Daria: "Gone With the Whine" by John Berry [berry@sugar-river.net] proofed by Kara Wild "Daria" & characters ©1999 MTV... why do disclaimers have to be long? Suggested reading: "No Picnic" by C.E. Forman ACT I [Int. Landon kitchen. Morning.] [Andrew and Jodie are eating breakfast at the table while Rachel is feeding baby Evan. Michele comes in quickly and grabs a bagel.] MICHELE: Can't talk. Late. [Exits] RACHEL: [Calmly] Mom, you don't go to work anymore. [Short pause. Michele comes slowly in with her head bowed.] JODIE: You okay? MICHELE: I'm alright! Fine! [Michele sits at the table while Andrew tries to start a conversation.] ANDREW: So... RACHEL & JODIE: [Thought V.O.] Don't ask how school is. Don't ask how school is. ANDREW: ...How's school going? RACHEL & JODIE: [Thought V.O.] Arrgh! JODIE: [Aloud] Ohhhh, it's... fine, Dad! Still acing, still befriending the entire school... I'm in a big rut. ANDREW: Don't worry, you'll do better. JODIE: Ung? ANDREW: How's school for you, Rachel? RACHEL: Schoolish. ANDREW: That bad, huh? RACHEL: It's not bad! I'm doing good enough! ANDREW: There's always room for improvement. RACHEL: [Mumbling] There's also always room for Jell-o. You're never bugging me about-- ANDREW: What'd you say? RACHEL: Oh nothing, Father! I'll just perfect myself like you say! ANDREW: Thatta girl! MICHELE: Jodie, don't you have tennis practice today? JODIE: Not as long as Mr. O'Neill is still tangled in the net. [Ext. Lawndale High tennis grounds.] [O'Neill is very tangled indeed in a fairly awkward position. DeMartino among other people try to pull him out.] O'NEILL: I should've never tried for that high five. [Int. Landon kitchen.] JODIE: The school's not budgeted for another one. Ms. Li refuses to cut the thing to let him loose. ANDREW: Y'know, Rachel, it wouldn't hurt you to try out for a sport sometime yourself. RACHEL: I would, but... I'm lying about that. MICHELE: Your father's right. A little hard work would be good for you. RACHEL: I work. ANDREW: Is it really the best you can do? RACHEL: It's the best I want to do. When I'm recognized for the stuff I do work on, I'll work my way up. ANDREW: What kind of a work ethic is that? Just try being like your sister for once. RACHEL: [Though V.O.] Must... control... fist... of... death... ANDREW: After all, it never hurts to try new things. [Rachel obviously tries to hold in her anger. Evan sneezes just as she's giving him another spoonful of food, splattering it on her face. She makes a sour look.] MICHELE: Oh no!... It's so *adorable* when he sneezes like that. [Rachel quietly groans.] [Int. Helen's office. (If you think I'm going to spell out the name of the lawfirm every time, you're bonkers.)] [Marianne, Helen's secretary, comes in as quickly as she can, holding a few folders and two cups of coffee. She looks like she's lost some sleep recently.] MARIANNE: I'm so sorry I'm late, Mrs. Morgendorffer. I was up late working on these--... [Notices Helen to be missing] Um... Phew. [Puts the stuff down on Helen's desk] Maybe she won't notice that I'm late. HELEN: [Entering the room] Marianne! There you are! MARIANNE: Aaah! HELEN: I've been looking all over for you! I've got some ranting to do and I can't very well do that to myself now, can I? Sit down; you've got some typing to do, and I've got my own stuff. [Marianne does so. Helen doesn't pause] Now let's see what we've got here. Oh, got the generic paperwork done last night. Good. I'll take these over after I proof them. On the subject of proofing, my stationary still doesn't have the right name on it. I mean, really, is it all that hard to spell "Morgendorffer" with an E rather than an A? It's just-- MARIANNE: Coffee? HELEN: Thank you. I... What was I talking about? Oh, I've got to start over. Um, sit down, typing... MARIANNE: Right. HELEN: Briefs, name rant... MARIANNE: Right. HELEN: Okay, so I was saying... [Est. Glenfield Middle School.] [Int. whatever class Rachel's in.] [As the teacher's lecturing, it's obvious that Rachel's mind is elsewhere.] TEACHER: So, um, so if-if you want to divide this fraction by... by another fraction, th-then you hafta, um, flip... the other one over. Can anyone show me h-how to do this right?... RACHEL: [Her chin resting in her hands, elbows on the desk; thought V.O.] Doesn't comparing one sibling to another earn you an automatic 'F' in Parenting 101?... Apparently not. It's been happening almost all my life... [Dissolve to flashback (I like the ripple effect with that weird sound from "Daria Dance Party"; let's use that... call it "funky dissolve"):] [Int. Landon living room. Rachel: age one.] [The Landons are all sitting around Rachel while she opens a birthday present.] MICHELE: She's so adorable that way... [Rachel smiles.] MICHELE: ...Just like Jodie at her age. [The smile dies quickly.] ["Funky dissolve" to:] [Ext. Landon backyard. Rachel: age five.] [Andrew is sitting in a lawn chair with Rachel in his lap.] ANDREW: Don't worry about getting into first grade next year. Just try hard like your sister and you'll be fine. [Rachel grunts.] ANDREW: She's already practicing for the tennis team. [Andrew is about to sip a drink when a tennis ball smacks into his hand, spilling it over him and Rachel.] JODIE: [O.S.] Sorry! ANDREW: It's alright! Just keep working on that arm! [Rachel gets off and walks over to Jodie, who was practicing with Michele.] RACHEL: Lemme try. JODIE: Mom? MICHELE: