THE HAUNTING OF LAWNDALE HIGH

A Daria/Real Ghostbusters/Extreme Ghostbusters/Beavis and Butt-Head crossover

By

Patrick Moore

CMoore1703@aol.com

 

 

Authorís Note: This story is set a month after my Extreme Ghostbusters story "Syrinís Song.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

CHAPTER 1

 

Beavis and Butt-Head were eating nachos in their messed up living room watching Baywatch on TV.

"Watching Baywatch and eating nachos are cool," said Butt-Head, who was watching one of the female lifeguards taking off her suit on TV.

"Sure wish Daria was here to see this moment," said Beavis.

"I heard that she and her family moved away to Kansas," said Butt-Head. "I sure miss Diarrhea."

"Me too," said Beavis.

Just then a man dressed in an all black sweat suit and a ski mask entered the room with a shooting riffle in his hand. "Prepare to go to Hell, you little bastards!" shouted the masked man.

"Itís Batman, Butt-Head," said Beavis.

"Thatís not Batman, dumbass," corrected Butt-Head. "Itís the Black Power Ranger."

"You idiots, Iím going to kill your sorry asses for making my life a living Hell!" Said the masked man.

"This sucks," were the last words Butt-Head said as he and Beavisís brains were blown out by the shots of the riffle.

 

 

"Theyíre dead?" said Mr. McVicker when he heard the news of Beavis and Butt-Headís deaths. "This is going to be a great day after all."

"Shouldnít we be morning them instead?" said schoolteacher, Mr. Van Dresien. "Beavis and Butt-Head were fine students."

"Those two are complete idiots and morons," said Mr. Buzzcut. "We should give them a twenty gun saluteÖstraight to Hell."

 

"We should have a funeral for the boys right here outside the school," said Van Dresien. "Weíll even have a party in their honor."

"A party celebrating their deaths is a great idea," Mr. McVicker gave out a wicked smile. "I also want to thank the guy who killed them in the first place."

Van Dresien just sighed.

# # #

Daria Morgendorffer heard the news of the death of her moronic comrades on the radio when she got out of bed this morning. "I canít believe those idiots are really dead," she said to herself. "Thank goodness I donít have to go to their funeral."

"So the two stooges are finally dead," said Dariaís sister, Quinn, who just peered her head in Dariaís room.

"What do you want?"

"Now that those jerks are dead, you can do something with those old rags you call clothes that you wore back in Highland."

"I donít hate them, Quinn. Itís not like what happened to Tommy Sherman last year."

"The Misery Chick strikes again."

"Shut up, Quinn," said Daria.

# # #

"Who the heck is Beavis and Butt-Head?" said Eduardo Rivera as he read the paper at Ghostbusters HQ.

"It says here that they were two teenagers who lived in Highland, Texas," said Kylie Griffin. "And they were completely stupid."

"Reminds me of you, Eddie," said Garrett Miller in his wheelchair. "Have you two seen Roland and Syrin anywhere?"

"Theyíre helping Egon get ready for his trip to Lawndale," said Kylie. "He and the original Ghostbusters are special guests at a convention over there."

"He might as well take Slimer with him," said Eduardo. "I can finally take that slime free day I always wanted."

As the three young Ghostbusters talked, Egon, Roland, and Syrin walked downstairs. Egon is carrying one suitcase, while Roland was carrying the other one. Syrin wasnít wearing her white robe anymore, but wearing blue jeans and a pink shirt.

"Well Iím off," said Egon. "I should be back in two weeks."

"What are you doing for two weeks, Egon?" said Garrett.

"Me and the others are planing to do a little sightseeing in Lawndale before we come back, and I also want to find out more on the deaths of those two Texan boys who were murdered."

"Why do you want to go into that for?" Kylie asked Egon.

"The PKE meter went wacko while I was upstairs," said Egon. "I believe that some kind of spirit force Iíve never seen before is causing this. Thatís why Iím going to find out why."

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

CHAPTER TWO

 

Two days have past when Daria and her best friend, Jane Lane, walked the hallways of Lawndale High School. The two girls stopped at their lockers to get their books for their next class. As Daria opened her locker, a dark red liquid splashed out of her locker.

"What is this stuff?" questioned Daria.

"It could be blood, or some prank by the Fashion Club," answered Jane.

"The Fashion Club arenít practical jokers. Besides, this blood is chunky like tomatoes."

