written by jak981125
1. DeMartino (to the tune of Come Together)
Lead Singer: Jesse
2. Nothing (to the tune of Something)
Lead Singer: Nick
3. Maxwell's Silver Teardrops (to the tune of Maxwell's Silver Hammer)
Lead Singer: Trent
4. Oh Starling! (to the tune of Oh Darling!)
Lead Singer: Trent
5. 1515 Broadway (to the tune of Otopus's Garden)
Lead Singer: Max
6. The Ballad of Trent and Monique (to the tune of The Ballad of John and Yoko)
Lead Singer: Trent
7. Let's Have Some Fun (to the tune of Here Comes the Sun)
Lead Singer: Nick
8. You Never Listen To Zappa (to the tune of You Never Give Me Your Money)
Lead Singer: Trent
9. The Trip Back From Freemont (to the tune of Because)
Lead Singers: Trent, Max, and Nick
10. Swamp Thing (to the tune of Sun King)
Lead Singer: Jesse (with Trent and Nick)
11. Mean Col. Mustard (to the tune of Mean Mr. Mustard)
Lead Singer: Jesse
12. Mrs. Pac Man (to the tune of Polythene Pam)
Lead Singer: Jesse
13. She Came Into The Spiral Rockshow (to the tune of She Came in Through the Bathroom Window)
Lead Singer: Trent
14. Golden Arches (to the tune of Golden Slumbers)
Lead Singer: Trent
15. Gain All That Weight (to the tune of Carry That Weight)
Lead Singer: Trent
16. My Friends (to the tune of The End)
Lead Singer: Trent
17. His Holiness (to the tune of Her Majesty)
Lead Singer: Trent
I should mention that if you really, REALLY want to enjoy this, you should familiarize yourself with Abbey Road before reading. You don't have to but you'll enjoy it more if you do. Plus Abbey Road is a classic that everyone should hear. Your local library likely has a copy. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Keep in mind, better work than this is on the horizon.
Here come old psycho
He come stomping up angry
He got huge huge eyeballs
He one lousy bowler
He got full blown heart disease
Teaches all the atheletes
Till he's weak in the knees
He drives a Yugo
He ain't got no woman
He lives in a trailer
He lives with his mother
He say "I hate jocks, they hate me"
Why on earth he's teaching is a mystery to me
History?
He got bad temper
He gets into bar fights
He fights worse than Upchuck
He gets injured badly
He got migranes that would kill a Yak
Someday he will stroke out and fall flat on his back
History?
He got no patience
He got high blood pressure
He got banned from Boy Scouts
He got double vision
Well it don't take much to make him cry
Don't take much to figure something wrong with this guy
History?
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
De Martino, yeah
Nothing in this wretched town
Is worth another single day here
Nothing in this town could thrill me
I'd rather live on the moon
Nowhere in this two-horse burg
Is there room for artistic vision
No one in town understands me
I'd rather live on the moon
You're asking me where will I go
I don't know, I don't know
I'll join a carnival freak show
I don't know, I don't know
Nothing in the town of Lawndale
Will ever really satisfy me
Nothing in this town is worth it
I'd rather live on the moon
Max was driving late one night on the interstate
Doing eighty five
The limit's not that high and he should have kno-o-o-own
Sgt. Matthew Amerol of the state police patrol
Sees our friend drive by
He gives a little sigh as he starts pursui-ui-ui-uit
But as he's walking up to the car
Max loses control
Maxwell's silver teardrops are running down his cheeks
Wah! Wah!
Maxell's sobbing so hard that he can barely speak
Two more weeks go by, Max upsets another guy
During a rock show
He pokes fun at his 'fro and the dude gets ma-a-a-ad
Mystik Spiral takes the stage but the man is still enraged
Max still won't shut up
So this dude climbs up and attacks the ba-a-a-and
And as he's grabbing Max by the neck
The boy can't hold it in
Maxwell's silver teardrops are running down his cheeks
Wah! Wah!
Maxell's sobbing so hard that he can barely speak
Later in the hospital, who shows up but Amerol
Coming to arrest
And as I can atest, Max was less than thri-i-i-illed
Max didn't hesistate, tried to use the fire escape
Just to get away
Got trapped there for three days in the freezing co-o-o-old
At last they saw him stuck way up there
And guess what that boy did
Maxwell's silver teardrops are running down his cheeks
Wah! Wah!