Go ahead. [Jodie gives Rachel a racquet and Michele lightly tosses a ball at her. Rachel swings as hard as she can, hitting it back the way she came. A collision and something spilling again is heard.] ANDREW: [O.S.] Hey! What was that for, Rachel?! RACHEL: M'eh? ["Funky dissolve" to:] [Int. Landon living room. Rachel: age eleven.] [Rachel is standing next to a broken lamp as Michele scolds her.] RACHEL: I tripped. It was an accident. MICHELE: For Pete's sake... [Tries not to get too angry over an accident] Oh, why can't you-- RACHEL: [Sees it coming] Be more like Jodie? MICHELE: No, just try to be more placid. [Walks off to get a dustpan] RACHEL: Ah. MICHELE: [O.S.] Like Evan. RACHEL: D'OH! ["Funky dissolve" to the present:] [Int. whatever class Rachel's in.] RACHEL: [Though V.O.] Will it ever end? TEACHER: Um, you? Rachel? Are you... are you listening to me? [Sighs] Really, your sister was better at paying attention in class. Can't you... try to be more like her? RACHEL: [Aloud, answering her own question] I guess not. TEACHER: [Thinks Rachel answered his own question] W-well, of course you can if-if you wanted to. RACHEL: But I don't. [Long pause.] TEACHER: ...Oh. [Int. Helen's office.] [Helen's still ranting in the background while Marianne is working at the computer. She's slowly fading into sleep. A sudden jolt comes to her head, being conscious enough to take a sip of her coffee. Reaching for it, however, causes it to tip, spilling over the keyboard.] MARIANNE: Eep. HELEN: [Temporarily halting her rant] You say something? MARIANNE: Um... No. HELEN: Well, anyway, I told them they couldn't sue the man for selling actual bananas in pajamas. It wasn't anywhere near the actual merchandise; it was really just bananas in little pajamas. Cute, I might add... [Helen continues as Marianne quietly panics. She tries shaking the keyboard upside-down then types again.] MARIANNE: At least the Z key works... Ohhh... [Int. Glenfield Middle School principal's office. Early evening.] [Andrew and Michele sit before the principal at his desk.] PRINCIPAL: I'm glad you could both make it. I'm afraid this all concerns your daughter, Rachel. ANDREW: Like you told us on the phone. PRINCIPAL: ...Um... Yes. The point is, I'm afraid she's not doing so well in class. ANDREW: She's dropped below average?! Oh, God, no! PRINCIPAL: No, no. That's not the case. I'm afraid that I'm afraid that it's more of a matter of disrupting the class, I'm afraid. MICHELE: What? What has she done? PRINCIPAL: Well, I'm afraid that she's lost much will to remain polite. She's answered every question on her latest math test with "Why does that matter?" and whenever she's called on, she replies with "Why don't you ask my sister?" MICHELE: What's that all about? PRINCIPAL: That's what I've been wondering. This should only require a small punishment such as a day's detention, but I thought I'd contact you before things got worse. The last thing Glenfield needs is a smart-ass. ANDREW: Hey, now-- PRINCIPAL: I didn't say she was, I'm just saying to take care of this matter before it goes out of hand. MICHELE: [Sighs] He's right. ANDREW: Yeah. Time for some serious, level-headed parenting. [Int. Landon living room.] [Michele, Andrew, and Rachel on the couch.] ANDREW: What the hell is wrong with you?! MICHELE: Andrew. ANDREW: Right, sorry. Gotta calm down... What the heck is wrong with you?! RACHEL: You really can't see, can you? MICHELE: What? RACHEL: Exactly! This is what I have to do to get the SLIGHTEST sliver of attention from you! I try my best, no one cares. I drop my grades, boom! Everyone notices! ANDREW: What are you talking about?! We always pay attention to you! RACHEL: Like hell. MICHELE: Language! RACHEL: See?! Unless I'm bugging you, you never notice me. MICHELE: That is just plain not true! We feed you, clothe you... RACHEL: I've been cooking breakfast for myself since I was eight and have been buying my own clothes since I got that paper delivery job! And that's not even the kind of attention I've been talking about! ANDREW: Well what is? We aren't giving you enough? RACHEL: No! You aren't! ANDREW: Okay! Time out! Grounded for the week! RACHEL: Oh it's just as well! I don't even go anywhere! ANDREW: A month! RACHEL: You weren't even listening, were you?! ANDREW: Two months! RACHEL: I told you it was pointless and you're still upping the time! ANDREW: Three! RACHEL: Oh shut up! I'm going! [Stomps upstairs] ANDREW: Four! MICHELE: She's gone. ANDREW: You're grounded too!... Oh... [Int. Helen's office.] HELEN: ...I've been talking to Eric about this, and he says that if the dog hadn't taken the flea bath it would've been aggravated enough to bite the man whether it was wet or not. There's still some argument about this, but I've just got to kiss so much-- [Helen is interrupted by a quick series of beeps. She turns around to find Marianne asleep with her face on the keyboard, the letter Z repeating across the screen.] HELEN: Marianne?! MARIANNE: [Jolting up] What? [Her face is checkered from the keyboard] Oh, no, I didn't fall asleep, did I? HELEN: Yes, now what's this all-- MARIANNE: Oh God! No! I've been trying so hard to keep up! HELEN: Wha... Marianne, I-- MARIANNE: You're just too fast for me, Helen! I've only been able to get three hours sleep for the past week and I still feel like I'm far behind! I've failed! I'm-- HELEN: Marianne! Get a grip on yourself! [Marianne