TURKEY DAYS A Daria Thanksgiving Story By Patrick Moore CMoore1703@aol.com Daria is owned by MTV Apologies to all. Friday: Six Days till Thanksgiving (The story opens at the school auditorium, where Daria and the gang are practicing for the Thanksgiving play. Daria, Jane, Kevin, Upchuck, and Brittany are dressed up as Pilgrims, and Mack, Jodie, Andrea, and the Three J's are dressed as Native Americans.) Daria- I look like an idiot in this costume. Jane- Look at it this way, you could have been the turkey. Daria- I still look like an idiot. Jodie- Come on, Daria, you wanted to be a Pilgrim in Ms. Defoe's play. Besides, you'll be doing it in front of a bunch of third graders. Daria- Jodie, if I want to act like a complete fool in front of a bunch of screaming brats, I would of done it back in Highland. If I did want to do this play, I could have had top billing and a larger dressing room. (Ms. Defoe walks in.) Ms. Defoe- Alright, everybody, get to your places. We got to get this right by Wednesday for the big show. Jodie- We've been getting it right, since last week. Ms. Defoe- I know, Jodie, but we need to be perfect for the kids. Daria- Tell me why are we doing this? Ms. Defoe- You all know the true meaning of Thanksgiving, but I want to tell the story to the children who are still trying to find out what it really means. Brittany- I know what Thanksgiving means, Ms. Defoe. Ms. Defoe- What is it, Brittany? Brittany- The Great Turkey came down from the sky, and told the Pilgrims and the Indians to live in peace. Every Thanksgiving, he would come and give all good little children turkeys for Thanksgiving. Ms. Defoe- Not again, Brittany. Daria- Great Turkey? Jodie- Thank goodness you weren't here to see what happened at last year's play. Daria- What happened? Jodie- Brittany talked about the Great Turkey in front of a bunch of Preschoolers, and they all had to go into therapy. Daria- She must have been watching too many "Charlie Brown" specials. Ms. Defoe- Brittany, maybe you should see Dr. Manson about your Great Turkey. Brittany- But, he's real, Ms. Defoe. Ms. Defoe- You can believe in anything, Brittany, but not in front of your friends. (She looks at her watch.) It looks like we better get back into our normal clothes. We'll start again on Monday. (Everyone changes back to his or her normal clothes. The scene changes to the Morgendorffer house, where Daria is reading her lines from the play.) Daria- Oh look, here come some Native Americans bringing us some of their food for the feast. (Quinn comes in.) Quinn- Don't you mean Indians? Daria- They would like to be called Native Americans. Anyway, this isn't the Old West. Quinn- What are you doing anyway? Daria- I'm reading my line from the school's play. Quinn- Line? You only get one line? Daria- Either that, or getting the part of the turkey. Quinn- You almost got the part of a giant turkey, only to be a one line Pilgrim. Daria, you got to get better parts in this play, or you will be out on the street begging for table scraps. Daria- If I wanted to be a turkey, I'll ask Beavis and Butt-Head. Quinn- Who? Daria- Never mind! (The phone rings.) Daria- (picks up the phone.) Hello...Hi Grandma...How's Grandpa?...Mom isn't here right now...I'll tell her...Love you, goodbye. (Daria hangs the phone up.) Quinn- What did Grandma say? Daria- She's coming over for Thanksgiving, to help with the dinner. Quinn- Does Mom know that she's coming? Daria- She wants me to make her visit a surprise, so Mom doesn't know what hit her. Quinn- So we don't tell Mom that Grandma is coming, right? Daria- Bingo. Saturday: Five More Days till Thanksgiving. (Daria, Quinn, Helen, and Jake are driving to the supermarket, to start their food shopping.) Jake- Why are we going to the supermarket at six o'clock in the morning, Helen? Helen- Jake, you know at this time before Thanksgiving, everyone is trying to buy a turkey for dinner. I plan to get one, before there all gone. Jake- Can't we just order for a turkey, instead of beating everyone to get one? Helen- (Frowns) We're not going to have burgers and fries for Thanksgiving dinner again. So, we're going to get a turkey for a change. Daria- What does this have to do with Quinn and me? Helen- You two are going to distract the customers, while I get the turkey and some other things. Jake- What about me? Helen- You're the getaway car. Jake- Helen, we're just going to get a turkey, not rob a bank. Besides, the store doesn't open until eight o'clock. What are we going to do till then? (Helen takes out a pack of playing cards.) Helen- (Smiles) Anyone wants to play some Old Maid? Daria- Maybe we should have ordered the turkey. Helen- Now Daria, If I wanted to order a turkey, I could of done it earlier. Daria- Why didn't you? Helen- I was busy with my job to order one. Besides, I can cook that turkey