SCHOOL DAZE by Splendora

Setting: Well it's been 10 years since Daria graduated from Lawndale high in the
top of her class, and what did she do next, the obvious, moved as far away from
that hell as possible, where she has a comfortable job as a journalist for The
New York Times. But something dreadful has happened...her high school reunion has
come around and her sister Quinn is dragging her along for the ride...but Daria
runs into someone she didn't expect to see...

Act one:

Daria: You're kidding me, you honestly think I want to go back there?!?

Quinn: Oh come on Daria, you can go back and everyone will see how I got even
cuter from last time they saw me.

Daria: Gee, I wouldn't want to miss that, besides I have an article due...

Quinn: Live a little Daria, a high school reunion could be fun.

Daria: Sure it could, if I were that drunk.

Quinn: You gotta go!

Daria: What's in it for me if I tag along on this little excursion?

Quinn: I pay months rent for you.

Daria: Two.

Quinn: Okay fine, but get packed, you do have more than one outfit don't you?

Daria: I'll manage.

Quinn picks up Daria the next evening and they get to their flight on time
amazingly enough, considering how much baggage Quinn brought along.

Daria:(who only brought one bag that fit comfortably in the overhead) You plan on
moving back there?

Quinn: Ha ha Daria, very funny. As a former member of the Fashion Club I can't
let the school think that just because I moved I lost my sense of style.

Daria: Uh huh, well I'm sure it will be very plain that you still have your
priorities straight : boys, clothes, bouncy hair, and...what was that last one?

Quinn: I don't quite remember...school or something , so your sure I haven't
changed?

Daria: No, your superficiality hasn't left you for a second...at least you're
consistent. God, I hope Jane is there...

Daria and Quinn reach their destination: The mouth of hell, aka Lawndale. They
hail a taxi(not that it was needed with Quinn there, there were four to choose
from because of her) and are driven to the hotel of Quinn's choice. A pastel
colored monstrosity, run by people who are compelled to complement you at the
drop of a hat.

Act two

Daria: I no longer fear death, for this is surely hell.

Quinn: Isn't this cute Daria? They even have a salon...we could get you a
makeover!

Daria: (Perfectly comfortable with her appearance i.e. jeans and whatever shirt
was clean that morning) No we couldn't, altering my appearance is not on my
agenda.

Quinn: Fine, your loss.(states Quinn as they drop of their things in their room,
it took several trips actually, and Daria tipped the bellhop generously
afterward.)

Daria: Right, of course.

Quinn: Well, it wouldn't kill you to at least change for this thing, you were on
a plane for, like hours, you probably smell weird.

Daria: Thanks Quinn, I love you too. Your brutal honesty never grows old. (Quinn
ducks into the bathroom, with enough make up and clothes for 3 cover girls, and
emerges a hour later. Daria, who changed in about five minutes had fallen asleep
on the bed.)

Quinn: Daria, we haven't even gotten there yet, how can you be tired?

Daria: It was a boredom induced sleep Quinn, let's go already.

And finally Daria's on her way to remind herself of why she left in the first
place. And upon reaching the place that filled Daria's heart with residual dread,
Lawndale High School, they are met at the door by the welcoming committee(A most
unwanted job), Upchuck.

Act three

UpChuck: Well, if it isn't two of the loveliest girls I ever went to school with,
the Morgendorfer sisters, you both are looking as attractive as ever.

Daria: I almost wish I could say the same...but not quite.

Quinn: It's about time someone complimented me, Daria, you didn't say anything
about how great I look.(Daria stares at the too short fuchsia dress, if you can
even call it that, and grimaces)

Daria: And there is a reason for that Quinn. But I'm sure that it will be very
hard for anyone not to notice you.(considering your dress's fluorescence is
starting to attract moths... Daria thinks to herself.) Well we'll be going in
now, I'd like to make this as painless as possible.

UpChuck: I'll catch you two ladies later...save me a dance Daria?

Daria: I'd rather not, close human contact gives me hives.

And so the girls enter, the swarming organism(not orgasm) that was their high
school student body. And immediately Quinn was surrounded by her old "friends",
Sandy, Stacy, Tiffany, and the three J's.

Daria: It scary how some people never change...into something even subhuman.
(States Daria, as Quinn begins to mingle.)

Quinn: Sandy, you're still are too cute, how didja do it?

Sandy:(In a whisper) I always kept Dr. Shar's number on speed dial. (louder) But
you Quinn look totally great, you make last months spring shade look...okay.

Quinn: Last month's shade?!?! But Waif said this was going to be the color of the
year!