folds her arms onto her desk and sobs in them.] HELEN: Marianne, I would never try to make you feel this way... purposely... I have been working you a bit hard lately, haven't I? MARIANNE: Oh, no, Helen. You-- HELEN: No, don't deny it. You have been stressed out lately, I notice. You need a vacation. MARIANNE: What, like a few hours tomorrow? HELEN: Ye-... Wait, no. No. If I want you to work well, I need you in top form. Take a week off. MARIANNE: [Picks her head up] A week? B-but you've never given me-- HELEN: Now, Marianne, if you don't take it, you lose it. I know what it's like to be overworked. MARIANNE: You do? HELEN: Of course! I'm sure I can take your half of the work load for a little while. You just rest up and get ready to tackle everything like you used to. MARIANNE: Well, let me get you the number of a temp agency... HELEN: Oh, don't bother! It's just a little light typing and such. I'll take care of everything myself. [Helen leads Marianne to the door.] MARIANNE: Well, if you're really sure you can handle things without me. HELEN: Sure. Your health is all the world to me. And I don't want you back till you've recovered... Or a week; whichever's first. MARIANNE: It's nice to know you need me, though not for a week. B-but-but... HELEN: Bye, Marianne. Have fun. [Closes the door] Yeesh! What a wreck! [Int. Rachel's room. Evening.] RACHEL: [Pacing, grumbling] People always think it's egotistical to say they're under-appreciated... So I'm an egomaniac! All I ask is a little attention... The less I do, the more I'm noticed, however negatively... But if I stopped doing my share of the chores, the house would collapse... It looks like the only safe way to do less is to not be here at all... [Stops pacing] Not be here at all... [Someone knocks at the door.] JODIE: [From behind the door] Rachel? Are you okay? I thought I heard you talking to yourself. RACHEL: I was. JODIE: [O.S.] You want someone else to talk to? RACHEL: No! You're half the reason I'm in here, anyway. JODIE: [O.S.] What? RACHEL: Just leave me alone. I'd like to be by myself a while. JODIE: [O.S.] Okay... RACHEL: [To herself] Jodie... She's the "perfect" one... Evan's the "cute" one... I'm left being the "Cinderella" one... If I wasn't here, they'd see how useless academics and cuteness are... Oh, it's worth a shot! I've been independent most of my life anyway. [Ext. Landon house.] [Rachel walks down the driveway with her things packed in a cloth tied around a stick hobo-style.] RACHEL: I doubt they'll notice I'm gone... until Evan starts getting hungry. [Rachel walks away from the camera into the town, the cloth untying and falling to the ground causing all her belongings to scatter on the ground when only five steps away.] RACHEL: ... Maybe I'd better just use my backpack. [Bumper music: 17] [Commercial bumper: B&W slow-mo split-screen of Rachel pacing and Marianne sobbing.] END ACT I (Look at this! CE Forman isn't the only one who can write a commercial break! Like this... Um... Here's a commercial! Ha!) (From this fic on in, I'll be noting which commercial bumper music I'd like to be played. I'll note the number and you can click that version of the music at Damon Damjan's site at members.home.com/dariasounds/sounds.htm Pretty nifty, eh?) ACT II [Ext. Lawndale streets. Night.] [Rachel walks down the sidewalk with pep, quietly singing "The Yukon Song." She has meanwhile put on a backpack.] RACHEL: We're abandoning this life we've led! So long, Mom and Pop! We're sick of doing what you've said, And now it's going to stop! [Dissolve to dawn. Rachel is now walking at a steady pace, singing a different tune.] RACHEL: Lawndale, Lawndale. It's a town gone to hell. But at least no uranium Is in the drinking well. [Dissolve to morning. Rachel is now dragging her feet, singing without that much enthusiasm.] RACHEL: ...Behind the `fridgerator, there is a piece of glass, And if you sat upon it, it'd go right up your [speaks] aaawwww, man, this is taking forever. Wonder if I'm out of town yet. [Rachel looks back. Though her house is quite a long ways away, it's still visible in the horizon.] RACHEL: Ohh... mebs. [Sighs] I've gotta find somewhere to sleep. I guess leaving at night wasn't such a hot idea. [Int. Landon kitchen.] [Breakfast without Jodie nor (obviously) Rachel. Andrew is reading a newspaper.] MICHELE: Did you call the girls down? ANDREW: Yeah. MICHELE: How come they're not down yet? ANDREW: Mmm. [Pause.] MICHELE: My head is on fire. ANDREW: Mm-hmm. [Michele gives up and goes over to the next room to call upstairs, only to have Jodie bump into her.] MICHELE: There you are. Is your sister up? JODIE: She isn't down here? MICHELE: What? JODIE: She wasn't in her room or the bathroom. MICHELE: Wha-... where could she be? ANDREW: Mm. MICHELE: Jake, put down that paper and listen for a minute! ANDREW: [Does so] What'd you call me? MICHELE: ...Sorry, it just felt appropriate for some reason... Well, c'mon! Help me look for Rachel. ANDREW: Right. JODIE: What's that paper taped on Evan's head? ANDREW: Huh? [Andrew takes a note from the back of Evan's head.] ANDREW: [Reading] "I put this message where I knew you'd find it. There's one on the back of Jodie's head, too." [Jodie takes that one off her head.] JODIE: How'd she do that? ANDREW: [Continuing] "Simply put, I've run away." MICHELE: What?! ANDREW: "And I'm not coming back ever." I don't believe this! JODIE: Yeah! ANDREW: She began a sentence with "and!" No wonder she's doing so poorly in- JODIE: Dad! MICHELE: Andrew! ANDREW: Wha- Oh. Right! Rachel! Michele, look around the house in case she's just hiding to trick us. I'll call the police. JODIE: What should I do? ANDREW: You just go to school. JODIE: Dad! ANDREW: Um, and take a photo of Rachel there; see if anyone's seen her. JODIE: [Sees through this, but agrees] Right. [Int. Marianne's living room.] [Marianne walks around in a sweatshirt and jeans with no shoes (just socks). She halts pacing periodically to look at her watch.] MARIANNE: Wow... At home... Husband at work... Kids at school... Wh-what do I do now?... Oh, God, I've forgotten how to relax. [She looks at the couch a moment, then tries uneasily to sit down in it. She looks around a bit. Then she looks at a pillow at the end of the couch, and robotically lies her head on it. She then moves her legs up onto the other end and rolls onto her back. She remains rather stiff for a moment, then collapses onto herself with a huge, relaxed sigh.] MARIANNE: Hmm. This isn't so bad once you get used to it...... Now what? [Int. Lawndale High hallway.] [Daria and Jane walk down the hall.] JANE: Saw "Hobgoblins" on Bad Movie Week. You know the buggers don't even show up till over half the movie's done? DARIA: Yeah. Y'know, if the title character doesn't appear within the first act, I think you have the right to sue for false advertising. JANE: I'll write that down. [Daria and Jane stop walking for a moment, noticing that the walls are practically wallpapered with "MISSING: REWARD" posters with Rachel's face on them.] JANE: Hm. DARIA: Did we just walk into a computer desktop pattern? [Jodie starts walking by, holding a stack of the posters and still putting them on the walls.] DARIA: Uh, Jod- [Muffled sound as Jodie, in another world, pastes one on Daria's face] [Jane smirks at that for a moment then grabs Jodie's arm.] JANE: Whoa, hold it, Slappy. What's going on? JODIE: [Snaps out of it] Wha-... Oh, sorry, I... Daria? DARIA: [Muffled] Yef. Fmmfff ffmmm mmm ff. JANE: Slow down, Kenny. Here. [Takes the paper off Daria's face] DARIA: Thank you. Now as Jane asked, what *is* going on? JODIE: Oh. It's my sister. She's... she's run away. JANE: Oh no. Now who'll change Evan's diapers? [Evan ("See Jane Run") walks by at this time.] EVAN: Shut up. [Pause.] JANE: Wow. I didn't even mean to insult him this time. JODIE: Jane, can you please be serious for a moment? JANE: [Genuinely] Sorry. JODIE: I don't even know where she is. She's probably all lost and scared. Alone! Cold! [Ext. furniture store.] [Rachel can be seen through the display window sleeping in the bed. An old couple walk by outside.] WOMAN: Wow. Looks so life-like. [Int. Lawndale High hallway.] [Previous scenario.] JODIE: I wonder how well my parents are taking it, though. They seemed awfully calm this morning. [Int. Landon kitchen.] [Michele tries to feed baby Evan from a baby food jar. He keeps avoiding the spoon.] MICHELE: C'mon. Eat it... Eat it... Um... Airplane? Vroom, vroom?... Oh, Rachel made this so easy looking. I thought I had it tough giving him my-- [Evan opens his mouth. Michele notices and puts the spoon to it] There! [The open mouth was only a wind-up for a sneeze. The food sprays all over Michele's face.] MICHELE: ...I'm really out of practice. [Int. Lawndale High hallway.] [Previous scenario.] JODIE: So you can see why I'm uptight right now... [Sighs] And sorry for that poster, Daria. DARIA: At least the paste will keep my glasses from falling off. JODIE: And I'm sorry for snapping at you, Jane. JANE: `Salright. It was my fault. DARIA: Yeah. You call me the insensitive one. JANE: Oh, y'know I just cover up a few emotions by cracking jokes. DARIA: That doesn't sound familiar in the least. JODIE: You two'll tell me if you see anything, alright? JANE: Of course. DARIA: Duh. JODIE: Thanks. [Indicates posters] I've got to put some of these up in the faculty lounge. [Walks off] [Daria and Jane head towards the latter's locker, which has a poster sealing up the opening. Jane tears it off to find another under it.] JANE: Huh. [Takes that down; another under it] Hm... [Another] ...Hey, hey, check this out: [Tears another down] Duck season! DARIA: [Follows suit] Wabbit season! JANE: [Takes another] Duck season! DARIA: [Another] Wabbit season! JODIE: [O.S.] You guys! JANE: Um, duck. DARIA: Season. JANE: No, behind you. [Daria turns around, then both duck as Jodie's shoe flies over their heads.] [Int. Helen's office.] [Helen sits at the computer for once. She looks around the keyboard, pokes a button, then repeats the process. After a while:] HELEN: I'm a nasty typist... Sure hope Marianne's appreciating this. [Int. Marianne's living room.] [Marianne is still lying on the couch with the TV on. She has a bowl of popcorn on her stomach as she attempts to flick a piece into her mouth without much success.] MARIANNE: Okay, I'm sure I can handle this; I've seen my kids do it several times. [Flicks one in the air only to have it hit her head] Okay, maybe this one. [Flicks one and has it land in her eye] AAAUGH! [Falls off the couch, spreading popcorn everywhere] [Ext. furniture store. Afternoon.] [Rachel is exiting of her own free will; she wasn't caught sleeping there.] RACHEL: Mm. Good to catch up on sleep there. Living on my own isn't so hard so far... [Looks at her watch] Huh. Almost three