"The Glory of Lawndale High"
A Daria fanfic by Dave Hines
boffo97@mail.com

Continuity note: This fanfic takes place before "Jane's Addition", so no Tom.

Chapter One: Another One Of Those Days

        Daria Morgendorffer was getting that feeling again. She sighed. Something stupid was going to happen today. Then again, in her life that described just about every day. She slowly pulled herself out of bed, showered, and dressed before walking downstairs.

        "Daria! You're still HERE?!" a shrill voice cried. This was not what Daria needed in the morning. In fact, this was not what she needed ever. Her sister Quinn continued to rant. "Sandi, Tiffany and Stacy are going to be here to pick me up in like five minutes!! Okay, okay... just stay away from the door and any windows, okay?!"

        Without waiting for a response, Quinn ran back into her room to hurriedly search for the perfect fashion, not realizing she could dress like Raggedy Anne and still be just as popular. Daria knew Quinn didn't mean to be as narcissistic as she was. She was still struggling a bit with maturity. Daria also knew that unless Quinn's friends were even more brain-dead than Daria thought, they already knew that Daria was Quinn's sister and were just being polite about it. Daria entered the kitchen.

        "Morning, kiddo!" exclaimed Jake Morgendorffer. "Your mom's left for the office already. Big case, you know." and then went back to drinking his coffee.

        "Morning, dad. And aren't they all." Daria ate some toast as she began reading the World News section of the paper that her father had already finished. She treasured these times where she and her father sat quietly together reading. She drank some juice as well, just so she could have an allegedly complete breakfast. Her father finished his coffee, wished Daria a good day and left.

        Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Quinn's voice yelled "I'll get it!" After a slight pause, Quinn yelled "Ew! Well... get in here!" and the door slammed. "Stay away from any doors and windows."

        Daria's best friend, Jane Lane entered the kitchen. "Good morning, amiga." Jane began to help herself to some of the toast. Daria didn't begrudge her. Food wasn't always guaranteed in the Lane household.

        "Isn't 'good morning' an oxymoron?"

        "Quite possibly. What's Her Loudness, Quinn the First all worked up over?"

        "I think it's the big scrunchie-off today or something."

        "Really. That's funny because I was reading in Waif that hair clips were making a comeback."

        Daria raised her eyebrows at her friend, but understood the method of her madness when she heard her sister run up the stairs and into her room.

        Jane smirked. "Now we can make good our nefarious escape." Daria smirked in response and the two left.

        Quinn ran back down the stairs. "Jane, what issue was that hair clip thing in? Jane? Jane?! Daria?!"

Chapter Two: Fight! Fight! Fight!

        As Daria and Jane approached the school, there was a large circle of students looking at something. Jane and Daria looked at each other. This was never good. They walked over to the group.

        Inside the impromptu circle, Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer III was being pummeled by a hulking, unfamiliar student. Upchuck was a mess. His shirt was torn, his nose was bloody and he had a black eye. By the typical rules of the playground, the fight was won, and Upchuck's assailant should have let up. But he didn't. Out from the school, Mr. DeMartino approached the melee.

        "Stop that IMMEDIATELY!" yelled DeMartino and he pulled the student off of Upchuck. For a second, the student turned to DeMartino and looked as if he were about to start attacking DeMartino next. "Don't even THINK about it, Mr. Gramm." DeMartino said as he narrowed his eyes and looked more dangerous than Daria could even remember seeing. The student backed down. DeMartino took out his walkie-talkie, "Mr. O'Neill, could you please report to the FRONT of the school?" O'Neill signaled acknowledgment and arrived in a matter of moments.

        "Mr. O'Neill, help Mr. Ruttheimer there to the nurse please. I will escort Mr. Gramm here to Ms. Li's office." He looked around at the students. "Don't the rest of you have CLASSES to get ready for?" The crowd dispersed.

        Jane and Daria looked at each other again. This was odd, even for Lawndale.

Chapter Three: Meanwhile, In Another Part Of The School...

        After third period Art together, Jane and Daria split up again. Jane went to her Algebra class, whereas Daria was on her way to her AP Calculus class. On Daria's way, she spied Jodie Landon, whom she begrudgingly conceded that she had to consider somewhat as a friend. Usually, she tried to avoid Jodie in school, as Jodie seemed to have made it her personal mission to involve Daria in extra-curricular activities, which Daria avoided if at all humanly possible. But after the events of this morning, Jodie might have some information.