Daria: Damn, Quinn finally starts to have that nervous breakdown, and I don't
even have the camcorder.

Stacy: Didn't you hear, they revoked that issue.

Quinn: My life is over, Daria, why didn't you tell me I was a fashion disaster?!?

Daria: Well Quinn, I thought it was more than obvious. (As Quinn runs to the
nearest exit near the stage Daria's old friend Jane walks over, calmly smoking a
cigarette.)

Jane: That was quite a show, do you think the psychological damage is permanent?

Daria: Nah, I'm not that lucky...you haven't called lately.

Jane: Yeah I know, sorry. I had a show in LA. And you seem to have made quite an
impression on New York.

Daria: In time the city will recover, I'm sure.

Jane: So did you hear who's playing tonite?

Daria: No, but that old sickening feeling is beginning to get to the pit of my
stomach.(Jane grins)

And then, of course, none other than Myystic Spiral walks onto stage. Trent is
still the lead singer, and he's still got that signature, scruffy goatee. Jane
informs Daria that they did in fact change the name to Helpful Corn(Jane let
Trent know that Myystic Spiral sounded like some sort of toilet product that got
rid of clogs.)

Daria: I get the feeling you have something to do with this...now why is that?

Jane: Well probably because I did. The group said they take some time off from
their tour to play...they wanted to reminisce...

Daria: Tour?

Jane: Yeah, they give concerts with other local bands...they're not bad actually.

Daria: Probably not that good either.

Jane: Now Daria, come on, I mean, they have had a decade to rehearse.

Act Four

Helpful Corn has a short sound check before starting their performance. And they
start off with a classic rendition of Ice Box Woman. Daria truly is surprised to
hear how good they were. They had come a long way from their early days when
Daria was in high school.

Daria: Gee Jane, this was the song that I almost strangled you to.

Jane: Yeah, brings back memories huh?

Brittany: Daria! Jane! Wow, you guys look great! (Brittany enters, and
surprisingly sans Kevin.)

Daria: Yeah you too Brittany (The two of them yelling over the music of Helpful
Corn.), so what have you been up to?

Brittany: Well, after a very short marriage to Kevin, I began to realize that you
were right all along! What was I thinking? There's more to life than high school
cheerleading and parties!

Jane: Really? Wow, you have changed.

Brittany: Yeah, professional cheerleading and parties! I'm going out to be a
Dolphins girl. Isn't it great??

Daria: Sigh. Yes Brittany, we're all very proud.

Brittany: I knew you would be! Now if you'll exscuse me, I think I see Tommy
Sherman's younger, cuter, brother.

Jane: Well that was a waste of ten minutes. (Trent and the band finish the first
set and walk over to Daria and Jane. Daria begins to choke on her punch...)

Trent: Hey Janey, nice party?

Jane: Sure, if you like parties about as stimulating as watching mold grow.

Trent: Hey Daria, how've you been?

Daria: Err, good, yourself?

Trent: Well, life on the road is tough, but I deal, I still got my eyes on the
prize.

Jane: Well, if you two would exscuse me, I think I'll go grab some more punch.

Daria: Jane, I...

Trent: Daria, would you like to step outside? I need some air anyway. I wish Jane
would quit smoking, it's those artsy friends of hers, Daria...

Daria: Umm, yeah let's. (The two step out the back door, and Trent leans up
against the side of the building and starts to space out a little, just staring
at the sky. Daria watches him, finding herself less nervous without all the
people around.)

Trent: So how does it feel to be back home, on your own turf?

Daria: About the same, but this time I have the power to run away.

Trent: (laughs slightly) You were always the coolest high schooler I knew.

Daria: Well I'm not a high schooler anymore Trent.

Trent:(softly) Yeah, I noticed...

Daria: What?

Trent: Err, nothing, come here, look at the moon, isn't it great?

Daria: Yeah, it really does look beau...(Daria is interrupted by Trent who gives
her a quick, soft kiss. She quickly remembers to close her eyes, and when he
pulls away, she looks absolutely amazed at what had just happened.)

Trent: Daria? You ok?

Daria: Never been better...but I don't quite understand.

Trent: I always had a thing for you Daria, I thought you knew that. Just then
things were different, I mean putting moves on my kid sister's best friend didn't
seem like a good idea. And I knew you liked me since that trip to the flea
market...

Daria;(blushing) Yeah I did, but things are different now too Trent.

Trent: I know, we both have our lives to deal with, I just wanted you to now how
I felt. (They look in each other's eyes and hug)

Daria: Well I better get back in there, Jane might have missed me.

Trent: Yeah, we better...