thirty. Maybe I'll head down to Cluster Burger. [Ext. Cluster Burger.] [Kevin and Brittany are walking in.] KEVIN: Wonder why Mack Daddy couldn't come. BRITTANY: Don't call me that. KEVIN: What? BRITTANY: Sorry. Felt like I owed it to him since he couldn't defend himself now. [Int. Cluster Burger.] [The two enter.] BRITTANY: Anyway, I think he said that he was trying to comfort Jodie or something. She seems really bummed about something. I think I heard something about her sister running away. KEVIN: Whoa. Why didn't she have any posters up at school? BRITTANY: I dunno. [They get in line.] KEVIN: I can't tell you how many times *my* little sibling ran away. BRITTANY: You don't have any brothers or sisters. KEVIN: Yeah I do! He's just invisible; his name is Winky! BRITTANY: Yeah, well my *real* brother tried to once. The police caught him when he kept trying to burn down the elementary school, though. [Brittany continues as Kevin looks off behind her.] [Kevin's POV: He notices Rachel sitting at a table with a burger, fries, and drink. He then looks at one of Jodie's posters taped on the door. Pan back to Rachel, then the poster, Rachel, poster, back and forth several times.] [Back to a regular camera shot. Kevin's head is still swinging back and forth.] BRITTANY: What are you looking at? KEVIN: [Honestly] Just got a crick in my neck I'm trying to get out. [Snap! He stops swinging his head] Ah, there. Wow. BRITTANY: Let's get one of those Kids' Meals. They got one of those little fuzzy Polka-man dolls as a prize. KEVIN: Prize? BRITTANY: Yeah. I like that; it's sort of like buying the meal is its own reward that way. KEVIN: Reward? BRITTANY: Yeah. What? [In old Beavis & Butt-head style, a small bulb goes on over Kevin's head. It fizzles, and goes out. The bulb is replaced by a birthday candle.] KEVIN: Ummm... I gotta go wash my hands first. Be right back. [Leaves] [Cut back to Rachel at her table. Kevin walks up.] KEVIN: Hey, there. RACHEL: Um, do I know you? KEVIN: I don't think so. Do you know anything about this? [Holds the poster out to Rachel, which he apparently ripped from the door] [Rachel sputters, not quite choking on her meal but still makes a similar motion.] KEVIN: How much is that reward? RACHEL: Um, I gotta go. [Runs off, leaving Kevin standing there. She returns to grab her burger and drink] I paid for these. [Runs again] KEVIN: Wha- Hey! Wait! [Chases] [Ext. Lawndale streets.] [Rachel races ahead of Kevin. She stumbles slightly, but continues. Kevin the athlete isn't having much of a hard time keeping up, though. Rachel starts panting, but not too exhausted quite yet. She looks back to see Kevin not tired at all.] KEVIN: Wait! I just want to collect you! RACHEL: Oh for the-- [She looks at what she's holding and decides to toss the burger behind herself. Kevin steps on it and flies backwards.] KEVIN: WAUGH! Ow!! [Gets on his knees and waves his fist in the air] Curse you! I shall find you, girl! Every step you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you! Y-... [Looks around, stops waving his fist] Hey, where'd she go? [Ext. Food Lord parking lot.] [Rachel sits inside a shopping cart, catching her breath. She's not in the baby seat, I mean she's actually in the cart.] RACHEL: [Concerned] A poster?... They're trying to find me... [Cross] Oh, but I know how they think. They'll maybe be happy for a couple of hours, but they still won't accept me for who I am. Ohh, jeez; if I don't go back there'll be that guilt and if I do my life is back the way it was. Cursed either way. [Climbs out] Well, I made it this far... There's no point in going back. But I'd better find someplace to sleep; it's getting dark. Someplace no one would expect to find me... [Ext. Lawndale High. Early evening.] [Li is talking to a technician in front of the open doors.] LI: The security system check finished? TECH: Yup. Nobody's getting in here at all. A fly couldn't buzz through security here. [Rachel sneaks in behind them.] TECH: Now let me turn it back on. [Int. Morgendorffer kitchen.] [Helen is doing paperwork at the table while everyone else eats dinner.] DARIA: What are you doing? HELEN: Just... Just stuff. QUINN: Why couldn't you get your secretary to do it? HELEN: Vacation. DARIA: Then couldn't you have gotten a temp? HELEN: Oh, it's just little stuff. With my usual workload, this is nothing in comparison. QUINN: Then why aren't you eating? HELEN: Just be quiet, please! I'm trying to work! QUINN: Yeesh. DARIA: Yeah. [Pause.] JAKE: [Looks up] Oh, honey, what're you working on? [Helen wordlessly tosses her drink on Jake's lap without looking up from her work.] JAKE: Ew! Hey! DARIA: What family could possibly be more dysfunctional than ours? [Int. Landon dining room.] [The family, obviously minus Rachel, has a silent dinner.] ANDREW: ...It sure is quiet without Rachel around. JODIE: Dad, you're the one that does all the talking. ANDREW: No, I... Nooo! MICHELE: Yesss. JODIE: [Sighs] Have the police found anything? ANDREW: Haven't found her yet. You put those pictures around town? JODIE: Mostly around the school, but yeah. ANDREW: Mmm... I think I'll wash my car again. [Leaves his dinner unfinished] JODIE: Boy, he's really out of it. MICHELE: [Calls] Andy, that's five times today. If you keep doing that, the paint'll rub off. [Andrew returns quickly but silently.] MICHELE: Good boy. Now don't worry. If Rachel has any good sense, she'd have found