Daria and all other characters belong to Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis and MTV. Rating - This is pretty clean. "Musician Wanted" SCENE 1: QUINN'S ROOM (Quinn is reading the newest issue of Waif) QUINN: Oh, no! (She immediately picks up the phone) Hello, Sandi? You'll never guess what I just found out. I was reading the new issue of Waif - no, Sandi, of course I know that you got it first. But what I'm saying is that I just read the article on Your Dream Man for the New Millennium, and it said that for 1999 all the really popular girls are going to be dating musicians! And the guy in the picture is holding a guitar that matches his girlfriend's shoes and everything! And none of the guys we know are musicians! What? What do you mean, you already found one? Your cousin's best friend is in a band? And he's taking you out tonight? To a club? In a limo? And he has groupies and everything? What? Oh, sure, Sandi! I think the president of the Fashion Club should be the first to set a trend. I mean, who's popular if you're not? No, I wasn't saying that you're not popular, Sandi. I just meant that - well fine. I will find my own musician. You'll see. (She hangs up the phone.) This is so not fair! Where am I going to find a musician like the cute ones in Waif? Jeffy doesn't even play the clarinet anymore, and anyway that's so not a cute instrument. Not like a really nice pink guitar or something, or maybe lavendar. No, mauve. (Daria appears in her doorway.) DARIA: Talking to yourself again, "sis"? QUINN: Ew! You're the crazy one, not me. Straightjackets are so unattractive. DARIA: Don't worry. You're only crazy if the voices answer back. QUINN: Really? Good. Hey, wait... DARIA: I'll be going now. QUINN: It's Friday night. You're actually going out? Like with other people? DARIA: I'm going to Jane's. With any luck, if I leave now I'll miss the arrival of your little crowd of sychophants. QUINN: Sicko-what? DARIA: Exactly. (She turns to leave.) QUINN: Hey, wait a second Daria. DARIA: What? QUINN: (Wheels turning like crazy - smell the smoke.) Isn't Jane that girl you hang out with? The weird one? DARIA: Uh-huh. QUINN: The one whose house I stayed at? (This was in "Gifted") DARIA: That'll be her all right. They moved as soon as you left. No forwarding address. Sorry. QUINN: (Completely oblivious, of course) Didn't she like have a brother? DARIA: She did, until the aliens came. No wait - that was on the X-Files. QUINN: He's like a musician, right? DARIA: Define musician. QUINN: Does he have a guitar? DARIA: Yes Quinn, he does. Is the Inquisition over now? QUINN: Um, whatever. DARIA: Right. (She leaves.) (Quinn watches to make sure she's gone, then sneaks down the hall to Daria's room. She takes a quick look around and shudders.) QUINN: Ew, gross! Bones?! (She rummages around until she finds an old, crumpled piece of paper reading "Jane's #." Presumably Daria knows the number by now and has long since stopped referring to the paper. Quinn goes to the phone and dials.) QUINN: Hello? Is this Jane? This is Quinn Morgendorffer. Um, yeah. That's right. Look, is my (brief pause) - is Daria there? (Fake surprise) She's not there yet? Wow, that's weird, she left a really long time ago. No, I don't think I can leave a message. I better tell her in person. Bye! SCENE 2: THE LANES' KITCHEN. JANE: (into the phone) Hello? Quinn? Hello? (She looks at the phone, then hangs up) Weird. TRENT: (entering the kitchen) What's weird? JANE: Daria's sister just called. TRENT: Oh. Daria's sister. That is weird. JANE: Speaking of weird, it's only 7 PM, O Narcoleptic One. TRENT: The phone woke me up. JANE: What kind of a world are we living in? (The doorbell rings.) JANE: I'll get it. (It's Daria, of course.) JANE: Hey. DARIA: Hey. (Pause.) Can I come in? JANE: Oh, sorry. (She steps aside so Daria can enter) TRENT: Hey, Daria. DARIA: (blushing furiously, of course, and mumbling) Hey. JANE: You wanna hear something really weird? DARIA: Okay. JANE: Quinn just called. DARIA: My favorite cousin called here? JANE: She was looking for you. She said she had something to tell you, but it had to be in person so she couldn't leave a message. DARIA: That's strange. JANE: No kidding. DARIA: She was actually looking for me? JANE: That's what she said. DARIA: Hmm. She's plotting something. Maybe she had another burning question. JANE: Huh? DARIA: Right before I left she was asking me all these questions about you. You and - (The doorbell rings. Jane and Daria exchange puzzled looks, then look at Trent, who shrugs. Jane answers