Daria in "Penny for Your Virus" Opening credits Scene 1: Costa Rican apartment Senora Santos: So, I was thinking we could take your line of hand crafted tin picture frames national, and with me as your business partner, we can't fail! Penny: Mmmm. Senora Santos: You want some iced tea? Penny: Sure por favor. (sits and waits) (Senora Santos pours water into a glass from the tap and mixes in the iced tea mix) Senora Santos: Here you are. Penny: Gracias, so you were saying about going national with my product? Senora Santos: Oh yes, well anyway. (As Senora Santos babbles on, the camera cuts to a close up of Penny's beverage which shows it's microscopic contents) later. Penny: Well thank you for taking an interest in my product. Senora Santos: De nada Senorita Lane. Hasta luego. Penny: Ditto. Scene 2: Penny's Costa Rican apartment (One week later. the song "Stan" by Eminem feat. Dido plays in the background while the rain taps on her windows) (Penny is walking around her apartment when she suddenly feels sharp pains in her abdominal area.) Penny: Oh my God! (groans & yawns)I really don't feel that well at all. (shivers) Scene 3: La Casa de Lane (The song "American Psycho" by treble charger is playing in the background. It is a day after Penny's newfound anguish. Penny approaches the door and rings the bell to be answered by Jane) Jane: Well, hola hermana. Long time no thought of your existence. Penny (in between groans): Likewise. (Grabs her stomach and leans against the door frame) I feel real sick, so I felt coming home was a good idea, you know incase mom was here. Jane: Strike 3 your out. You'll have to settle for her replacement. (bows) Besides, you were right. Home is where you should be. Penny (while looking around her house in dismay) Maybe I was wrong. (collapses on the doorstep) Jane: Um, ok. Here's my alibi. I was out buying flowers for my friend's sick mother. Yes, that'll do. La la la la la plays during slow-mo of Penny collapsing in front of an expressionless Jane Commercial Break which consists of a "Huggies" pull-ups advertisement, "Neutrogena" body wash advertisement (care of Jennifer Love Hewitt (the bitch)), and a "Norwich Union" life insurance advertisement (you can be forty now and still get coverage up to 25,000 dollars!!!). Scene 4: Sandi's House (living room) (The song "Sour Girl" by the Stone Temple Pilots plays in the background while the girls are doing the all around vain things girls of such caliber would engage in i.e.: painting nails, gazing at themselves in the mirror for hours, etc.) Stacy: I saw this girl just sitting by a building wearing an orange sweater with plaid pants. Tiffany: Oh my God! Sandi: Oh gross. Quinn: Ew! Stacy: And to top it off, she was wearing sandals with socks! Sandi: Whoa, Stacy. Before we jump the gun and assume she chose to wear such apparel, are you sure she wasn't homeless? Because anybody in the right mind would avoid combining such garments at such a risk of unpopularity and unwanted criticism. Unless of course it was Quinn's cousin, or whatever she is this month. Quinn: (giggles nervously) Well even if she were homeless, I'd rather wear absolutely nothing than embarrass myself like that! Sandi: Quinn, you say that because you are that shallow. Quinn: I'm sor- Sandi: Do you're not sorry. You're just a big hypocrite, Quinn. Maybe you should be the president of the Fashion Club if you have a dead-on impression of what's right and what's wrong. After all, existential Quinn of whom is not in need of exfoliating knows everything about everything. It's too bad you don't realize that it's a felony to be out in public in the nude whether you're poor or rich. At least she's wearing semi-compatible clothing, for what appears to be a homeless girl. Please Quinn, I don't think the world outside of yours could bear another tongue-lashing. Quinn: You no Sandi, I'm really getting sick of this. It seems no matter what I say, you conger up some way of turning it around on me and taking two of my dearest most loyal friends away from me. If I do recall correctly, it's always you who are putting me down because I can't meet up to your standards. I feel you are the hypocrite in this situation. Sandi: Well, never in my life- Quinn: Never in your life what Sandi? Never in your life have you been judged by someone existential? It's not my fault you're so out of touch with the everyday world. I may have a prejudice against the fashion impaired who choose to be so, like Daria, but I don't act out on it negatively. I try to help, and if I were to have seen that