Daria, and the Powerpuff Girls in "The Sour-puff Girls" by traP (adm_trap@yahoo.com) A Daria/Powerpuff Girls crossover fanfic [Intro song, the normal PPG theme, with the Daria 'La-la LA la la' in pseudo-harmony. I'll have to make a .mid of it or something eventually..] [Scene 1. Lawndale, Specifically Chez Lane] PPG ANNOUNCER: (OS [duh!]) The CITY of Tow.. no, that's not right! That's Lawnburg, a hundred miles away. What are we doing here? Oh? Really? Oh, ok, let's take that from the top! (clears throat) The CITY of Lawnburg. Rig.. what? LawnDALE? Whatever! Ok, fine. Some city that's not Townsville. Yeesh! [View pans to inside JANE's room. Jane is painting at her easel, Daria is lying on the bed, reading.] JANE: Why are you always reading like THAT? Don't you know it's bad for the eyes? DARIA: (takes off her glasses, and absently cleans the lenses with her shirt.) I wouldn't know anything about that, Doctor Lane. JANE: What ever happened to those contacts of yours anyway? DARIA: I don't want to talk about that. Ever. JANE: (a little whiny) C'mon! I haven't been able to paint you sans lens in a long time! DARIA: (surprised) You painted me? (beat) Like THAT? I felt so.. naked! JANE: (grinning) Of course, that's the point! Trent loved it. DARIA: (blushing) Trent? JANE: (VO) Aha! I thought you were completely over him! (aloud) I'm kidding, Daria. I guess I just.. PPG ANNOUNCER: (OS, interrupting) What the heck does this have to do with the story? Huh? FINE! YOU narrate then! I quit! O'NEILL: (pause, OS) Oh dear, oh dear. JANE: Whoa! Wait! Not him! DARIA: Concur. O'NEILL: (OS) Girls, you need to release your feelings. DARIA: We just did. We think you suck as a teacher. (mutters) and an actor. O'NEILL: (OS, nervous chuckle) Oh dear.. JANE: (interrupting) FINE! we'll go with the freak teacher! (beat, turns to DARIA) Hey, I don't want to be responsible for ANOTHER nervous breakdown. DARIA: Why not? Three more, and we get a free trip to Sing Sing. JANE: You know, I missed your cheery disposition. DARIA: (flips through the book, which we can see is titled simply "This week's script". Fake 'ahem' cough) Anyway, I'm dating Tom now. I am not attracted to Trent anymore. (beat) He's just a friend. JANE: (horrified expression) Tom?! How could you? You stabbed me in the back! You ruined a friendship! A really important.. DARIA: (interrupting) Jane, we already DID that scene. The movie, remember? Snap out of it! JANE: Huh? (beat) Oh, yeah. Sorry. DARIA: I hate it when you overact. JANE: (clears throat) Look, can we do this scene later or something? DARIA: Who's directing this mess, anyway? [Pan to PRINCIPAL LI, sitting in a director's chair.] JANE: (OS) You HAD to ask, didn't you? [Scene 2 Quick cut to the basement of Chez Lane, where the band Mystik Spiral is "rehearsing."] O'NEILL: (OS, nervous chuckle.) Oh dear.. um.. the City of.. no, we did that part already. Page 3? Oh.. ok, here goes. (clears throat) Mystik Spiral, the greatest band to come out of Lawndale, is busy practicing, like they do every afternoon, to improve their.. um.. unique sound.. [TRENT, asleep on the couch, snores while cuddling his guitar.] O'NEILL: (OS) Oh dear.. JANE: (OS) Hey, as long as he's holding the guitar, it counts as practice! O'NEILL: (OS) Excuse me, Jane, but you're not even IN this scene. DARIA: (OS) Neither were you, originally! (beat) Can't we make someone with more brains the announcer? (beat) Kevin, maybe? O'NEILL: (OS) Kevin has an appearing part in this episode. JANE: (OS) Damnit, you ruined the surprise! O'NEILL: (OS, nervous chuckle) Oh dear, oh dear. JANE and DARIA: (OS) STOP SAYING THAT! [Scene 3 Mayor's office, Townsville. Mayor is doing important things? Er.. well.. he's coloring, anyway.] MS. BELLAM: (partially obscured, as usual, entering scene.) Mayor? MAYOR: Grhh.. huh? Oh, Miss Bellam! Important new laws for me to sign? I love signing my name. I can spell it myself, you know! M.. A.. I.. MS. BELLAM: (sighs) No. The Director sent me here to advance the plot... er.. I mean, remind you of the Founders Day Party we're having this weekend. MAYOR: Oh, I can hardly wait! Balloons and clowns and mimes and.. ooooh.. no \ mimes. MS. BELLAM: No mimes. (beat) But we still need a band to play, so we can dance. MAYOR: What about the girls? Don't they play instruments? MS. BELLAM: Yes, but they're children. They're not allowed to play at night. Something about child labor laws. MAYOR: (thoughtful) Did I sign that one? MS. BELLAM: (sighs) No. The President did. MAYOR: Oh. Hmm.. maybe my nephew knows a band. He's in high school, you know. MS. BELLAM: Yeah. Great. Music picked by a teenager. Your best idea yet, sir. MAYOR: Thanks! (picks up the phone, then pauses) Do you remember my nephew's name? MS. BELLAM: (walks off) I'm THIS CLOSE to quitting! Argh! MAYOR: Oh well. It doesn't matter. (punches random digits on the phone) [Scene 4 Taylor house. KEVIN and BRITTANY are making out on the couch. The phone begins to ring.] O'NEILL: (OS) And so the mayor called his nephew. (pauses) Oh dear. Excuse me, Kevin? [KEVIN and BRITTANY continue, unabated.] O'NEILL: (OS) Brittany? [no effect] O'NEILL: (OS, nervous chuckle) Oh dear.. JANE: (OS) That's it, you're fired. Daria, you take over. [We hear O'Neill sobbing offscreen. Camera pans away to a view out the window at a tree. A bird flutters around.] DARIA: (OS) I don't narrate. It's in my contract. JANE: (OS) Fine. Who CAN we get on short notice, though? DARIA: (OS) I'm going to hate myself for saying this, but.. Quinn? JANE: (OS) No good. She's in this episode too. DARIA: (OS) Why does she get to be in this episode? She's always hogging screentime.. hey! How about Andrea! JANE: (OS) Quinn's only in one scene.. but yeah.. Andrea will do it! She could use the work. ANDREA: (OS) No way! I'm not getting roped into THIS mess! The episode's already shot to hell! This is even worse than Depth takes a.. JANE: (OS) Don't you DARE mention that episode! DARIA: (OS) Damn. There goes that idea. JANE: (OS) Hmm. No Andrea. Now what? DeMARTINO: (OS) I've SEEN enough. I'll DO it, just to get THIS STUPID story OVER with already. DARIA: (OS) Enthusiasm after my own heart. (beat) You're hired. JANE: (OS) Wait, don't I get a vote in this? DARIA: (OS) No, you don't. It's MY show. DeMARTINO: (OS) THANK you, Miss MORGANdorffer. Now.. JANE: (OS, interrupting) Fine. See if I do that lesbian script later, though! I'm calling my agent. DARIA: (OS) Are you quite done, Jane? Some of us have dates tonight. JANE: (OS) Argh! DeMARTINO: (OS) SHUT UP! Now.. (clears throat) KEVIN! [screen pans back to KEVIN and BRITTANY. KEVIN leaps up.] KEVIN: Mr. D? What are you doing here? DeMARTINO: (OS) I'm NARRating. The PHONE is ringing. KEVIN: (picks up the TV remote control.) Hello? BRITTANY: (fixing her hair) Kevvie! The OTHER phone. KEVIN: Oh. Oh yeah! (picks up the phone) Hello? [Split screen, with the Mayor on the other end, asleep] KEVIN: Hello? DeMARTINO: (OS, muttering) Oh, for the LOVE of Pete. MAYOR, WAKE UP. MAYOR: Huhh? Kevin? KEVIN: Uncle um... Tom? MAYOR: No, this is the Mayor of Townsville. KEVIN: Oh yeah! What's up, Uncle Tom? MAYOR: My name is not Tom! KEVIN: Does your sister know that? MAYOR: I don't know. My name is Mayor. KEVIN: Your NAME is Mayor? DeMARTINO: (OS) His FREAKING name is Mayor, Kevin. Don't BLAME me, blame the WRITERS. MAYOR: Ahem. Kevin? (reading from the script [finally!]) Do you know any.. what's this word, Miss Bellam? MS BELLAM: (OS) The word is Cheap! MAYOR: Oh yeah. Cheap. Do you know any cheap bands who can play at.. (looks lost for a moment) .. um.. this.. party we're having in Townsville this weekend? KEVIN: Party! Babe, we're going to a party! BRITTANY: Ooooh, my Kevvie. Where at? MAYOR: Kevin? KEVIN: (to BRITTANY) I dunno. (to phone) We'll be there, Mayor. MAYOR: Oh, ok. See you this weekend. Bye. [Scene shifts to the MAYOR's office. MS BELLAM walks in.] MS BELLAM: So, who's the band? MAYOR: Band? I don't remember anything about a band. MS BELLAM: (grabs the script) He was SUPPOSED to tell you about these Mystik Spiral people. MAYOR: Oh. Maybe you better call. I need a nap. [MAYOR walks OS] -- Commercial Break -- [Scene 5 DARIA and JANE enter from opposite sides of the screen. In the background is the Townsville skyline, on which they appear to be floating in front of.] DARIA: We're sorry about that. Apparently some idiot scriptwriter didn't realize that cast of both shows consists almost entirely of Grade A morons. JANE: Hey! DARIA: Not you, Jane. JANE: Oh. (beat) Hey, watch this! [Background suddenly changes to a scene from a Godzilla movie.] DARIA: Perfect. Baked Tokyo, my favorite. JANE: I love blue screens! DARIA: (sighs) Ok, are we going to do the story, or not? JANE: Darn.. I wanted to go to the Great Wall of China next. DARIA: Action! [Scene 6 Pokey Oaks Elementary school.] DeMARTINO: (OS, still narrating) POKEY OAKS elementary SCHOOL. This is where KEVIN belongs. Kids are COLORING. Too bad that they'll TURN OUT to be SLACKERS when they GROW UP. BUBBLES: Who's that? BUTTERCUP: Sounds like a high school teacher. BLOSSOM: (sighs) Girls, we need to follow the script. BUBBLES: (starts to cry) Script? BUTTERCUP: Shh! No one told her this isn't real, Blossom! BLOSSOM: Sorry. BUBBLES: We DO have superpowers, right? BLOSSOM: Of course. BUBBLES: Whew! Okay. (goes back to coloring.) [The phone rings] BLOSSOM: The phone! It must be the Mayor! (flashes over to the phone in a trail of light) BUTTERCUP: How come SHE always gets to answer? BLOSSOM: (to BUTTERCUP) Shh! I'm on the phone. (to phone) Mayor? What is it? The Amoeba Boys again? [Split screen again, although it's pointless since all we see are legs, as usual.] MS BELLAM: Blossom, we're having a celebration in honor of the anniversary of Townsville's founding. BLOSSOM: It's Townsville's birthday? MS BELLAM: Er.. basically, yes. But the Mayor messed up in arranging a band. Do any of you girls know someone who has a band? BUTTERCUP: Uh, I do! BLOSSOM: Buttercup, please! You do not! BUTTERCUP: No, really! There was this girl I met once, and she drew pictures with all sorts of guts and blood and stuff. It was cool! Her name.. it rhymed. BLOSSOM: (rolls her eyes) Rhymed with what? BUTTERCUP: Itself, silly. It was Jane Lane. BUBBLES: Wow, that's a pretty name! JANE: (OS) Wait, I don't remember this incident. DARIA: (OS) Look, you want to get this over with, or not? JANE: (OS) YOU wrote that in? DARIA: (OS) It was either that or suffer this episode eternally. BLOSSOM: Excuse me, I'm TRYING to talk on the phone! JANE: (OS) Sorry. BLOSSOM: S'ok! Miss Bellam, Buttercup says to call Jane Lane. MS BELLAM: Ok. Thanks girls. BLOSSOM: No sweat, Miss Bellam! SANDI: (OS) Sweat? Blossom, ewww. BLOSSOM: (cringes) Eeep. Sorry, Sandi. (hangs up the phone) C'mon girls, we have to get ready for our next big scene. BUBBLES: But I'm not done with my drawing yet! [Scene 7 Split screen to MS BELLAM and JANE] JANE: (picking up phone) Yo. Road Kill Cafe. You split em, we'll spit em. DARIA: (OS) Hit em, not Split em. JANE: I like MY version. MS BELLAM: Is.. is this the Lane residence? JANE: Who wants to know? MS BELLAM: Townsville City Hall. Do you know someone who has a band? JANE: Uh-oh. (beat) Ok, how much is the bail? Any chance to plea-bargain? MS BELLAM: No, you don't understand. We want to hire them for.. oh, what's that word. JANE: A gig? MS BELLAM: Yes, that's right. This weekend. JANE: Ok, I'll wake Trent up and let him know. Wait.. how much you willing to pay? MS BELLAM: Well.. a hundred dollars ok? JANE: Three hundred, in cash. (beat) And a large black t-shirt. MS BELLAM: You drive a hard bargain. But, ok. Three hundred. JANE: Bye. (hangs up. Split screen resolves back to JANE's room) Hey, Daria? DARIA: Trent got a gig? JANE: Yeah. For one hundred bucks, plus a shirt. DARIA: I thought you said three hundred. JANE: One hundred.. after their agent takes their cut. (smirk) DARIA: You've been hanging out with my mother too much. JANE: Damn straight. C'mon, we'd better let Trent know. [Scene 8 LANE basement] JANE: (shaking TRENT) Wake up, you narcoleptic loser. DARIA: Gee, you wonder why he never wants to wake up. JANE: Hush, you. (beat, yells in TRENT's left ear) TRENT! TRENT: (waking up) Huh.. we got a gig? DARIA: If he didn't already have hearing damage from the band, you'd give him tinnitus for sure, Jane. JANE: Damnit, Trent, you're supposed to wait until we tell you that! (beat) You got a gig! TRENT: We got a gig? DARIA: By jove, I think he's got it. JANE: (glares at DARIA) Yeah. Someplace called Townsville. TRENT: Cool. Better rest up, then. (goes back to sleep) JANE: Why do I even bother? DARIA: (shrugs) I just do what the voices in my head tell me to. JANE: Can I borrow your voices? DARIA: No, they're mine. All mine. JANE: C'mon. WE have to go with them. DARIA: Not in the tank, I hope. I still have nightmares about that last trip. JANE: (raises an eyebrow) Nightmares, or erotic dreams? DARIA: There's a difference? JANE: (shrugs) Whatever. Anyway, with all the equipment, there's not much room left in the tank anyway. And Trent's car won't start. DARIA: When did THAT happen? JANE: Scene 9. DARIA: This is Scene 8. JANE: Damnit! (beat) Ok, who ripped a page out of my scriptbook? UPCHUCK: (OS) Looking for this? Rrrrowr! JANE: S'cuse me. (walks off-screen.) DARIA: This should