        "Um... hey, Jodie."

        "Hi, Daria. What's up?" the ever perky Jodie Landon replied.

        "There was a little bit of an... event outside of school this morning."

        "I wasn't there, but I heard. Not even Upchuck deserved something like that. He sustained a mild concussion, and he's going to be out for a little while, according to the rumor mill."

        "Not that that should affect the part of his body he actually uses to think. Who's the new land mass locked into tidal orbit around Lawndale?"

        "That's Sam Gramm. He just transferred here from Oakwood, and he's a pretty good defensive end. Kevin can't shut up about him, and even Mack seems a little enthused. Of course, he's Ms. Li's new golden child."

        "Of course."

        "Beating up Upchuck might actually increase his popularity, but it worries me a little. Upchuck really didn't do much other than talk to a girl Sam was talking to at the time, and he wasn't even..."

        "'...in full Upchuck mode'?" guessed Daria.

        Jodie chuckled despite herself. "I guess that's a good way to put it. I just hope that was the last fight, you know?"

        "Yeah."

        "Anyway, I've got to get to Poli Sci. See you later, Daria."

        "Later..." Jodie Landon departed. Daria looked nowhere in particular and quipped "In case anybody missed that, that was the exposition. Thank you." Then, she proceeded to her class.

        There was immediately a distant rumble that has very little to do with this story in response.

Chapter Four: Bureaucratic Interlude

        "Angela, the RULES are quite CLEAR! Starting a fight carries a mandatory SUSPENSION from school and an even longer suspension from extraCURRICULAR activities!"

        "Now, now, Anthony" started Principal Angela Li in her ingratiating manner "Technically, the fight was outside of the school, was it not?"

        "It was on school PROPERTY!" retorted Anthony DeMartino.

        "But can we really call that school property? After all, not much learning takes place on the school sidewalk."

        DeMartino smelled a rat. "You're PROTECTING him, aren't you?"

        "Nonsense! It was a regrettable incident by a new student outside of our jurisdiction. My hands are tied. I've already sent him to Ms. Manson's office to discuss the matter."

        "Ten minutes with Ms. Manson does not sufficiently DISCIPLINE a student for administering an UNPROVOKED and CRUEL beating onto another student, even if it was Mr. Ruttheimer..."

        "How can we be sure that the... incident was unprovoked, Mr. DeMartino?"

        "There were at least TWENTY witnesses!"

        "Ah, but high school students are not commonly known as being the most... impartial observers. Mr. Gramm's talent does attract a fair amount of... jealousy. Not everyone can be such a contributor to the gloooooory of Laaaaawndale High!"

        Ms. Li's face lit up after that statement in a way that Mr. DeMartino had seen too many times before. This was the crux of the matter. He knew that there was going to be no convincing Angela Li to see reason this time either. She was just going to have to crash and burn yet again on her own.

Chapter 5: Fashion Club Solidarity

        In a sight not uncommon to the halls of Lawndale High, the Fashion Club walked in unison to their next class. Sometimes, it seemed like they had exactly the same schedules as each other.

        "Did you hear what happened to Charles Ruttheimer?" asked Sandi Griffin in her deep voice.

        "Yeah! He got beat up by that new football player guy! He got two black eyes and a bloody nose!" Stacy Rowe supplied in her usual haste to see to Sandi's needs immediately.

        "Bloooooooooood? Eeeeeeeeewwww...." noted Tiffany Blum-Deckler.

        "I'm sorry, Tiffany!" Stacy immediately piped in.

        "Really?" asked Quinn Morgendorffer. She hadn't heard about that yet, and it seemed odd for Lawndale High.

        "I think I'm going to go out with him. I like tough men. I just need the perfect plan to get him to ask me." schemed Sandi.

        "Sandi," said Quinn, "are you sure that's a good idea?"

        "C'mon, Kuh-winn," drawing out Quinn's way in a way she knew utterly annoyed her, "you can't have all the football team for yourself. You already have Joey, Jeffy and... and..." Sandi paused. Joey? No, she hit that one already. None of the other members really looked like they had the answer to that one either. She continued, "Anyway, I am going to go out with Sam Gramm and... urf!" While looking backwards at the others, Sandi failed to realize that she had walked straight into the object of her new affections.

        Sam got a predatory smile on his face. "Oh, you are, are you?"

