Trent's Insanity

By Smiley

Mystic Spiral had finished setting up their gig at the Zen. Trent, Jesse,
Nick, and Max climbed on stage. Trent stood at the front of the stage, while
Jesse and Nick flanked him at three o'clock and nine o'clock, respectively,
while Max sat at the drums near the rear of the stage. Trent began strumming
his guitar; it sounds remarkably like the first five guitar notes heard at the
intro for King of the Hill. Suddenly, Trent threw his guitar at the audience
as hard as he could. He picked up an amplifier, and hit Jesse over the head
with it, knocking him unconscious. He screamed "Wolverines!" and rushed out of
the Zen, knocking over a nearby table. "What the...?" was all Jane, Trent's
sister, could say.

Trent got into his car and drove at maximum speed and shortest distance to his
house. This involved driving on the sidewalk. Trent wasted a few mail boxes
and broke a fire hydrant before mowing down a hobo. He hit the brakes in front
of a closed confectionary store and asked, "Are you all right?" The hobo said,
"I think so, just a few scratches." Trent opened his trunk, got out the tire
iron, and beat the hobo to death. He then picked up the body of the hobo and
threw it through the window of the confectionary shop. He got back in his car
and began to drive again.

All was quiet at the Lane house. That is, until Trent drove through the front
door at sixty miles an hour. Miraculously, Trent was unhurt. "Darn house came
outta nowhere, officer..." he muttered, and then burst out laughing. He got a
sledgehammer from the garage and opened the hood of his car. He then proceeded
to beat the living crap out of the engine. Trent then destroyed the windshield
of his car, and followed up by completely destroying the steering wheel and
the dashboard. He finished by going into the living room and throwing the
sledgehammer at the television, creating a satisfying explosion. He remembered
he had a gun hidden in the sofa, and took it out. He searched the house for
intruders. He saw one in the bathroom, and shot him dead. Good thing, too.
Trent saw the intruder also had a gun. That's odd, Trent thought. When you
shoot intruders, they fall over. They don't shatter into a thousand pieces of
glass. He walked to the front of the house where the ruins of his car lay. He
saw a little man in a red cap trying to sneak into the house. "Die, shorty!"
He fired three shots at the lawn gnome, shattering the yard adornment. A bird
flew into the yard. Trent wasted it. Trent jammed the gun into his pocket and
returned to the garage. Walking into the front yard, he started up the
chainsaw. "...gonna get rid of that stupid tree once and for all..." Trent
buried the saw in the trunk. The tree fell onto the house, demolishing Trent's
room. Trent remembered that there was an upstairs bathroom, and remembered
that intruders frequented bathrooms.

Upstairs, Trent had forgotten which door led to the bathroom. He had also not
noticed that the saw had cut off the banister on the stairs. He opened the
first door he came to: it was his room. The tree had made the
seemingly-impossible-to-improve mess even more messiness. He saw a poster
intact on the wall, though, and shot it because it resembled an intruder. Then
he realized Kurt Cobain had been dead for years. The next door he opened had
been Wind's room before he moved. He shot the intruders there; he wondered why
they were all flat, hanging on the wall, and nude women. Trent returned to his
room and got his hidden ammo cache; he now had ten full clips. He opened the
closet and found he also had a shotgun. Trent pocketed the pistol and got the
shotgun, as well as a bandolier of shells. Trent next entered the bathroom
with the chainsaw up. He saw another intruder in this bathroom. This one also
had a chainsaw. Trent rushed him, and destroyed him. The chainsaw cut into a
tube of toothpaste, and splattered it all over. Trent wiped some off his face.
He suddenly had an idea. He shoved the chainsaw into the drain of the bathtub.
After a minute, the drain tore open, but the chainsaw was dying. Enraged,
Trent threw the chainsaw at the widening hole with superhuman strength. It
broke through to the first floor, taking a lighting fixture with it. Trent
took the showerhead down and put it in the hole. Then, he turned the water all
the way up. Water was now pouring into the 'dining room'. Trent had another
idea, but he had to clear the floor first. He entered Jane's room with the
shotgun ahead of him, and saw a monster. He got scared and wet himself, and
fired the shotgun at the monster at the same time. It was really one of Jane's
abstract paintings. Trent looked down and saw that he had to change. He took
off his pants and found Jane's blue paint. He painted all that he could, but
it was still very little. Suddenly, he realized he could wear one of Jane's
clothes. He took some sort of skirt.

