TITLE: "Tanfastic" AUTHOR: Kathrine Ritchie E-MAIL: mln81@yahoo.com RATING: PG CATEGORY: Misc SUMMARY: Daria goes to the beach, with some unwelcome company.... DISCLAIMER: The dysfunctional inhabitants of Lawndale, are not my problem.... "Ginger Land" was written by Ross Harper, and I didn't ask his sister to ask him first. Never mind. NOTES: Thanx Shane On with the show....... TITLES OPENING THEME EXT: THE GRIFFIN'S YARD. [It is late afternoon. The sun is shining, the birds are singing... the FASHION CLUB are sunbathing in their cozzies. SAM and CHRIS are running around the yard fighting and playing. QUINN, wearing a long summer skirt, a little tee and sunglasses, enters the yard through the gate and is immediately approached by SAM and CHRIS.] SAM AND CHRIS: Hi Quinn! QUINN: Hi guys! SAM AND CHRIS: Can we get you anything? [Out of view of QUINN, SANDI groans and rolls her eyes.] QUINN: Yeah, I'd like a lemonade, you know how I like it. SAM: Crushed ice? CHRIS: And a teensy slice of lemon? QUINN: That's right. Thanks. I have important Fashion Club business to attend to, I can't afford not to stay hydrated. [SAM and CHRIS run into the house. QUINN goes and sits in the spare lounger on the decking.] SANDI: Why haven't you gone inside to change into your swimsuit? QUINN: Do you have sun-block? SANDI: Are you kidding me? QUINN: Then I'm not going to get changed, I'll burn. SANDI: If *I* was redhead, Quinn, it wouldn't stop *me* from getting a cute tan. QUINN: I go all splotchy, I get *freckles*. [SANDI gets an evil look in her eye] SANDI: Don't worry Quinn, I'll *tell* you if you start to burn... INT: JANE'S ROOM - LATER [JANE is doing a painting, DARIA is sitting on the bed looking through Jane's artbooks. TRENT and JESSE come in.] TRENT: Hey, Daria... DARIA: Hi Trent. [They *look* at each other until...] JANE: Trent, did you come in here for a reason? Would you like Jesse and I to leave the room? [DARIA goes a bit pink] TRENT: Mystik Spiral... JESSE: Or Helpful Corn... TRENT: Or Helpful Corn, have a gig out at the beach this weekend. Do you and Daria want to come? JANE: In the *Tank*? TRENT: Why not? Any way, Nick and Max need it, they're taking the gear out ahead, so we'd be taking my car. JANE: Matilda? [JANE and DARIA look at each other] JANE: I suppose... when would we leave? TRENT: Four am? JANE: You don't give much notice, do you? DARIA: I'd have to... TRENT: Yeah, I'll drive you home so you can ask your parents. DARIA: Ask? I need money and clothes. I'll *ask* them when we get there. INT: DARIA'S ROOM - LATER [DARIA is stuffing clothes into her school bag. JANE is selecting some tapes to take. QUINN enters.] QUINN: Daria, do you have a scrunchie? DARIA: Why would *I* have a scrunchie? [QUINN sees DARIA'S bag] QUINN: Are you running away? DARIA: I'm *not* running away, Quinn. QUINN: You can tell me, Daria, I won't tell... for a small fee. DARIA: As much as I'd love to part with some of my hard-scrounged cash, I was actually telling you the truth. JANE: You feeling OK Daria? DARIA: Maybe it's the heat. QUINN: Then how come that weird guy's car's outside? I thought you and him might be eloping. JANE: Like I'd let her ruin her life. DARIA: Why aren't you playing with your little friends? QUINN: They all went home. Daria, do you think I'm too pale? Not pale like Jane thank God, but you know... JANE: Thanks. DARIA: You're not too pale, Quinn. Anyway, why risk cancer just for the pleasure of premature aging? QUINN: I don't know *why* I thought you'd understand. DARIA: Neither to I. QUINN: So, where *are* you going? DARIA: We're going to a fashion show, we're going to stand there and people are going to laugh and point. QUINN: Really? DARIA: Ummm, no. JANE: Trent and Jesse are taking us out to the beach. DARIA: Thanks, Jane. JANE: You're very welcome. DARIA: We'll talk later. So, Quinn, I'm pretty much astounded that you haven't already gone downstairs to tell mom. QUINN: Why would I tell her? DARIA: Do you want the list alphabetically? QUINN: If I tell, I won't be able to go either, will I? DARIA: You're not coming. QUINN: OK [QUINN starts to walk to the door.] DARIA: Wait! [QUINN turns.] DARIA: I know I'm gonna regret this, but... you can come, though I don't