DISCLAIMER: I do not own Daria or any of its characters. I just like to borrow them now and then. Any and all feedback is welcome, I can be found at firstname.lastname@example.org
This is my second attempt at a fanfic. I decided to try out something more like script form on this one, see if it was any easier. I figure if I experiment a bit, I'll eventually find a style that suits me.
LIFE AS WE VIEW IT
This takes place about 5 years after IICY. I going with the
theory that Daria would be one of those people who go
the 6 year route in order to fit in a few extra classes and spend more of Jake
and Helen's money. She and Jane are living together in
(Open in the living room of Daria
and Jane's apartment in
DARIA: Dammit! (she slides her glasses back on) Maybe after I tell Jane I'm not coming....
(She closes the laptop and reaches for the phone, jumping as it rings.)
JANE: Trust me Morgendorffer, if I could find the exit, I'dve been gone a long time ago. Now, turn off that damn computer, finish packing your bag and get your ass on the road.
DARAIA: Jane, I-
JANE: Staring at that screen until your eyes bleed is not going to get you past your writer's block.... Although, it does give me an idea for a painting.
DARIA: Glad to see you're concerned about my well-being.
JANE: Anytime, amiga, anytime...
Now, get your ass on the road, before I load the boys in The Tank and we come
after you.... (grins evilly) Or perhaps you'd like that?
I can ask
DARIA (rolling her eyes): Come off it Lane, that stopped working a couple years ago.
JANE: And I've yet to find a suitable replacement. Damn you and your fickle little heart!
(Switch to shot of Jane's bedroom at the Lane house. Jane is wearing a red T-shirt and black jeans with her usual boots. She sighs as she dips her brush in paint, carefully dabbing the canvas before her. Satisfied, she slides the brush into a cup with several others and wipes her hands on a towel over her shoulder. She flops down on her bed.)
JANE: Come on Daria, it's been almost a two weeks since I left town. Finals are over and there's no reason you can't leave now. You've got almost three months with no one breathing down your neck. Then one more year and they turn you loose on the unsuspecting public. Enjoy your last summer as a student, before they make you into another drone.
DARIA: I don't know... (bites her lip a bit, staring at the closed laptop) I really wanted to get a few chapters done this summer.
JANE (rolling her eyes): So do it. Last I checked, that laptop is portable. A change of scenery might do you some good, get the creative juices flowing a bit. Who knows, you might be able to bust out a whole novel.
DARIA: At my parents' house? You know Quinn and the kids are over there all the time. Lindsay just entered the 'Terrible Twos' and Aiden's teething. There'd be no rest for Aunt Daria.
JANE: Then you'll stay at
DARIA: I don't know...
JANE: You're gonna make me say it aren't you? (long pause, she closes
her eyes and almost mumbles) I miss you, alright?
DARIA (mock panic) Alright, alright! No need for torture.
JANE (grinning): Just another tool in my belt, Amiga. When are you leaving?
DARIA (glancing at her watch): Hmm, by the time I shower and finish packing... probably two hours.
JANE: I'll be patiently awaiting your descent into Hell. I already called Rose next door, she'll be happy to watch the place while we're out of town. I gave her a spare key before I left.
DARIA (cocking an eyebrow): How did you know I would leave?
JANE: Come on Daria, I know you better than you do.
DARIA (smirking): Bitch
JANE (grinning): That's why you love me, now quit stalling and get your ass on the road.
DARIA: I hate you. (sigh)
JANE: I know. (chuckling as she hangs up the phone and gets up, to study her painting.)
(Cut to short while later, Daria emerges from the bathroom in black jeans and a green tank top. She grabs a dark green hoodie and slips it on, zipping it halfway. She slips a small, black hairband on her wrist and turns back to her suitcase.)
(Cut to Daria moving through the apartment, checking that all the windows are secure. She enters Jane's bedroom and rolls her eyes when she sees Jane's mp3 player on her bed.)
DARIA: Bet she's missing this. (She slips it and an armband case for it into her pocket.)
(Cut to Daria near the door. She's got her boots on now and has already carried her bags to the car. She pauses, looking hesitant. Sighing, she steps out the door and starts to lock it, jumping as her cell phone rings. Flipping it open, she puts it to her ear as she locks the door.)
JANE: The apartment will be fine Morgendorffer. You haven't forgotten anything, lock it up and go.
DARIA: Inserting the key as we speak.
JANE: Good... You didn't happen to grab my-
DARIA: Mp3 player? In my pocket, along with the armband. Didn't see the charger though.
JANE: Already here, one of the first things I packed.
DARIA (rolling her eyes as she climbs into her SUV): How do you remember the charger, but not the player?
JANE: Never question how an artist's mind works Daria.... It's one of the great mysteries of the world.
DARIA: Right up there with how they keep their best friends from killing them off.
JANE: Glad to see you're in a better mood. Drive safe. See you when you get here.
DARIA: Will do, Jane. See ya. (she slides the phone into a cup holder and starts the car) Here goes nothing.