girl, I would attempt to befriend her and turn her into one as generous and thoughtful as I. I'd do that because I actually care. I criticize because I care. I have opinions because I'm human. If you want to criticize me, that's fine, Sandi. But just don't expect me to stand there and take it without noting your imperfections too! (storms out of the room and slams the door) (Sandi sits on her bed looking stunned) Tiffany: Wow Sandi, Quinn's really upset. Stacy: Yeah, maybe you ought to apologi- (Sandi glares at her) Stacy: Eep! Scene 5: Sidewalk (the song "No Esteem" by The Offspring plays in the background. Quinn is fast-walking and stomping while at it) Quinn: I'll show her who's a hypocrite. (walks by the hospital and stops) Hmmm. Scene 6: Hospital main desk (The song "Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheatus plays in the background as Quinn walks up to the desk) Quinn: Um, excuse me but I'd like to volunteer here to, um, aid those in need of companionship, I think. Nancy: Sure, just fill out this form. I'm Nancy, head nurse. (Nurse Nancy has long red hair and is wearing a white nurses' suit. She's a bit plump and has really long nails that are painted red) Quinn: Hi, I'm Quinn. Um, I like your nails. Nancy: Oh thanks. Quinn: Do I have to wear a uniform or anything because that would really have a big impact on my "cute" persona. Nancy: No, just wear this nametag, but write your name on it first. You'll get an official nametag in a few days. (she writes "Quinn" on the sticker nametag and puts it on Quinn) Quinn: Thanks. Nancy: So what's a cute young lady like you doing volunteering at a hospital? Quinn (quick and eagerly): Well, my friends and I were at a Fashion Club meeting at Sandi's house. While we were discussing coordinating hairstyles and scarf patterns, Stacy mentioned a homeless girl wearing a non-coordinating outfit and I just commented on it. Later. (Nancy is tapping her nails on the counter with her chin in her other hand whose elbow is leaned on the counter too while rolling her eyes and blowing the bangs out of her eyes with a very bored expression on her face) Quinn: .and she said (mimicking Sandi) "Oh Quinn, how could you be such a hypocrite" (normal) and then I finally fought back and told her how I felt about her habit of consistent quote unquote "constructive" criticism. (Nancy yawns) Quinn: So I've decided to prove her wrong by volunteering to help others. At the time I was walking by the hospital and I got the idea to volunteer here. Nancy: Mmmhmm. (mutters) I told them build the hospital on a mountain. Quinn: Huh? Nancy: Nothing about compatible sweaters and hair color. Well, you see that boy over there? You can start by playing games with him. He has leukemia. (Quinn stares at him in a daze) Quinn (weakly): Wha.kemia? (She walks up to the boy. He is sitting on a chair in the recreation room by it's window facing the hallway) Quinn (sheepishly): Hi, my name is Quinn. I'll be your companion for a few hours so you may feel accompanied and stuff. Ryan: Hi, I'm Ryan. (Ryan looks about Quinn's age, with boyish facial features, yet they're developed into a half boyish-half maturish fashion with dark brown eyes, black eyebrows, short (as in Joey's length) dark brown hair, about Kevin's height but not too muscular (he's got Leukemia people!)) Quinn (thinking voice): No, I can't fall for him no matter how cute he looks. He's a sick boy and I need to do my job as professionally as possible. Ooh, this is gonna be so hard!! (Speaking still sheepishly) So, you wanna play a board game or something? The song "Porcelain" by Moby plays during slow-mo of Quinn babbling on and Nancy has her bored expression on while tapping her nails Commercial Break which consists of a "Bounty" paper towels commercial (The quicker picker upper), a "Labatt Blue" beer commercial, and an anti-smoking propaganda commercial (smoking is apparently bad for you). Scene 7: La Casa de Lane (The song "Testify" by Rage Against The Machine is playing in the background. It's a day since Penny's arrival, and Penny is lying on the couch in the living room with blankets and Jane is approaching her) Jane: Here's your water. (hands Penny the glass) Penny: Thanks. (drinks all of it and hands the glass back) (Jane leaves and camera cuts to the kitchen where Jane puts the glass back on the counter by the sink, then leaves back into the living room) (Trent enters the kitchen and pours water into the glass by the sink, drinks it all, rinses it out and puts it back in an empty cupboard) Penny (voice): Oh