        "Um... er..." Sandi was the master of her own social circle but slightly unsure outside of it.

        "Chez Pierre. Tomorrow night. Where do you live?" He fished a piece of paper out of his backpack and handed it to Sandi. She had stars in her eyes as he wrote her address down.

        "Sandi... be careful!" Quinn whispered sotto voce at her. Sandi just stared at her in a mixture of anger and triumph, and walked off with Sam.

        Stacy and Quinn looked at each other with some worry in their eyes.

        Tiffany stared ahead at the departing couple. "Letting a girl bump into you is soooo wroooong."

Chapter 6: Practice Makes Imperfect

        "Ow! That kinda hurt, Gramm-man!" Kevin Thompson said as he picked himself off the turf. Luckily, even though it was a no-pads practice, Kevin was wearing a his omnipresent light set of pads.

        "I told you to stop calling me that, you idiot!" Sam barked.

        'Mack' McKenzie knew all about attempting to get Kevin to stop using an idiotic nickname, but this wasn't right.

        "C'mon man, he's on our side. And it's a no-pads practice. Two-hand touch only."

        Sam got right into Mack's face and sneered "Don't tell me what to do, boy..."

        "Boy?!" He was certain just what sense the word was uttered in. He was offended, yeah, but he was suddenly glad Jodie's mother wasn't around. Mack realized he was going to have to talk to Coach Gibson about the new guy soon.

        "Good hustle, Gramm! Mack, get back into position for another play!" Coach Gibson yelled from the sidelines.

        Mack looked over at Coach Gibson and saw the undisguised glee on his face about the new player. Maybe he'd have to postpone that chat for a couple of weeks. He sighed and got back into the wide receiver position. As the ball snapped, he started running his route, but shortly there after heard another plaintive scream from Kevin.

        "Ow!"

Chapter 7: Sandi's Date With Density

        Sandi frowned a little to herself. It just wasn't fair. Sam was nice to look at, and she was certain that this date would enhance her popularity. But... but... when Quinn described her dates with either Joey, Jeffy or... Jerry... nah... she had described them treating her almost like a princess. They showed perfect manners and went out of their way to get everything she could possibly want.

        Sam was brusque when he picked her up, even though he had a nice car, and then ordered for her without even asking what she wanted. The meal was alright, but she had had better. Then he proceeded to spend the whole time talking about himself. After that, he told her that they were going to go out for a drive. He was just so forceful and demanding that she couldn't bring herself to tell him that she wanted to go home. She became more concerned when Sam pulled off the road into a deserted section of the woods. She didn't like this at all.

        "Why so tense, babe?" Sam asked as he turned off his car, and put an arm Sandi. Sandi felt very warm. She rolled down the power windows as he nudged closer to her.

        "Just tired... I guess..." Sandi said looking for a way to lead up to telling him she wanted to go home.

        "I've got a way to wake you up." Sam said and he leaned in close.

        This was too much! "Sam," Sandi sais it a firmer tone of voice, "I don't kiss on the first date."

        "Well, that was other men. Not the Saminator."

        "I... said... NO!" said Sandi even more firmly.

        "Hey, you owe me for that dinner!" growled Sam.

        This was very, very bad. "Heeeeeelp!" Sandi screamed as Sam tore the shoulder of her dress.

        Outside, a door slammed and feet ran up to the car. "Sandi, shut your eyes!" Sandi recognized the voice and obeyed it for the first time she could remember. Sam looked up in surprise to see the red head who was walking with Sandi earlier. "Surprise!" Quinn Morgendorffer yelled as she began to liberally apply pepper spray to Sam's eyes.

        Sam screamed in pain and immediately jumped off of Sandi. Quinn opened the door and Sandi ran with Quinn back to her mother's SUV. Sam staggered, half blind, out of his car trying to find the two girls. Quinn managed to start the SUV and pull off before Sam could catch him.

        Sandi was just now starting to realize what had happened. "Quinn, what are you doing here?"

        Quinn replied, "You're my best friend, Sandi. Did you really think I was going to let you be with that jerk all alone? Now, with luck, we can get the SUV back to my house before a cop pulls me over or Mom misses it, and then we can call the cops. We'll tell them that Dar-"

        "No!"

        "What, Sandi?"

        "No police! They'll never believe me! Especially if they talked to Li!"

