Chapter 4:

Coming of Age

"All rise!" Hikari ordered. The classroom rose to attention as one. "Dismissed!" Hikari went to join Touji. She handed him a lunchbox and then, with a kiss on the cheek, the twosome went outside to eat.

"Hey, Stacy." Stacy turned from watching the couple to see Shinji and Kensuke coming over. "I hope you don't mind, but I made you a lunch." He handed her a cloth-wrapped box.

Stacy smiled. "Thanks, Shinji. Why would I mind anything like that? Hey Rei!" she called to her roommate. "Would you like to come on over and sit with us?" she invited.

As Rei got up and walked over to the desks that the threesome had hastily pushed together, Asuka came over and glanced disdainfully at them. "Shinji, you idiot!" she began. "I can't believe that you used our best foodstuffs to make that!" She gestured at Stacy's lunch. "We're going to have to eat Misato's instant crap for the rest of the week," she whined. "And it's only Tuesday." She trudged toward her desk.

"Oh I agree," remarked Kensuke sarcastically. "Those military rations are in such short supply these days."

"I don't understand what her problem is," said Stacy. "All I want is to be her friend and she always blows me off. I've been nice to her for the past two weeks."

"There's just no pleasing some people," noted Kensuke. "The trick is to stop trying." Kensuke smirked. "Maybe she's a little jealous of you and Shinji. Eh?"

Stacy dropped her chopsticks. "What are you talking about?"

"We're just friends," added Shinji.

"Oh, come on. It's all over school that you two are dating. In fact, the more jealous kids are calling it 'Eva inbreeding.' Come on, you can tell me."

"Nothing's going on," protested Stacy, feeling a warmth spreading across her cheeks.

Kensuke shrugged. "Okay. If you say so," he conceded. "Speaking of Evas, did you hear that the new Unit 04 is nearing completion over in Las Vegas?"

Shinji shrugged. "I can't say that I have."

"Impossible," confirmed Rei. "Unit 03 only arrived two weeks ago."

But Kensuke was already on his high horse. In the two weeks Stacy had known Kensuke, she'd found out that he loved anything military, with Evangelions at the forefront of his desires. "I heard its going to be a prototype for a new class of Evas. One that doesn't need an external power source."

"Now I know you're telling stories," Stacy remarked. "Those umbilical cables are the only things that can keep an Eva running for any decent amount of time. Otherwise we have to use the backup battery."

"And that only runs for five minutes," added Shinji.

"I have my sources," retorted Kensuke. "So then the pilot hasn't been chosen?" His eyes lit up as if he had just gotten a new toy for Christmas. "Could you ask Misato for me? Please? Being an Eva pilot is my one and only dream!"

"I don't think she'd go for it," replied Shinji. "Of course, we could talk her into getting NERV to spring for a Gundam for you," he laughed.

Kensuke recoiled. "A Gundam? A Gundam?" Kensuke's imminent tirade was interrupted by a piece of rice slapping onto his glasses. From beyond Stacy, Asuka bristled at Kensuke.

"Hold it down, idiote! I'm trying to eat in peace! Nobody cares that you'll never be one of us."

Kensuke snarled. "Why, you stuck-up little…" he grabbed some of his food and threw it at Asuka. It missed and hit the boy in back of her. He, in turn, smiled and tossed some fish at Kensuke. Kensuke side-stepped the flounder and it struck a girl in the back of the head.

Things pretty much degenerated after that.

Stacy, not wanting to be hit with any food, quickly grabbed her lunch and hid under the desk. As she heard another student bellow, "Food fight!" she glanced over saw that Shinji had followed her lead, and was now quickly stuffing his face to get rid of any evidence. Then he saw Stacy. The two of them looked at each other, and then back at the riot, and simultaneously broke into laughter.

Meanwhile, Rei sat at her desk, daintily nibbling on some rice and watching the carnage unfold.