the door - it's Quinn.) JANE: (Shocked) Quinn! QUINN: Is Daria here? DARIA: Quinn? QUINN: (Cheerfully) Hey, Daria! DARIA: Um, it's still light out. Do you really want to be talking to me? Someone might drive by. (Quinn looks back at the street, then ducks into the Lane house and pulls the door shut behind her.) QUINN: I don't know what you're talking about, Daria. Can't I have a word with my big sister now and then? JANE: Okay, she's lost it. It's over - nothing to see here. DARIA: Is something wrong, Quinn? QUINN: Wrong? Um... (sees Trent behind Jane) Hi! TRENT: (to Jane) Who's that? JANE: You remember. Daria's sister. TRENT: Right. Daria's sister. Hey. JANE: Okay, Quinn, why don't you come upstairs with us and talk to Daria? All right? TRENT: I'm going downstairs. Bye. QUINN: (seeing her chance to get Jane and Daria upstairs out of the way) Okay. (They go up to Jane's room.) JANE: Oh, you guys want anything to drink? I think there's soda downstairs. QUINN: (jumping up) I'll go down and get it! JANE: (slowly) O-kay. (Quinn runs off.) DARIA: There's something really not right here. SCENE 3: THE LANES' BASEMENT, WHERE THE BAND PRACTICES (Trent is sitting on the floor, strumming his guitar, when Quinn comes down the stairs) QUINN: Hi! TRENT: Um, wrong staircase. Janey and Daria are *up*stairs. QUINN: I know, silly. But I heard your guitar, so I thought I'd come have a look. TRENT: Well, you were right. QUINN: (flattered) I was? TRENT: Yeah. It's a guitar. QUINN: It sure is. But, um, did you ever think of getting one in a color maybe? Like maybe mauve? TRENT: Mauve? I think my mom made a pot that color once. Or was that Janey? QUINN: Um, whatever. Look, um - Jane's brother? TRENT: (Not bothering to give his name) Uh-huh? QUINN: You have a car, right? TRENT: (Unknowingly sounding just like Daria) Define car. QUINN: You want to go get a soda or something? TRENT: Oh, sorry. I wasn't thinking. They're in the fridge. At least I think they are. QUINN: No, I mean, like, do you wanna take me somewhere for one? Like to the mall maybe? TRENT: (Finally catching on - give him *some* credit!) Uh, that's okay. I'd rather not. QUINN: (Coming over to his side of the room) Are you sure? It might be fun... TRENT: No, that's okay. QUINN: You know, every guy at school wants to go out with me. TRENT: Really. QUINN: Uh-huh. 'Cause I'm really cute and popular and everything. TRENT: Are you sure you and Daria are related? QUINN: I know, you could like, never tell! (As she speaks, Daria has come down looking for her sister *of course* and is standing out of sight at the top of the stairwell, hearing every word) That's why I don't talk to her too much at school, 'cause I figure, they'll never guess she's my sister so why tell them? But I'm sure you know what that's like. I mean, I bet you didn't tell your friends that you had a weird sister, right? Plus like, you have to put up with Daria even more than I do, because she's always over here. (Trent looks furious and lays aside his guitar to stand up, but Daria can't see him, she can only hear what he says and it doesn't sound good.) TRENT: She's here because she's Janey's friend. QUINN: I know, right? How annoying must that be? I'm so sorry for you that they hang out here - not that I'd want them to hang out at *our* house. (Trent is coming over to her, but she misunderstands the reason and throws her arms around him) Let's get out of here. (Daria, of course, comes all the way down just at that moment and sees Quinn hanging onto Trent) DARIA: (even more stiffly than usual) Quinn, Mom called. She wanted to know where you were and she said to come home now. (Trent gives Daria a confused look - Quinn hasn't noticed, but the phone didn't ring) QUINN: Oh, my God! I cannot be grounded again. That was horrible! (Turning to Trent) You can call me later, okay? Just dial the same number as for Daria. Get it from your sister or something. (Quinn runs up the stairs and presumably out of the house and all the way home. Daria looks for half a second at Trent and then runs up the stairs) TRENT: (Confused, but realizing that something bad has happened) Damn. JANE: (as she comes down the stairs) Daria? (she sees Trent alone) Hey, have you seen Daria - or Princess Grace? TRENT: Huh? JANE: Never mind. TRENT: Daria was here a minute ago, but she left. JANE: She left? TRENT: Yeah, she just took off. JANE: Was the rash back? (See "Ill") TRENT: I didn't see it... JANE: (realizing that something is up) Um, Trent? What happened right before she left? TRENT: It was really weird. Her sister was down