shelter. ANDREW: If she had any good sense, she wouldn't have left our shelter in the first place. MICHELE: [Slowly tears up] ...You're... right... My baby... [Cries on Jodie's shoulder] ANDREW: Honey, I... Ohhh... [Jodie hangs her head.] [Dissolve to: Int. Lawndale High gymnasium. Day.] [Jodie is in the exact same position, sitting on the bleachers in her gym clothes. Zoom out to see Daria and Jane heading towards her.] DARIA: You think we were bigger jerks than usual yesterday? JANE: No, just the same kind of jerk at the wrong time. DARIA: I thought so... Well, shall we? JANE: Oh, you start. DARIA: [Sarcastically... how else?] Thank you very much. Jodie? JODIE: [Snaps out of it] Hm? DARIA: Uh... I'm so-... I'm saaawwwwwwww.... S-... I tried. [Sits down next to Jodie] JANE: I'm so proud. [Sits also] JODIE: You don't need to apologize about yesterday. DARIA: Phew. JODIE: I... I'm just so worried... Uptight. And I don't know what to do. [Cut to under the bleachers. She's just waking up, having used her backpack as a pillow.] RACHEL: Wha... Oh, no. I must've slept too late. JODIE: [O.S.] Rachel. RACHEL: Jodie? JODIE: [O.S.] She's gone... [Rachel walks up to see Jodie, Jane and Daria sitting on the bleachers.] [Cut back to the three sitting. Rachel's eyes can be seen peeking through the bleachers.] JODIE: And I don't know where to find her at all. She's probably miles away by now. Maybe even took a bus. RACHEL: [Thought V.O.] A bus... DAUGH!! JODIE: I miss her. My parents miss her. I wish she'd just come back. [Rachel gives a concerned look, like she's rethinking things.] DARIA: I tried to run away once. That same mush is what kept me from doing it. GIRL: [Walking up] Wow. I'm really sorry for you, Jodie. JANE: Yeah; gotta admit I'm sad for you too. DARIA: Uh... Maybe, perhaps I am. Maybe. [Several students come up and say how they're worried about Jodie.] [Back to under the bleachers.] RACHEL: Sorry for Jodie, sorry for Jodie... Here we go again! I don't believe this; I'm the one missing and they're all worried about my sister. It really never does end... She brought one good point: I'm gonna get a bus out of here. At the rate I'm traveling so far, I'm almost surprised Dad was wondering why I didn't join the school Walk-A-Thon. [A clatter behind Rachel causes her to turn around to see the noise-makers be Kevin and Brittany making out under the bleachers. Kevin opens an eye and spots Rachel himself.] KEVIN: Mmf? BRITTANY: Wha if it, Keffy? RACHEL: Crapmuffins! [Rachel runs away, leaving her backpack behind by mistake. Kevin follows.] [By the bleachers, next to the door, Rachel darts out from under the seats and exits. Kevin is too tall to run under the cross-section and bangs his head on it, falling to the floor.] KEVIN: Oww! I hit my head! DARIA: Uh- JANE: [Hand on Daria's shoulder] Don't. Just... don't. DARIA: I'm really trying. JANE: So what the hell was going on? BRITTANY: [Emerging from under the bleachers] I dunno. He just went insane. DARIA: More so? JANE: I told you not to, Daria. DARIA: I can't hold it in forever. KEVIN: [Gets up and goes to Jodie] I swear! I saw your sister again. JODIE: I wish I could know if you're telling the truth. KEVIN: Hey, you calling me a liar?! JODIE: No, it's just... DARIA: [Finishing] Distinguishing fantasy from reality was never your strong suit. BRITTANY: You hafta admit, Kevvy; you claimed to see Rachel twice when no one else did. JANE: And noticing something that no one else did is also not one of your strong suits. [Int. Manson's office.] [Mrs. Manson, the school psychiatrist, is putting together a card castle very carefully. Kevin enters.] KEVIN: Am I insane? MANSON: Yes; go away. [He does, and Manson continues her project.] [Int. Helen's office.] [Helen has wisely decided that writing by hand would be quicker than the pace she was taking at the keyboard as she sits at her desk.] HELEN: I'd better respond to this note from Quinn's history teacher... I wonder why he wrote it in all caps?... I've still got a few memos to take down, though! Who can I dictate to? Where's my appointment book? Oh, there's a fax coming in. [Phone rings] Can you take that? Oh, never mind. [Picks up] I can't now... My secretary's on vacation... Because I can take care of her work... [Hangs up] I found that histrionic laughter very disturbing. [Eric enters.] ERIC: Helen, there's a meeting in-- HELEN: Yes, yes, I remember that! Lemme finish here! I can do this! I just need to sharpen my pencil first! [In her rushing, she jams the pencil in the electric sharpener eraser-first, causing the machine to just spin around on the end of the pencil] DAMN IT! [Tosses it aside and opens a drawer] I've got a pencil here somewhere! [Throws pens and paper from her desk] WHERE IS IT!!??? ERIC: [Running away] Daugh! Forget that meeting! HELEN: THANK YOU!! [Bumper music: 06] [Commercial bumper: a Landon family dinner... minus one family member. B&W slow-mo, of course.] END ACT II (10 Spot: Okay, I'm stealing this idea from Kara Wild. A preview of my next fic... ([A shot of Daria about to be hit by a car.] (ANNOUNCER: Next time on the 10 Spot. ([A young Daria eats lunch at elementary school with a Ms. Pac-Man lunchbox.] (DARIA: [To a student next to her] Well, she's *Ms.