Daria in: Home Economic Misery By: Mona Nobles Before I let you read my fan fiction I just want to apologize for the title, I am not good at thinking them up. I do not own Daria MTV does, I am just a poor pauper. MTV is my king, my God. (okay, now I'm just being over dramatic) Scene 1: Jane's room. She and Daria are sitting on her bed watching Sick Sad World. Announcer: This woman claims to have had an affair with George Washington, over 200 years ago. Presidential affairs next on Sick Sad World. Jane: *Turning off television* You want to go for pizza? Daria: *Getting up* No, I have to go study. Big history test tomorrow, remember? Jane: Oh yeah. I guess I'd better study too, unless. Daria: Unless what? Jane: Unless we can convince Mr. DeMartino that the test isn't until Friday. Daria: I think I'll stick to studying thank you. Jane: You're no fun you know that? Daria: Yeah, I find that one of my best qualities. Jane: You win. So I'll see you tomorrow? Daria: Unless I perfect my invisibility potion. Jane: Hey! I thought you were going to study for history. Daria: Damn, I let it slip. Oh well. I'll see you later. Scene 2: Daria's room. She is at her desk with a pile of books next to her and a big on opened in front of her. Daria: *Reading* He was then assassinated... She is interrupted by a knock on the door Daria: Just sign the waiver by the door and come in. Door opens. Who else but Helen walks in Daria: Mom, what brings you to this side of the house? Helen: *warning* Daria. *Sweeter* I just wanted to let you know that I signed you up for a Home Economics class at the High School. Daria: No freaking way. Helen: Daria, you're already signed up. The class starts tomorrow. Daria: Without me. Unless.... Helen: Unless? Daria: Unless you leave me alone about getting a job. Helen: *knows she is beaten* Fine. Daria: Done. Helen: Done. Daria: Pleasure doing business with you, but I really have to study for this History Test tomorrow. Helen: *Leaving* Of course sweetie. Daria: *resumes her reading* He was then assassinated.... Knock on the door Daria: Why do they pick now to acknowledge me? Who is it? Quinn: It's me. I need your help. Daria: I do not know any "me". Sorry. Quinn: Come on Daria! I really need your help. Daria: Fine. Come in, me. Quinn walks in Quinn: Uck. This room is so. So. So you. Daria: Get to the point. Quinn: Umm. Oh yeah! Okay, like this guy asked me out and he like has a sports car and everything. So like I said yes. Well it turns out he was just like borrowing his friend's sports car and so I like had to break it off. Well like now he really bought a sports car and he hasn't asked me out yet. Daria: Why would I care? Quinn: Because you're a brain and so I like figured you'd know how to like you know, fix it. Daria: Yeah, right. You're just don't want the fashion fiends to find out that a guy hasn't asked you out. Quinn: Um, yeah. Daria: Sorry can't help. Quinn: I'll pay you 10 bucks. Daria: 20 and you've got a deal. Quinn: Fine! *Dishes out the cash* Daria: *taking the money* Okay, why don't you just wait a few days, he'll forget about everything and ask you out again. Quinn: Thanks Daria! You're right. She leaves Daria: Finally peace and silence. *Reads* He was then asacinated... Commercial Break. Scene 3: Daria and Jane walking down Lawndale High's hallway. Daria: So then she tells me she enrolled me into a home economics class. Jane: You wearing an apron? There are some things I don't want to see. Daria: I don't want to see it either. Jane: Come on. You can't be that bad. Daria: My cookies have been called "The cookies that killed the Cheerleading Squad" Jane: Your cookies killed cheerleaders? Daria: No, they just need their stomachs pumped. Jane: Speaking of stomachs I'm starving, how about pizza? Daria: Sure, and then I have to get to that class. They walk out the door and on to the sidewalk for a while, come up to the pizza place, walk in, and get a booth, pizza, and sodas. Daria: You know, you could come to that class with me. Jane: Or I could go home and inhale paint fumes. Daria: Come on. Jane: No way. Daria: Haven't you always wondered how to cook? Jane: No. Daria: Come on. Jane: Ummm... NO. Daria: Come on, I'm close to begging. Jane: Daria Morgendorffer begging eh? As much as I'd love to see that, I'll save you the humiliation and just go. Daria: Ok, we'd better get going. They Both Get Up Jane: I'm going to regret