At NERV Headquarters testing area, Stacy once again sat in her entry plug, her eyes closed as she reached out with her thoughts toward the deactivated Unit 03. For two weeks, Stacy had gotten to know the Evangelion, and Stacy now understood that it did have an awareness, a conscious mind. But that conscious could be easily dominated and subsumed, and it seemed to even enjoy the idea of someone or something else doing the thinking for it. In fact, Stacy always felt a certain welcome exuding from the Eva whenever she was in it. A one-hundred and fifty foot tall puppy-dog, that's what you are, Stacy thought to the robot with a mental smile.

Another memory faded into her mind's eye. She was seven years old, gazing at the giant through its cage. In another section of NERV's first U.S. branch, techs worked on huge pieces of metal. The giant had a big frown on its face. It obviously didn't like being locked away. Maybe it was lonely.

In the control box, Ritsuko sipped her coffee as she studied the latest printouts on the pilots' test results. "So, have you decided on a permanent field commander from the special children yet?" she asked Misato.

"No," she replied. "I just don't like the idea of having just one of the children be the leader. It might hurt the others' egos."

"Assuming the leader isn't Asuka," quipped Ritsuko.

"That's my point," said Misato. "Asuka is too concerned making herself look good to be a good leader. And Shinji and Rei just don't have the temperament to lead."

"What about Stacy?"

Misato shrugged. "We haven't even seen her in combat yet. She's been a good pilot on the practice drills, but she seems too much like Shinji. Too much of a follower, if you ask me."

"So I guess you'll have to go with Asuka, then."

Misato sighed. "I guess. Of course, Stacy's going to be leading the practice drill next week. I'll have a report for the commander after seeing how she does."

"Units 00, 02, and 03 are approaching their mental contamination border limits," chimed Maya from the control panel.

Ritsuko went to look her aide's displays. "Unit 01 can still tolerate a bit more, though."

"So what else is new?" remarked Misato. Though Misato seemed nonplused, secretly she was pleased. Shinji was feeling more and more comfortable with the idea of piloting Eva, and his harmonics reflected that fact.

Ritsuko ignored her. "Lower the graph depth by one point nine degrees, and give me a report on their synch ratios."

"Unit 01 is at the border," reported Maya. "Synch ratios are now being displayed."

Misato gasped as she saw the display. "Stacy will want to hear about this!" Misato opened up a communications window to Stacy.

"Hi Misato!" greeted Stacy.

"I have some interesting news about your test results, Stacy," said Misato coyly.

"What about them? I didn't slip, did I?"

"Well," began Misato, "your harmonics values are still at third place, but you gained three points. However, your synch ratio…"

"Yes?" asked Stacy eagerly. Had it gone down or what?

"Is the highest today! Congratulations, Stacy!"

Stacy's face lit up. Omigod! It's a dream come true!

"I can't believe this!" cried Asuka as she punched her fist into the locker. "Losing to Shinji's bad enough, but now I go down to that pathetic little Sailor Scout?" She paused long enough to kick a dent into the locker. "Oh, and just you listen to them!" Asuka began to dance around like a cheerleader. "'Stacy, she's our hero and she used to be a zero! Go Lawndale!' Give me five minutes alone with that little twit right now!"

Stacy heard the tirade and wondered if there was anyway she could make herself invisible while in the locker room. There was another loud crash, and Rei appeared. "I do not think it would be wise to change in the girls locker room, under the present circumstances." She handed Stacy her clothes. "The boys locker room is the last place anyone would look for a girl. You can change in there."

"B-but, what if Shinji walks in and sees…"

"Impossible. He is already in there."

"What? Now wait a minute…" Stacy started to protest, but then she heard another crash from the girls' locker room. "Um, on second thought, let's not wait a minute." With that, the twosome went to the boys' room.

"Shinji? Are you in there?" called Stacy as soon as she and Rei got to the locker room.

"Yeah." Shinji's reply was echoed slightly.

"I'm going to change in there, okay?"