my GOD!!!!!! (screams in pain) (Trent has a weirded out expression on his face, and leaves) Scene 8: Hospital (The song "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica plays in the background. It's one day after Quinn volunteered. Quinn and Ryan are sitting at a table in the rec room playing Monopoly. Ryan rolls the dice and moves his boot to Park Place.) Quinn: I own that. That'll be thirty-five dollars rent please. (Ryan reluctantly hands her the money jokingly. Quinn rolls the dice and moves her dog to a community chest, picks up a card and reads.) Quinn: "You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect ten dollars." Ryan: How does one as beautiful as you win second prize in a beauty contest? Quinn (sheepishly): Oh, because people as beautiful as Sandi exist and take up first place. Here, I'll show you her picture. (She pulls out Sandi's wallet sized photo from her wallet) Ryan: Hmmm, nah. She doesn't even pass for fifth place. You give your friends too much credit. Quinn: I give `cause I love. Ryan: Quinn, I realize that you are probably a very popular person at your school and your phone line is always busy due to many of your admirers, but I just want you to know of my contribution to your confidence. (He leans over to her side of the table) Quinn (unknowingly): Oh, well, than- (is interrupted by Ryan's kiss. After a few seconds, Quinn pulls away) Quinn: Oh no! I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let this happen! And to top that off (pauses) oh God no!!! You kissed me!!! (Screams horrifyingly and runs out of the room leaving Ryan with a puzzled look on his face) Scene 9: Morgendorffer Home (The song "Charlotte" by Kittie plays in background. Quinn runs into the house and slams the door) Quinn (while panting): Daria? Daria? Daria!? God, where is she!!!??? Daria (standing behind Quinn): Well I can tell you where I am. (Quinn whirls around and looks frantic) Quinn: Where are mom and dad? Daria (sarcastically): In a safe place with lots of rations. I'll say no more. What's wrong with you? Quinn: Daria, I'm in trouble and I don't think I can get out of this one. You're a thinker and surely if you can do my homework you can save my life! Daria: Oh yes. There's absolutely no difference between the two, so I should be able to accomplish this request with great ease. Quinn: I think I might have leukemia. What are the beginning symptoms? Daria (sarcastically): Well, first, one will turn puke green in noticeable places. Quinn: Puke green?!! But that color is so last season!! Daria: So is Diphtheria. What makes you think you may have Leukemia? Quinn: Ryan kissed me, you know, the guy at the hospital I've been spending time with. He has Leukemia! Daria: Oh yes. And let me guess, the book of Quinn defines Leukemia as contagious through oral contact, am I right? Quinn: You can never be too sure. Daria: Well, you can. Quinn: I'm serious. I need a blood test now! Let's go to the hospital!!! (Daria rolls her eyes) Daria: Look, trust me. You know, me, the brain who knows all and sees all. I know what I'm talking about. Quinn: Alright, but if I start feeling unusual- Daria: You mean when you lose your fashion sense? Quinn: I'm consulting you about it and making you deal with it. Daria: Why must this remain a secret to those not presently visible? Quinn: If mom and dad were to know that I kissed him, they'd flip. Daria: Because he has Leukemia. Quinn: Yeah, and also because it would mean I wasn't professional in my work. Daria: Wait a minute, didn't you say he kissed you? Quinn: Whatever. Look, I just don't want them to know because that would mean more motherly daughterly time between mom and I and I would never want to be subjected to that as I know you wouldn't either. Daria: Wow, we do have more in common other than being biotic organisms in the same ecosystem. (A puzzled look comes across Quinn's face) Daria: (sighs) From now on, you do your own homework. I can't stand having a conversation with anyone lacking intellect of any kind. La la la la la plays during slow-mo of Quinn screaming and running out of the rec room. Commercial break which consists of an "Oxy" pad commercial, more anti- smoking propaganda, a "Crispers" commercial, and a "MADD" commercial. Scene 10: La Casa de Lane (The song "Ava Adore" by The Smashing Pumpkins plays in background. It's one day after Quinn's horrific outburst. The doorbell rings and Jane rushes downstairs to answer it to find Daria standing behind it. Jane isn't wearing her red over shirt) Jane (weakly): Hey. Daria: What happened