be good. UPCHUCK: (OS) Ooooooh! Uuuuugh... (weakly, three octaves higher) feisty.. JANE: (back on-screen) Now, where were we? DARIA: Cutting out Scene 9 because you already revealed the plot of it. JANE: Oh yeah. Ok, so.. scene 10 then? DARIA: Fine with me. (beat) I need a stiff drink anyway. JANE: To our trailers! [Scene 9 DELETED as redundant. See the Director's cut.] [Scene 10 POWERPUFF GIRLS home] BLOSSOM: But Professor! PROF: Not another word, Buttercup. BLOSSOM: I'm Blossom! She's Buttercup! BUBBLES: And I'm (pause, counts on her fingers) Bubbles! BUTTERCUP and BLOSSOM, together: No one cares, Bubbles! Go back to coloring. BUBBLES: Oh, ok! PROF: I'm not letting you girls hang out all night with some grimy rock stars. What kind of Professor would I be if I let you do that? BUBBLES: I know! You'd be a biochemist, right? [Everyone ignores poor BUBBLES] BLOSSOM: But Miss Bellam asked us to go. We can't refuse that invitation. Besides, what if some bad guys show up? PROF: No. And that's final. Go to your room, girls. BUTTERCUP: Damnit! PROF: (shocked) Buttercup! BUTTERCUP: Er.. I mean.. Darnit! PROF: That's better. [Scene 11 JANE and DARIA walking down the street.] JANE: Think we can get a ride with Tom? (DARIA stares at her) Well, I know what the script said, but this might be more fun. DARIA: No. Some contract dispute or something. Apparently, he gets out of the dumb episodes. JANE: Unlike us. DARIA: The price of stardom. (beat) Besides, we're going to do that whole dumb stuck together uncomfortably episode later this season. JANE: Great.. you're just a ray of sunshine today. (pause, clears throat) So, where are we going to find someone dumb enough to give us a ride a hundred miles away, anyway? DARIA: When I think of dumb.. JANE: In Lawndale, not Highland. DARIA: Oh. (beat) Actually, you know that doesn't narrow it down all that much. JANE: Good point. Kevin? DARIA: Bingo. JANE: (grins, then frowns) Hey, wait, you're supposed to put up a big fight over this before I drag you into it, kicking and screaming. DARIA: I know, but the story was dragging a little slow, and you always drag me into these things in the end, so why not just give in now and save myself the energy to strangle you with later? JANE: When you put it THAT way, I look forward to spending a hundred miles with you. DARIA: Now who's the ray of sunshine? [They arrive at KEVIN's house. KEVIN and BRITTANY are making out in the front seat of KEVIN's jeep.] JANE: Ahem. DARIA: Mr. DeMartino? DeMARTINO: (OS) What? AGAIN? KEVIN! KEVIN: Huh? DeMARTINO: (OS) Line! KEVIN: Oh. Oh yeah! (clears throat) So, babe, um.. where are we going again? BRITTANY: I don't remember. Oh, hi Daria. Where's Tom? DARIA: We broke up. I'm dating Janey now. JANE: Hey, I refused that plot development in the movie, remember? DARIA: Not my fault you're so reluctant to give in to your adoring fans. DeMARTINO: (OS) Ahem! BRITTANY: (twirling her hair) I don't get it. [DARIA and JANE both roll their eyes.] JANE: Kevin, can we.. um.. Daria? DARIA: Fine. Kevin, we need a ride to Townsville. KEVIN: Townsville? DARIA: Yes, you know. Where that party you're going to is? KEVIN: Party? Cool! Hey, hop in, let's go. [DARIA shrugs at JANE, and hops in, followed by JANE.] KEVIN: Lets ride! BRITTANY: Kevvie! You can't just give a ride to other girls! Even if they're not pretty or popular. KEVIN: But Baaa-be, it's ok. It's JUST Daria and Jane. BRITTANY: Oh, ok! Let's go. DARIA: Why did I ever agree to this? I could have just lived off the residuals from that other show.. JANE: But now you're a star! DARIA: Don't remind me. [KEVIN's jeep drives off. As they pass JANE's house, the tank rolls off after them. Camera pans as the two vehicles get on a highway.] DeMARTINO: (OS) FINALLY! So, Kevin, Brittany, JANE, Daria head to Townsville, ALONG with Trent and his BAND, Mystik SPIRAL, following BEHIND in a beat up VAN that everyone calls the TANK. My buddy DROVE a TANK. Did HE get a PARADE when HE got HOME from Nam? DARIA: (OS) Great, he's doing it again. JANE: (OS) Pass the popcorn. I think his eyes are going to pop completely out this time. DARIA: (OS) We're not that lucky. DeMARTINO: (OS) Aaaaaaaagh! My eye! DARIA: (OS) I stand corrected. (beat) Hey, Jane, quit hogging the popcorn! -- Commercial Break -- [Scene 12 POWERPUFF GIRLS bedroom.] BUTTERCUP: It's not fair! We should get to go to that party tonight. BLOSSOM: But the Professor said.. BUBBLES: Will there be ponies there? BUTTERCUP: (grins) Yes. Lots of ponies! BUBBLES: I wanna go! I wanna go! BLOSSOM: (sighs) I'm going to regret this. BUBBLES: Yay! Let's go! [Three flashes of light exit the bedroom, unnoticed.] [Scene 13 KEVIN's jeep.] KEVIN: How come we have to get there so early, anyway? BRITTANY: Because Jane and Daria have to be there early to help that band set up. DARIA: We do? BRITTANY: I thought you said that? DARIA: No, that was changed at the last script meeting. KEVIN: We had script meetings? JANE: Apparently not enough of them. DARIA: And we have no narrator anymore either. DeMartino can't read off the teleprompter with only one eye. JANE: He can't? DARIA: Sadly, not. That eye of his that bulges is his GOOD eye. JANE: Ouch. (beat) So what now? We can't go back to O'Neill or DeMartino. DARIA: And you took out Upchuck. JANE: (broad grin) That almost made this episode worthwhile for me. DARIA: (Mona Lisa smile) Me too. But that still leaves us short for a narrator. KEVIN: I'll do it! I'd make a great narrator. DARIA: You can't even read, Kevin. KEVIN: Sure I can. That sign just said 'Townsville, exit here.' DARIA: What sign? KEVIN: The one we passed half a mile ago. (pause) Oops. BRITTANY: Eep! Now we're going to miss the party! Kevvie, how could you? JANE: Relax. I'll just draw another offramp. BRITTANY: You can do that? JANE: (shrugs, and pulls out a sketch pad.) Who do you think does all the sets and backgrounds? Low budget, you know. BRITTANY: Woooooow! KEVIN: I think she's kidding, babe. DARIA: Sadly, she's not. KEVIN: Oh! Ok! [DARIA and JANE shake their heads] JANE: You know, it occurs to me that we forgot someone. DARIA: The villians. Damn! Do we really have to do that part? JANE: Relax. At least we'll be out of this car soon. I have the exit ramp almost finished. DARIA: Fine. I guess I'll have to narrate until we think of a replacement then. (clears throat) Meanwhile.. [Scene 14 Mojo Jojo's hideout.] DARIA: (OS, continuing) at Mojo Jojo's hideout. (beat) Ok, what kind of a name IS that, anyway? MOJO: Who is asking you? It is not I you should be asking. Asking is for trouble, and trouble is what I make. And.. hey, wasn't the announcer male? DARIA: (OS) Anything a man can do, I