(The front of the Lanes house in
DARIA: Yes Mom, I'm sure. The Lane's have plenty of room.... No, I just got in. I'm kind of tired from driving Mom... I promise I'll come to dinner tomorrow, just call me when you get home. No, Mom I just- Of course, I understand.... Yep, Bye Mom. (She sighs with relief and closes the phone) Thank you Eric.
(The porch light flickers on and we see Jane poking her head out the door)
JANE: It's about damn time you got here! I'd already rounded
up the posse. (She turns back in to the house and shouts)
DARIA: Yeah, except I'm not stuck explaining to
JANE: Good times, good times. (She glances in the back of the SUV and smiles) Oh, you brought food! Now I remember why I live with you... I'd kiss you if I didn't think it would earn me a boot to the head.
(Cut to the Lane kitchen. The groceries are unloaded and
mostly put away. Daria, Jane and Trent are sitting at
the table, which is full of dishes that suggest the band had stayed for dinner.
Jane nearly falls out of her chair as
JANE: Alright Daria, what did you
slip in the sauce when I wasn't looking? I haven't seen
JANE: I signed Daria and me up for a couples cooking class.
DARIA (grimacing): Yeah, complete with a couple of morons.
JANE (rolling her eyes): Aw c'mon Daria. We had to have dates! I didn't want them thinking you and I were a couple. Besides, they were cute. And Jim was really nice (frowning) til you made him cry.
DARIA: I simply pointed out that if he didn't quit grabbing my ass, I was going to find a new use for that meat tenderizer.... (smirk) Not my fault he didn't listen.
JANE: Why? Plan on getting fresh with Daria?
(Jane smirks and Daria rolls her
(The next day, Daria is sitting at Penny's desk, the laptop open in front of her. She takes a sip of coffee and stares at the still blank screen. After a few seconds, she sighs and taps her fingers on the desk.)
DARIA: Why is this so hard lately?
(Jane walks in, shaking her head)
JANE: Oh no no, there will be none of that. (she walks over and closes the laptop, raising an eyebrow.) C'mon, give it a rest Daria, at least for a few days. You're head's gonna explode if you keep this up.
DARIA: I just don't understand why my muse has left me (she crosses her arms over her chest.)
JANE: Perhaps you were pushing it too hard? Maybe it needed
a vacation... just like you. (She pauses. Getting no reaction from Daria, she rolls her eyes) C'mon,
DARIA (sighing) Fine...Just let me get my boots on
JANE: Your laptop is fine Daria. And who knows, maybe our little adventure will bring your muse back.
(Jane shakes her head and Daria raises an eyebrow, smirking a bit as she looks out the window.)
DARIA: So, is there a mission in mind for this trip? Or are we just going to kill some time?
JANE: Jesse's birthday is next week. We're gonna throw him a party, so we need supplies... and gifts.
DARIA: Birthday shopping on
(Jane chuckles and
(He looks thoughtful for a moment, completely oblivious to Daria blushing. Jane covers her mouth, trying to stifle a
laugh. The silence is broken when
(Cut to a few hours later. The trio sits around a table in a grungy looking bar eating lunch. They have a few shopping bags at their feet.)
DARIA: Well I've only been listening to him whine about it for the past 7 years or so. It's about time to shut him up.
JANE: And now look at us, I'm trying to take every course BFAC offers before they kick me out. Daria's gonna graduate next year and start warping the minds of innocent teenagers (smirk) Somewhere in between writing bestsellers. And you finally have a job! (hand on her chest with mock maternal pride) We're all so grown up!
DARIA (rolling her eyes): Come on Jane, I got a couple stories published in some halfway decent magazines, there's no guarantee my writing will go anywhere.
DARIA: Umm... thanks. (scrambling to
change the subject) Now what's this about a job? Since when does
JANE (grinning) Since 98.5 The Mix had an opening for an evening DJ. It's only Monday through Friday, so he has time for the Spiral on the weekends. And it fits his sleep schedule.
DARIA: Very cool
JANE (rolling her eyes): In other words, when I moved out, you had to find another way to eat.
(Jane chuckles, ducking as a grinning
JANE (smirking): Ah yes, sleep beckons. Some things never change.
(Cut to Jane's room, later that day. Jane is studying her work as Daria walks in.)
JANE (grinning wryly): I suppose you came for the key to the bunker?
DARIA: Actually, no. (shrug) I think you're right. I need a break from Melody. Maybe some time away will give me a new perspective.
JANE: So what's the game plan Amiga?
DARIA: Well I've got dinner with the parental units tonight. (frown) So before I march to my death, how about some Sick, Sad World? We haven't watched that in ages.
JANE (smirking): I'll get the cookie dough.
(The Morgendorffer living room, evening. Daria sits on the left sofa, her hair is pulled back with a low barrette. She wears a green, long sleeved blouse and black jeans with her boots. Her parents are on the center sofa. Neither of them has changed much, except for a hint of gray at Jake's temples.)