see why you'd want to. QUINN: It's sunny at the beach, and there are boys there. DARIA: Of course. Jane, consider yourself out of my will. JANE: And I was going to kill you for the money... darn. INT: TRENT'S CAR - EARLY NEXT MORNING [QUINN is sitting in the backseat between DARIA and JANE. JESSE is snoozing in the passenger seat.] QUINN: Uh, Jane's brother... JANE: Trent. QUINN: Whatever, do you think we might stop on the way? I need clothes. DARIA: What's in the other three bags? QUINN: So I'm supposed to wear *old* clothes? I'm not like *you* Daria. There might be boys there. JANE: There are *boys* here. Guys, do you think Quinn needs to shop? TRENT: Not for a new swimsuit. INT: SANDI'S BEDROOM - LUNCHTIME THAT DAY [SANDI, STACY and TIFFANY are on and around SANDI'S bed, with magazines, make-up etc.] TIFFANY: Where *is* Quinn, anyhow? SANDI: She said she'd *be* here. Maybe her *parents* found out about our *fact-finding* mission to the health spa on Thursday and *grounded* her. STACY: Quinn's parents are so *weird*. TIFFANY: They freak me out. STACY: But we like Quinn anyway, right? [SANDI and TIFFANY give her a look that could strip paint.] EXT: THE BEACH - MID AFTERNOON [The car is up on a little hard-standing at the edge of the sand. DARIA and JANE are sitting on a blanket near it. JANE is playing with the sand, but it is too dry to shape.] JANE: How long does it take to buy sodas? DARIA: Quinn's there too, she's probably holding them up chatting to some sad little boys. Doesn't explain why the guys aren't back though. JANE: Trent wouldn't leave Quinn on her own in a strange place, and *this* is a *strange* place. DARIA: He left *us*! JANE: I don't think *we* count DARIA: We're girls and we're alone! JANE: Yeah, but we don't look like *her*! DARIA: You don't think.... JANE: Maybe if you *spoke* to Trent.... DARIA: Don't start! JANE: He used to have a different girl every week, but since he's known you.... EXT: A PICNIC AREA NEAR THE BEACH - SAME TIME [TRENT and JESSE are standing a bit away from QUINN who is talking to a group of kids her own age.] QUINN: Oh, they're my sister's weird *friends*, they practically *begged* me to come out to the beach. They don't know *any* popular people. And I'm the most *popular* girl in school. GIRL(DONNA): That's so... charitable of you Quinn. QUINN: I like to help the less fashion-conscious among us. DONNA: Do you think I'm OK? QUINN: Yeah, you're cute. TRENT: Let's come back for her in an hour and a half.... JESSE: Leave her? TRENT: These kids look... normal, more or less. I'm a bit worried about Daria and Jane. JESSE: Quinn! QUINN: [To DONNA] They're *pestering* again. [TO TRENT and JESSE] What?! TRENT: We're gonna come back in 90 mins. We'll meet you here. QUINN: Ugh, OK, already! EXT: THE BEACH - 30 MINS LATER [JANE and DARIA or still sitting on the blanket, TRENT and JESSE are approaching, they are holding plastic grocery bags.] JANE: The boys are back. DARIA: And without Quinn. JANE: They must like you the best.... DARIA: How many times am I gonna have to tell you to shut up? TRENT: Hey, Daria. DARIA: Hey Trent. Did you bring soda? [TRENT holds up the bag.] TRENT: Enough for everyone. DARIA: Where's Quinn? TRENT: We left her with some trendies about half a mile down the road. DARIA: Right. TRENT: We're going back for her later. JESSE: Me and Trent are going for a swim. Do you two want to come? JANE: Daria? DARIA: Y'okay. [TRENT unlocks the trunk and throws the blanket inside, he passes DARIA her bag] TRENT: You'd probably want to get you swimming gear out then.... DARIA: [Goes pink, and mumbles - ] Yeah, thanks EXT: THE BEACH [JESSE and TRENT are splashing about in the sea, being boys. JANE and DARIA are standing, fully clothed, at the water's edge.] JANE: Do you think there are sharks? DARIA: We can but hope. JANE: Then there'll be less of him. DARIA: You aren't dissuading me. JANE: You get any guy near water.... DARIA: And they're like *any* guy. JANE: I'm actually stunned they're still sober. DARIA: Not that anyone would notice. JANE: [Shouting out to them.] Guys! TRENT: What? [JESSE takes this opportunity to dunk TRENT under.] JANE: Where are we going to be staying? TRENT: Uh? JANE: Tonight... which one