"If it wasnít them, it must be either Kevin or Upchuck."

"Itís not blood, itís salsa," Daria said, as she tasted the red stuff. "Who would put salsa in my locker?"

Suddenly, the Fashion Club ran out screaming out of the girlsí bathroom covered in the same red sauce that was in Dariaís locker.

"What happened to you four?" Said Daria. "Did Carrie make a surprise appearance in the bathroom again?"

"No, Quinnís cousin," said Fashion Club president, Sandi Griffin. "Some idiot poured some red liquid over us while we were doing our faces."

"You got to find the jerk who did this to us, Daria" said Quinn.

"Why me?" asked Daria. "Why canít you get Linda Blair to spit pea soup at this guy?"

"We donít know who did this," said Stacy Rowe. "We were the only ones who were there when it happened."

"Then who did it?" said Tiffany Blum-Deckler.

"It was ghosts who did it," said Kevin Thompson, as he and Brittany Taylor walk up to Daria and the others. "It says so in the latest issue of The Gravedigger."

"Kevin, there are no such things as ghosts," said Quinn. "Just like Batman and Elvis."

"Then who put that red stuff on youíre heads?" asked Kevin. "It canít be one of the boys, because we donít go into the girls bathroom."

"For once Sherlock Homeless has a point," said Jane. "I think the school is haunted by ghosts."

"But by who?" said Daria. "It might be that jerk, Tommy Sherman."

"Tommy doesnít like salsa," corrected Kevin.

Just then, Mr. DeMartino enters with an angry mood on his face. "Which one of you BRAINDEAD losers wrote the word "DIARRHEA" on my blackboard?" he said.

"What?" said Daria. "What are you talking about, Mr. DeMartino?"

"Some IDIOT kept writing "DIARRHEA" on my blackboard. When I find the PERVERT who did it, Iím going to kick him in the NUTS so hard, itís going to sting for a week."

Just then, school principal Angela Li walks up the others. "What the heck is going on here?" She said, as she looks at the Fashion Club still covered in salsa. "You girls better get cleaned up or else."

"We believe that our school is haunted by ghosts," said Jane.

"Theyíre not such things as ghosts," said Ms. Li. "Besides, if this school is haunted, I would know about it."

As Ms. Li spoke, from out of nowhere her clothes are pulled off only to show her underwear.

"Feisty," said Upchuck, as he walks past the underwear wearing Ms. Li.

"Shut up, you pervert!" Ms. Li shouted to Upchuck, then turns to Mr. DeMartino. "Donít just stand there, Mr. DeMartino, get me a large towel or a bathrobe."

 

"Itís doing it again," said Egon, as his PKE meter was acting up again.

"Whereís it coming from?" Asked Ray Stanz.

"Stop the car, Winston," Egon said to Winston Zedmore, who was driving their rental car.

"A high school!?" Puzzled Winston, as he stopped the car. "Youíre sure about this, Egon?"

"Positive," answered Egon. "We better go inside and find out."

# # #

As the three original Ghostbusters entered the high school, Daria and Jane were there to greet them.

"Arenít you the Ghostbusters?" Asked Jane.

"We sure are," said Ray.

"We got a ghost problem in our school," said Daria, "and it ainít Casper the Friendly Ghost."

"Have you two seen what these ghosts look like?" Asked Egon.

"I think the ghosts resemble my old schoolmates, Beavis and Butt-Head," said Daria.

"How do you this, Daria?" Jane said to Daria.

"The salsa and the word "Diarrhea" rung a bell."

Just then, the ghosts of Beavis and Butt-Head appear out of nowhere in front of Daria, Jane, and the three Ghostbusters.

"Butt-Head, itís Diarrhea and the Three Stooges," said Beavis.

"Itís the Ghostbusters, you moron," corrected Daria to Beavis. "Why are you haunting my school anyway? Did Mr. McVicker put rat poison on the school floor again?"

"Shut up, Daria, " said Butt-Head. "Now that weíre ghosts, we can scare you and your friends and score chicks."

"You canít score women now that you two idiots are dead," said Daria. "Besides, what did I ever do to you two nimrods in the first place?"

Beavis and Butt-Head thought about what Daria said, until Butt-Head said, "Uh, we donít know."

"Idiot ghosts," said Daria.

"But we can haunt you and this school," said Butt-Head.

"Damn," said Jane. "I thought we werenít going another silly episode anymore?"