Jane had finally arrived home. She was literally stunned by what had happened.
Trent had apparently flipped out. The house appeared to have been entirely
destroyed. She finally found Trent in the kitchen, with a gas tank. "Trent,
what are you doing with a gas tank?" Trent turned to Jane and scrutinized her
as if she was the crazy one. "Preparing dinner, of course." Trent had a pan
with the bird he had shot earlier in it. He had filled it with gas. He also
put some shotgun shells in, for good measure. Then, Trent grabbed a bottle of
oregano and put it in the pot. Jane carefully asked Trent why there was a
gaping hole in the front of the house. "Oh, I crashed my car through there. I
didn't like the parking job, so I got an axe from the garage and chopped the
floor away. The car's in the basement now. Time to cook this!" Jane watched
Trent move towards the basement, and presumably the kiln. Jane wondered what
was wrong with using the stove (besides the fact Trent was cooking a
recently-killed bird with a bottle of oregano, some shotgun shells, and lots
of gas); it turned out Trent had already tried to 'cook' a fire extinguisher.
Thankfully, Trent was probably out of the kitchen when the stove exploded.
Jane followed her deranged brother downstairs. He placed the pot into the
kiln. Jane moved to where the car was now 'parked'. It had smashed some of her
mother's shelves which contained pottery, and had also broken some pipes.
Taking a deep breath, she realized she was smelling rotten eggs. Hmm, that's
just the same smell the safety teacher in elementary school told us to smell
for if there was a natural gas leak...oh fudge. "Trent get that thing out of
there NOW!" It was too late. The delicacy had already burst into fire in the
kiln. Jane had no choice but to drag her older brother upstairs and outside.
She barely got to the sidewalk when a massive explosion destroyed the Lane
household, save for a single room. Miraculously, Jane's room was blasted clear
an unknown distance. Police cars could be heard in the distance.

Jane awoke in the hospital. Her brother was in the next bed. A doctor walked
in. "Well, Ms. Lane, you're very lucky. You could have been badly burned,
perhaps even killed. Fortunately, you have a mere mild concussion. Oh, you may
be wondering about your brother's actions. It turns out he had rabies..." Jane
let out a sigh of relief. "...brain cancer..." the doctor continued.
"...several major concussions, and had nearly every drug known to man in his
system. We suspect the last happened due to a new 'super drug' developed by
the CIA...oh wait, that's classified." Jane rolled her eyes; she cared not.
"You'll be free to go in a few days. Oh, we've cured all your brother's
ailment's, too, before you think of asking."

"So, Quinn had just stepped out of her room when yours crashed down into it.
It was a perfect fit; nothing of Quinn's survived, though. She's taking the
experience lighter than I would have thought, though; she's back on her
guardian angel kick and on a self-imposed 'fashion sabbatical'. All in all,
not a terrible way things turned out." Daria finished telling Jane about how
Jane's room had blasted away from the Lane residence and now replaced Quinn's
room. "Where's she gonna sleep?" asked Jane. "The guest room," Daria said. She
bit into her slice as Jane explained how everything was going. "Well, it turns
out that while mom & dad are almost never around, they maintained a million
dollar homeowner's insurance policy. Since we destroyed our own property, the
police aren't going to press any charges. It turns out that the hobo Trent
killed was actually an escaped Nazi war criminal, and the confectionary store
was a front for a crackhouse. The guy that Trent hit with his guitar isn't
suing; in fact, he was a band scout and he feels that Trent is so 'edgy' that
he's signed the band up for a three-month tour with Pearl Jam, and the
possibility of more to come. And Jesse's been understanding about the whole
amplifier thing." Daria nodded. "Let's go home." Jane had decided to move in
with the Morgendorffers, since her possessions and room were now there. "Oh
yeah, where's Trent going to stay?" Daria asked. "Why, your room, of course!"
Jane replied with a devilish grin. Daria scowled at Jane.




Author's Notes: This is not my first Daria fan fic. This is, however, my first
completed Daria fan fic. I jotted this up in one or two hours after fifteen
minutes of laughing at the concept of Trent going insane for some reason. I
didn't expect it to have a totally happy ending; the positive stuff just came
to me. Some of the stuff may seem unbelievable (Quinn's self-imposed fashion
sabbatical, for example), but I'd change my entire life if all my material
possessions were destroyed, and my life was mere seconds from being destroyed
along with them. If you liked this fic, hated this fic, or just want me to fic
off, email me at either Sampson@tdi.net or smiley_rocks_1999@yahoo.com. Have a
nice day!


Coming attractions: Dark Angel/Daria crossover
                    Christopher Walken meets Daria
                    The Alan Spencer series

Note: I am marginally anti-shipper. I don't care to see Daria with Trent, with
Ted, with Tom, with Jane, with anybody. Well, maybe in an Alan Spencer fic...
but that's another story. However, I'll probably do the cliche Stacy & Ted
deal, and also include the Ms. Barch-Mr. O'Neil relationship. However, stay
tuned for surprises!