HELEN (concerned): Honey, are you sure you wouldn't rather stay with us? We have plenty of room, you know.
DARIA: I'm fine at the Lanes' Mom. They have extra bedrooms, and it's much easier to write if I'm not being used as a human jungle gym.
HELEN: What do you mean? (the doorbell rings) Oh, that must be Quinn!
(Helen opens the door to find Quinn and Jamie. Quinn's hair is pulled back in a ponytail and she wears a simple pink tunic over jeans. The only major change in Jamie is that he wears a green dress shirt and black slacks. They each balance a strawberry blonde toddler on their hip.)
QUINN/JAMIE: Hi Mom.
(The girl on Jamie's hip is slightly older than the boy, and her shoulder length hair is held back from her face by a pink headband that matches her pink dress. The boy is dressed in khaki overalls and a blue shirt. He has a teething ring in his hand that he is gnawing on furiously. Both children smile brightly and wiggle to be free when they see Helen.)
BOY: Namma! Namma!
HELEN: How are Grandma's little angels? (She leans over to kiss each child on the cheek) That is a very pretty dress Lindsay. And aren't you a handsome young man tonight, Aiden. Come in.
(She steps aside as the family enters. They walk in to find Daria alone.)
HELEN: Where'd your father go?
DARIA: Checking on dinner... You didn't let him make kitchen sink stew again, did you?
HELEN: Do you think I would let my grandchildren anywhere near that stuff? He's making meatloaf and mashed potatoes. (Quinn, Daria, and Jamie glance at each other nervously) Don't worry, I hid all the hot sauce. I'm going to make the kids' plates and set them out to cool. (she heads off to the kitchen.)
(Quinn and Jamie sit on the couch opposite Daria, setting the children on the floor. Quinn digs a doll and a toy truck out of a diaper bag and turns to hand them to the children, but they are already toddling around the table and climbing on the couch beside Daria. Quinn sets the toys on the table and smiles.)
QUINN: Daria, you look nice tonight. I told you pulling your hair back was a good idea.
DARIA: And you were right, I start my career as a model tomorrow. I've already picked out my first dog and the purse to carry it in. His name is Fifi.
QUINN (rolling her eyes and chuckling): I see you've still got your warped humor.
DARIA (smirking): Somebody has to irritate Mom.
(The three adults chuckle)
LINDSAY: Aunt Dawia? What doze? (she points to Daria's eyes)
DARIA: These are my glasses. I need them to see.
LINDSAY: Oh. (stares up at her, thinking) I twy dem?
DARIA (shaking her head slightly and smirking): I don't think so. They would make your eyes hurt. (Bt) I've got a better idea. (reaches into a shopping bag at the edge of the couch and pulls out two packages) Who wants a present?
(The children squeal with delight as Daria hands them each a gift. Lindsay shreds the paper on hers and pulls out a children's book with a ballerina on the front. Aiden has a bit more trouble with his, but eventually pulls out a cloth book with a puppy on the front. He promptly tosses aside his teething ring and begins to gnaw on the rubber corners.)
QUINN: Can you two say thank you to Aunt Daria?
LINDSAY (scrambling into Daria's lap): Tankoo Auntie
(Aiden is still gnawing on his book, but fixes Daria with a big grin as he snuggles up beside her.)
LINDSAY (holding up her book): Wead?
QUINN: Not now honey, dinner's almost done. Maybe Aunt Daria will read it to you later.
(Daria pats her niece's back as her face falls. She leans down with just a hint of a smile.)
DARIA (whispering): Why don't you go read that to your baby doll? I'm sure she'd love to hear a story.
(Lindsay's face lights up as she scrambles to the floor and grabs her doll. She climbs onto the center sofa and puts the doll in her lap as she opens the book. Paying no attention to the fact that the book is upside down, she begins to babble to her doll in that special toddler language as she turns the pages.)
DARIA (turning to Quinn and Jamie): So how's life treating you two? I hear you've really helped Dad breathe some new life into the company Jamie.
JAMIE (shrugging): I just helped open his eyes to the new technology out there. Don't get me wrong, his approach works on the more established, traditional companies. I simply gave him a way to reach the younger generation... A fresh perspective, I guess.
JAKE (walking into the room with Helen): And it's worked like a charm. Business is booming! Did you know you can put an entire store online Daria? It's amazing!
DARIA: What will they think of next?
(Jake smiles and bends down as the children swarm him. He grabs one with each arm and stands, kissing them both on the cheek)
JAKE: Hey munchkins! Grandpa Jakey made dinner, who's hungry?
(Cut to the kitchen, everyone sits at their usual places except Helen and Jake are moved closer to Daria to make room for the extra chairs. Jamie sits beside Quinn with Aiden in a highchair between him and Jake. Lindsay sits on a booster seat between Helen and Quinn. Jake is making faces at both children as the family eats.)
HELEN: So Daria, are you still dating that Jonathan?