by Thanksgiving. Jake- We're not going to sit here for two hours, Just of one turkey, Helen. Helen- (sighs) All right Jake, we'll come back this afternoon. Jake- Thanks, Dear. Helen- (frowns) But, if those turkeys are all sold out, I'm going to box your ears. (They drove off.) Helen- While we're driving, what do you want for breakfast? Jake- Pancakes. Quinn- Ham, eggs, and pancakes. Daria- Nothing for me. Helen- What's wrong, Daria? Daria- I was just thinking of Brittany and the Great Turkey. Helen- You mean the one who wears her cheerleader outfit everywhere she goes? Daria- She believes that a giant turkey started Thanksgiving. Quinn- Did she talk to Dr. Manson about it? Daria- She said that she wasn't in her office. Helen- Brittany must have watched too many of those "Charlie Brown" specials on TV. Daria- I got to have a talk with Brittany, at school on Monday. Quinn- How can you talk to someone who has the IQ of a baby about a turkey that doesn't exist? Face it, Daria, you can't tell her that her Great Turkey is just a figment of her imagination. She's got to learn the true meaning of Thanksgiving for herself. Helen- Quinn's right, Daria. You should teach Brittany the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Maybe you can invite her to our Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Daria- But, isn't the rest of the family coming over for Thanksgiving? Helen- We got enough room for them. What else can go wrong? (Scene changes to the Lane house, where Jane and Trent are in the living room watching TV.) Jane- Guess what! Trent- What! Jane- Mom said we're going to have Thanksgiving at the Morgendorffers. Trent- Why? Jane- Mom and Dad are going to help feed the homeless at the shelter on Thanksgiving. Trent- So, our parents are letting us eat at the Morgendoffers on Thanksgiving? Jane- Yep! Trent- Cool! Monday: Three Days till Thanksgiving (Daria and the gang are in Ms. Defoe's classroom at school, getting ready to start practicing for the school play. Just then, Ms. Li comes into the room.) Ms. Li- Ms. Defoe, I have some bad news. Ms. Defoe- What is it, Ms. Li? Ms. Li- There won't be a play with the Preschoolers this year. Ms. Defoe- What! Ms. Li- They decided on showing them a movie on the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Barney the Dinosaur is staring as Miles Standish, and the Teletubbies as the Native Americans. Daria- My life has been saved by PBS. Ms. Defoe- (Frowns) I can't believe that we worked hard on this play, only to be beaten by the Muppets. Ms. Li, I want to have our play here at Lawndale High School. Ms. Li- If you want it that badly, I can see that I can let you have your play here. Ms. Defoe- Thank you, Ms. Li. Ms. Li- I would like to have Thanksgiving dinner with one of your students as payment. Ms. Defoe- If that's ok with your, class? Jodie- I'm going to have Thanksgiving at my Grandma's house in New York. Mack- My Aunt is serving Thanksgiving dinner at her house this year. But, its family only. Kevin- I'm going to watch football on the old boob tube all day Jane- Trent and I are going to spend Thanksgiving dinner at the Morgendorffers. Daria- What! Brittany- Hey Jane! Daria invited me too. Daria- I didn't invite you, Jane. Jane- Mom told me that Trent and me could have Thanksgiving dinner at your house. Daria- Trent is coming too? Jane- Yeah. Daria- Maybe Mom has enough room to put you, Trent, Brittany, my relatives, and Ms. Li for Thanksgiving dinner. Ms. Li- Thank you, Ms. Morgendorffer. I'll be there on Thursday. Daria- Now all I have to do now is to tell my Mother to set four more places on the table. (Scene changes to the Morgendorffer's house, where Daria tells her Mother about more guests coming for Thanksgiving dinner.) Helen- You what! Daria- I invited four more people for Thanksgiving dinner. Helen- Let me get this straight; you invited Brittany, Jane, her brother Trent, and your school's Principal for Thanksgiving dinner? Daria, I planed to have a "family" Thanksgiving with the family. Daria- You told me to invite Brittany. Helen- Only Brittany, not everybody else. But, I think I can make some more room on the table. Daria- Thanks, Mom. Helen- Now that I'm in a happy mood, nothing can go wrong. Daria- Did you ever wonder that we still didn't get the turkey? Helen- (frowns) Oh shoot! Wednesday: Thanksgiving Eve (Daria, Jane, and the rest of the gang are dressed in their costumes getting ready for the play. Ms. Defoe comes in to give them luck.) Ms. Defoe- This is the big night, class. After weeks of practice, we're finally ready to show Lawndale that we are not quitters. So go out there and give them a show. (Ms. Defoe goes on stage first to give the intro.) Ms. Defoe- Good evening, parents and teachers. I'm Claire Defoe, the Art teacher here at Lawndale High School. Tonight, we are pleased