of your friends is letting us sleep on their floor? TRENT: My ears are full of water, I can't hear you. [JANE folds her arms and scowls.] TRENT: OK, OK, we're staying with Ryan. His parents are at the beach on vacation. JANE: That's *us*, *they* *live* at the beach. TRENT: Or they died or something.... I forget. INT: A CHEMIST'S SHOP NEAR THE BEACH - SAME TIME [QUINN is there with her new friend, DONNA. They are eyeing bottles of fake tan.] QUINN: What about this one? DONNA: How would I know? I've never *not* been tanned. I guess it's OK, I mean it's all the same stuff, right? QUINN: I suppose so. And I *do* want to fit in at the beach tomorrow. DONNA: And you will, Quinn, you're so great! QUINN: I know. I *am* head of the Fashion Club. INT: THE MORGENDORFFER'S HOUSE - LATER [HELEN MORGENDORFFER opens the door, TIFFANY and SANDI are on the doorstep.] HELEN: Hello girls... where's Quinn? SANDI: Quinn's not home? HELEN: No she left a note, she says she's at *your* house, Sandi. SANDI: Oh, uh... yeah, right... she is. Sorry, wrong house. [The FASHION CLUB turn and leave.] HELEN: [Quietly to herself]And I thought *Daria* had strange friends. [HELEN closes the door.] EXT: THE PICNIC AREA - EARLY EVENING [DARIA is writing notes in a small notebook. JANE is drawing on the top of the table with a big marker.] JANE: What are you writing? DARIA: Umm... JANE: A story? What about? DARIA: It's song actually, for Mystik Spiral. JANE: Or Helpful Corn. DARIA: Or Helpful Corn. JANE: Or *Trent*. DARIA: Shut up, Jane. JANE: OK, let me have a look... DARIA: OK, but it isn't finished... [JANE takes the notebook.] JANE: [Laughing] This is great! DARIA: And you're laughing, why? JANE: But I'm supposed to find it funny... right? DARIA: Of course, but... I was worried you'd think it sucked. JANE: I would've said. We have *got* to make sure Quinn is at the gig. DARIA: *That* was the whole idea. D'you think he'll play it? JANE: Daria it's really good, he'll play it. God, if I hear "Ice-box woman" one more time... I'll have one less sibling. [QUINN approaches with DONNA. She is carrying the bag from the chemists. She signals to DONNA to stay a bit away and comes up to them.] DARIA: Speaking of annoyingly predictable blood relatives.... QUINN: What are you two doing here? DARIA: Bungee-jumping. Can you see the ropes? QUINN: Ha ha, Daria. Did your pathetic boyfriends send you? DARIA: Trent isn't... No, they didn't. QUINN: He said he'd meet me here in and hour and a half. I'm even late... he isn't here? DARIA: Come on, say 'bye to your buddy, and we'll take a walk on. [DARIA and JANE stand up, ready to set off.] QUINN: [To DONNA] See you later. DONNA: There's going to be a concert in the park tomorrow. Lots of *popular* people will be there too. I'll meet you there? QUINN: Yeah, OK. Maybe I can even get us backstage, [She points to JANE] her brother is in a band. DONNA: 'Bye Quinn. QUINN: 'Bye Donna. [QUINN reluctantly starts to walk to DARIA and JANE.] JANE: [Quietly] Looks like *our* job is done. INT: STACY'S BEDROOM [STACY is sitting up on her bed in summer jammies. She is applying lotion to her sunburnt skin, making ouch noises. The TV is on.] ANNOUNCER: When these kids get hungry, it isn't only the *crayons* they eat! Watch your fingers! Cannibal Pre-schoolers, next on... [SANDI and TIFFANY come in.] ANNOUNCER: Sick Sad World! SANDI: Ugh! What are you watching *that* for? [STACY quickly grabs the remote and switches off the TV.] STACY: I... umm... I was watching "Fashion Hour, and the channel just switched by itself... maybe it was aliens? [SANDI folds her arms and raises an eyebrow.] STACY: [Desperately trying to change the subject.] Uh, where's Quinn? SANDI: That's what *I'd* like to know. STACY: Huh? TIFFANY: I can't believe she just disappeared like this. SANDI: [Mimicking STACY.] *Maybe it was aliens*. For Quinn's sake it had better be. Complete and utter subordination. Gone off without telling us. Without telling *me* where she's going. She *better* *not* be clothes shopping. TIFFANY: Why didn't you tell her mother? SANDI: Don't question my judgement! Quinn questions my judgement. *She* wants to be president! Do *you*? TIFFANY: Absolutely not, Sandi. You're our leader, how could