to you? (Walks in and shuts the door) You look wiped out. Jane: I haven't slept a minute in the last 72 hours. You know, sick family calls for a twenty-four - seven maid service. So far I've cleaned up vomit consisting of chili and lasagna. You wanna join in with the treasure hunt? I think Penny left a five-minute-old pile on the living room floor I haven't cleaned up yet. Daria: Why isn't Trent contributing to the fun? Jane: Because he's coming down with something too. He probably picked it up from Penny. But I'm telling you Daria; this is no fever or stomach flu. This is something very different. No one screams in pain like that over a sore stomach. Trent is starting. It's probably the first time he's been up during the day and the majority of the night in years. Daria: Should I wear disposable gloves? Jane: You have disposable gloves?!! (Quinn comes running up to the Lane doorway and rings the bell. Daria answers) Daria: What are you doing here? The Fashion Club give you a sabbatical for being human? Quinn: I just wanna be around someone I know and trust. Daria: What about your gal pals? Quinn: I just need you, ok? Daria (to Jane): Quinn is dealing with having to absorb knowledge. It's been very difficult for her, you know trying to be immune from all that is earthly. Jane (nods): Mmmhmm. Well Princess, might I get you some water. I'm doing everything else around here myself anyway. Quinn (sarcastically): Don't hurt yourself. Jane: Ouch. (smugly) You're gaining some of Daria's characteristics. (Quinn screams) Jane (to Daria): Works every time. (She walks to the kitchen and grabs the glass that Trent put back in, out of the empty cupboard unknowing of it's previous occupants and lack of cleanliness. She pours filtered water into the glass, runs to the living room and hands it to Quinn) Daria: Well Quinn, you're finally where you really belong. The house that love deteriorated. Just like your soul. Quinn: Ha ha, very funny. Why can't you just be nice for once? Daria: Because now you're purposely hanging around me so you will have to put up with all aspects of my world which includes pay back for being born through verbal abuse. (smirks) Quinn: Believe it or not, for the first time in my life I feel out of place. Jane: And for the first time in my life I feel superior to dirt. (Quinn guzzles back the water) Scene 11: Morgendorffer Home (It is one whole week later. There are no parents present. The song "Got The Life" by KoRn is playing in the background. Quinn is running down the hallway and bursts into Daria's room) Quinn: Daria!! I feel sick! (She collapses on the floor) Daria: Um, ok. Here's my alibi. I was out buying flowers for my friend's sick mother. Yes, that'll do. Scene 12: Emergency Room (The song "Celebrity Skin" by Hole plays in the background while Daria and Quinn are sitting in the emergency room. Quinn is wearing a blanket around her shoulders and is hugging herself while shivering.) Daria: Ok, we'll get the doctor to check out what's wrong with you, then we tell mom and dad. (Quinn groans in pain) (Trent and Penny walk in to the emergency room) Daria: Hey Trent, over here. Trent: Oh, hey Daria. Daria: What brings you to the promise land? Trent: Too bad they can't promise to see to us within 5 hours of walking in here. Penny and I are real sick and Jane told me to drive she and I to the emergency room. Quinn (between teeth chatters): Why didn't she drive you? Daria: I'm afraid both Trent and Penny can fit in her bicycle basket. Anyway, Quinn's real sick too. (Trent looks around the room) Trent: The last time I was in here my mom stayed home for more than 48 hours. Daria: I suppose carrying foreign diseases back home for a few days stay can be deadly. Quinn (in pain): Oh my God, I'm gonna die! Daria: Your newfound pessimism astounds me, Quinn. Nancy (smugly): Well hello Quinn, what can I do for you today without having to sit through complaints about your friends and unexpected screams out the hospital door? Daria: You should have heard her in the car on the way here. Quinn (impatiently): What you can do is get me a damn doctor!!! (A doctor walks up to Quinn) Dr. Stevens: Hello, Quinn Morgendorffer? Quinn: Yes? Dr. Stevens: I'm Dr. Stevens. Come this way and we'll see what the problem is. (Another doctor walks up, only to Penny and Trent) Dr. Jamison: Trent and Penny Lane? Trent: That's us. Dr. Jamison: Follow me this way. (The 2 doctors, Quinn, Daria, Penny and Trent leave the emergency room) Scene 13: Dr. Stevens' Office Dr. Stevens: So Quinn, what seems to be the problem