THE REST OF MY DAMN
LIFE (SERIES TWO): A
Ranting Klown series
EPISODE 25-1
THE
EMANCIPATION OF KILLER: PART ONE
(Neill and Jane deal with the consequences
of a shared kiss, while Christie meets her biological father in the flesh)
Scene I (INT, Morning,
Daria and Neill's Dorm)
(TEN
YEARS AGO)
(Neill walks off a cricket
field, disconsolate)
(Dezza is there to meet him)
DEZZA
Don't worry about it Killer
NEILL
I dropped it
DEZZA
There'll be plenty of other
catches to take
NEILL
It was a sitter
(Neill sits on ground and
looks over the field)
DEZZA
Now, Killer, do you want a
lift home, or are you going to stare across the field all day?
(Silence)
DEZZA
Fine, have it your way
(Dezza leaves)
(Neill notices a cricket ball
next to him, and picks it up)
(Neill stands up and throws
the ball high into the air, and catches it again)
(3 Hours later)
(Neill's father approaches)
DAD
You coming home?
NEILL
Not yet
DAD
Why not Neill?
NEILL
I'm not perfect yet.
DAD
Well, if you come with me, you
can take the ball with you.
(Neill throws the ball up into
the air)
(1 hour later)
(Neill is lying on bed,
throwing the ball up in the air)
(Oakie enters)
OAKIE
Dad says were going out for
tea, you want to come Killer?
NEILL
Not yet...not yet.
(Neill throws ball in air)
(PRESENT
DAY)
(Neill is lying on bed,
throwing a tattered cricket ball in air)
OUTSIDE DOOR
Daria: You sure you won't come
out?
NEILL
Not yet...not yet.
(Switch to outside door, where
Christie and Daria are gathered)
DARIA
He's been in there for 2 days
CHRISTIE
You worried about him?
DARIA
Him? No. My dinner? Maybe.
CHRISTIE
Your concern is touching.
Neill?
NEILL
I'm not coming out. I don't
want to hurt anybody.
CHRISTIE
You know, I remember saying
that exact same thing once.
NEILL
Well, I think our situations
may be a bit different.
CHRISTIE
What is your situation?
NEILL
Nice try
CHRISTIE
(To Daria) Well, I've done all
I can.
DARIA
I think I may know how to get
him out. Neill?
NEILL
Yep?
DARIA
Has this got to do with Jane?
(Silence)
Scene II (INT,
Morning, Jane and Lucy's dorm)
(Jane is on bunk, staring at
the ceiling)
(A sombre violin song begins
to play)
JANE
I don't suppose you could play
something a bit more cheery?
LUCY
Cheery? Are you okay?
JANE
I just want to be happy now
LUCY
Has this got to do with
Charlie?
JANE
I don't want to talk about it.
LUCY
So it is about Charlie?
JANE
I said I don't want to talk
about it okay!?
LUCY
Okay, you don't have to talk
about it. At least come and paint something.
JANE
Art. I can't think about art.
LUCY
You know, you can talk to me
about anything. I'm a minor character; I'm a sympathetic ear and such and so
forth.
JANE
You really want to hear about
my problems?
LUCY
Sure, could be inspiration for
a composition.
JANE
Okay. Let's just say that
there's this problem.
LUCY
I'm with you so far
JANE
And you've explored a
possibility that this problem could theoretically throw up
LUCY
A bit vague
JANE
So you explore it, but there's
no point, because you find that route is well and truly shut. Yet I can't stop
thinking about that particular route. Even though I know that perusing it will
end in misery and despair. And I know that there is another route I can take,
but I can't bring myself to do it, knowing that I still want to go down the
other route.
LUCY
You've been hanging with the
existential group haven't you?
JANE
I'm not making much sense?
LUCY
About as much sense as a giant
meteor contained within a small apartment
(Jane sighs)
LUCY
From what I've gathered, maybe
you're impulsive.
JANE
What?
LUCY
You follow your impulses all the
time. Maybe it's time to take the safe route, not the one that looks the most
enticing.
JANE
Maybe you're right.
(A knock at the door)
LUCY
I'll get it
(Jane stares at ceiling)
LUCY
Hi, Daria right?
DARIA
Unless the government stole my
identity again. Is Jane around?
LUCY
She sure is. I was about to go
to class anyhow.
(Lucy leaves and Daria enters)
JANE
Hey
DARIA
You wouldn't be in a fit of
depression would you?