here, and she was asking me all these weird questions about mauve guitars, and then she started insulting you and Daria, and then she jumped me. JANE: What? TRENT: It was weird. JANE: Did Daria see any of that? TRENT: She came in right when - oh. Uh-oh. JANE: What? Uh-oh what? Trent? TRENT: I think she saw her sister jump on me, but she might not have noticed that I was trying to push her off. JANE: Since it's Daria, let's assume she didn't notice. Then what? TRENT: Then she took off. JANE: Uh-oh. TRENT: I upset her, didn't I? JANE: Yeah. (Realizing that he feels bad) It wasn't your fault, Trent. It was the turbo-tease. TRENT: The what? JANE: Never mind. Look, I think we better find Daria. I could, but I think it would be better if you explained. TRENT: Okay, sure. I guess I *should* talk to her. As long as that sister of hers isn't around. (Shudders) SCENE 4 (I THINK. I'M LOSING COUNT.): OUTSIDE THE MORGENDORFFER HOUSE (Daria is sitting on the curb in front of her house, obviously reluctant to go inside where Quinn is. Trent walks up behind her. She doesn't see him.) TRENT: Hey. DARIA: (without looking up) She's inside. TRENT: Good. (He sits down beside her) I need to talk to you. DARIA: Sorry, wrong Morgendorffer. TRENT: No, definitely the right one. Look, what you saw was - DARIA: Don't. I don't want the sordid details. TRENT: (actually angry!) Look, Daria, I came all the way over here to see you, you might at least hear me out! I don't lose my temper often, but your sister pushed me right to the breaking point and I don't know how much control I have left! So just listen, okay? DARIA: (surprised and rather meek) Okay. TRENT: Your sister came down to the basement and said she heard me playing, and she asked me all this stuff about colored guitars, and it was really weird. Then she asked me to take her out for a soda. I tried to be nice, but then she started talking about Janey and I'm sorry Daria, I know she's your flesh and blood by whatever scientific accident happened to your family, but I wanted to kill her. Really, really wanted to kill her. I'm sure you know the feeling. She started talking about how she bets I'm ashamed that Janey's my sister or something. Then before I could even tell her off, she started in on you. I'm sure you heard the part about how she feels bad for me because I have to see you so much or something. I can't even tell you how mad I was, Daria. My - my face was hot, my hands were shaking. I couldn't believe that she would have the gall to say stuff like that about you - her own sister - not to mention about my sister, and to expect that I would agree with her! I actually put down the guitar and got up so I could tell her off - and then she jumped on me, and then you came in and sent her away, thank God. (Long silence) DARIA: Okay. TRENT: I mean, what was going on with her? Daria? Daria? (long pause) You - you do believe me, don't you? DARIA: Yeah. (Long silence) TRENT: Are you okay? DARIA: Yes. (she's not) TRENT: You don't sound okay. DARIA: I always sound like that. TRENT: I know it must have hurt a lot, Daria. Overhearing that, I mean. DARIA: It was a walk in the park. TRENT: You don't have to do that, you know. DARIA: Do what? TRENT: Pretend nothing's wrong. Pretend you don't care. DARIA: But I don't. TRENT: That's why you ran off? (Pause) You don't have to do that with me. DARIA: (Her voice almost cracks) I always knew my sister didn't like me, but... TRENT: It's okay. (He puts an arm around her in a friendly sort of way, but she's so upset she barely notices.) DARIA: I thought... TRENT: Yeah, I know you did. But you were wrong. 'Cause you and I are both the kind of people who can see through that. We're a lot alike, you and I. Except you're smarter. (Trying to make her smile) Now, if you can sing, I'm going to feel seriously threatened. (It almost works - he doesn't quite get *the* smile, but nearly.) TRENT: And I like you. A lot. You're not just Janey's friend. You're mine. (Pause) Would you come back with me? Janey'll be worried where we are. DARIA: Sure. (They get up and walk to the Lanes' house. Just as they're about to open the front door and walk in, Trent stops.) TRENT: Daria? DARIA: Yeah? (He reaches out and takes hold of her shoulders.) TRENT: I just want to say... (He changes his mind, bends down, and kisses her. He then straightens up, opens the door, and walks inside. Jane comes out to find Daria standing there blushing, with a huge, if slightly stunned, smile on her face.) JANE: Daria? THE END Send any and all comments to helen.a@chickmail.com