"Donít blame me for saying yes in doing this crossover story," said Daria.

"And donít blame me for having Dan Ackroyd play me in that bad cameo appearance in that Casper movie," said Ray.

"Uh-Oh," said Egon, as he looked at his PKE meter. "This is bad, very bad."

"What is it, Egon?" Winston said.

"Those two ghosts may be stupid, but their energy is to the max. We got to call the Extreme Ghostbusters on this."

"Iím on it, Egon," said Winston, as he left to make the call.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

CHAPTER THREE

All five Extreme Ghostbusters were in the recreation room watching the movie "13 Ghosts" on television, when Janine entered and turned it off with the remote.

"What the heck did you do that for, Janine?" Garrett asked. "It going to the best part."

"Egon and the others need help in Lawndale," answered Janine.

"Did the convention get canceled?" Eduardo asked.

"Be serious for once, Eduardo," said Kylie. "There could be a ghost problem here."

"Thatís what Winston said to me on the phone a few minutes ago," said Janine.

"Suit up, people," said Roland, as the others dawned their ghostbusting gear.

# # #

Back in Lawndale High, Egon, Ray, Winston, Daria, and Jane are looking for the ghosts of Beavis and Butt-Head. Just then, Ms. Li and Mr. OíNeill walked up to them.

"Ms. Morgendorffer," said Ms. Li to Daria, "what are you and Ms. Lane doing out of class?"

"Helping the Ghostbusters capture those ghosts," answered Daria. "And maybe plot to kill Martha Stewart."

"You have to evacuate the school now, Ms. Li," said Ray. "When the other Ghostbusters come here, we need your students out of the building so we bust these ghosts."

"I will not do no such thing!" Snapped Ms. Li. "I will not have my students evacuate the school due to something that doesnít exist!"

"Remember your underwear incident?" Reminded Mr. OíNeill to Ms. Li. "Maybe you should let the Ghostbusters do their job, so we can get back to normal here."

Ms. Li thought of what happened a half-hour ago and said, "You got one hour to get those ghosts out of my school."

# # #

Ten minutes later, the Ecto-4 landed on the roof of Lawndale High, while the students and faculty members are outside waiting to go back inside their school. Inside, the Extreme Ghostbusters spotted Egon and the others in the hallway.

"Whoís the kid?" Eduardo said, as he saw Daria.

"This is Daria Morgendorffer," answered Egon, "and sheís here to help us with our little ghost problem."

"Hello," said Daria.

"Yo," said Jane, who was still with the group. "You must be the Extreme Ghostbusters Iíve heard so much about on Sick, Sad, World."

"Never heard of that show," said Garrett. "But, if Eduardo was on it, he could have been the Taco Bell dog in a past life."

"Shut up, Garrett," said Eduardo.

"Cut it out, you two," said Kylie to Garrett and Eduardo, "we still have a ghost to bust you know."

"Split into two teams," said Roland. "Garrett, Syrin, Jane, Ray, and I will take the upstairs. Kylie, Egon, Winston, Daria, and Eduardo will take downstairs."

"Great," said Daria, as she looks at Eduardo. "I get stuck with Shaggy here, and Scooby-Doo isnít here to jump on me."

# # #

Helen Morgendorffer was driving her car to go get some lunch spotted a man in a Hawaiian shirt waving to her. She drove her car right next to him and said, "What the heck to you want, pal? I got to get to Burger World, before the drive-thru line becomes crowded again."

"I need a ride to Lawndale High School," said the man. "Thereís a major problem over there, and I got to get there before it gets worse."

"Please donít tell me that thereís another one of those horrid school shootings Iíve heard so much about."

"Itís ghosts, Maíam."

"Whatís your name?"

"Dr. Peter Venkman of the Ghostbusters."

"I just love that gorilla you had for a sidekick," said Helen. "What ever happened to him?"

Peter sighs, "Iím not with those Ghostbusters. That was a television show."

"Iíll take you to the school, but you got to tell me whatís going on."

Peter went into Helenís car, and drove off to Lawndale High.

# # #

"Just like the good old days," said Ray, as he and his team of Ghostbusters were in the Library.

"What are talking about, Mr. Stanz?" Syrin asked.

"This is how me, Peter, and Egon became Ghostbusters."

"Weíll never find those ghosts here," said Garrett. "Only a bookworm can stay in a place like this."