* Pac-*Man*, so I don't know how it'd be a she if she's a man. Maybe there's a hidden past, but all cartoon females are indicated as so by a bow on the head and big eyelashes, which she has both of. So we're left to believe that she's always been a woman. And she didn't marry into the name because she's still a Miss... It's probably best not to think too hard about these things. ([Shots of a young Daria working on a go-cart with Jake, Beavis and Butt-head ramming into each other while Daria holds a clipboard, and a pre-school Daria glaring at her baby sister.] (ANNOUNCER: Daria flashes back to her childhood at ten. Followed by whatever the hell our programming department decided to put on next; I don't know. Wednesday.) (Propecia: Women, like, explode or something if they even touch it, but they want men to swallow loads of the stuff for the CHANCE to KEEP the hair they already have. Only in America.) ACT III [Est. donut shop.] [Cop car parked in the lot.] [Int. cop car.] [It's Hadley and Riker from Danny Bronstein's "Who Shot Principal Li?"! Hadley is shotgun, helping herself to a box of donuts.] RIKER: What's your deal with those, anyway? HADLEY: Just wondering why all the others are always stuffing themselves with these. [Munch] Not bad, actually. RIKER: I don't really think you should give in to the cliché. I mean, we're finally out of Vice Squad and you just dive into all the quirks of being in the real force. HADLEY: Exactly. [Munch] RIKER: Mmm. HADLEY: Want one? RIKER: That's better. [Takes one, then looks out the windshield] Hey, that face look familiar? HADLEY: What? [Looks] Oh, yeah. It's that missing girl... Um, Landon. RIKER: Yeah, you're right... You'd better go talk to her; you're good with kids. HADLEY: Well, yeah, but you're both-- [Riker's eyes grow heavy.] HADLEY: Sure, I'll go talk to her. [Finishes her donut and exits] [Ext. parking lot.] [Rachel walking along slowly, with her head hung down.] RACHEL: [Muttering] Things just keep getting better... I don't BELIEVE I left behind my pack. Now I can't get out of here unless I can sneak into the school again... HADLEY: [Walking up] Hi, there, little girl. What's your name? RACHEL: [Head still hung, not thinking too hard at the moment] Rachel; why? [Looks up, shuts eyes in frustration; moaning] Oh no. [Darts away] HADLEY: Hey! [Gives chase] Denise! Little help?! [Ext. Lawndale streets.] [The chase is on on foot!] RACHEL: Sheesh! If I'd known running away was gonna require so much actual running I'd have thought this through better. HADLEY: Halt, or... I'll ask you to halt again! [Rachel gets to a crosswalk, but the light still says not to walk. She pushes the button repeatedly and jogs in place like she has to go to the bathroom.] RACHEL: Changechangechangechangechange. [It does. She runs away just as soon as Hadley had caught up.] [They get across the street. Hadley is getting closer. Rachel is straining to stay ahead. Suddenly, Hadley clutches her stomach and falls to the ground.] HADLEY: AAAH! Crampcrampcrampcrampcramp! [Hadley looks up to find Rachel nowhere in sight.] HADLEY: Ohhh... jeez. Denise is never gonna shut up about how those extra donuts were a mistake. [Ext. Pizza King.] [Rachel comes to the door panting.] RACHEL: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh... jeez. Nothing's been going right... Maybe I'm not as independent as I thought I was... I... I... I am so *thirsty*! [Int. Pizza King.] [Rachel enters.] RACHEL: No money; maybe I can just suck the faucet in the bathroom. [Zoom-out to see Jodie and Mack eating with Kevin and Brittany. At this point, running into these problems is just a big annoyance, so she just lets out a very heavy sigh and turns to exit. Kevin notices.] KEVIN: Uh, Jodie? JODIE: What? KEVIN: [Recalls Manson's "advice"] Um... Never mind. [Rachel exits, somewhat relieved.] [Ext. Pizza King.] [Rachel walks down the parking lot and onto the sidewalk.] RACHEL: This is just NOT going right. I need to find someone I can trust... Someone to help me... Someone who knows how I feel... And soon; looks like it may rain at some point... *Boy* I've been talking to myself a lot. [Est. Morgendorffer household. Early evening.] [Int. Morgendorffer kitchen.] [Jake is stirring a pot, in his usual apron and hat. Daria and Quinn enter.] DARIA: Hey, Dad, whatcha makin'? JAKE: Pesghetti. Euch, I mean pesghetti. PES- *PES-*... SPUH-GET-EE! Spaghetti! QUINN: Um, I don't suppose Mom would feel much like any. JAKE: Why? [Zoom-out; Helen is at her place, face-down on the table asleep.] QUINN: Um... Hunch. JAKE: Who wants some? QUINN: I will. You don't mind me taking it upstairs, do you? JAKE: [Serving Quinn] I guess not. Go ahead. QUINN: Thanks, Daddy. [Takes the plate and leaves] DARIA: You don't suspect a thing, I suppose. JAKE: Not usually. DARIA: That's true, at least. JAKE: Though your mother might. Then she'd ask why the hell I don't help her. I'd try to defend myself meekly. She'd get pissed until the phone rang. I'd hide behind the newspaper. [Looks at Helen. Beat. Back to Daria] So anyway, I don't suspect a thing. DARIA: Uh-huh. [Phone rings. Jake picks it up.] JAKE: Hello?... Yes... You don't say... You don't say!... *You don't say!