Scene III (INT, Day,
Daria and Neill's dorm)
CHRISTIE
If you won't come out for me,
at least come out for your country?
NEILL
You've got to be kidding
CHRISTIE
Well how about this? How about
you don't come out, but we just talk.
NEILL
And would you understand what
I've got to say?
CHRISTIE
I always have in the past.
Listen Neill, this isn't easy for me to say, but I look up to you for some
reason. And I can't have someone I look up to acting all crazy. That's my
department dammit!
NEILL
Get yourself a new idol. I'd
end up hurting you.
CHRISTIE
How about talking to me
because I'm a lesbian?
NEILL
What?
CHRISTIE
Sure, I kinda have both sexes
perspective on any problem...
NEILL
This isn't about gender. It's
about something that you couldn't possibly understand.
CHRISTIE
Try me
NEILL
It's about me being so screwed
up that I systematically try to close every door to happiness. I can't be
happy, because of what I am. I can't be who I truly am, because of what I'm
expected to be. I can't trust what could make me happy, because I've been hurt
my whole life. I've been close to somebody, and they hurt me. I know it wasn't
their fault, but I can't help but feel that if I try to find happiness, it'll
turn out to be just the same.
CHRISTIE
I know our languages are kind
of different, but damn.
NEILL
Understand this. Piss off and
leave me alone.
CHRISTIE
You know, you're not such a
good guy after all.
(Christie leaves)
(Neill throws ball up in air
and catches it again)
(Neill picks up cordless phone
and dials)
DR SMITH
Hello?
NEILL
G'day
DR SMITH
Neill! What do I owe this
unexpected pleasure?
NEILL
You know the first time I saw
you, and I had trouble visualising true happiness?
DR SMITH
It was so long ago
NEILL
Well, I found happiness. And I
kicked it out of my dorm.
DR SMITH
I figure there's somebody
special?
NEILL
There is. She gets me.
DR SMITH
No small feat
NEILL
She kissed me and I told her
to piss off because I'm afraid of hurting her.
DR SMITH
Hmmm...are you sure that it's
her you're afraid of hurting?
NEILL
What do you mean?
DR SMITH
You're scared. You've found
somebody you can bare your soul to. Away from all the constraints of being
Killer. Sound like somebody we know?
NEILL
My mother.
DR SMITH
Very good. You know, you still
blame yourself for her death, and yet blame her for abandoning you.
NEILL
I'm a monster. I should be
locked up with the rest of society's monsters, like puppy kickers, or John
Hopoate.
DR SMITH
No, these feelings are
natural. I submit to you that your not afraid of hurting this person, you're
afraid that this person may hurt you.
Scene IV (INT, Day,
Lucy and Jane's dorm)
JANE
Me, depressed? Why would I be
depressed?
DARIA
I know something happened
JANE
Maybe it did, maybe it didn't,
what's it to you?
DARIA
I'm your friend. This is the type
of emotional crap that friends talk about.
JANE
Fine, you really want to know
what's going down?
DARIA
Going down? No. Going on? Yes.
JANE
I kissed Neill
DARIA
So you do have a thing for him
JANE
Did
DARIA
Huh?
JANE
I kissed him. And he threw me
out. Not much potential there.
DARIA
Wait. He, rejected you?
JANE
With style
DARIA
I thought if anything, that you rejected him
JANE
And why would you be thinking
that?
DARIA
Because he's been in his room for
2 days. He's missed class and his radio shift. He's been downright depressing,
that coming from me!
JANE
What makes you think I give a
damn about what he's feeling?
DARIA
I don't know...I just thought
that...
JANE
What Daria!? That somehow I
would kiss a friend behind my boyfriend's back, and somehow it would all work
out?
DARIA
It does eventually. You just
have to have a good support network around you.
JANE
What would you know about it?
DARIA
Tom.
JANE
Good point. I don't think it
will work in these circumstances though.
DARIA
Why?
JANE
Because he just kicked me out.
He didn't kiss back.
DARIA
So you think the solution is
Neill?
JANE
I don't know. I don't think we
could work. We're just way too different.
DARIA
How?
JANE
He's a cool guy. I'm an
alternative type. We're from two different worlds.
DARIA
Romeo and Juliet were from two
different worlds. Although they ended up committing suicide, bad example.
JANE
Well, I do have an attraction
to him...