(Daria looks shocked for a moment, then glares at Quinn. Quinn holds her hands up in defense)
QUINN: She was talking about setting you up with Eric's nephew... I had to intervene.
DARIA (to Quinn, a bit of relief): Thank you. (to Helen, irritated) No Mom, I am not seeing him anymore. He
graduated and moved back to
HELEN (slightly disappointed): Oh... (hopeful) Well is there anyone else you're interested in?
(Daria sighs and shakes her head)
DARIA: No Mom, not at the moment.
HELEN: Well I'm sure you'll find someone dear, you're such a smart girl.
JAKE: Yeah kiddo, any guy would be lucky to have you!
DARIA: While I appreciate the enthusiasm, I think you'd better resign yourselves to the fact that any more grandchildren will be courtesy of Quinn. I'm not exactly the motherly type anyway.
HELEN: Oh come now Daria. I'm sure if you'd just give it a chance, you'll find you could be a great wife and mother.
JAKE (slightly panicked): Daria's getting married?
DARIA: No Dad, I'm not getting married.
JAKE (angry): So he just knocked you up and he thinks he's gonna leave you? Well I'll show him! (shaking his fist in the air) Nobody leaves MY daughter high and dry! Who is he Daria? Who is he?
(Jamie keeps eating, unfazed and the children giggle, thinking Jake is playing a game. Quinn, Daria and Helen all sigh.)
HELEN (rolling her eyes): Jake! She's not pregnant.
JAKE (confused): She's not?
QUINN: No Daddy, she's not.
JAKE (chipper): Oh, okay.
(Jake grabs Aiden's spoon and starts making airplane noises as he feeds him. Jamie chuckles and the women all shake their heads.)
HELEN: Now Daria, I-
DARIA: Forget it Mom. I am not throwing myself at every Tom,
Dick, and Harry in
HELEN: Of course not dear. I would never ask you to do that. How about you come over for dinner Saturday? I'll invite Eric and his nephew.
DARIA: No can do, I've got a party to go to that night.
DARIA: Yes, a party. It's a friend's birthday, so a bunch of us are going out.
HELEN: Oh that sounds wonderful dear. Are there going to be any boys at this party?
DARIA: Considering it's for a member of
HELEN (sighing): Daria, can't you at least try?
(Seeing trouble brewing, Quinn interjects)
QUINN: So what are you wearing?
DARIA (shrugs): The usual, jeans and a t-shirt.
QUINN: God Daria, you said you were going to a party, not the market.
DARIA: Well, most of my wardrobe consists of jeans and t-shirts. Although if I go upstairs, I'm sure I could find one of my old skirts and my jacket...
QUINN: Ick! (smiles) I know... Why don't we go shopping?
DARIA: Sure, right after I schedule that lobotomy.
QUINN (whining): Oh come on Daria, we never go shopping together anymore.
DARIA: We never did to begin with, so I guess nothing's changed.
HELEN: You know Daria. It might not be a bad idea to update your wardrobe a bit. A new look might help your social life and your career.
(Daria stares at her mother blankly.)
HELEN: You don't think any respectable school is going to allow the teachers to wear jeans and t-shirts to work, do you?
DARIA (thought VO): Damn! (out loud) I guess not (sighs) Alright, when?
QUINN (triumphantly): How about Thursday?
JAMIE: Think I can work from home on Thursday Dad?
JAKE: Sure thing Jaime, my man.
JAMIE: Alright, then I'll wrangle the rugrats for a day, so you girls can shop without any distractions.
QUINN: Aw, that's so sweet of you honey.
JAMIE (smiles): Hey, you're home with them every day, you should be able to take a break now and then. Lauren and Lester said I need to make an effort to recognize that what you do is work too.
(Quinn beams at him. Helen watches the couple smiling, and Daria looks like she's about to be sick.)
JAKE (off-screen): Hey whatcha making that face for little man? I thought you liked mashed potatoes. (Aiden grunts a bit) Eeeee-eeeeeew.
(Daria smirks as Jamie turns to pull Aiden out of his chair)
(The Lane living room, late afternoon.
Someone knocks. A few seconds pass and they knock harder.
QUINN: Summer? Who's Summer? I'm here for Daria.
QUINN: Yes, Daria. I'm her sister Quinn, remember?
QUINN: Great. (bites her lip) Umm is Jane around? I kinda need to use the bathroom. But I need someone to watch Aiden while I do.
(Quinn appears to debate for a moment, then sighs, handing over Aiden and his diaper bag.)
QUINN: Thanks. (glances down and sees a small stain on her shirt) Damn, is there a washcloth in there I could use.
QUINN: Thanks again, I'll try to be quick.
(She hurries off toward the bathroom and
(A few minutes later, Daria and
Jane walk in the front door. They both raise their eyebrows in surprise when
JANE: I hope he called Summer before he fell asleep.
DARIA (rolling her eyes): That's not one of Summer's kids, that's my nephew Aiden.
QUINN (walking up behind them): Who is Summer, and why does everyone want to call her?