anyone think they could take over from you? SANDI: *Quinn* does! So, if it came down to it, who would you vote for? Me or her? TIFFANY and STACY: You..? SANDI: Are you *asking* me or *telling* me? INT: RYAN'S HOUSE - EVENING [TRENT, DARIA and JANE are sitting on beanbags and cushions, eating pretzels, popcorn etc out of big bowls. The TV is on.] JANE: Daria wrote a song. TRENT: Yeah, Daria? DARIA: [Nervous] Mmm, yeah. TRENT: Really? For Mystik Spiral, or are you and Janey gonna wear less and join the Harpies? DARIA: [Smiles] Mystik Spiral. TRENT: Can I read it? DARIA: [Voice-Over, thinking] I don't know, *can* you? [DARIA passes TRENT her note book. TRENT begins to read, a smile getting wider and wider on his face.] TRENT: Daria this is amazing! [He pulls her to him and gives her a hug. DARIA isn't red when he lets go, but she is *smiling*. JANE is smiling too.] DARIA: [Still smiling] I'm glad you like it. [TRENT flips through the rest of the notebook, almost every page is covered in DARIA's neat handwriting.] TRENT: What's the rest of this? DARIA: Stories and stuff, you can borrow the book if you want too. TRENT: Thanks, Daria. [ONE HOUR LATER. TRENT is still engrossed in the book, the nibbles are almost gone and QUINN is sitting in an armchair, grooming.] TRENT: You gotta turn "Digitalis" into a song for us. JANE: That's the *fourth* time so far that you've asked her to convert a short story, and you're only midway through the book. Were you planning on writing anything again *ever*? TRENT: I'm gonna write a song about Daria, to say thanks. [DARIA nearly falls through the floor, and is just about manages to remember how to speak, when...] QUINN: Why? It's only *Daria*. [DARIA and JANE glare at her.] TRENT: Anyway... yeah, Daria... I really um... I really appreciate you helping. DARIA: You do? TRENT: Yeah. [They *look* at each other again.] QUINN: God, would you guys just get a room?! [DARIA scowls at QUINN, but it is TRENT who gets all embarrassed and looks down.] INT: RYAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT [DARIA, JANE and QUINN are all in the same room. It is nearly dark. QUINN is snoring.] DARIA: For someone so beautiful, she sure snores like a pig. [JANE sits up.] JANE: Can't sleep. DARIA: Me either. JANE: I don't like it here, too much fresh air. DARIA: That concert had better be mind-blowing. JANE: It's *Mystik Spiral*, Daria. There's absolutely *no* chance of that. Maybe the next one will be better, there'll be a heartfelt rendition of *your* song. DARIA: He was just saying that. JANE: No he wasn't. I meant what I said about him not having a girlfriend since he's known you. He and Jesse aren't *that* close, Daria. Have *you* ever seen him with anyone? DARIA: No, but... JANE: Mom and Dad are never home. We talk. He asks about you. DARIA: [Warning, but curious.] Jane... JANE: Look, until one of you plucks up the courage to say something... DARIA: Even if I *did* like him, that is *never* going to happen. JANE: I know, sad ain't it. Well, I'll leave you to ponder. Bathroom. [JANE gets up and walks to the door. She trips on QUINN'S bags and one falls open. The bottle of fake tan falls out. JANE picks it up.] JANE: *Look* what I've found! INT: RYAN'S HOUSE - NEXT MORNING [DARIA and JANE are still sleeping.] QUINN: [Screaming from the bathroom] What happened to my skin?! [DARIA and JANE open their eyes and smile.] EXT: THE PARK NEXT TO THE BEACH - EARLY AFTERNOON [The four members of MYSTIK SPIRAL are tuning up, etc. DARIA and JANE are standing close together near the front. QUINN who has in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, is nearby with DONNA and the rest of the trendies.] TRENT: Uh, hi. This first song is new, it's by a very talented, very dear, friend of mine... and I dedicate it to it's inspiration, her baby sister, who truly deserves it.... [Thrashy guitar intro] TRENT: [Singing] I'll take you to Gingerland, Where ev'ryone walks hand-in-hand, There's no need to stop and stare, 'Cos ev'ryone's got ginger hair, There's ginger trees and ginger sand.... [Everyone looks at QUINN. She goes red and scowls at DARIA and JANE, who are smiling.] ROLL CREDITS MUSIC: What could it be but; "Fool's Gold" by The Stone Roses