"What? Now, w-w-wait a minute, Stacy…"

"If I go back to the girls' room, Asuka will kill me! Please?"

"Okay? Just let me get behind these lockers." There was a moments hesitation and then, "You can come in, now." With that, Stacy went into the blue colored locker room.

Later, Stacy sat on a bench in the Geofront, admiring the artificial landscape. The trip into the boys' locker room had been (mercifully) uneventful. There had been no repeats of Rei, beyond her skirt for either of them. However, the situation had been very uncomfortable for the both of them, and Stacy understood why Shinji didn't want to be around her after something like that. So she sat alone, taking in the underground cavern.

"Like the scenery?" a familiar voice came from behind her. Stacy turned and stifled a groan as Ryogi Kaji sat down next to her. "How do you like Japan so far, Stacy?" he asked.

"It…it's okay I guess. Except…everyone acts so weird here. I mean, sometimes I think Asuka's a complete psycho."

Kaji's eyebrows raised. "Are you saying that you're the absolute picture of mental health? Hmm?"

Stacy hung her head. "I…I'm sorry. That was rude."

Kaji smiled. "That's okay. In fact, I've never met anyone who wasn't at least slightly nuts. It's part of what makes us who we are."

Stacy looked at him. This didn't sound like the pervert who'd hit on Misato or Ritsuko or the other countless other women of NERV. It sounded like someone completely different. "Um…Mister Kaji?"

"Just Kaji. I think that thirty is a little too young for the 'mister' part."

"Okay mis…uh, Kaji. How am I 'slightly nuts'?"

Kaji snorted. "That's obvious. You're afraid of being who you really are."

Stacy scratched her head. "What do you mean?"

"You want to be accepted, don't you?"

"Well…yes. Doesn't everybody?"

"Most do, but not at the expense of their own identity. That's your problem. You're so afraid of not being accepted and loved that you'll sacrifice your own individuality to do so. Being yourself isn't a bad thing, Stacy."

"But what if no one likes me for who I am?" asked Stacy.

"Stacy, as you mature, you'll find that one of the great challenges in life is finding a balance between being accepted and maintaining your own identity in the face of others. That's part of what growing up is all about."

Stacy looked at Kaji with a puzzled expression. "Do you do this a lot? I mean…you usually seem…well…"

Kaji smiled. "Yes, I know. You usually wouldn't expect such sage advice from a womanizer like me." He gestured mockingly.

Stacy had a flash of insight. "That's your cover, isn't it?"

Kaji rubbed the back of his head. "Cover? What could I be hiding? My life is an open book. Everyone knows that."

Stacy smiled. "Oh no, Kaji. You're not fooling me. I heard all about how you and Misato used to be a couple. You're still carrying a torch, aren't you?" she mock-accused.

Kaji sighed. "Well, it looks like you figured me out. But let's just keep it our little secret, okay?"

Stacy laughed. "Okay."

"Just remember one thing, though." Kaji became serious again. "No one here is exactly who they seem. Not me, not Misato, not Asuka, not Rei; not even Shinji."

Kaji laughed as Stacy's eyes went wide. "Yes, everyone knows about you and Shinji. Except for Shinji, of course. Isn't that always the way?" He got up. "Well, my break's over. I've got to be getting back. Don't worry about Shinji. He just needs to get used to you, and then I'm sure you two will get together. I'll see you around." With that, he left Stacy to her thoughts.

"…and then she started smashing lockers," Stacy reported to Tiffany over the cell phone. It was just before bed, as usual, which was the best time to call overseas, she'd noticed.

"Wow!" said Tiffany in an awed voice. "I can't believe Asuka thinks she should have gotten a higher synch ratio than you. That's so wrong."

"Tell me about it. I can't help how well I get along with my Eva."

"Do you think that you'll get on a poster?" Being on a poster was Tiffany's sole ambition in life.

"Maybe. I'll have to call you back and let you know."

"Oh yeah. I've got to get to school. I'll call you later."

"Yeah. I've got to get ready for bed."