Just then, a rumble coming from the biography section startled the Ghostbusters. They headed there to see the ghost of Butt-Head reading copies of Playboy, and drooling over the birthday suited women.

"So thatís where Upchuck hid his Playboy collection," smirked Jane.

The Ghostbusters fired their proton guns at Butt-Head, but missed, as Butt-Head flew past the blast. As Butt-Head dodged the proton blast, the blast hit the books off their shelves, even caused damage to them.

"Stand still, you idiot!" Shouted Garrett, as he tried to zap Butt-Head.

Jane had an idea as she picked up one of the slimed Playboys off the floor. "Butt-Head, you forgot your Playboy," she said, as she waved the gooey magazine to bring Butt-Head back to them.

Butt-Head turned back to get his magazine only to find out what an idiot he was when the Ghostbusters started firing at him again, but this time they hit their target.

"This sucks," said Butt-Head, as Syrin tossed a ghost trap under the dimwit ghost. The trap opened as Butt-Head is being sucked into it and then closed.

"Busted," smirked Garrett, as he picked up the ghost trap with Butt-Headís ghost inside. "I hope Egon and the others are having such luck."

# # #

"Whereís Beavis?" Asked Daria, as she and the other Ghostbusters were looking for him. "He couldnít have disappeared off the face of the earth."

"Maybe heís dating Sabrina the Teenage Witch in the Netherworld," said Eduardo.

"Be serious, Eduardo," said Kylie. "Beavis is a complete idiot, and he doesnít know where the Netherworld is."

As they walked to the end of the hallway, they spotted Quinn carrying a purse and walking kind of funny. She was eating about five candy bars, and has chocolate all over her mouth.

"Quinn, what are you still doing here?" Daria said, as she walks up to Quinn. "And whatís with the sugar rush?"

"All I know is that I came back in here to get Sandiís purse from the bathroom," answered Quinn. "After that, I had an urge for some candy and soda. Daria, I feel weird."

"You better get home if you donít feel so good. You shouldnít have eaten all those candy bars in the first place."

"Get away from her Daria!" said Kylie. "Quinnís possessed!"

"Say what?" Asked Daria.

"Kylieís right, Daria," answered Egon. "My PKE meter has found ectoplasm energy in Quinn. In other words, youíre sister has a ghost in her body."

Daria turns to her sister to see that she is gone. "Where did she go?" she asked, as she now just spotted Quinn heading toward the school exit. "Stop!"

# # #

Helen spotted Quinn coming out of the school when she stopped her car with Dr. Venkman with her. She got out of the car and ran towards her youngest daughter.

"Quinn, thank God youíre alright!" Helen said, as she hugged Quinn. "Thank goodness there wasnít a school shooting here, or I would be crying at your funeral."

"Get away from Quinn, Mom!" Daria shouted, as she and the Ghostbusters came out of the school. "The ghost of Beavis is in her body."

"There are no such things as ghosts, Daria."

"Then ask Quinn."

Helen turned to Quinn, only to see her getting sicklier as before. "Are you feeling alright, Quinn?"

"Your daughter isnít sick, Mrs. Morgendorffer," asked Peter, "sheís possessed."

Quinn began to change into something not normal; Her face became sort of twisted as she began to laugh a stupid laugh, and she put her shirt over her head. Quinn has becomeÖThe Great Cornholio.

"I am Cornholio," said the possessed Quinn. "TP for my bunghole."

"Crap," said Daria.

Quinn/Beavis walked up to the Three Jís and began vomiting pea soup on their shoes. "That soup taste like Buzzcutís shorts," she/he said.

"Are you sick, Quinn?" Said Jamie.

"Need a towel to clean that puke of you mouth?" Said Joey.

"Want a cough drop for that cold?" Said Jeffy.

"Are you threatening me?" Quinn/Beavis shouted to the Jís. "I am Cornholio."

"What?" Asked all Three Jís at once.

"My sister is possessed by the ghost of a complete idiot, you idiots," said Daria to the Jís. "Thatís why the Ghostbusters are here in the first place."

"Who?" Asked Joey.

"Never mind," Daria groaned.

# # #

"Whatís with Quinn?" Asked Tiffany. "She looks so creepy like that Goth girl, Andrea."

"Shut up, fashion freak," said Andrea to Tiffany.

The possessed Quinn walked to the Fashion Club. "I am Cornholio," she said.

"Who is this Cornholio loser?" Sandi said to Tiffany and Stacy, but they both shrugged.