Maxell's sobbing so hard that he can barely speak
Criminale man
Nick (speaking in a creepy English accent): Hello Clarice!
Trent (singing): Oh Starling, please believe me
I want to chew on your arm
Please don't take it personal
As I'm from the funny farm
Oh Starling, how you doing?
Miss your favorite Son of Sam?
I'm no one's favorite psycho
Now that Eminem has Stan
That they would track me down some day
I laughed like a hyena till I cried
When they told me
That they would track me down some day
I thought "Tell that to the guy I just fried"
Oh Starling, I ain't fooling
I know how scary I am
My accent's really creepy
And so is that slurping sound
(And I eat people)
That they would track me down some day
I laughed like a hyena till I cried
When they told me
That they would track me down some day
I thought "Tell that to the guy I just fried"
Oh Starling just remember
I can still scare folks stiff
Eat your heart out Freddy
Forget Jason and Michael
Hannibal Lector is back
Don't want to be
On MTV
At 1515 Broadway in New York
All their shows stink, that's what I think
At 1515 Broadway in New York
I hope the whole nation will see
How they treat good shows on MTV
On MTV
At 1515 Broadway in New York
There's the Real World
It makes me hurl
All those whiny kids under one roof
There's Andy Dick
He makes me sick
I never laughed at any of his spoofs
If their shows don't make you frown
They cancel good shows like Downtown
On MTV
At 1515 Broadway in New York
I saw Undressed
Was unimpressed
And Road Rules made me yank my hair and scream
Soon Daria
Will say Ta-Ta!
I'm really hoping this is some bad dream
I hope the world will join me
I say we boycott MTV!
On MTV
At 1515 Broadway in New York
At 1515 Broadway in New York
At 1515 Broadway in New York
(author's note: I hated "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" and it was a lousy pick for a parody. Please accept this substitution which I came up with a long time before I even thought up this project. By the way, if you are a shipper and insist on reading this next song, prepare to be offended)
Hiding in the back of the Zon club
This mob of diehard shipper is mad
They say "Trent you're a creep becasue you're dating Monique
We think you're making Daria sad!"
Some things just weren't meant to be
The way things are going
No one will buy our CD
Finally did escape through the backdoor
Caught a cab and headed downtown
But it was just my bad luck that the driver spoke up
He said "You really let you followers down!"
Some things just weren't meant to be
The way things are going
No one will buy our CD
Finally met Monique at a bus stop
We went into Ye Olde Pizza Place
But I just should have know that they won't leave us alone
Oh man, they never will get out of my face
Some things just weren't meant to be
The way things are going
No one will buy our CD
Think I'm going crazy with these vicious fans
They make some joke about a size twelve
I say live and let love
You can push but don't shove
I'LL STILL DO WHATEVER I WANT!
Yeah!
After we have both finished eating
Jesse picks us up in the van
We both fill him in and he flashes a grin
He says "I really do feel bad for you man!"
Some things just weren't meant to be
The way things are going
No one will buy our CD
We drop off poor Monique in her driveway
And as she parts she gives me a kiss
Then Jesse says "Dude, I've been taking grief too
They wanna kill me all because of your sis!"
Some things just weren't meant to be
The way things are going
No one will buy our CD
The way things are going
No one will buy our CD
Let's have some fun
And I say it's all good
Little darling, let's chuck some eggs at your dad's Jaguar
Little darling, let's call your folks and then hang up
Let's have some fun
And I say it's all good
Little darling, let's scare your mom, say we got married
Little darling, but let's not try that on your dad
Let's have some fun
And I say it's all good
Fun, fun, fun all night long
Fun, fun, fun all night long
Fun, fun, fun all night long
Fun, fun, fun all night long
Fun, fun, fun all night long
Little darling, I don't know why your parents hate me
Little darling, what did I ever do to them?