can do better. MOJO: Except aim your.. PRINCESS: AHEM! There are children present! MOJO: Nevermind. (beat) What were we doing again? DARIA: (OS, total deadpan) Plotting your latest insidious and genius plot against Townsville. MOJO: Oh yes! DARIA: (OS) You guys are hopeless. PRINCESS: Hey, don't forget who's paying for this episode, lady! DARIA: (OS) To think, I missed 'Blood on the Highway' for this. SANDI: (OS) Quinn's cousin or whatever.. Ewwwww! DARIA: (OS) That's the point. SANDI: (OS) It is? (beat) Oh. Sorry, or whatever, then. DARIA: (OS) I really need to find a new career. MOJO: If you're done fighting, I'd like to get back to our top secret meeting of evil villians, to which no good guys should be listening to, because that would foil our plans. SANDI: (OS) Like, he's right, Quinn's cousin. DARIA: (OS) But I'm no heroine. SANDI: (OS) I'm not falling for that again. I'm narrating now. DARIA: (OS) Damn. And just when I was having fun. (we hear a door close) SANDI: (OS) So, like, have your meeting or whatever. MOJO: Finally. Now, here is the plan. [flips over a blackboard, revealing a highly complicated and utterly meaningless series of diagrams.] First, we have to be here at.. SANDI: (OS, interrupting) Excuse me, monkey boy or whatever.. who's the President of this club? MOJO: Er.. um.. well, we never exactly HAD elections.. SANDI: (OS) Just as I thought. You'll never get anywhere without complacent leadership or something. MOJO: SHUT UP! Plan now we must, because we need a plan and unless we plan something my plan cannot come to fruition. SANDI: (OS) Whatever. PRINCESS: It's ok, Mojo. Let's see what you've got. I need my revenge against those girls. MOJO: And I cannot take over the world until they are out of the picture. Now, I have created.. THIS! (holds a beaker of a substance marked "Chemical Z") PRINCESS: You made TAR? I give you a gazillion dollars, and you make TAR? SANDI: (OS) Tar.. ewwww. MOJO: Ho ho ho.. no.. this is a powerful antidote to Chemical X. Once the Powerpuff girls are hit with it, they will have no powers. The only way to reverse it would be with Chemical Q, but we will kidnap the girls when they are powerless to fight back, and then we will take over the world! PRINCESS: That's crazy enough to work. (grabs for the bottle, which falls to the ground and breaks) MOJO: Aaaaaaarrgh! You ruined it! PRINCESS: ooo.. wait, there's still some in here! MOJO: It will have to do. But there is barely enough left now to do this once. We will have to be very very careful because if we miss with one shot, there will be one Powerpuff girl who still has her powers, and then there will be one person who can stop us. PRINCESS: Then we will just HAVE to be more careful. (beat) Why are you looking at ME like that? MOJO: Never mind. Just you and Fuzzy Lumpkins, fly the helicopter. [Scene 15 Townsville City Hall, site of the party] SANDI: (OS) Er.. ahem.. while Mojo Monkey and Princess whoever hatch their nepotistic finding plan. DARIA: (looking upwards) That's nefarious, fiendish plan, airhead! SANDI: (OS) Like, what she said.. um.. where was I? DARIA: (sighs audibly) While the plan is hatched, we're setting up for the gig. [Pan to the stage] TRENT: [walks on stage] We have a gig tonight? JANE: (OS) Oh yeah, Trent, I forgot to tell you! [Other Mystik Spiral members file on stage and begin setting up] DARIA: (OS) No you didn't forget, I was there! He just went back to sleep. TRENT: (laugh/cough thing) Good one, Daria. DARIA: (OS) That wasn't a joke. TRENT: Oh. JANE: (OS) We still need a narrator, Daria. DARIA: (OS) Well, we're at the bottom of the barrel. JANE: (OS) What about that girl that looks like you? LYNN CULLEN: (OS) Don't even THINK about bringing ME into THIS mess! I'll strike! [*] DARIA: (OS) This is what happens when you let someone become a co-star. JANE: (OS) Hey! MAX: [oblivious to the arguing of the narrators] Don't worry, man. We're criminales! [TRENT rolls his eyes.] TED DE-WITT CLINTON: (OS) Hey, can I narrate? JANE: (OS) We can't do any worse than we're doing now. DARIA: (OS) I heard that! JANE: (OS) Good! TED: (OS, clears throat) Meanwhile, in the audience.. [scene cuts to audience. PPGs are there, dancing along with the MAYOR, MS BELLAMS, and several other non-descript types. BRITTANY and KEVIN are making out. The Ganggreen Gang is in the background also, we can't really tell what they're doing.] BLOSSOM: Hey, isn't that the Ganggreen Gang over there? BUTTERCUP: They must be here causing trouble! Let's get em! BUBBLES: But they didn't do anything yet. BUTTERCUP: It doesn't matter! They're GOING to do something bad. I just know it. TED: (OS) Well, according to the script, they're just here because the artists ran out of imagination in drawing the background. BLOSSOM: Oh. Never mind, then. BUTTERCUP: But I wanted to kick some butt! BUBBLES: Can I show them my new drawing? [Cut to DARIA and JANE, sitting down on the side.] DARIA: Could this get any worse? JANE: Yes. Trent hasn't started playing yet. [MYSTIK SPIRAL starts playing] DARIA: You just had to do that, didn't you? JANE: Heh. It's a gift. DARIA: Can I return it for a blender? [Pan to the door. MOJO JOJO enters carrying an impossibly large contraption of some sort.] TED: (OS) Oh no, it's More Joe Joe .. is this right? Three Joes? MOJO: (angry) Mojo Jojo! Get the name right! TED: (OS) Sorry. ALL PPGs: MOJO JOJO! BUTTERCUP: All right! A fight! Let's get em! BLOSSOM: (sighs) Oh, ok. But just this once, ok? TED: (OS, stuttering) Ggggg go, ggg girls, ggg go! BUBBLES: Can't we get anyone better for this? DARIA: (OS) Believe me, we've tried. [The girls dissolve into three streaks of light, headed for Mojo Jojo. Suddenly, he pulls a trigger on his weapon, and three gobs of black goo fly out. They hit the girls, who suddenly stop in mid air, and fall to the ground in a heap. As they are hit, they slowly change animation style, to a more Daria-like rendition of little children.] BUBBLES: Get off me, Buttercup! BUTTERCUP: Ow.. I think I broke my arm. BLOSSOM: That's not possible! We're indestructible! (tries to stand) Ooow! What IS this gunk, anyway? MOJO: It is Chemical Z. It renders you powerless, which is just where I want you. Now, you will be taken prisoner. And when you are prisoner, I will keep you away from causing trouble to my plot to take over the world, ha ha! TED: (OS) Oh no! Are the g.g.girls really defeated? MOJO: Yes, they are! [tosses a net over the trio.] BUBBLES: Eep! [KEVIN and BRITTANY roll over and off each other.] KEVIN: Hey, that's, like, no way to treat little kids! BRITTANY: You've never met my little brother, have you Kevvie? KEVIN: (ignoring BRITTANY's comment) Come