        Quinn sighed. Sandi was right. And she was so worked up over this, she was about to say that they could say Daria drove. Only Daria knew that Quinn had driven without a license before, and it would have been easy to talk her into this little white lie for a good purpose. Now it wasn't necessary. They drove on in silence for a while longer.

        "Quinn?"

        "Yes, Sandi?"

        "You're my best friend too."

        "I know."

Chapter 8: The Saminator vs. The Criminales

        Sam Gramm was extraordinarily annoyed.

        He was going to really get that witch Sandi and her witch friend, just as soon as he found them.

        Suddenly, he caught something he recognized out of the corner of his eye. Take those glasses off one of those two geek girls, and she'd look a lot like that redhead!

        Sam stomped on the breaks and began to reverse.

        Daria and Jane had stayed a bit longer at Pizza King then they meant to, but they had walked there and back thousands of times before. Among their usual topics over their pizza, they had talked a lot about Sam Gramm, and how they were wrong about how it was impossible for Lawndale High to get any worse. Daria said she had some things she was going to be looking into, but didn't go into detail.

        Suddenly, a car pulled up next to them. Not quite parked, but out of the flow of traffic, and the very angry subject of their conversation got out of the car.

        "Hey, four eyes!" Sam called to Daria. Daria and Jane looked straight ahead and kept on walking. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" Sam bellowed, and then he took one of the bottles of beer he had stashed in the back of his car and threw it at Daria's feet. Daria and Jane jumped out of the way and looked at Sam.

        "Do you know who that redheaded witch is who hangs out with Sandi Griffin?!" Daria remained silent. Sam got another beer bottle out of the back of his car. "You'd better talk to me!"

        "She's my sister. May we go now?" Daria asked in a tone of total disgust.

        "Just what I wanted to hear! I've got a little message you can give to her!" Sam yelled and advanced menacingly on the girls. They hated it, but knew they were physically outclassed and began to run.

        Just as suddenly as Sam had arrived, a black van roared up from behind him, and cut him off from the two girls. From inside the van, affectionately known as the 'Tank', emerged Jesse Moreno, Max Tyler, Nick Campbell, and Jane's brother Trent Lane. These four were otherwise known as 'Mystik Spiral'.

        "Is there a problem here?" asked Trent in as low and as dangerous a voice as any of his friends or his sister had ever heard him. Janey was the most precious thing on the face of the planet to him, and Daria was... he put that thought aside for a second.

        Sam looked at the group. Three scrawny geeks, one halfway muscled guy and the two geek girls. No contest. "Yeah, there's a problem. Your P.O.S. van is in the way of me delivering a little message to the four-eyed girl over there. So why don't you just back off?"

        Trent tensed up even more. "Ain't gonna happen, Slick. That's my sister and her friend. Why don't you get back in your little car and get back on the road, and we'll just forget this ever happened." Without taking his eyes off of Sam, Trent said "Janey, Daria, get in the Tank."

        Sam sneered. "Pretty protective of your 'sister's friend', ain't ya? You doing her or something?!"

        Trent was beginning to get a red haze around the field of his vision. He did not approve of anyone talking about Daria like that.

        The rest of the Spiral weren't too thrilled either. Jane and Daria were cool! Max grabbed at Sam's arm, and Sam swung in response. As per his usual tactic, Max ducked his head in to take the blow. Sam screamed! It was like punching an anvil full force! Did this bald dude have a titanium skull or something?!

        Trent took advantage of his distraction to swing the hardest punch he had ever thrown. He caught Sam right underneath the jaw. Sam flew back into the air and landed a few feet back, out cold. Trent looked at him in disgust. 'Don't you ever say anything like that about Daria again!' he thought, but couldn't say with Daria not far behind him. "Let's go." was all he said. The Tank drove off, just leaving Sam out cold in the street.

        About half an hour later, Sam came to. His eyes still stung, and now his hand and jaw fiercely ached. He was gonna get them all! He was Sam Gramm, and you didn't do this to Sam Gramm! When he got back to his car, he screamed in utter frustration over this horrible night. His stereo and cellular phone were gone. He had left his car door open when he had gone after those two girls.

Chapter Nine: Everything Wrong Is Right Again

        "Li! You didn't think you were going to get away with this!"

        Jane and Daria were just approaching school at this point.

        "What's going on now?" asked Jane.