DARIA
I know
JANE
It's not lust. It's like he
just gets me, and I get him. He's a frustrated artist. You know that?
DARIA
I can honestly say that in all
my time boarding with him, the thought never crossed my mind.
Scene V (INT, Day, Neill
and Daria's dorm)
(Neill is throwing ball up in
air)
(A knock at his door)
NEILL
That better be room service,
or you can piss right off.
BRAD
Dude, I just wanted to borrow
your guitar. No need to bite my head off.
NEILL
Whatever
BRAD
Dude? What's wrong?
NEILL
Nothing's wrong, this is the
way it's supposed to be.
BRAD
Can I come in Dude?
NEILL
No. I'm supposed to be here.
All alone. Trying to find perfection.
(Neill continues to throw the
ball up in air)
BRAD
This about some chick isn't
it?
NEILL
Yes Brad. It's about 'some
chick'
BRAD
A slightly more serious chick?
NEILL
No, it's about Jane.
BRAD
I don't know who that is....
NEILL
You met her once, Daria's
mate.
BRAD
The one with the crazy black
hair...
NEILL
And the blue eyes
BRAD
Dude?
NEILL
Yeah
BRAD
What colour are my eyes?
NEILL
What?
BRAD
Just answer the question.
NEILL
I dunno
BRAD
What colour are Daria's eyes?
NEILL
It's not like I go around
recording this stuff in my brain mate...
BRAD
What colour is Jane's
lipstick?
NEILL
It was called 'Crimson Rose'
on the thingy
BRAD
What colour lipstick does
Christie wear?
NEILL
I dunno, Pinkish?
BRAD
I don't know how to tell you
this, but you're falling for this Jane chick
NEILL
Well no shit Sherlock
BRAD
So she rejected you?
NEILL
No, I rejected her, that's
what's so screwed up about the whole thing!
BRAD
Ok then
NEILL
Confusing, ain't it?
BRAD
I don't know, I'm usually
confused anyhow
Scene VI (INT, Day,
Christie's Dorm)
(Christie is walking around
dorm)
CHRISTIE
Are all guys so screwed up?
(A knock at the door)
(Christie opens the door to
find a 35 year old man accompanied by two campus security guards)
GUARD #1
Excuse me Miss Elliot. Do you
know this man?
CHRISTIE
I don't think so
MAN
It's me
CHRISTIE
Oh. Yeah, I know the guy
(The two guards look at each
other and leave)
CHRISTIE
I didn't expect you to come so
soon
MAN
Well, when you've been looking
for your natural daughter for 10 years, you figure you can take a break from
work for a road trip.
CHRISTIE
Come in, what do I call you?
MAN
I don't think you should call
me 'Dad' or 'Poppa' or anything like that...how about you call me Greg?
CHRISTIE
OK Greg
(Greg and Christie enter)
(Greg inspects his
surroundings)
GREG
I thought Raft was a rich college
CHRISTIE
It is, just for the
international students though
GREG
Oh...so...what have you been up
to....for the past 19 years?
CHRISTIE
Oh you know, coming to terms
with my sexuality, taking self defence classes, school, eating, and
sleeping...the usual. You?
GREG
Working, Sleeping and watching
football. The usual.
CHRISTIE
Ugh. I hate football, all
those big sweaty men banging into each other and insisting it's not a mating
dance, it's cowardly.
GREG
Greg is short for Gregorio. I was
talking about the world game.
CHRISTIE
Oh...so you're...
GREG
Italian
CHRISTIE
And that would make me....
GREG
Italian-American
CHRISTIE
Dammit! Now I have to come to
terms with a new nationality!
GREG
You were raised American from
what I hear
CHRISTIE
You know, I always thought I
liked Spaghetti just that little bit more than other people...
GREG
So...what are you studying?
CHRISTIE
Biology Major
GREG
Uhh...neat?
CHRISTIE
Don't worry
GREG
So, what do you hope to do
when you get out of this place?
CHRISTIE
I'm moving in zoology.
GREG
So, what? You'd work in a Zoo
or something?
CHRISTIE
That's the plan
GREG
Then I feel...vindicated
CHRISTIE
Huh?
GREG
Because if you stayed with me
the best you could have hoped for is wife to a gas attendant.
Scene VII (INT, Late
Day, Jane and Lucy's Dorm)
DARIA
You know, I think this is the
longest we've talked about one guy
JANE
You're right...are we
becoming...joiners?