here and fight like a Monkey! MAYOR: I'm with you, nephew. C'mon, Mojo, if that is your real name, let's see what you've got! MOJO: If you insist! [fires a weapon shooting another net at KEVIN, which ensnares him and the MAYOR together.] KEVIN: Hey! This net thingy hurts! What's it made out of, Barbie wires? MAYOR: You're right! This isn't entertaining at all! DARIA: (OS) That's BARBED wire. KEVIN: Oh, that explains it. DARIA: (OS) Only it's not. It appears to be highly adhesive. MAYOR: Huh? JANE: (OS) That means it's sticky! (beat) Hey, it takes me a while, ok? [cut to the stage] JESSE: Hey, Trent. TRENT: Cool gig, huh? JESSE: Even a fight and everything. BRITTANY: [running towards the stage] My Kevvie! Help him! TRENT: Why us? BRITTANY: Well, you're kinda cute. MAX: Let's do it! That monkey messes with the Spiral, he's going down! TRENT: (shrugs at MAX) What the hell. Maybe it'll get us some publicity. JESSE: Yeah. TRENT: Ok, guys. Let's rock. [The band members set their instruments down carefully, and run out towards MOJO, who is calmly tying the nets to a hook dangling from above.] JANE: I wonder why no one is trying to stop the monkey. DARIA: It must be because he's such a fearsome evil genius. JANE: Oh my god! Trent! [JANE and DARIA look, as a third net flies, capturing the musical quartet.] JANE: Great. Now what? DARIA: Well, at least we can ride back in.. (beat) wait, Kevin has the keys to his car, right? JANE: No ride home? We're going to be stuck here! DARIA: Ok, NOW I'm mad! [Both of them stand up, then look at each other.] JANE: Now what? DARIA: I was hoping YOU knew. JANE: I quit reading the script at page 13. DARIA: Oh. (beat) Well, too late anyway. Look. [Following three hooks up, a helicopter can be seen, with a small girl at the controls. The three nets fly into the air dangled from the chopper, as Mojo Jojo runs away.] [Scene 16 PROFESSOR's house] TED: (OS) Meanwhile in p.p.p.p.Professor Utonium's lab. [PROF is mixing non-descript chemicals, while light music is played from a radio.] MS BARCH: (OS) We interrupt this anti-feminist drivel of a song for an important news bulletin. DARIA: (OS) She's the DJ? JANE: (OS) She's a High School Teacher, Daria. She needs the money. DARIA: (OS) Good point. MS BARCH: (OS) and after twenty-two years of virtual slavery, working my fingers to the bone while the beer cans flowed freely into our bedroom, you.. PROFESSOR: (interrupting) Excuse me, could you GET to the POINT here? MS BARCH: (OS) Men! Fine. Mojo Jojo has attacked the party in City Hall. PROFESSOR: Whew.. good thing I made the girls stay home from that. DARIA: (OS) I love this part. JANE: (OS) So predictable, though. MS BARCH: (OS) Ahem! Among those captured were the city's protectors, and woman's vengeance against the unwanted advances of those evil vile men, the Powerpuff Girls! [The PROFESSOR's pipe falls to the ground.] -- Commercial Break -- [Scene 17 Blue screen background showing the top half of the Eiffel Tower] JANE: Hey, cool! Je suis en Parie! DARIA: Aren't there an awful lot of commercial breaks in this episode? JANE: Who cares? It's making you and me a fortune. DARIA: Oh! Hey, let's go back to commercial. JANE: We can't. We have to finish the story. DARIA: Damnit. (beat) Hey, everyone else has gotten to say it this episode. JANE: (rolls eyes at DARIA) And now back to the story. [Scene 18 Townsville party. Most of the people have left in shock. BRITTANY is crying on a bench. JANE and DARIA are off to the side, looking.] BRITTANY: My Kevvie! He was so brave! DARIA: You don't suppose we should tell her that he cowered in the face of that monkey without even getting in a punch, do you? JANE: (yawning while talking, monotone) Don't you even care? Didn't you see what happened? (pauses) What? DARIA: You're SUPPOSED to be upset in this scene. JANE: Oops. Sorry. (crying) Didn't you see what happened? My brother got kidnapped by an ape! DARIA: Damn, you're good. JANE: (quits crying) Thanks. DARIA: (clears throat) I think it was more of an orangoutang, actually. JANE: What am I going to do, Daria? He was my big brother! DARIA: So, just.. think of it as him sleeping 24 hours a day instead of just 20. JANE: Good point. But someone's gotta load that stuff back into the Tank. DARIA: Damn. So we have to save your brother's band, then? JANE: 'Fraid so. BRITTANY: (squeakily) And my Kevvie! JANE: (mumbling) Think we should tell her that the ape was just your dad in a costume? DARIA: (mumbling) Nah. He needed the gig. [PROFESSOR enters.] PROFFESSOR: Girls! Bubbles! Blossom! Buttercup! DARIA: Forget it, Professor. If you're talking about the pre-schoolers, they're not here. PROFESSOR: How did you guess who I am? DARIA: (looking at PROFESSOR's lab coat) Lucky guess. PROFESSOR: Oh. What happened, exactly? That radio announcer went into a twenty minute rant on how things would be different if women ran the world. JANE: We don't run the world? DARIA: Obviously not. If we did, we'd have the right to refuse this script. PROFESSOR: Please.. I need to know! DARIA: (sighs) Fine. Serves me right for coming here anyway. Some big orangoutang.. BRITTANY: (interrupting) Monkey DARIA: (rolls eyes.) Gee, thanks Brit. Anyway, this.. BRITTANY: (interrupting) You're welcome. DARIA: (sighs) The monkey sprayed some black liquid on the girls, then they fell to the floor. Then her boyfriend, and her sister, tried to intervene, and they got captured too. PROFESSOR: This is horrible! DARIA: I agree. Whoever wrote this should be shot. (uncomfortable pause. Cut to a small cubicle, where STACY is sitting.) STACY: Hee hee.. this is my BEST writing ever! Even better than my Diary! (cut back to Townsville) DARIA: That explains an awful lot. JANE: It does, doesn't it? PROFESSOR: You have to help me, girls! BRITTANY: Like, why us? We don't have superpowers. We don't even have a ride. Kevvie has the keys. PROFESSOR: Because.. never mind. Come to my laboratory. [Scene 19 PROFESSOR Utonium's Lab] JANE: Whoa, check this out! [looks at BRITTANY] Deedee, get out of my laboratory. DARIA: Wrong show. JANE: Couldn't resist. BRITTANY: (Twirls her hair) Who's Deedee? JANE: Never mind. Hey, Professor, what are we doing here, anyway? PROFESSOR: (with that half-crazy look in his eyes) Saving my girls the only way left. [He pulls out a vial, marked Chemical "X"] DARIA: (deadpan) You're just trying to get us liquored up, aint'cha? PROFESSOR: Huh? No, I want to give you superpowers, so you can save my girls. DARIA: He's no fun. JANE: But he's got some cool stuff. It's so abstract. BRITTANY: And mixed up! JANE: (rolls her eyes) Anyway, what does that stuff do, exactly? PROFESSOR: Well, it's all very