besides the fact that you feel like dying? Quinn: My stomach hurts! I'm weak and tired but I'm in too much pain to sleep! I'm also cold. Daria: That trait works on two levels. (Quinn glares at Daria) (Dr. Stevens writes down all her symptoms on his clipboard) Dr. Stevens: Say "Ah", Quinn. Quinn: Ah. (Dr. Stevens sticks a tongue depressor in her mouth) Dr. Stevens: Ok, now Quinn I'm gonna shine this light in your eyes and I want you to look away from it. (He shines the light in her eyes, and writes some more stuff down. He checks her ears and then uses his stethoscope on her back and chest, then writes some more.) Dr. Stevens: From what I can see, Quinn, you have an acute case of Typhoid Fever. (Quinn frowns as "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit plays in the background and lingers into the next scene.) Scene 14: Dr. Jamison's Office Dr. Jamison: Ok what I've observed from the two of you, you both have acute cases of Typhoid Fever, only Penny is well into it and Trent is just starting. And Penny, you say you just came back from Costa Rica? Penny: Yeah. But I was sick a couple of days before I came back home. Dr. Jamison: How would you describe the cleanliness of your dwelling, Trent? Trent: Um, well we hardly clean anything until mom and dad come back home. (Dr. Jamison writes some stuff down on her clipboard) Dr. Jamison: Mmmhmm. Tell me, Trent, do you always drink out of the first available glass you see when intending to get a drink? Trent: Uh, I guess. Dr. Jamison: I see. (She writes some more stuff down) From what I can see, Penny picked up the virus from something in her environment in Costa Rica, possibly contaminated water- Penny (weakly): But I always drink bottled water. Dr. Jamison: Have you accepted any beverages from anyone else in their dwelling? Penny: Mmm, I recall accepting iced tea from a business partner to be. When I was sitting in the living room, she was preparing the drinks in the kitchen. Dr. Jamison: Yes, it seems to be coming together now. Penny passed the virus onto Trent through oral contact of the same glass. Now Trent, have you ever considered abandoning your habit of grabbing chance of convenience so to be assured good health? Penny & Trent: Huh? Dr. Jamison: Have you ever considered drinking out of other glasses as opposed to drinking out of the glass that's closest to you? Trent: We have other glasses? (Dr. Jamison rolls her eyes) Scene 15: Dr. Stevens' Office Dr. Stevens: Now, we've determined what you have, now we need to know where you got it from. Quinn, have you been in any unusual surroundings lately? Unusual as in not a place you'd usually be. Quinn: What would unusual surroundings do to make me sick? Daria (sarcastically): That's it, we'll have to use trial and error to determine how she got it. Dr. Stevens: Well, you don't usually have typhoid fever, so if you've been in any unusual surroundings, that is where you may have gotten the fever from. Daria: It's true. I once walked into Quinn's room and stood there for more than five minutes only to find myself reciting the script to "Cinderella". Quinn: Well, I was at Daria's friend's house recently. I never go there. Daria: Such a cultural mosaic has never occurred until Quinn graced us with her presence on that gray July morn. Dr. Stevens: (chuckles) Anyway, did you accept any offers for liquid consumption or food? Quinn: If you meant to ask whether I had been offered a drink, yes, I accepted a glass of water. Daria: Actually, he asked whether shallowness was a phase or a way of life. Unfortunately you're too shallow to think about that brain buster. Quinn: Are you suggesting I'm shallow? Daria (sarcastically): No, I used the word shallow in the context of being deep. Dr. Stevens: Anyway, there are several ways to obtain such an illness. Contaminated food and drink are biggies. But Lawndale's water supply had been officially declared safe if you filter it. Daria: Well, the Lanes filter their water. How that concept of belief fits in with their regular chore schedule I'll never know. Maybe one of the others went out to buy the filtration system. I, however, may be able to piece this puzzle together. Dr. Stevens: Give it your best shot. Daria: As you may have noticed, Trent Lane was accompanied by an even more viral consumed party, Penny Lane of whom just came back home from Costa Rica a few days after she started feeling sick herself. Knowing Trent's innocent obliviousness when it comes to disinfectants and Costa Rican environment, I'd say it originated by a simple case of 3rd world