"Buuuuuuut it's eight in the morning."

"Over there it is. Over here it's getting dark. See, it's like one half of the world is always dark, while the other half is always light. I never got it, myself."

"God works in mysterious ways," Tiffany deadpanned. "Bye." She hung up.

Stacy smiled as she climbed into her bed. No matter what continent she was on, it was always nice to know that she could depend on the support of her true friends.

Asuka awoke in the middle of the night to a ringing noise. If that's the phone, then I'm still dreaming. Another ring. Asuka glanced at her alarm clock. Midnight! Who would call here at midnight? Angrily, she rolled from her futon.

She stormed up to the phone, and snatched it off the receiver. "No one I know would call at this hour," she informed the caller.

"Is this Asuka?" asked the caller in a smooth, trippy-sounding voice.

"Yes. I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, who the hell are you?"

"I can't believe Stacy got a higher synch ratio than you. That's so wrong."

Click.

Asuka hung up the phone and walked back to her room. Do you like scary movies? she thought as she went back under the futon.

In her bed, Stacy dreamed.

But then, Unit 02 began to expand its own Absolute Terror Field, neutralizing her own. With a loud snap, Asuka was suddenly inside Stacy's field.

Cold sweat lined the sheets as Stacy sat up in bed. She was breathing heavy, and her heart threatened to explode out of her chest. She looked around and realized that she was safe, back at her apartment. She looked around and saw Rei coming back from the kitchen with a glass of water. Wordlessly, she handed it to Stacy. Stacy smiled a thanks and took a sip.

"You're awake," Rei noted.

Stacy felt herself blush. "Um…yeah. I had a nightmare. But I'm okay now," she added hastily. She sank back down in her bed and turned her cheek into her pillow. The last thing she wanted to do was deprive Rei of a night's sleep just because of her.

"Stacy," Rei began. "What is Lawndale like?"

"Oh," replied Stacy sleepily, "it's just some town in the middle of nowhere."

"Town?" inquired Rei.

"Yeah, a town," yawned Stacy. Has she led a sheltered life, or is it just me?

"What is a…town?"

Stacy contemplated the question. "Well, it's sort of like a city, except not as crowded. People live there, and there are a few small businesses. We have our own school, and each family gets its own house, instead of a condo or an apartment. But the main problem is that houses are more work. You have to paint them, there's more to clean, you have to mow the lawn…"

"Mow the lawn?" interrupted Rei. "What is a lawn?"

God! She's probably never been out of a city in her life! "Well…" she struggled. How do you explain a concept that you'd known about since you were three to someone who'd never even experienced it for herself? "Its like…patches of grass that grow in front of your house. The grass grows, but sometimes it gets too high. So you have to cut it. That's what's called mowing the lawn."

"I see," said Rei. "Much like the human ego, the lawn is only allowed to grow a certain amount before someone must cut it down. For the sake of appearances, as if it is too tall, it becomes unsightly."

Stacy turned to face Rei. "Have you ever considered going into the greeting card business?" she asked with admiration.

As Stacy went to school the next morning, she contemplated many of the things that both Kaji and Rei had observed. Rei hadn't been talking just about lawns last night. She'd been talking about the human spirit. But it was so easy just to heed what you were told. Maybe it was childish or cowardly, but worked for her now. Why should she change?

One thing was changing, though. She had a lot of good friends--real friends--here. Touji had long since apologized for his behavior when she mistakenly thought that he and Hikari were going out. (Of course, it wasn't a mistake anymore, these days.) She still had a crush on Shinji, but it had been developed into a healthy friendship. And Rei was the nicest girl she'd ever met.

But as Stacy once again took her seat, she was greeted by yet another catcall. "Hey everybody look!" cried Asuka. "It's the dynamic duo themselves! Sailor Scout and Wonder Girl!"

"Oh, cut it out, Asuka!" shouted Touji. "They never do anything to you! Just leave them alone!"