technical, I'm afraid. DARIA: That's fine. I like technical. Explain it to me, in exact detail. PROFESSOR: (nervously) Erm.. well... ok, you asked for it.. [Time Lapse effect: "four hours later" caption appears] PROFESSOR: And then the subatomic matrix rearranges to form a co-polymer with the inverse strand. Quite simple, actually. DARIA: Fascinating. Four hours, and you managed to say exactly nothing. I'm impressed. Jane, this guy is... Jane? [DARIA turns.. JANE and BRITTANY are sleeping back to back.] DARIA: Wake up, you two. You're starting to remind me of... (blushes) Trent. JANE: Uhg.. coffee. BRITTANY: (alert) No time! We have to save my Kevvie! DARIA: Of course. How DID I guess you'd be a morning person? BRITTANY: (twirling her hair) I dunno? PROFESSOR: Ok, girls, stand back. You might feel a little.. strange after this stuff hits you. [The PROFESSOR sprays the girls with the compound containing Chemical X. The camera pans following the PROFESSOR.] (pause) DARIA: What a surprise. Nothing happened. JANE: I'm not so sure about that, Daria. [DARIA and JANE glance around.. and realize that they have suddenly shrunk to pint-size, and their clothes, and head size relative to body has drastically changed] JANE: What the hell IS this? No one said anything about shrinking in the script meeting! DARIA: That's because we got kicked out for making spitballs. JANE: Well.. well.. that's no reason to do THIS to us! PROFESSOR: You see, your molecules have rearranged to form the Powerpuff quasi-matrix. BRITTANY: Huh? JANE: In English, Doc. PROFESSOR: I was speaking English. BRITTANY: I don't FEEL any different. (beat) Everything's the same to me. [DARIA and JANE glance at BRITTANY, who of course has actually changed also.] BRITTANY: What? Hey, wow, what big eyes you both have! DARIA: The better to witness your death with. (rolls her eyes) Never mind. I'm not going out like this. (beat) Hey, I miss my boots, ok? JANE: Hey, yeah! How come our clothes changed? DARIA: Ooooh, good question. Professor? PROFESSOR: (now huge in relation to our heroines) Yes, Dairy? DARIA: DAHR-EE-AH. Daria. Why'd our clothes change, Poindexter? PROFESSOR: Well, the chemical imbalance resulted in a submolecular change.. [Time lapse effect: "one hour later" appears on screen] PROFESSOR: ..with an inverse subatomic collision of three point one four one five.. DARIA: (interrupting) Forget I asked. Ok, last question. Where can we find.. JANE: [as if in realization] Hey, wait a minute. I'm in the leaders color. DARIA: You've gotten us in enough trouble already, haven't you? JANE: Hey, that's not fair. You went along with it. BRITTANY: (twirling her hair) Wow, I thought *I* was the leader. JANE: You can be the leader NEXT time we save the world. BRITTANY: Ok, that sounds fair! JANE: Sucker. DARIA: May I ask my question now? JANE: I don't know. May you? (beat) Wait, that doesn't work. DARIA: (to PROFESSOR) Look, two questions, and this time answer them briefly. PROFESSOR: Ok, that sounds fair. DARIA: First, is this.. (pointing at herself and her two companions) permanent? PROFESSOR: No. DARIA: (actually manages to look relieved) Ok, and two, where can we find your girls, her boyfriend, my cr.. (blushes) er.. best friends brother, his band.. that good stuff? PROFESSOR: You're cute when you blush, Daria. DARIA: Don't make me vaporize your vocal cords, Doc. PROFESSOR: (nervously) Er.. yeah.. um.. they must be at Mojo Jojo's secret hideout. DARIA: Finally, we're getting somewhere. (beat) No, we're not. BRITTANY: Hey, I saw a sign for that on the freeway. It said.. um.. yeah. Townsville city hall, and Mojo Jojo's secret lair, next exit. JANE: Brittany, I could kiss you! (beat) Err.. maybe not. DARIA: Are you SURE you weren't attracted to that girl at the art colony? JANE: Shuddup! BRITTANY: (twirling her hair) But I thought you and DARIA were dating. [PROFESSOR looks shocked] DARIA: Look, can we just get this over with? This is humiliating enough as it is. I mean, it's bad enough Quinn was taller than me this morning! JANE: It always goes back to Quinn with you, doesn't it. BRITTANY: Lets go, girls! [flies through the ceiling] JANE: Flying! C'mon Daria, this'll be cool! [flies through the ceiling] DARIA: Great. And me without an airsick bag. (pause) PROFESSOR: Um.. Daria? DARIA: (sighs) I know, I know. (looks up) Can I at least go through one of the holes THEY made? That looked like it hurt. PROFESSOR: If you want to, I suppose.. it's really up to you. DARIA: Good. [flies SLOWLY through the hole BRITTANY made. View pans with her flight.] PROFESSOR: (OS) Good luck, girls! [Scene 20 BRITTANY, JANE, and DARIA flying over TOWNSVILLE] JANE: I could get used to this! BRITTANY: This is fun! DARIA: I'm going to be sick. JANE: Just think, Daria.. you can fly! DARIA: Big whoop. Flying the unfriendly skies. JANE: At least you won't.. [DARIA hits the side of a building] .. crash. DARIA: [shaking herself out of an impact crater on the side of the building] You just HAD to do that, didn't you? BRITTANY: Um.. now was the exit North, or Left? DARIA: And the blind shall lead them. JANE: Speaking of that.. why are you still wearing glasses? DARIA: Superpowers don't include normal vision, I guess. JANE: Figures. Hey, I wonder if I can see through walls! DARIA: Ah, my favorite peeping tom. [JANE glares at a nearby apartment building. Red streaks emerge from her eyes, blasting the side of the building clean off.] JANE: This is cool, I CAN see through walls. DARIA: (rolls her eyes) Yeah, great. I wonder if I can see your internal organs. BRITTANY: Stop fighting! Kevvie, remember? DARIA: I don't give a damn about your braindead boyfriend. I'm just here to.. (beat) wait, I don't really even like him that much anymore! Why AM I here? JANE: Admit it, Daria. You still have a crush on him. BRITTANY: Him? Daria? (impressed look in her eyes) Daria! Wow! You're dating Tom AND Jane, AND that guy in the band? I didn't know you had it in you! DARIA: (deadpan) Me either, Brittany. I surprise myself every day. BRITTANY: Wow, maybe brains aren't so bad! [DARIA blushes] JANE: High praise from her, huh Daria? BRITTANY: (twirling her hair) Could you teach me your secret, Daria? DARIA: Sure. (beat) Just as soon as I stuff Jane's paintbrushes down her throat. JANE: (chuckling) Hey, that's right! I bet I can paint at super speed too! DARIA: (annoyed) JANE! Snap out of it. Save Trent first, deal with playing with your so-called superpowers later! JANE: (sighs) You never let me have any fun! DARIA: It's my calling in life. (beat) Brittany, is THAT the place? [DARIA points to a tall observatory, which has "MOJO JOJO" written on the front.] BRITTANY: Eep! That