DARIA
I doubt it
JANE
That would be absurd
DARIA
Exactly
(Jane sighs)
DARIA
I should probably go now
JANE
I don't blame you
DARIA
So...I hope I helped?
JANE
Yeah, you did...
(Daria leaves)
(Jane stares at ceiling)
(The phone rings)
JANE
Hello?
CHARLIE
Uh....hey
JANE
Charlie?
CHARLIE
Don't hang up
JANE
I wasn't going to
CHARLIE
Because usually when a girl's
boyfriend accuses them of betrayal, they hang up. Believe me, I've seen all the
movies. Listen, I'm sorry I went off at you about you and Neill. I'm sure it's
purely platonic and I'm just being paranoid.
JANE
Yeah...
CHARLIE
I'm sure that if we can get
over my jealousy, I think we have the chance for something really good
together.
JANE
You know what? Why should I
wait? I have you right here right now...let's do it
CHARLIE
What?
JANE
Nothing, apology accepted
CHARLIE
Well good. But I've got to ask
one final time. Is there anything going on between you and Neill?
(Jane Pauses)
CHARLIE
Jane?
JANE
Sorry about that, bad
reception. There is nothing to me and Neill. We're too different anyhow.
CHARLIE
Glad to hear it. I like you.
JANE
So, you want to do something
tonight?
CHARLIE
Wish I could, but we have a
shoot tonight.
JANE
So, I guess I'll see you
around then?
CHARLIE
Yeah...definitely.
(Jane hangs up)
JANE
Why should I wait around? He doesn't
like me. Screw him.
Scene VIII (INT, Early
evening, Cafeteria)
(Daria is sitting in
cafeteria, eating)
DARIA
Damn, I hope Neill gets out of
his rut soon. This lasagne is really bad.
(Daria pushes plate away)
(Patrick walks up behind her
and covers her eyes)
PATRICK
Guess who?
DARIA
Walt Whitman?
PATRICK
Close, but no cigar
(Patrick sits next to Daria)
PATRICK
So, what's going down?
DARIA
Eating rancid meat. The usual.
PATRICK
Neill not cooking?
DARIA
He's been in his room for 2
days
PATRICK
Sick?
DARIA
Kind of
PATRICK
Huh?
DARIA
I'm not sure I should tell
you...
PATRICK
Daria, I'm your...guy you're
dating. If you can't trust me, who can you trust?
DARIA
You promise to keep quiet about
it? Because I don't think I could put up with all the concerned well wishers in
our dorm again.
PATRICK
Daria. For you, I'm a vault
made of the strongest steel.
DARIA
He's been in his room because
he kissed Jane, and now he's very confused about the whole thing, but I think
it's deeper than that.
(Patrick looks around)
PATRICK
You were right. If that ever
got out, it would cause mass controversy.
DARIA
I'm more concerned about Jane.
She's going out with Charlie at the moment, so she has to deal with the whole
betrayal thing. And that's just tough...
PATRICK
Damn...that must suck.
(
DARIA
Hey
(Silence as
DARIA
Uh...yeah...hey
DARIA
Meet Patrick, the guy I'm
going out with...Patrick.
How come I've never seen you
around before?
PATRICK
I've been in the background.
Avoiding detection is what I do.
(Daria looks at watch)
DARIA
I've got work. Well, you two
get acquainted.
(Daria kisses Patrick on cheek
as
You know, you're going to have
to tell her. If you don't, I will.
PATRICK
She won't believe you
Yeah, but if you hurt her in
anyway, I'm gonna shove your head so far up your ass you're going to have to wear
yourself as a hat.
Scene IX (INT, Night,
Daria and Neill's dorm)
(Neill is throwing ball up and
down in air)
NEILL
10,002...10,003...10,004
(There is a knock at the door)
NEILL
Piss off
DARIA
I brought some food back from
the cafeteria; I wanted to know if you wanted any
NEILL
No. Now go away.
DARIA
Can I come in?
NEILL
What part of go away don't you
understand.
(Daria enters)
NEILL
I said Piss Off!
DARIA
I want to know why you
rejected Jane.
NEILL
Why the hell should I tell
you?
DARIA
Because Jane is alone in her
dorm, depressed as all hell. I only ever saw her like that once before.
NEILL
So her depression is making
you uncomfortable? Some friend, now piss off.
DARIA
No. Not until you tell me.