"Which one are you cheating on Hikari with, Touji?" retorted Asuka.

Stacy shuddered. Worse than usual, she noticed. She must really be mad that I broke her record.

Asuka continued to rag on Rei and Stacy. "I mean, of all the idiotic, uncharismatic morons I have dealt with, you two take the cake! Especially you, Rei!"

Asuka moved over in front of Rei. Rei, meanwhile, was deeply engrossed in Stacy's notebook. After hearing Rei's musings last night, Stacy had given her some of her poetry to read. "I mean, look at you! Don't you ever display any emotion? You just sit there like some sort of doll! You know what you are, Rei? You're a robot! An emotionless, walking automaton!"

With each insult to Rei, Stacy felt her stomach tighten. Rei just sat there, absorbing it all silently, as if everything Asuka had said were true! But when Asuka had called Rei emotionless, Stacy's tension exploded upward and outward as she shot up from her desk.

"That's enough!" she cried. "I can't believe you! Rei isn't anything like that! Rei is a good, decent human being! You aren't even the tenth of the person she is!"

Stacy calmed herself. She was going too fast. "When I first got here, Rei offered her friendship, no questions asked. But you! I've never been anything but nice to you, and you treat me like dirt!" Her vision began to blur.

"If anyone here is the automaton, it's you! I've never once seen you show any kindness or compassion toward anyone! At least Rei's capable of that! You've never shown anything but rage, anger, and hate! All you care about is that dumb robot, and being the best. All I wanted was to be your friend. But you…" Tears ran down her cheeks. "You're not even worth it!" Stacy ran out of the room, sobbing.

In the girls' room, Stacy looked at her tear streaked face in the mirror. "I just want to be loved! Is that too much to ask? Is it?"

"Is it?" a voice from behind her asked. Stacy turned around and saw Rei standing in the doorway. For Stacy, the question had been rhetorical, but Rei almost naively expected an answer.

"Well…yeah, I guess. I mean…look at me. I agree with everything that everyone says, I'm afraid of my own shadow…I don't even have an identity."

Rei's eyes widened. "No identity?" asked Rei incredulously. In Stacy's eyes, Rei seemed to shrink, as if coming down to her height. "Then you're…just like me." Wordlessly, she walked over to Stacy and embraced her, dimly aware that tears were running down her cheeks. Why am I crying? Rei wondered.

After school, Rei lead the way to NERV Headquarters, followed by Stacy and Shinji. Asuka trailed not far behind, silenced by Stacy's accusations.

"Stacy, I was wondering," Shinji began. "Why do you pilot Eva?"

"Well…" began Stacy. "It's kind of difficult to explain." Memories once again welled up in her head. She was ten years old, sitting in a big tube, filled with the weird, bad-tasting, breathable liquid. A voice came seemingly from nowhere. "That's all for today, Stacy. You can return, now."

She didn't know what "percent" meant, but the tone of voice indicated that she was doing something right. "That's great!" she said enthusiastically. "Isn't that wonderful, Mommy?"

"Whenever I'm in school or out shopping or anywhere, I have to conform to everyone else to be accepted. But when I'm piloting, people respect me because of what I can do. And I'm accepted because I have an ability, not just because I agree with everything."

"So it's to prove your worth then," summarized Shinji.

"Yeah. And the fact that the plug-suit makes my boobs look bigger. Not like this circus-tent here." She gestured at her school dress. "I swear, even Brittany would look flat-chested in these things." Stacy smiled as Shinji laughed. "What about you, Shinji? Why do you pilot Eva?"

"It's so I can get praise from my father."

"Your father?"

"Yes. He and I don't talk much. He's usually too busy, or just…just doesn't want to be bothered with me, I guess."

Stacy looked at him. Beside the doctor, her mother turned away from her. Stacy looked at her mother. What had Stacy done wrong this time? "I know what you mean. My mother and I are the same way."

"Oh," Shinji moped. He turned to look at Stacy. "How did she die?"