"TP for my bunghole," the possessed Quinn said, as she began screaming at the Fashion Club.

Daria and the Ghostbusters ran up to Quinn, as she was about to throw up on the Fashion Club like she did the Three Jís.

"Release Quinn, Beavis," said Egon.

"I am not this Beavis," said Quinn/Beavis. "I am the Great Cornholio. Do you have TP for my bunghole? Bunghole."

"What is a bunghole?" Eduardo asked.

"Donít ask," answered Kylie.

"How long till Beavis returns back to normal?" Syrin asked Daria.

"Until the caffeine wears off," Daria answered, as she and the others waited for Beavis to get out of Quinnís body.

Suddenly, something strange happened to Quinn when Beavisís ghost finally left Quinnís body. Quinn felt kind of sick and dizzy with having a ghost in your body and all. She was also covered with green slime all over her body.

"Quinnís body sucks," said Beavis, after he left Quinnís body.

"Timeís up, slimebucket," said Garrett to Beavis, as he and the other Extreme Ghostbusters pointed their proton guns at Beavis.

"Uh-oh," said Beavis, as he tried to escape, but got zapped by the proton guns. Kylie threw a ghost trap on the ground.

"Say good-bye, Beaver," Kylie said, as she opened the trap.

"Itís Beavis, butt munch," said Beavis, as he is sucked into the ghost trap.

"Is that all of them?" Ms. Li asked the Ghostbusters.

"Thatís all of them, Maíam," said Roland.

"Now we can finally get the rest of the school day finished without anymore problems around here." Ms. Li ordered the students and teachers to return back into the school.

Daria and Jane stayed behind with the Ghostbusters. "What are you going to do with Beavis and Butt-Head?" Daria asked.

"Those two will be in our Containment Unit for a long time," said Ray.

"Besides, they wonít be bothering you and your friends anymore," said Garrett.

"Thanks for getting rid of those two dolts," said Jane. "Thank goodness we didnít have to battle the ghost of Tommy Sherman, then we would be in deep poop."

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

EPILOGUE

 

Mr. McVicker was in his office, when two police officers entered his office carrying a warrant.

"Henry McVicker," said one of the officers. "Youíre under arrest for the murders of Beavis and Butt-Head."

"You have no proof," said McVicker.

"We have a witness that says that you and Mr. Roger Buzzcut were behind the deaths of the two teens."

"Who would that witness be?"

"Iím that witness," Mr. VanDresien entered the room. "I know you and Mr. Buzzcut plotted the murder for the boys."

The policeman began to handcuff McVicker and took him away.

# # #

"McVicker and Buzzcut were the killers all this time," said Daria, as she and her family ate their dinner. "I knew those two were trouble in the first place."

"Thank goodness those two are in jail, or I would teach them a lesson or two," said Dariaís father, Jake.

"Why would two faculty members plot to kill two teen like that?" Helen asked. "Just because Beavis and Butt-Head are complete idiots and all."

"All I know is that itís all over," said Quinn. "Now we can all go back to normal around here."

"Letís watch some TV," said Jake. "What do you think is on right now?"

"I hear the Exorcist in on the Sci-Fi Channel," said Daria, as she smirked at Quinn.

"No more ghosts!" Quinn shouted, as she ran upstairs to her room.

"Daria, what did you do now?" Helen frowned at Daria.

Daria just stood there and smiled and said, "Who ya gonna call?"

 

THE END

 

DARIA and BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD and related characters are owned by MTV and VIACOM.

REAL GHOSTBUSTERS and EXTREME GHOSTBUSTERS are owned by Columbia/Tri-Star.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

NOTES

  1. The Ecto-4 was in the Real Ghostbusters comic books from Now Comics.
  2. Syrin became a Extreme Ghostbuster in my story "Syrinís Song."
  3. Janeís reference to the lame "Daria" episode concern "Daria the Musical," "Depth Takes A Holiday," and "Murder, She Snored."
  4. Rayís reference of the Ghostbusters bad reputation was in the movie version of "Casper" when Dan Ackroyd ran and said "Who ya gonna call? Someone else!"
  5. My crossover was based on Peter W. Gueinís Ghostbusters/Daria crossover "The Prepaid Phone Call of Tommy Sherman." My story is not a rip-off of his story.

 

 

 

I thank you for reading my story as of I of writing it.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUMPKINHEAD PRODUCTION