this. Daria: Yeah. Jane: This is going to be stupid. Daria: Defiantly. Jane: How long is this class? Daria: An hour a day, for a week. Jane: Goodie. Okay, let's go. Daria: *Hums the cemetery song, you know "dom dom da dom dom da dom da dom da dom"* Scene 4: Daria and Jane at a classroom. The teacher is thin, blonde and wearing a pink housedress with a white lacey apron. Teacher: Good afternoon, Class! How is everyone? You can call me Mrs. Smith. Daria: Like the Pie? Mrs. Smith: Now, today we will make a simple chocolate cake. Now, as you pair up into teams of two, I want you to remember that cooking is fun! Daria: Yeah, so is nuclear war. Jane: Come on put on your happy face! Daria gives her Mona Lisa smile Jane: That's it! Daria: Okay, it says here we take the sugar and the water and add it to the chocolate. Jane: Okay, done. Daria: Add the vanilla and egg yolks. Jane: Done. Daria: Mix in the other ingredients and beat well. Jane: And done. Daria: Pour it into our cake pans. Jane: Okay. Daria: And bake at 350 for 50 minutes. Jane: Okay. Now we just have to wait. Mrs. Smith: *breaking in* And clean up. Daria and Jane sigh Commercial Break Scene 5: We see various shots of Daria and Jane in Home Economics Class. Daria kneading dough, the dough sticks to her knuckles and Mrs. Smith gives a disapproving look. Jane mending a shirt. She finishes, opens it to admire her work and finds she has sown the sleeves together. Daria and Jane opening an oven. Smoke then covers the room and everyone runs out. Fire Truck pulling into the school's driveway. Firefighters extinguishing the fire in the oven. Scene 6: Daria and Jane walking out of a classroom. Jane: Free! Free! We are finally free! Daria: My feeling precisely. By the way, how'd you do on your history test? Jane: Let's just say Mr. DeMartino's going to need some major eye surgery. Daria: Oh. Too bad. You want to come over to watch TV? Jane: *shrugs* Sure. They Walk over to Case de' Morgendorffer and Walk in to find Helen and Quinn "discussing" something. Quinn: But Moooooommmmmmm! Everyone in the Fashion Club has already hosted the "Fashion Club Snow Ball Dance" and now it is my turn! Helen: Quinn, I already told you I will not leave my house to a bunch of teenagers. Quinn: But you always encourage me to get involved. They will kick me out if I don't host it. Helen: Well, *looks over at Daria* only if Daria and Jen agree to supervise it. Daria: No. Quinn: Oh Daria! You're home I have been waiting for you all day! Can I get you something? Daria: Yes. You can stop sucking up. We won't supervise it. Right, Jane? Jane: Absolutely not! Unless of course. Quinn: What? Anything. I'll give you each 50 bucks. Jane: Well, I was going to say 25, but 50 works. What'd you say, Daria? Daria: Damn it. Okay. Quinn: Goody! I have to go call Sandi and Stacey and Tiffany! Quinn goes upstairs Helen: Daria, you'll love it! You'll get to make new friends and.. Daria: Excuse me? Make new friends? What's wrong with the friends I have now? Helen: *Looks at Jane uncomfortably* Nothing at all it's just that, well... Daria: Yeah? Helen: You could use some more umm, encouraging friends. Daria: Sure Mom, of course. Come on Jane, let's go upstairs and try on make up. Jane and Daria Exit Helen: I just know she was kidding about the make up. Scene 7: Morgendorffer Residence. Tons of popular people are talking, dancing and laughing. We see Jane and Daria peer down at them from the top of the stairs and then go back into Daria's room. Daria: *as she deadbolts the door* This supervising thing is a piece of cake. Jane: Yeah, we watch TV and get paid 50 bucks for doing it. Daria: And the padding on my walls block any sound from annoying phycophants. Just then they are interrupted by a knock on Daria's door Daria: *Her voice louder then usual* The Bathroom is down the hall. Quinn: Daria, it's me. Daria: I have not knowledge of anyone named "me". Quinn: Come on! Daria: *Getting up to unbolt the door* Okay, You can come in. Quinn: *Walks in* I just wanted to thank you for not like you know, making yourselves noticed by any of my friends. Daria: Well, umm, you're welcome. Quinn: Oh and I wondered if you would leave so I could turn your room into a make out room. Daria: No way. Quinn: Come on. Daria: No. Fade to Black Credits I hope you enjoyed this fan fiction, my second. Any comments should be emailed to the_misery_chick@gurlmail.com