country contaminated water. Dr. Stevens: Mmmhmm. (He writes more on his clipboard) Quinn: If this is true, why the hell did they let her back into the country? Daria: I'm hoping you know what duel citizenship is, because if you don't, I'm afraid we must end this unnecessary yet educational lesson. Quinn: Yes, I know what duel citizenship is. So she gets back in `cause she's an American citizen to begin with. But still, they should test her. Daria: At the boarding gate. Look, they can't deny her of the Costa Rican cultural baggage she's adapted over the years. Quinn: Cultural baggage? (Daria rolls her eyes) Daria: I really hope you make it as a neck model. Cultural baggage is when you bring another nationality's cultural customs into another country. Quinn: Since when? Daria: Well, long after the time when knights in shining armor fought off fire breathing dragons and a forest of fire and thorn bushes to get to their princesses. Quinn: When you start making sense, let me know. We all know that "Sleeping Beauty" wasn't non-friction- Daria: That's non-fiction. Quinn: But that doesn't make "Cinderella" a non-exception. Daria: From a fashion point of view, in which is no point of view. (Quinn opens her mouth to speak, but can't think of a good enough comeback, so shuts it) Daria (to Dr. Stevens): Don't be shocked. You'll find innate idiocy a way of life amongst most teens with a taste for stereotypical normality, in other words, a no grade point average. Dr. Stevens: Anyway, I'll go consult Dr. Jamison about the Lanes' results. (Opens the door to see Dr. Jamison walk down the hall) Dr. Jamison? Come here please. Dr. Jamison: Yes? Dr. Stevens: What were Trent and Penny Lane's result of illness? Dr. Jamison: Typhoid Fever. Dr. Stevens: Mmmhmm. Same with young Quinn here who claims to have been present in the Lane home at one point last week and accepted a drink. I'm suspecting it was a lack of cleanliness that triggered our problem on account of a certain party of whom doesn't like to participate in housekeeping. Daria: That eliminates the entire Lane family. Dr. Stevens: Quinn, you got the virus through drinking out of the Lane family glass. Quinn: Ew!! Why didn't your friend Jane give me a clean glass? Daria: Who knows, who cares. You're combining Jane with the word clean. Bad choice. Although her motive may have been for my benefit as I sense a birthday of my own coming around the corner. (smirks) La la la la la plays during slow-mo of Quinn saying "Ah". Commercial break which consists of a "Sketchers" shoes advertisement, a Tarot Reading advertisement, and an "Easy Bake Oven" advertisement. Scene 16: Quinn's Room (The song "Wonderful" by Everclear plays while Quinn lies on her bed reading a magazine with a hot water bottle. She's wearing a pink housecoat and cute pj's. This is one day after seeing the doctor. Daria walks in) Daria: Quinn? Quinn: Yes? Oh, it's you. Daria: Yes, it's me. As I recall before we discovered your true illness aside from the mental one, you believed you had Leukemia on account of being kissed by a guy who had it. While we were in the waiting room doing fulfilling our purpose of being in there in the first place, or in layman's terms waiting, that one nurse didn't take to kindly to your presence, which means only one thing. Quinn: And what would that be? Daria: You made a scene at the hospital after your little encounter with this young man. Don't you think you owe this guy at least an apology for your behavior? Quinn: Oh my gosh, you're right! (Jumps out of bed in an attempt to rush somewhere but only keels over in pain and groans) Daria: I'll get the phone. A few minutes later. Daria: Here. (In Helen's tone) Now apologize to that young man now! Quinn: Mo-om! (Dials Ryan's hospital room) Hello? May I please speak to Ryan Hughes? Yes, this is Quinn Morgendorffer. He what?! How? When? Oh, I see. Thank you, bye. (Stares blankly momentarily) Daria: What happened? Quinn: It's Ryan. He's dead. (She hangs her head down) (The song "All Apologies" by Nirvana starts to play in the background into next scene) Scene 17: Morgendorffer Living Room (Quinn is lying on the couch in her bedtime apparel as described in the last scene and the Fashion Club surrounds her. This is the day after the last scene.) Sandi: So Quinn, uh, we just came by to see if there's anything we can do to help you through your ill-fated emotional and physical state. Tiffany: Mmmhmm. Stacy: Um, yeah. Quinn: Thanks you guys but I'd rather be alone with my thoughts. The doctor says the virus will go away faster if I