DARIA: Long story, I'll explain later. I thought Jamie was playing Super Dad today?
QUINN (exasperated): He is, but Aiden wouldn't go down for his nap, and he threw a fit when I tried to leave. I thought the walk over here would put him to sleep so we could drop him off on our way to the mall. But he's still wide awake.
DARIA: Think again.
QUINN (confused): What do you mean? (glances over at the couch) How did he do that?
JANE (shrugging): Sleep is
QUINN: Well he is a life saver! C'mon Daria, let's get him loaded up and home before he wakes up.
(As Daria is picking up Aiden,
DARIA: What's he doing with that?
(The girls smirk as Quinn and Daria head toward the door. Jane closes it behind them and raises an eyebrow at her brother.)
JANE: When did you learn so much about kids?
JANE: Or pillow.
(Cut to Daria's car. She and Quinn are on their way to the mall after dropping off Aiden. Quinn is busy making a list.)
QUINN: Let's see. We'll need a few skirts, and some dress slacks. A few nice blouses, it's too early for the sweaters to be out. We'll have to make another trip when you come home for Thanksgiving. Oh and shoes, definitely need to get some new shoes. Now let's talk underwear.
(Close-up of Daria's face with a "what have I gotten myself into?" expression. She's suddenly jerked to the side and we see that she is now in the mall, being dragged along by Quinn.)
QUINN: Come on Daria! I don't know how long Jamie can handle the kids.
(She drags Daria into a store and begins pulling clothes off the racks. She stacks them on Daria's arms as she goes.)
QUINN: This is nice... That color would look good on you... Ew, definitely not... Hmm, you might be able to pull this off.... Ooh, this is perfect for you.
DARIA: Quinn, I'm trying to get a few things to beef up my wardrobe, not start a fashion show.
QUINN: Oh Daria, having the perfect outfit for every occasion will come in handy. Now let's go try these on so we can figure out what to focus on.
(Begin a montage of Daria modeling different outfits. We see her in a green dress that fits too loosely, then a black skirt and purple tank top that fits too tight, Quinn shakes her head at both, then nods at a sleeveless black dress. Each outfit that is tried on gets tossed into one of three piles. Each pile grows as Quinn nods and shakes her head.)
(We see Quinn dragging a tired looking Daria and several shopping bags out of the clothing store and into a shoe store. Quinn picks up a pair of strappy heels and holds them up. Daria frowns, shaking her head. Daria picks up a pair of combat boots and Quinn shakes her head, looking disgusted. Quinn grabs a pair of boots with a small heel and Daria glances at them thoughtfully. Then we see Quinn dragging Daria out of the shoe store with only a couple of bags.)
(Cut to Quinn dragging Daria into a lingerie store, then Daria stomping back out. Quinn emerges and drags her back to a woman with a measuring tape. As the woman leads Daria into a fitting room, Quinn begins searching through the racks.)
(A little while later we see the girls at a table in the food court. Daria eats pizza, while Quinn picks at a salad and checks over her list. The pile of bags around them has grown significantly. Quinn beams at her sister as she speaks and Daria's face pales.)
(Cut to the outside of a cosmetics store, Quinn is dragging a terrified looking Daria inside. A little while later, we see Daria bent over a sink, scrubbing her face with paper towels while Quinn rolls her eyes. End Montage.)
(Cut to Daria's car again. It's now dark outside. Quinn looks very satisfied and Daria looks exhausted as they head home.)
QUINN: I can't wait to show Mom those new walking shoes I bought tomorrow.
DARIA (glancing over): I don't know how you tolerate living just a few blocks away from them.
QUINN (shrugging): It's not that bad really. We walk over every night. Dad and Jamie play with the kids until they drop while Mom and I talk. By the time we get home, the kids are a breeze to get to sleep. And every Sunday, all six of us take a walk together. Honestly, when we're not under the same roof, at each other's throats all the time, it's not that hard to get along with Mom and Dad.
DARIA: I guess I can see that. You and I get along fairly well these days. I remember a time when we could've killed each other.
(They share a smirk.)
QUINN: All part of growing up I guess. (Bt) Are you gonna need help getting this stuff into Jane's?
DARIA: Nah, if I do, I'm sure I can get Jane to help. I'd better get you back before there's a munchkin mutiny.
QUINN (chuckling): They couldn't possibly do anything worse than we did to our sitters.
(The girls share a smirk)
QUINN (smiling softly): Jamie's really good with them though. I was worried when I got pregnant with Lindsay. (frowning) We were both freshmen at Pepperhill and didn't have a dime to our names. Deciding to drop out was probably one of the toughest decisions I've ever made.... I was so scared.
(There's a moment of silence as Quinn stares down at her lap.)
QUINN: Then Daddy offered that job to Jamie, and I thought things were looking up. But he didn't want to take it.
DARIA: Why not?
