H13: Hell On The 13th

Section: Horror/Suspense/Crossovers/Parodies Halloween/Friday The 13th/Daria

Plot: Just when things settle down in Lawndale. 2 more horror movie monsters stumble into Lawndale.

We start out Chris is lying down in bed. (His house was rebuilt.) Quinn was at his side basically 24/7. Daria and Jane stopped in on occasions.

Chris: Damn flu I feel like crap.

Quinn: Well you don't look so great.

Chris: Oh thanks way to make me feel better.

Quinn: Sorry.

Chris: How many more days of school?

Quinn: About a week then I'll be going into 11th grade.

Chris: I guess that means I'll be going into 12th.

Quinn: Yea.

Chris shoots up and runs to the bathroom. You hear vomiting. Chris walks back into his bed.

Chris: You know what would suck.

Quinn: What?

Chris: If something happened to this town.

Quinn: You're right that would suck.

3 days later.

Chris: Jeez that wasn't that bad I feel fine now.

Quinn: That's great now we can go on more dates.

Just then Daria comes running up to Chris and Quinn.

Daria: I was just at the mall and.

Chris: You at the mall. HaHa HaHa.

Daria: Shut the fuck up Chris and listen to me.

Chris: Sorry.

Daria: Well this tall guy in a hockey mask went into the hardware store and grabbed a machete and started hacking away at people. Chris lost the little grin he had and looked horrified at Daria.

Chris: Where is he now?

Daria: I think he's still hacking up people at the mall.

Chris: We have no time follow me.

The 3 jumped in Chris's car and drove to the mall.

Quinn: You look like you've met this guy before. Who is he?

Chris: Jason Voorhees.

Daria: You mean that guy from the Friday The 13th movies.

Chris: Yes.

Daria: He's real?

Chris: No someone must have had enough evil power to bring him to life.

They pulled up and saw another guy walking toward the mall. This guy had a Halloween mask on which was pale white and had reddish hair.

Chris: Jeez someone is bringing a bunch of horror movie characters to life first Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and now Michael Myers.

Daria: Isn't Michael Myers from the Halloween series.

Chris: You catch on quick don't you?

Chris reaches under the seat and pulls out a chainsaw. Chris puts it on his hand like a glove.

Quinn: Chris, you are really pulling for ideas you defiantly stole the chainsaw on the hand from "Muppets Take Manhattan".

Chris: Uh.

Quinn: Don't worry Chris I still love you.

Chris: But.

Quinn: Don't worry about.


Chris: Daria wins the grand prize.

The 3 walk into the mall and see Michael Myers and Jason stabbing a guy in the face.

Chris: Hey guys long time no see.

Jason and Michael Myers look at Chris and quickly stop stabbing the guy and walk toward Chris.

Chris: C'mon boys.

Chris revs up the chainsaw.

Chris: Time to die.

Chris swings down at Jason but he steps out of the way and it hacks off Michael Myers's arm. Michael falls to the ground holding his nub. Jason advances at Chris who is now swinging like a postal worker. Jason is dodging all the swings and brings his machete right through Chris's wrist. The chainsaw drops the ground.



Chris falls to his knees screaming in pain backing away from Jason. By this time Michael Myers has got up and picked his knife back up. The killers walk toward Chris. Jason and Michael raise their weapons and bring them down right through Chris cutting him in 3 different pieces.

Quinn: NO!

Quinn tries to rush toward Chris but Daria holds her back. Jason advances toward the 2 girls. Then from nowhere an evil cackle starts up. All 4 people look up to see Chris with the chainsaw on his hand.

Quinn: What the hell?

Chris: Come on Quinn, did you think I'd die that easily? That was just a robot I built in my spare time. Now Jason, Michael, DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT TOOK ME TO BUILD?

Chris runs and jumps over Jason and spins around and slices Michael Myers's head clean off. Chris turns to Jason.

Chris: Now your turn.

Jason throws his machete and it goes into Chris's arm sticking him to a wall.

Chris: Ow damnit I'm not a robot. SHIT THIS I PAINFUL!

Quinn: Chris, Are you okay?


Daria and Quinn: No.

Jason walks away to the sporting goods store.

Chris: Where the hell is he going now?

Jason walks out of the store and he is Super-Jason (See Jason X) with a brand new machete.

Chris: Shit this makes things a hell of a lot harder.

Quinn: You mean even in your demon form you couldn't beat him.

Chris: Hell, right now I could beat him but I'm stuck to a goddamn wall and I have a funny feeling about where that new machete I going to go.

Quinn: You mean you're going to die.

Daria: Well it sure looks it Quinn. Damn you're stupid.

Jason hurls the new machete at Chris's face but Chris just barely gets his head out of the way. Jason is now pissed he walks right to Chris and pulls the machete out of the wall. Chris takes this opportunity to punch Jason in the face but Chris breaks his fist. Daria and Quinn at this point run at Jason and tackle him. Jason stabs Daria in the leg but Daria takes the machete out of her leg and stabs Jason in the eye with it. Quinn pulls it out and stabs Jason in the heart with it. Jason dies instantly. Chris is still on the wall screaming curse words. Quinn and Daria get up and turn to Chris.

Chris: You guys actually killed him great NOW GET ME OUT.

Quinn: Chris, kiss my ass.

Chris: I beg your pardon.

Daria: It's simple Chris, WE ARE GOING TO LET YOU FUCKING DIE IN FACT I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. Quinn, hand me the knife.

Chris: No I beg.

Chris is cut off because Daria stabbed him in the head.

The girls leave the store.


Daria: No more stories with Chris in them. The writer of these stories is going to make a new series of stories with me as the main character.