to present the story of Thanksgiving. Originally, this play was meant for Preschoolers, but I decided to have the play right here to show you how your children act out the Pilgrims of Plymouth Rock. I hope that you will enjoy the play, as we have of making it. (Ms. Defoe leaves the stage. The stage curtains open to show Daria, Jane, Upchuck, Kevin, and Brittany in their Pilgrim costumes begin the story. They are on Plymouth Rock.) Upchuck- Behold, we're in a new land where we will set up and call home. Jane- But Captain Standish, what will we do when we run out of food? Upchuck- Don't worry, we'll hunt for our food. Kevin- What about the winter? Upchuck- I haven't thought of that. Jane- We're all going to die, and its all Captain Standish's fault. (The scene changes to a winter background. The Pilgrims try to survive the winter months.) Jane- Well, Captain Standish, what do you have to say for yourself? Upchuck- I'm hungry! Brittany- Serves you right for not bringing enough food, you jerk. Jane- Half of our people are getting sick, dying, or already dead, thanks to you. Kevin- And Pilgrim Daria hasn't said a single word. Upchuck- Don't worry, I got a plan. (Nine months have past.) Jane- It's been nine months. Where's your great plan, fearless leader? Upchuck- While walking around this new land, I saw an Indian... Daria- (Whispering) Native American. Upchuck- Native American fishing for some food. Maybe we can ask him for some food. (The Pilgrims find two Native Americans [Played by Mack and Jodie] and asked them for some food.) Upchuck- Hello! We are strangers in this land and we are low on food. Can you give us some of yours? Mack- We'll give you some of our food, if you do one thing. Upchuck- What's that? Jodie- That we will be friends not enemies. Upchuck- Deal. (The next day, the Pilgrims cooked a giant turkey, while the Native Americans brought corn and other things to eat.) Upchuck- I would like to thank these Native Americans for giving us food and each other. Jane- Thanksgiving? That would be a great idea for a holiday, wouldn't it? Daria- And we would get two days out of school. Upchuck- I declare today to be Thanksgiving. (The curtain closes, the audience clap their hands, and Daria and the gang comes out and takes a bow.) Thursday: Thanksgiving (Helen is cooking the turkey in the kitchen, when Daria comes in.) Daria- I finally see you got the turkey, Mom. Helen- I didn't get the turkey. Daria- Then whose turkey is that you're cooking? Helen- Mom always makes two turkeys on Thanksgiving. (Grandma comes in.) Grandma- That's right, sweetheart. I heard that Helen didn't get the turkey, so she called me to bring her one. Daria- Grandma, your one in a million. Grandma- You just say that cause you all love me so much. (Doorbell rings.) Helen- Daria, can you answer the door? (Daria opens the door to see Ms. Li and Ms. Defoe.) Ms. Defoe- Ms. Li and I want to give you some extra food for your Thanksgiving, Daria. Daria- I thought you were having dinner with you family, Ms. Defoe? Ms. Defoe- I'm going to visit my sister and her family in Arizona for the weekend. I'm only going to stay here for a few hours, until I catch my plane. Ms. Li- I brought some turkey lo main, it's a Chinese favorite. Ms. Defoe- And, I brought an apple pie, just in case all the pumpkin pie is gone. Daria- Thanks. (Ms. Defoe and Ms. Li went and joined the crowd.) (The doorbell rings again. Daria answers to see Kevin at the door.) Daria- Kevin, I thought you were watching football at your house? Kevin- Mom and Dad took over the TV, so I can't watch the rest of the game. Is it ok that I watch it on yours? Daria- Dad and my Uncles are watching the game, you can watch with them. Kevin- Thanks Daria! Is Brittany around? Daria- She's with the others. (Kevin went and joined the crowd.) (Trent and Jane is the last of the guests to come.) Jane- Hey Daria! Are we too late? Daria- We haven't started the dinner yet. Trent- Nice family, Daria. Daria- Thank you, Trent. (Daria stares at her family, relatives, and friends.) I think that this is what Thanksgiving is all about. Jane- It's great to have like your, Daria. Do you think that Trent and me can come next Thanksgiving? (Daria laughs) Trent- Daria, I never saw you laugh before. Daria- I only laugh when I fell up to it. (Helen comes out of the kitchen.) Helen- Dinner ready, everybody. (Everyone is sitting at the table as they pray for their Thanksgiving feast.) Trent- Is there something you want to tell me, Daria? Daria- (Smiles and blushes.) I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving, Trent. Trent- (Smiles) Happy Thanksgiving, Daria. (Daria and Trent secretly hold hands under the table; as the scene changes to the front of the Morgendorffer's House.) HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE CAST OF "DARIA" THE END