Stacy's jaw dropped as she stopped walking. "What?"

"Your mother. How did she die?"

Stacy tittered. "What are you talking about Shinji? My mother's still alive. I called her right before I called my friend last night, in fact. Not that she seemed to enjoy it, though."

Suddenly, Asuka raged anew as she rushed up into Stacy's face. "What? That can't be true! You're a liar! Your mother's dead, and you know it! Liar!"

"Why would I lie about something like that?" asked Stacy mildly. She, Shinji, and Rei stared at Asuka. Before when Asuka had been mean, it was with an almost bantering tone. Now she was dead serious, as if the admission that Stacy's mother was alive was a mortal insult.

"You're lying! You're a lying little bitch, that's what you are! I hate you!" She looked at the three of them, tears welling up in her eyes. "I hate you! I HATE YOU ALL!" She ran off.

Wide-eyed, Stacy turned to Shinji. "What did I say?" Even though Stacy had silently vowed not to let Asuka get to her, the vehemence in her tantrum had startled her.

"All of our mothers are dead," Shinji whispered. "We always thought it was a prerequisite for piloting Eva."

Stacy covered her mouth in horror of her seemingly casual admission.

Stacy sat beside the pool in headquarters, dressed in her bathing suit and dunking her feet while Shinji and Rei swam. Martial arts training was what had been on the agenda today, and Stacy rubbed her aching ribs where Asuka had landed a nasty punch during sparring. Of course, it had been plenty worth it to watch Rei kick her all over the ring. For all of her soft-spoken gentleness, Rei had been a holy terror in hand-to-hand combat, as Asuka had found out firsthand. Now she sat by the pool, trying to enjoy a short recess.

"Aw, what's the matter, mama's girl?" Stacy turned to see Asuka behind her. "I thought you were just so tough, breaking my synch record. Afraid to get your pwetty widdle head wet?" With that, she kicked Stacy into the pool. "Have a bath, dumbkopf!" she cried, going out the door.

Stacy floundered in the water. "Help me! Somebody please! I can't swim!"

Shinji turned to look at his fellow pilot. "Stacy!" he shouted. He swam toward her.

"Ack! I'm drowning!" Stacy screamed. "I'm drowning!"

Shinji reached Stacy and then looked at the sign on the side of the pool. "Uh…Stacy?"

"I'm going to die! Save me!"

"But…the water's only four feet deep. Just put your feet down."

Stacy did as she was told as she felt her face heat up. "Um…yeah, I knew that," she tittered.

Shinji got up on the poolside and held out his hand to help Stacy up. "Can I ask you…about your mother?"

Stacy shrugged. "Sure. What did you want to know?"

"Well…what's it like?"

"It's overrated," began Stacy as Rei left the pool area. "I mean…I used to get along fine with my mother when I was little. She'd take me places and let me sit on her lap and everything."

"That sounds nice," remarked Shinji somewhat dreamily. "My mother died when I was three. I hardly remember her. What happened to make her start acting the way she does now?"

"I don't know. It's just one day, she stopped. She started telling me that I was too old for stuff like…stuffed animals or sitting in laps, and that I should start…acting my age. I guess it was just that when my mother started treating me like I was an adult, she realized…that we don't have much in common." A small tear ran down Stacy's cheek.

Shinji gently brushed it away with a gentle caress. The two of them drew closer together. Stacy's eyes closed as Shinji put his arms around her waist, and then she felt his lips gently yet firmly press against hers.

The kiss seemed only to last a brief instant to Stacy. Shinji pulled away as the entire pool area was suddenly bathed in a sea of red light. Throughout the area, alarms blared and klaxons sounded. "Red Alert!" Maya's voice sounded over the intercom. "Battle stations level one! All Eva pilots to the cages! Repeat: Battle stations level one! All Eva pilots to the cages!"

Shinji got up to his feet and sprinted out the door. Stacy watched him for a split-second and then got up herself. The moment she had dreaded had finally come at last.

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