QUINN (smiling softly): He wanted to prove he could take care of me on his own. Didn't want anything handed to him. (rolling her eyes) He wanted to get a job based on his skills, not who he'd gotten pregnant. Then one night, Daddy was talking about trying to get some new clients at dinner, and Jamie asked why he didn't set up a website of some sort. When Daddy told him he didn't know how, I thought Jamie would fall out of his chair. (chucking) Daddy asked if he knew how, and begged him to join the company.
DARIA: I'm really happy you guys were able to make it work.
QUINN (glancing at her nervously): You don't think I made a huge mistake by getting knocked up and dropping out?
(Daria pauses to think for a moment while Quinn bites her lip nervously.)
DARIA: I think that it all depends on how you look at things. Not everyone has to stick to the mold that society tries to shove us in, some people are born with different destinies. You guys are making the best of what life has given you. And doing a damn good job of it. Besides, I wouldn't trade Lindsay or Aiden for anything in the world.
QUINN (smiling, tearfully): You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you.
DARIA (shrugging): Don't mention it.
(There's a few moments of awkward silence before Daria reaches for the radio.)
DARIA: Should be about time for
QUINN: He's a DJ?
DARIA: Yep, on 98.5.
(Daria sits back as we hear
TRENT (VO): That was The Gin Blossoms with "Hey Jealousy" And now here's The Wallflowers with "One Headlight"
(Quinn turns the stereo up a little and sits back as they head home.)
(Saturday night. Jane and Daria are in Jane's room, sitting on the bed.)
DARIA: Man it seems like forever since I've been to a Spiral gig. (smirk) I wonder if they'll sound any better now that we can drink.
JANE (grinning): Don't bet on it. (pause as she eyes Daria thoughtfully. Daria raises an eyebrow.)
DARIA: I don't like that look Lane. What's going through that twisted little brain of yours?
JANE (innocently): Nothing, nothing.... (sigh) Alright, I was just thinking, maybe we should dress up a bit tonight?
DARIA: For a Spiral show?
(Daria crosses her arms over her chest and raises an eyebrow as Jane stands and starts pacing.)
JANE: Not just the gig. We're having a party tonight, remember? C'mon, it's Jesse's birthday. Besides, you did all that shopping with Quinn, why not try some of it out?
(Daria sits there silent and unmoving. Finally Jane stops in front of her.)
JANE (sheepishly) Alright, I wanna dress up, but I don't wanna do it alone and look like an idiot.
(Daria stares at her for a moment then rolls her eyes.)
DARIA: You're worse than I ever was Jane.
JANE: I'm not pining away for someone I'm never gonna make a move on (smirk) I just liked the sample I got and wanna try it again. (pleading look) Please?
(Daria just stares at her.)
JANE: Alright (sigh) No blind dates for a month.
JANE (smirking): Alright, now let's get you dolled up. Maybe I won't need to set you up after tonight.
DARIA (rolling her eyes):
JANE (smirking): That's the spirit!
(Cut to Jane's room a short while later. Jane, dressed in a black leather skirt and a red corset top, stands in front of a mirror applying her lipstick. She wears her usual combat boots and some fishnet stockings. Her door opens, and for a moment we see only her shocked face.)
(Pan to Daria wearing a dark green sleeveless top that's kind of silky and a skirt that looks like the one she wore in high school, except a bit shorter. She's got a simple silver chain around her neck and her usual boots. She is wearing her contacts and just a hint of make-up. Her hair is pulled into a low, off center ponytail that hangs over one shoulder. She fidgets nervously as Jane stares at her openmouthed.)
DARIA: Too much right? (turning to leave) I'll go change.
JANE (shaking herself and holding up a hand): No! Wait... You look amazing. (satisfied smirk) Damn, where did you learn to dress like that?
DARIA (small, embarrassed smile): Hey, you're not the only one who's developed a social life. Just because mine's a bit calmer doesn't mean it doesn't exist. (shrug) I guess college has helped me loosen up a bit. And with the ridiculous amount of money Quinn made me spend on this crap, I should get some use out of it.
JANE: Hmm, well we'll discuss how loose you are later. (smirk) Right now, we've got a party to start. The guys are probably done loading the Tank by now. Ready to knock their socks off? (she grabs Daria's arm and leads her out of the room.)
(Cut to the Lane living room. The band is lounging around, waiting on the girls. They all turn as Jane and Daria come down the stairs.)
(All of the guys just stare at the girls for a second.)
JESSE (grinning at Jane): Cool
(Cut to the inside of The Zon. The
group walks in, carrying the bands gear. Several heads turn.
JANE: Fear not brother of mine! Daria and I can take care of ourselves. We're big girls now, remember?
JANE: If we have any problems, I promise we'll grab Jay.
(She tilts her head towards an intimidating bouncer.
(The guys head toward the stage, and the girls to the bar. Daria gets the bartender to bring over a tall glass and set it on the bar in front of her.)
DARIA (touching the glass about halfway up): Tequila. None of that bar rail crap either. Jose all the way. (she touches the glass just below the top) Mountain Dew, and just a splash of orange juice.