Let's have some fun
And I say it's all good
Let's have some fun
Let's have some fun
It's all good
It's all good
You never listen to Zappa
You only listen to the Rolling Stones
And when you get these fits of pure agression, I back down
You never care about my music
You only care about the money I don't make
And in the middle of a confrontation, I back down
Don't need college, feelin' fine
Get inspired all the time
Touring in a van with all my friends
See the country, see the sights
Charge through all the yellow lights
Conquering the world with all my friends
But oh, that Mystik feeling
With all my friends
Oh, that Mystik feeling
With all my friends
With all my friends
Ah, Ooo, Ah, Ooo, Ah
Make it big
Holy cow Jesse, you smell worse than pig
Why don't you go take a bath
You make me cry, but soon we'll laugh again
Make it big
Soon my friend
Soon my friend
Soon my friend
Someone dial 911
That there trucker's got a gun!
Ah, because the the chili's hot
It gives us gas
Because the chili's hot
Ah, because the van windows are stuck
It stinks in here
Because the van windows are stuck
Ah, my gosh how, could I tell
Jesse could, make that smell
Ah, because it will not stop
We're bailing out!
Because it will not stop
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Here comes the Swamp Thing
Here comes the Swamp Thing
Looks a little greenish
Shaves with a lawnmower
Here comes the Swamp Thing
Dos policias estaron enmorados con este pato
Todos tuvieron que mover a Oahu en Hawii
El matrimonio fue legal solo alli, mis amigos
Mean Colonel Mustard sleeps on a bench,
Sleeps with a wrench, in the library
Nearby Mr. Body's asleep, softly Col. Mustard did creep
Never made so much as a peep
Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man
Poor Mrs. White found her boss dead
Wrench in his head, in the dinning room
Didn't shed so much as tear, worked for him for nearly twelve years
Made off with his new chandalier
Just a stingy dead man
Stingy dead man
Well you should see Mrs. Pac Man
She's so round looking 'cause she ate too much Spam
Well she's a big yellow blob with a big mouth and no job
Yes you should see Mrs. Pac Man
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Seems to think that Orson Welles was a hunk
She wears a hairbow but she's bald as a monk
She has a man and a kid, the dumbest thing that she did
Was to get into a fight with a skunk
Yeah, yeah, yeah
She came into the Spiral rockshow
Because she had a crush me
She saw a knight in shinning armor
All my flaws, she refused to see
Didn't anybody see
Me, I'm just a lazy slacker
Me and her weren't meant to be
She said she's always been sarcastic
She had a messed up childhood
I guess she saw when things got drastic
As a mate I'd be no darn good
And so she got herself a boyfriend
A young man by the name of Tom
And though he had dated my sister
It was cool cause their love was gone
Didn't anybody see
Me, I'm just a lazy slacker
Me and her weren't meant to be
(author's note: this one's dedicated to the McDonald's in my neighborhood that re-opened after many months of re-building, and besides, it seemed like one of the few things that would catch Mystik Spiral's attention)
Once there was a way to get food faster
Once there was a way to get fast food
Hush little darling do not squeal
And I will get you a Happy Meal
No more substitutes instead
Hush little darling do not squeal
And I will get you a Happy Meal
Once there was a way to get food faster
Once there was a way to get fast food
Hush little darling do not squeal
And I will get you a Happy Meal
Gain all that weight before New Year's
Oy! You're gonna gain all that weight
Gain all that weight before New Years
You never give your candles
You only give me your firecrackers
And when we lit them inside Jesse's woodshed, it burned down
Gain all that weight before New Year's
Oy! You're gonna gain all that weight
Gain all that weight before New Years
Oh yeah, alright!
We gonna watch some Jackie Chan tonight!
Kung Fu! Kung Fu!
Kung Fu! Kung Fu...
And so my friends
Our rock and roll
Comes directly from the soul
His Holiness's a pretty nice pope
The only one I've ever known
His Holiness's a pretty nice pope
And he rarely sits around in Rome
He travels the world to see all his people
Cause I guess he's just a social kind of guy
His Holiness's a pretty nice pope
I'm telling you that ain't no lie
Oh yeah, I'm telling you that ain't no lie
©2001 Joseph Kerner
Disclaimer: There's just too much too disclaim. I make no profit off of this. Please don't sue me. All songs parodied were composed by John Lennon and Paul McCartney except Something and Here Comes the Sun by George Harrison and Octopus's Garden by Ringo Starr.