can't be it! We've been going the wrong way! DARIA: [slaps BRITTANY] Some secret hideout. He might as well have a flashing neon sign. [The flashing neon sign lights up, with the words "Mojo Jojo's secret lair" enscribed] TED: (OS) Hu.hu.Hurry, girls, hurry. DARIA: Where were you, Ted? We had to cover for you in the last scene. TED: (OS) Had to go to the vending machine. Ran out of gum. DARIA: (rolls her eyes) Figures. TED: (OS) Hey, you girls look.. different, somehow. BRITTANY: (to JANE) Who is that guy anyway? JANE: Oh, just another one of the long line of guys Daria loved and left BRITTANY: Wow! I should learn her secret! JANE: (smirks) Oh, yeah. TED: (OS) Um.. girls? DARIA: Yeah, I know, I know. Fight scene. BRITTANY: Fight? [Scene 21 MOJO JOJO's 'secret' hideout. The nets containing MYSTIK SPIRAL and MAYOR and KEVIN are hanging from the ceiling. The net containing the PPGs is also hanging from the ceiling, but is being slowly lowered into a pot of molten metal.] MOJO: And now, that I have you captured, I can destroy you, and if I can destroy you then I can take over the world. And then the world will be mine! And then I will rule the world! BUTTERCUP: (still tied up, mutters) and get acting lessons. [BLOSSOM and BUBBLES stare at her] BUTTERCUP: (annoyed) What? Hey, THEY get to do it! TED: (OS) At that moment, the argument was interrupted by.. the.. Powerpuff girls? [DARIA, JANE and BRITTANY crash through the walls.] BUBBLES: Yay, the Powerpuff Girls are here to save us! BUTTERCUP: Bubbles, WE are the Powerpuff Girls! BLOSSOM: Yeah. So who are THEY? [Pan to BRITTANY, JANE and DARIA] BRITTANY: Ok, chimp! Hand over my Kevvie! MOJO: The Powerpuff Girls! Wait, I already captured you! You're right over there! (turns) Oh.. you ARE right over there! What is this trick! JANE: No trick, ape. There's a new sheriff in town! DARIA: And already, he's preparing to be sued for police brutality. JANE: Yeah! (beat) Wait.. BRITTANY: Let's get him! MOJO: Agh! I'll have to stop you with my conventional weapons! [MOJO runs. Fight montage starts BRITTANY headbutts MOJO MOJO falls back into JANE, who slugs him, drawing first blood. MOJO tries to run.. DARIA trips him. BRITTANY lands hard on MOJO's back JANE gives MOJO a swift kick to the head. DARIA casually munches a handful of popcorn BRITTANY twists MOJOs left arm behind his back, while JANE twists his right leg. DARIA yawns, and pulls out a book. MOJO tries crawling away, gets slugged by BRITTANY. JANE flies into scene, throwing MOJO over her shoulder. DARIA moves her book, to avoid it being knocked out of her hands by the flying ape BRITTANY kicks MOJO where it counts. JANE uses MOJO as a punching bag. DARIA grabs one of the nets, and throws it, ensnaring BRITTANY, JANE, and MOJO.] JANE: Hey, Daria! What's the big idea! DARIA: Sorry, Jane. (sighs) I'll probably regret this, but.. [lifts the net, letting JANE and BRITTANY out.] BRITTANY: Whew! I think I lost a hair scrunchie in that fight. (pauses) Kevvie! KEVIN: (doesn't recognize her) Hey, babe, you're cute. BRITTANY: (doesn't realize it) You're pretty hot yourself, Kevvie. KEVIN: Wanna go out? When you're older, I mean. You'll have to wait until I dump Brittany first. BRITTANY: (turns red) Why you two-timing... blockhead! JANE: Blockhead? DARIA: Probably as in "Writers Block." JANE: Damn, you're good. [BRITTANY starts beating on KEVIN (and the poor MAYOR, trapped in the same bag.)] JANE: We should really save them. DARIA: Watch us move. JANE: Trent! [JANE goes over to the net holding MYSTIK SPIRAL in, and releases the band.] TRENT: Hey, Janey. You look different. New hair color? JANE: Observant as always, Trent. Hey, if you think I'm something, get a load of Daria. [DARIA turns beet red, and falls from the air, accidentally taking BRITTANY down with her.] BRITTANY: DARIA! DARIA: (recovering) Sorry, Brittany.. but.. uh.. I think they've both had enough of a beating. MS BARCH: (OS) No they haven't! BRITTANY: (pause) Well.. (twirls her hair) I guess you ARE the expert on love. DARIA: Yeah. Just call me Ask Cupid. BRITTANY: That's a silly name. JANE: (laughs) C'mon. Let's go. BUTTERCUP: Ahem! DARIA: Forgot someone, Jane? JANE: Oh yeah. [flies over to the PPGs, and releases em.] --- Commercial Break --- [Scene 22. PPG's house. All the characters captured my MOJO are there, along with their rescuers, and the PROFESSOR.] BUBBLES: So you turned them into us? (looks at BRITTANY) BUTTERCUP: This one doesn't look much like me! (looking at DARIA) Why isn't she wearing the same clothes as WE usually do? DARIA: I AM wear.. never mind. Look, I just want to get home, ok? JANE: Retreat to your parents and Quinn? You MUST be exhausted. DARIA: You're right. I've lost my mind. JANE: At least you'll have those super peepers to look for it with. BLOSSOM: But what about us, Professor? PROFESSOR: Well, I think I have an antidote to Chemical Z. DARIA: Let me guess. Chemical Y, right? PROFESSOR: (pauses) Actually, it's Chemical Q. (beat) You think Chemical Y would work better? DARIA: Who cares. Can you change US back to normal? PROFESSOR: Not exactly. It seems that Mojo Jojo used all the Chemical Z in Townsville in his plot against my girls. There's none left to restore you to normal. DARIA: Great. I always wanted to go back to pre-school. PROFESSOR: It's not that bad. Actually, it should wear off gradually on it's own over the next few weeks. DARIA: (incredulous) I have to spend weeks like this? JANE: It's ok! I could get used to this! BRITTANY: Me too! DARIA: (sighs) Fine. You two go save the world or something, I'm going to go read something. BLOSSOM: Professor, what about US? (beat) Sorry, but.. you were getting lost. PROFESSOR: Stand back, girls. [sprays the former PPGs with Chemical Q, and they revert to their normal form] BUTTERCUP: Professor, you did it! PROFESSOR: Simple matter of realigning the global transition state matrix to the inverse angle of the reverse hypotenuse of the........ DARIA: On second thought, let's just go home. This Professor talks more junk science than all of Star Trek combined. JANE: One loose end left to tie up. TRENT: Yeah.. the tank's at the gig, and we're over here. JANE: Not just that, we didn't get paid yet! MAYOR: Oh yes! Here's that shirt, and the cash! [JANE grabs the money and shirt.] JESSE: That reminds me, Trent.. you owe me a shirt. JANE: That's who the shirt is for, dummy! [tosses the shirt to JESSE] JESSE: Cool! I have a shirt now. TRENT: What about the money? The Tank? Our instruments? JANE: [Hands Trent $100] Go nuts. Take a cab or something. Just.. take.. THAT.. with you, eh? [points at Kevin] TRENT: A plan. Cool. KEVIN: But Brit! You're not gonna ride home with me? BRITTANY: I can fly! What do I need with your ugly Jeep. KEVIN: Oh man! DARIA: That's fine for you two, but all that flying makes me queasy. KEVIN: Well, Daria, I could give you a ride. BRITTANY: Kevvie! [whacks him] Don't you dare cheat on me! DARIA: (considers) On second thought.. I don't really want to spend two hours with him anyway. [Scene 23 Lawndale High. DARIA and JANE at their lockers.] TED: (OS) Laaaaaaaaaawndale High.. DARIA: Ted, stop it! TED: (OS) Sorry. Couldn't help it. (clears throat) Our heroines have gone back to school, for an exciting day. [FASHION CLUB walks by, doesn't even notice DARIA or JANE.] JANE: What, no snide comments? DARIA: You forget, to the popular, the unpopular are virtually invisible as is. JANE: Oh yeah. QUINN: So, anyway, so I told Jamie that his present was really thoughtful and stuff, but then Joey got in a big fight with him over who paid for it, and it was a real mess. I don't know why I do that sometimes. Oh yeah, Cashman's is having a sale on blush next week. I am soooo there, you know? And.. [pan to DARIA, glaring at QUINN. Suddenly, an unfocused laser beam emerges from her eyes, and, focused by her glasses, strike QUINN in the back, lighting her hair on fire.] QUINN: (at first, oblivious) ..so there was this guy there at the counter, right, and.. hey, what's that smell! Eeeeeeep! Fire! [Pan back to DARIA and JANE.] JANE: You only get a few weeks like this, you know. DARIA: (Mona Lisa smile) I have to admit, it is growing on me. SANDI: (OS) Stuff growing on you! Like, ewwwwww. DARIA: [stares offscreen. Laser beam fires again] SANDI: (OS) Eeeep! Like, my purse! My makeup! It's melted! DARIA: A girl could get used to this, after all. [Scene 24. Closing scene spiral] TED: (OS) And so, the dd day is saved, thanks to.. the.. um.. well.. Daria, Jane, and Brittany. (beat) I think. (beat) Hmm.. gum.. [closing theme to "Stupid Girl," Garbage] Alter-egos (and, to hit on all the low notes here ;-) ) Quinn as Princess (gee, there's a stretch!) Buttercup as Principal Li. Helen as an Amoeba Trent as Mayor Bubbles as Jesse DeMartino as Professor Utonium Tiffany as a member of the Ganggreen Gang Stacy as Ms Bellows Blossom as Andrea Kevin as Ms Keane -- SUMMARY: (tongue-in-cheek Daria/PowerPuff Girls Crossover) Mystik Spiral gets a gig in a nearby town, who's mayor happens to be Kevin's Uncle.. we think Eep! Brittany offers Daria and Jane a ride in Kevin's Jeep, when Trent's car won't start. Eep! Worse yet, several villians turn out, capturing the Powerpuff girls, and when they try get in the way, Kevin and Trent. Guess who has to save the day this time, with a little help from one worried Professor.. This is draft 2, incorporating some minor changes (some parts marked VO should have been OS - got myself confused *blush*, and the spelling of Mystik Spiral has been corrected.) Special Thanks: I have to credit Kemical Reaxion's "makeovers" of Daria, Jane, and Brittany as Powerpuff Girls, for giving me the idea. I hope I've done the medium justice. This is not my first fic (technically), but it is the first one I'm releasing. Ok, this piece is pretty tongue-in-cheek, but that's because the other ones I'm working on are a little more rigorous, and my muse needed the break. Go fig, eh? Anyway, I had to get this one out before I could do anything else. *sigh* Unfortunately, I had so much fun with this one, that I'm very tempted to do a pseudo-sequel, "the Fashion Club Girls." I suppose it's because this particular topic really doesn't lend itself to a serious treatment. I hope I didn't go too far overboard with the jokes, but I just couldn't resist. Just don't ask me what the hell I was thinking with this, because I don't think I can explain it at all. ;-) All I know is I had a blast writing this one, and I hope you have enjoyed it. I did write this initially in one sitting. I still consider it a draft copy, but since it's not a serious work, I figured, no harm in releasing it early to an audience which is no-doubt eagerly anticipating it! 8-) Disclaimers and other such stuff: Daria, and the characters on that show, are owned by MTV networks, which itself is owned by Viacom. The Powerpuff Girls, on the other hand, are owned by Cartoon Network, which is owned by Time Warner, who are owned by AOL now I believe. This original work is presented as a parody under the fair-use doctrine, which permits such derivitive works. As author, I insist only that this work be presented as is, and that no fee be charged for the distribution of this work, as I have provided it at no fee and no profit. [*] Exception to the above: Lynn Cullen is the creation of Canadibrit, and NOT anyone else. I couldn't resist, though, given the popularity of the Look Alike Series, in at least using one of them once. ;-) If you want to use em, ask her (Not MY) permission first. She won't bite.. hard. 8-) -- Appendix: Just a brief summary of Powerpuff Girls, for those who aren't familiar with it. Bubbles (in blue) is.. well, she's kinda a ditz, who usually just wants to color. Buttercup (in green) has a real mean streak, and always wants to fight. Blossom (in pink) is the leader of the trio, and the brains of the operation (such as it is, anyway). The three girls live with their creator, who is usually addressed only as Professor (his full name is Professor Utonium, but it's not often used.) He had created them from "sugar, spice, everything nice, plus an accidental extra ingredient, "Chemical X" - the Chem X ended up giving the girls superpowers, such as the ability to fly, or speak squirrel [don't ask.]) The girls go to school at Pokey Oaks Elementary, (their teacher is Ms Keane, who is referenced here only as an alterego target) and generally their adventures start out either at school or at home, when a big red phone rings. The phone connects them to the Mayor of Townsville (named, stupidly enough, "Mayor"), who is just about as clueless as Kevin. (which is why I decided they should be related somehow.) Generally, the adventures have something to do with a collection of villians. Mojo Jojo is a big Monkey who keeps trying elaborate inventions to take over the world. Princess is the PPG's age, and always tries to buy her way with her daddy's money (Quinn, without a fashion sense, and adopted by the Sloans.) Fuzzy Lumpkins is a big.. something or other, and a real hick who just hates everyone and everything except his banjo. The Ganggreen Gang is a bunch of "teens" who generally just cause trouble. The Amoeba Boys are basically that, a trio of amoebas who try to get in trouble (and usually fail.. their idea of a crime spree is walking on the grass.)