JANE: What the hell is that? (raises an eyebrow)
DARIA: Voodoo. Wanna try a sip? (She pays for her drink and offers it to Jane. Jane takes a sip and looks thoughtful for a moment.)
JANE: Hmm, not bad. (to the bartender) I think I'll have the same.
DARIA: Have him put a splash of cranberry juice in it, makes it taste like a Sweet tart. (takes a sip and smirks at the bartender.) Mmmm, keep making these like that and I promise your tip jar will be quite full tonight.
(Drinks in hand, the girls move to a table near the back,
but in clear view of the stage. They settle down just as
(The girls share a knowing smirk.)
(The band launches into "Frickin Friends". Daria and Jane clink their glasses together in cheers, then each take a big swig)
JANE: Here's to hoping our ears don't start bleeding.
(Cut to the end of the band's set. There's a bit of applause as the music fades out.)
.JANE (standing): I'm gonna head to the girl's room before we leave.
DARIA: Try not to fall in.
(Jane walks away as an obviously drunk guy stumbles up to the table.)
GUY: Hey good lookin, how'd you like ta come home with me tonight? I'll show ya a real fun time.
DARIA (deadpan): No thanks, my fun quota is full for this lifetime.
(As she stands and starts to walk away, the guy reaches out and grabs her arm.)
GUY: Aw c'mon baby. I just want to show you a good time.
(He licks his lips slowly as Daria looks down at his hand and back up at his face.)
DARIA (irritated): And I said no thanks. Now let me go.
GUY (slightly peeved): Well who lit the fuse on yer tampon? (leering, he pulls on her arm a bit.) I think you just need a bit of thawin out.
(Daria glances around a bit panicked. Relief flashes in her eyes as she glances over and sees Jay rising from his stool and making his way across the room.)
GUY: C'mon baby, jus a lil kiss. (he wraps his free arm around her waist, pulling her towards him. Daria quickly kicks him in the shin, causing him to stumble back and howl in pain but still keep his grip on her arm.)
GUY: You little bitch! You're gonna pay for that!
(Just as he starts to pull on her arm again, a hand comes down on his shoulder. He looks up, startled)
GUY (amused): Who's gonna make me
GUY: You and what army?
(Cut to the drunk's POV as he finally notices the rest of
the Spiral, plus Jay and Jane standing behind
GUY (turning pale): Yo! I'm sorry
dude. I didn't know she already had an ol' man. (holding out a hand to
(The drunk quickly scrambles away, mumbling apologies as he
JANE: I had to go to the bathroom! I wanted to go before we left. (holding her hands up in defense.) The show was done so I knew you'd be here in a sec. I didn't know Creepy McNasty was gonna be on her like white on rice.
DARIA (quietly, putting her hand on his arm):
DARIA (sighing): It doesn't matter. My knights in shining armor came to the rescue and nothing happened. (raising her hand to silence his protests) C'mon, it's Jesse's birthday. Let's just forget it ever happened (Bt) Please?
JAY: No prob man. (offering an elbow to each of the girls) Ladies?
(The Lane living room, later that night.
The room is filled with people, some of whom we recognize from the bar. Max and
Nick are arguing in a corner as a couple of girls try and separate them. Daria is sitting on the couch, watching everyone with her
usual deadpan expression as
DARIA (uncomfortable): Um, I think I saw your sister dragging him upstairs about an hour ago.
DARIA: Sure. (pointed glance at Max and Nick) It's not every day I get to sit around and watch a bunch of drunks make asses of themselves. (Bt) Oh wait, I'm in college....
DARIA: I caught you on the air the other night. It was good. (smirk) You have decent taste in music.
DARIA: Good for you Trent. Not everyone finds a job that they like.
DARIA: Teaching English for me is like being a DJ for you. It's not my dream job, but I still get to work with something I love. (shrug) and who knows, maybe I'll be able to inspire the next Shakespeare.
(Daria is saved from replying by a slightly rumpled Jane and Jesse wandering over.)
JESSE: The minute you stop trying, you start dying. (Bt) Cool, sounds like a song lyric.
(Jane and Daria exchange smirks)
JANE: You know I'm in.
DARIA: No thanks (holding up a can of soda) I've cut myself off. I'd like to remember the rest of my night. (smirk) Someone's gotta be able to blackmail everyone else.
JANE: Aw, c'mon Daria. One shot is not going to send you into the pit of oblivion.
JESSE: Just one shot for my birthday. (puppy dog look) Please?
(All three of them give Daria pleading looks. After a moment she sighs a little and stands.)
DARIA: Alright, one shot.
(They all head into the kitchen where
JESSE: To awesome birthdays.
JANE: To great parties (smirking) and better sex.
(They all chuckle)
DARIA: To surviving another year on this twisted planet. (small smile) And having good friends to get you through.
(They all touch their glasses and down their shots.
(Cut to a close up of Daria's face the next day. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is slightly open as she snores softly. Her hair, although slightly mussed, is still pulled back in a ponytail. Slowly her eyes open, she cringes as the light hits her face.)