        "Just wait... " said Daria as she smiled her slight smile. More and more publically accessible information was available online these days. Knowledge was power, and anonymous tip calls were her best friend.

        "Principal McTavers!" Li sputtered, "What are you doing here and not back at Oakwood?"

        "Just getting back what's mine! You know as well as I do, that Sam Gramm lives in Oakwood's district with his parents instead of with the aunt and uncle you've listed for him in Lawndale's district! That's cheating, Angela, and you're not going to get away with it!"

        Just them, Sam arrived. There were those two geek girls... and there was Sandi and that witch redhead arriving. But he couldn't get them now. The principal was right outside the school. He also recognized Principal McTavers from Oakwood. What was he doing there? In fact, a pretty huge crowd of students was gathering.

        Tiffany Blum-Deckler arrived and stood near her Fashion Club friends. "Why is everyone standing here?"

        "There you are! Mr. Gramm, follow me back to Oakwood where you belong!"

        "Wait one moment! You can't prove anything! He's going to Lawndale!"

        "He's going to Oakwood!"

        "He's going to Lawndale!"

        "He's going to juvey!" crowed a new voice. A little worse for wear than normal, Charles Ruttheimer III stood with a suited man who was obviously a lawyer as well as a policeman. The policeman walked up to Sam, roughly turned him over Principal McTavers' car and cuffed him before he knew what was going on. "Samuel Gramm," began the officer, "you are under arrest for premeditated assault and battery on Charles Ruttheimer III!"

        "Hey!" Jane called out defiantly, "While you're at it, you can add assault on Jane Lane and Daria Morgendorffer!"

        "And, you can add attempted rape on Sandi Griffin!" Sandi yelled. The crowd gasped, and Quinn was proud of her friend's courage.

        Both Li and McTavers were making wordless sounds of desperation now, as the officer read Sam his Miranda rights. Suddenly a spontaneous cheer began from the students! Those of whom who Sam hadn't abused directly had heard about it and were disgusted with the way their friends had been treated.

        As Sam was loaded into the car and it pulled off, one of the students began singing and was quickly joined by the others. "Na na na na! Na na na na! Hey hey! Goodbye!" They repeated the old 60s chorus until the police car was out of sight, and then began filing into the school.

        McTavers and Li looked at each other, shocked for about five minutes. Then slowly, Li turned back into the school and entered it, and McTavers drove off back to Oakwood High.

        Only Tiffany Blum-Deckler was left outside. "It's soooo pretty today... hey... where did everybody go?" She entered the school looking for her friends.

Conclusion: The Dragnet Ending

        Samuel Gramm was tried and convicted of the premeditated assault and battery of Charles Ruttheimer III; the attempted rape of Sandi Griffin; the assault of Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane; and the assault and battery on Maximilian Tyler. For these crimes, he was sentenced to the State Juvenile Detention Facility until he reached the age of twenty one.

        Lawndale High was found guilty of illegally recruiting football players from outside their district. They were sentenced into forfeiting their next game for having an illegal player in practice, and forfeiting their next game against Oakwood High.

        Angela Li and Coach George Gibson were the subjects of review by the Lawndale Unified School District. After closed hearings, Li and Gibson returned to their jobs with token punishments.

        And life at Lawndale High returned to normal.

Author's Short Afterword:

        Sam Gramm's story wrapped up very nicely, but bullyism was a very large problem in my school, for myself and others, mostly thanks to administrations more interested in handing out punishments to all participants in a fight rather than trying to determine its causes, and a belief that telling about the bullying was useless and against the rules. It is my fervent hope that this situation is better today.

Credits:
MTV's Daria, Daria, Quinn, Helen, Jake, Jane, Trent, Jesse, Nick, Max, Sandi, Tiffany, Stacy, Jodie, Mack, Kevin, Upchuck, Ms. Li, Mr. O'Neill and Mr. DeMartino are all the property of MTV. All rights reserved.

Sam Gramm and other characters are my creation, though I'm not too proud of Sam. I am not planning to use him in another story, but anyone interested in doing so can do so provided they contact me and let me know.

If you liked this story, you might like my Star Trek fanfictions: "Lines As-Q", "Out of Time" and coming soon "House of Mirrors" available on my HomePage.

Many thanks to the denizens of #Daria+ and PaperPusher's Message Board for help on this, my first Daria fanfic.

To the Daria Staff, No, thank YOU! -- The Fans.