do that. Daria has already made it clear that I need to think a bit more. Sandi: But you look sick. Quinn (loudly and annoyed): That's because I am sick! (The Fashion Club stares at her in shock) Tiffany: Come on Quinn, there's obviously more to your condition than uh, whatever you have. Stacy: Yeah, we're your friends Quinn. You can tell us anything. Sandi: Come on Stacy. Tiffany. Quinn obviously doesn't appreciate our friendship, let alone our effort to visit her and risk our own health in the process. Quinn (shouts): That's it! (jumps off the couch and yells in Sandi's face) If you must know, I volunteered at the hospital to prove to you, Sandi, that I'm not shallow and that you're a hypocrite. I had met a friend with Leukemia who just recently passed away because of it. That's what's going on, Sandi. Sandi (quietly): Well, um, uh, ok then. (Daria peers around the kitchen/living room doorway and smiles) Scene 18: Daria's Room (The song "The One I Love" by R.E.M. is playing in the background. It is an hour after Quinn blew off her friends. Daria is reading a book on her bed when the door knocks) Daria: Sign the contract posted on the door stating that after entering this room the proprietor of it is indeed not responsible for your life. Quinn (from outside the door): Huh? Daria: Enter at your own risk. (Quinn enters) Quinn: Daria? Daria: No, it's John Lithgow. Please refer to me as the High Commander, oh Big Giant Head. Quinn: Although I snubbed Sandi, I still feel awful about Ryan. Daria: Well I hope so, otherwise you wouldn't be human. Damnit, I just proved my hypothesis wrong! Quinn: Anyway, how do I make this feeling of uh, what is it you're always feeling? Deression? Daria: That's Depression, or as some self-stated superior to thou may put it, "Daria". Quinn: Oh. Daria: Listen, Ryan may be gone, but I'm sure he knew you were sorry after you acted like a complete imbecile, unless he hadn't spent an entire week with you to see how stupid you really are. Quinn: I guess I did act pretty stupid around him. Daria (thinking): Why doesn't she realize her stupidity around people who don't seem to matter to her. Oh well, once she feels inferior to anyone, she'll admit her idiocy ten times to make up for a lifetime of an uneased conscience, assuming she even has one. Quinn: Thanks Daria. (smiles) Daria: Uh, yeah no problem. Now may we resume our daily routines of consistent sibling rivalry until I move to Mozambique? Quinn: Yes. Let us never speak of our sisterly bonding as it may encourage Mom. Daria: See, you're talking like me now. You'd better get well soon and join up with that pack of hypocrites you refer to as your friends. Quinn: I doubt I'll be hanging around them, even if it does mean my position in the Fashion Club. Daria: Right. Scene 19: Quinn's Room (10 minutes later. Quinn is lying on her bed chatting away on the phone to none other than.) Quinn: So Sandi, once again I'm so sorry about our fight. Wanna go get manicures together? Sandi (over the phone): Sure Quinn. I'm so sorry we fought too. I'll never call you a hypocrite again. It's not worth putting our strong friendship on the line. Quinn: Not at all! Scene 20: Split Screen Between Jane and Daria's Rooms (The song "Judith" by A Perfect Circle plays in the background. It is a few hours after Daria and Quinn's compromising talk) Daria: So how's the Lane plague doing? Jane: It's almost over for Penny, but Trent is still in the stage where he claims to see death stalking him around every corner. Daria: Ah yes, the death stage. For Quinn it was seeing taupe shiny leggings stalking her around each corner. Jane: Almost the same thing when it's for her. Daria (mimicking Quinn): I know, I would simply just die if they ever touched my fair, poreless skin. Jane: (snickers) Well at least princess Grace is almost through it all. She got lucky that it wasn't an acute case like Trent's. Hey Daria, maybe you should come over here and hold his hand. Daria: And why don't you wear a shirt that says "Kiss Me, I Can't Find My Pom-Poms" with Kevin and Brittany beside you and see who's left all alone? Jane: You mean you won't be there? Daria: Touch‚. Jane: Ah, don't worry about it. That's about 7 out of 10 for me. Daria: Minus 6 fingers. Jane: Ouch. Daria: But don't worry about it. Kevin and Brittany can't count. (smirks) Credits Roll as "Thief" by Our Lady Peace plays. I am aware that MTV owns Daria, Quinn, Jane, Trent, Penny, Sandi, Stacy & Tiffany. The rest of the characters were added through my imagination entirely. Thanks for reading my story.