DARIA (Thought VO): Ugh, who turned on the sun? My head is killing me, last time I do shots with the Lanes. (blinks a few times, confused) So this is what it's like to wake up and see something. Must've slept with the contacts in. (yawns) Ah well, they'll be fine for a couple more hours.
(She pulls the blanket up to her chin and starts to drift off to sleep again. Suddenly her eyes fly open again in shock.)
DARIA (Thought VO): Oh hell....
(Cut to Daria's POV. We see she is looking at the nightstand next to the bed. On the nightstand sits a duck shaped phone. Pan back to Daria's slightly panicked face.)
DARIA (Thought VO): Alright Morgendorffer,
stay calm. You're in
(The blankets suddenly shift behind her and we see an arm drape over her. Daria's eyes widen)
DARIA (Thought VO): You're in
(Daria takes a few deep breaths, then slowly raises the blankets and glances down at herself. She sighs with relief as she lowers the blankets again.)
DARIA (Thought VO): Alright, still fully clothed. Nothing happened. Just need to slip out of here and get back to my bed and everything will be fine.
(She slowly and carefully starts to raise the arm that covers her. She freezes as the snoring stops.)
DARIA (mumbling, embarrassed): Um, Hey Trent.
(She lets go of his arm and turns to face him. He gives her a sleepy grin. Then realizes his arm is on her)
DARIA: S'ok (nervously)
DARIA: Why am I in your bed?
(She bites her lip a bit and glances around nervously.
DARIA: Yeah, just trying to piece last night together. I remember doing two more shots when Nick and Max quit trying to kill each other. And then I remember them fighting over who gave the better toast.
DARIA (smirking): And then someone suggested karaoke... (horrified expression) Did I sing "Get The Party Started"?
(He laughs as Daria swings her pillow at him.)
DARIA (blushing, but grinning slightly): Well aside from that horrendous display, I don't remember doing anything mortifying.
DARIA (covering her face with her hand): Oh God. And I fell asleep on the floor.
DARIA (groaning): And then I tried to pull down the shower curtain for a blanket.
DARIA (frowning): Too bad all she could do was laugh and yell for you.
DARIA (small smirk): I remember him throwing her over his shoulder. I thought we were gonna be sharing the toilet after that move. (Bt) Thanks for not doing that to me.
DARIA: And thanks for making me brush my teeth right away. You're right, it did make my morning a bit better.
DARIA (shyly): Sorry that you had to deal with me last night.
DARIA (rolling her eyes): Gee, thanks. Do you help him piece together his night too?
(Daria blushes and looks extremely
DARIA: Oh, no, no. I know you wouldn't take advantage of me
DARIA (embarrassed): No, that's not what I meant. It's just, I mean, well-
DARIA (sighing): I'm just a little worried. (nervously) Are things gonna be awkward now? Between us, I mean?
(Daria bites her lip nervously for a moment.)
(They stare at each other for a moment, then Daria closes her eyes and groans.)
DARIA: Did we have a talk about my high school crush last night?
DARIA: Oh God. (pulls the blankets over her head)
DARIA (muffled): It should have stayed unspoken. (Bt) And I didn't have to kiss you after.
DARIA (muffled groan): I'm just going to smother myself now. Tell Jane she can have my "Sick, Sad World" DVD collection.
DARIA (muffled): Sure it's not. I just made a complete ass of myself in front of one of my closest friends and tried to put the moves on him after he watched me puke my brains out and half-carried me to bed. (Bt) Thanks again for making me brush my teeth.
DARIA (muffled): Mmm (Bt) Maybe.
(Daria pulls the blanket down so that we can see just her eyes. She stares at him in shock)
DARIA: You did?
DARIA: Why didn't you say anything?
DARIA: You could've told me that.
DARIA (softly): Possibly.
DARIA: Maybe not.
DARIA (sheepishly): Um, a little bit.
DARIA: Not really....
DARIA: Maybe, but I don't see-
DARIA (pulling the blanket down so we see her frowning): You're not a loser Trent. You had some... unmotivated years, but look at you now. You've got a job-
DARIA (annoyed): So? It pays your bills doesn't it? And you
go to work right? Think about it
(They stare at each other for a moment in silence.)
DARIA: I am right.
DARIA (hesitant): Maybe...
(Daria raises an eyebrow and
starts to speak. She is cut off by
DARIA: I hate you. (Bt) Ah hell.
(She leans in and kisses him, moving her hand to his hair. He slides his hand down her side and lets it rest on her hip, pulling her closer to him. Suddenly the door flies open.. They scramble to separate as Jane barges in.)
(Jane laughs as she closes the door behind her. Daria flops back on the pillow, groaning.)
DARIA: I'm going to smother myself now.
DARIA: Sure, laugh it up. You know she's gonna be impossible to live with now, right?
(He leans down and kisses her again. She sighs as she closes her eyes.)