Ugh, it's Quinn's cousin or whatever and that weird guy making out! LINDA: Well, who knows what goes on over here with Helen's supervision. Get the cat and let's go. SAM: (from back seat) Hey it's almost like Jerry Springer! CHRIS: (starts pounding his brother) Now it really is! (Sandi gets out to get the cat when Quinn [who had been spying] bursts out of the house cat and bag in hand. Her hair is disheveled, she has bags under her eyes and cat hair all over her clothes, not to mention bandaids from numerous cat scratches. Trent and Daria just watch in silence) QUINN: (practically throwing the carrier and bag at Sandi) Here's Fluffy, here's her stuff, now get it away from me! (runs inside slamming the door) SANDI: (wearing an evil smirk) I hope she wasn't too much trouble.(gets in the car and leaves) CUT TO: Same shot of Daria and Trent on the porch. TRENT: Well now where were we? Oh yes. (Leans in and kisses Daria passionately. Background music "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer carries into the credits) -end DISCLAIMER: [Daria and all related characters are trademarks of MTV Networks blah, blah ,blah, happy, happy. Used here without permission, apologies to anyone who gives a damn.] Hey feel free to e-mail me about my fanfic. This is my first one so I'd like to hear comments, but if you're gonna criticize try not to be so hard on me I'm only thirteen. I probably screwed up the stage directions since I'm new to this, but I really don't care. I now realize from a transcript of `The Misery Chick' (when Sandi feels depressed about Fluffy eating her foundation) that Fluffy was well. a guy. By then it was too late to go back and change everything, but it really shouldn't change much. Thank you and Goodnight, Kayla Jones