NEILL
Fine! You want to know why
Daria!? Huh?
DARIA
Well, yeah.
NEILL
It's because I'm not good
enough for her! I am so screwed up. She deserves the best, and I am not that. I
mean, if we got together, I'd cheat on her with the first cheerleader I saw. I
mean for Christ sake! Its better that she hate me, then keep any illusion of a
relationship alive! She doesn't deserve me! Listen, I'm crazy about her, I am!
But it just wouldn't work, and I don't have the strength to try!
DARIA
That doesn't sound like the
football hero
NEILL
A game's a game. This is much
deeper, and I don't have the ability to change for her!
DARIA
She kissed you right?
NEILL
No shit
DARIA
Then she liked you for you.
You don't have to change.
NEILL
Don't you get it you stupid
girl!? I am Neill Hayden, she is
DARIA
Like who?
NEILL
Try every girl I've ever slept
with who harboured ambitions for something more! Try my family!
DARIA
Your family?
NEILL
Mum died because of me!
DARIA
It was child birth, you didn't
do anything wrong.
NEILL
I'm doing something wrong by
sheer existence! I hurt them...and I had to change. I had to become something
that wasn't me.
(Daria is silent)
NEILL
Hurting Jane. That would be the
final straw. I just couldn't do it. Hurting her would be like turning a ray of
sunshine into brimstone.
DARIA
Fine. If that's the way you
feel about it. Why the hell didn't you just say that to Jane, instead of
breaking her heart?
NEILL
Because Killer is a disease. A
disease doesn't become eradicated through kind words. The source has to be
isolated.
DARIA
So you think you can force
everybody away by wearing a mask of hostility?
NEILL
It's the way it has to be.
DARIA
That doesn't work. You can
try, but eventually people break through.
NEILL
Well, I'm not taking that
chance. I'm going to go and get pissed.
(Neill brushes Daria aside and
slams door)
Scene X (INT, Night,
McBride's Bar)
(Neill enters the bar and sits
down)
SANDI
Hey
NEILL
Beer, and keep 'em coming.
SANDI
Hard day at the office?
NEILL
Hard life at the office. I'd
rather not talk about it.
SANDI
Okay, should I tell you about
the day I've had?
NEILL
Sure, it'll get better once
I'm drunk
SANDI
Apart from being late to work
and having my apartment in a shambles, I get in today, and you see that guy
over there?
(Neill looks)
NEILL
That guy over there?
SANDI
Comes in with his date right,
and as soon as she goes to the bathroom, he starts hitting on me.
NEILL
He did, did he?
(Neill starts to clench fist)
SANDI
Are you okay?
NEILL
Call the cops
SANDI
Why?
NEILL
Because I'm afraid of what I
may do
SANDI
But...
NEILL
Just do it
(Sandi looks at Neill
worryingly, and grabs phone)
(Neill walks over to figure)
NEILL
G'Day Charlie (With hint of
malice in voice)
CHARLIE
Oh...hey...I didn't see you there...
NEILL
Is Jane here as well?
CHARLIE
No...
(Blonde walks up to Charlie
and sits down next to him)
NEILL
Who's this?
CHARLIE
A friend...
NEILL
You are of course aware that I
am friends with the bar staff?
(Charlie looks away)
CHARLIE
Don't tell Jane...
(Neill grabs Charlie by the
collar)
NEILL
You accused her of cheating on
you, all the while you've been running around with this floozy and hitting on
random bar chicks?
CHARLIE
How can I be sure that she isn't
into you huh? I've seen the way you two look at each other...
NEILL
But I would never hurt somebody
as beautiful as Jane!
(Neill puts Charlie on his
feet, and then punches him out cold)
(Police by the door come to
drag Neill away)
NEILL
It's OK officers, I'll come
peacefully. My knuckles are wasted on this scum.
(Neill is led away)
NEILL
Sandi?
SANDI
Yeah?
NEILL
Tell Jane I said goodbye, and
this is the way things have to be.
END
-What will be the consequences
behind Neill's actions? Will Jane and Neill confront their feelings for each
other? Will Christie some to terms with her new found identity? How does
(Authors Notes)
**Everything revealed about
Neill has been leading up to this point. If you thought this episode was
eventful, wait until part 2! If you've been paying close attention so far, you
may already know some the answers to the questions posed above**
* Questions? Comments? Divorce
Papers? Ranting_Klown@hotmail.com
*