The two reenter the building to see something very strange going on....

Act Five

Daria and Trent enter to find Quinn and Sandy in a rather brutal fight on the
auditorium stage. Helpful Corn quickly removed their equipment after Sandy flung
a speaker at Quinn. Upchuck is at the bottom of the stage drooling with his eyes
glazed over. Jodie desperately tries to pull the two apart.

Sandy: You were always trying to be President of the Fashion Club! Admit it!

Quinn: Okay, so what if I was?!? You did a crappy job anyway! You know I have
always been cuter than you!

Sandy: Whatever! It wasn't until you moved to Lawndale that guys stopped paying
attention to me! It's your fault! I should have let Mummy fax you the therapy
bill!!

Quinn: Ha! I knew it! You were never cut out to be president!

Sandy: Oh yeah? Well that dress makes you look fat!!

Quinn: Ahh! (This really sets the two of them off)

Trent: Daria, shouldn't we do something?

Daria: No, I'm rather enjoying this actually.

Jodie: Guys come on! You're ruining the party. Now just come with me and you guys
can settle down.

Sandy: This doesn't concern you! (And with that gives Jodie a rather violent
shove off stage. Jodie gets up and calls some authorities.)

Upchuck: Ooh, fiesty!!

Jane: Upchuck, you're drooling on my shoes...(Police and an MT rush in. At this
point Sandy and Quinn are both limp and bleeding. They're both charged with
disturbing the peace and then taken to be treated for their, uh, wounds.)

Act Six

It's the next day after what turned out to be a hell of a party after all. And it
also turned out to be a better time than Daria thought. She and Quinn are getting
ready to go to the airport, Quinn grumbling and being just generally bitter about
that whole affair. Trent and Jane are giving them a ride and seeing them off.

Daria: All ready to go Quinn?

Quinn: More than ready.(She says something about Sandy being a bitch under her
breath.)

Daria: We better get going then, Trent and Jane are ready to go.

Quinn: I can't believe I'm riding to the airport with...them.

Daria: You'll get over it. Let's go. (They go down stairs, check out and meet the
Lanes in the Lobby.)

Trent: All set?

Daria: Yeah, let's get going.(They all walk outside and jump into Trent's car.
They ride pretty much in silence, except for the cd player, which was playing
Everlong by the Foo Fighters.)

Quinn: I can't believe I'm listening to music by a band whose name sounds like
mouth wash.

Jane: Has anyone ever told you you're a complete and total drag?(Quinn makes a
face, and turns away. They pull into the airport parking lot.)

Act Seven

They arrive at the airport and find a place to park. They enter and go to their
gate that heads back to New York. Quinn leads the way anxious to get going. Jane
finds every water fountain they pass extremely interesting, and has them all
stop. Quinn gets aggravated.

Quinn: God, haven't you had enough water? You're going to have to go to the
bathroom in like 15 minutes.

Jane: I dehydrate quickly.

Quinn: Whatever, now where's our gate? Let's see the woman said Area 9, Section
blue, Gate 16...

Daria: Don't strain yourself Quinn, it's a ten minute walk from here, we have
time.

Quinn: In that case, I should go check my foundation, you never know who you
might meet on a plane.

Jane: An escaped convict bent on the passenger's destruction perhaps?

Quinn:(looking slightly nervous): Very funny.(She enters the bathroom and they
all wait for her at their gate across the coridoor.)

Jane: I can't believe you're leaving already Daria, I'll come up for a visit
right after the next show in Boston.

Daria: Great, I'll show you around New York. Uh, Trent, if you wanted to come
too, that would be cool.

Trent: I'll definitely think it over, we'll keep in touch right?

Daria: Sure Trent.

Jane: Now guys, don't get all squishy on me now. Oh look, here comes our little
prom queen.(Quinn reenters and they walk towards the boarding line. Daria waves
bye to Jane and Trent and they wave back.)

Act Eight

They're off the ground now, and Daria and Quinn are getting comfortable for the
ride home.

Daria: So, have fun?

Quinn: Yeah right. It's sad to see someone as popular as Sandy used to be act
like such a child though. What was she thinking?

Daria: I seriously doubt she spends much time doing that.

Quinn: So you and Brent huh?

Daria: It's Trent. And we're just friends.

Quinn: Sure you are Daria. I'm just gonna sleep for awhile, if you don't mind.

Daria: Good idea, night Quinn.

The plane flies off into the sunset and all that good stuff, and Daria leaves
this time with much nicer memories to look back on.

One more thing: I realize that Daria and Quinn would not have graduated in the
same class but it was the only way to make this story work.

THE END