* [Hangs up] DARIA: Who was it? JAKE: ...Police. DARIA: Oh. JAKE: They said they've seen your friend's sister around this neighborhood. DARIA: Jodie's sister? Rachel? JAKE: Yeah. They said if we notice anything to call. Could you go tell Quinn? DARIA: As long as I don't have to make eye contact, sure. [Leaves] JAKE: Thanks. [To the still sleeping Helen] I'm actually holding up the fort pretty well, aren't I, Helen? [Silence.] JAKE: Why must you mock me even in unconsciousness?! [Int. Morgendorffer upstairs hallway, outside Quinn's room.] [Daria comes to the door to hear giggling from within.] DARIA: Hm, either Quinn's on the phone, or her invisible friend Mr. Snoogywumps came back after ten years. [Daria opens the door without knocking.] [Int. Quinn's room.] DARIA: Quinn, th-- [Zoom-out; Quinn and Rachel have been playing with Quinn's old Barbie dolls. They both drop the toys, mouths agape. Daria opens her eyes all the way in surprise. Pause.] RACHEL: [To Quinn] This was that stuff not going so well I've been telling you about. QUINN: [Still in shock] Uh-huh. DARIA: Qu-... Quinn! QUINN: Daria? DARIA: Quinn! QUINN: Daria! DARIA: Rachel! RACHEL: Daria. DARIA: Okay-okay-okay, wait... You've been keeping Rachel here the whole time? QUINN: Of course not!... Just today. RACHEL: This afternoon, specifically. DARIA: Quinn, this is... wrong. You usually aren't even *this* underhanded! QUINN: [Defensively] I'm not being underhanded! I'm just... looking out for a friend. DARIA: Don't give me that bull! You never look out for your so-called "friends." I'm gonna hafta tell Dad... I don't believe I said that. QUINN & RACHEL: No! Don't! DARIA: Why?! [Pause] ...You two really *are* friends, aren't you? QUINN: Duh! DARIA: Look, I still have to tell someone! This just-- RACHEL: Daria, please! I just want... NEED some time here. Quinn is really a friend... My only one... And the only person I can trust... QUINN: [To Daria] You must know what it's like to be an outcast in the family. RACHEL: Yeah, you even said you tried to run away yourself. I heard it myself. DARIA: How'd you hear... Kevin was *right*?! RACHEL: Yeah. And... well, I just need to stay away from my family. Maybe not forever... maybe... I just don't belong there... I belong with almost nobody... So can you please not tell anyone? DARIA: What? RACHEL: Please?... [Daria looks at Rachel's pleading eyes. Daria tries to resist, but after a moment turns to Quinn frowning.] DARIA: [Sighs] This is why I don't like children. [Rachel and Quinn smile, half in victory, half in apology.] [Int. Helen's office. Next day.] [Empty. The door swings open to reveal a haggard-looking Helen as she drags her feet to her desk. She sits down.] HELEN: ...I can handle this... I do all the important work... The secretary just helps a bit... She is just... AAAAAA!!! [Helen runs out the door. Outside, her car door can be heard opening and shutting, then her car squealing out of the parking lot. Eric's head peaks into Helen's empty office.] ERIC: ...Too bad she snapped so soon. Could've made her name into the firm. [Int. Lawndale High hallway.] [Close-up of Daria and Jane at the former's locker.] JANE: Something on your mind? DARIA: What makes you say that? JANE: I dunno. You usually don't come to school barefoot. [Zoom out. Daria looks down to find Jane was lying; she does have her boots on.] JANE: Made ya look. But you apparently had to look; something *is* on your mind. What's bothering you? DARIA: I'm honestly not at liberty to say. Truly. JANE: Madly, deeply? Look, you can tell me. DARIA: No, I can't. I promised. JANE: Ohh? DARIA: Yeah, I even spit-shaked on it. JANE: Grody, dude. DARIA: F'sure. JANE: Jeez... Well, if you ever feel more at liberty to say, you can come to me about. DARIA: Sure I could. [Jane walks away.] DARIA: [To herself] If I didn't promise "not to tell forever and ever." If the conscience is supposed to be my guide, it must have a crappy sense of direction. [Sighs] I gotta find a loophole in our agreement. [Shifts to thought V.O.] If I tell someone, I break a child's trust. If I don't, Jodie and her family are crushed... Damned either way... If I could only get someone else to tell for me, but the only other one who knows is... [Cocks an eyebrow] Ahhhhhh. The loopy one *is* my loophole. [Bell rings.] [Int. Marianne's living room.] [Marianne has finally grabbed the concept of relaxing and is just lying on the couch watching TV.] SSW ANNOUNCER: This cult had better shape up or `Ship out. Thigh sweat can be slippery, mind you. Inside the Estrogen Brigade when Sick, Sad World returns! [Helen bursts through the door on her knees. Marianne is startled onto her feet.] MARIANNE: Helen?! What happened to you? HELEN: Marianne! Come back! I was wrong to think I could go without you! You do a lot of hard work that I've never given you credit for and I'm sorry! Please come back! MARIANNE: But it's only been-- HELEN: Anything you ask! Name it, and it's yours! Just please help me out! I'll never take you for granted again! MARIANNE: Anything? HELEN: Anything! MARIANNE: [Thought V.O.] She's in your power! Shorter hours! Higher pay! C'mon! [Aloud] Um... could we have those Whatchamacallits put back in the snack machines? HELEN: I'll see what I can do. MARIANNE: [Thought V.O., sarcastically] Heyyyy, way to go, Mary. [Marianne groans as she tries to smile at Helen.] [Int. Lawndale High hallway.] [Daria is leading Quinn somewhere.] QUINN: What is it? You'd better not be leading me somewhere where people will see me with you. DARIA: Relax, it's to a fellow brain. No fashion fiends will find you there. QUINN: That's a relief. DARIA: Quinn, meet Jodie. [Leads Quinn to her] QUINN: [More in a statement than an exclamation] Eep. JODIE: Quinn? What is it? DARIA: Go ahead, Quinn. Tell her. JODIE: About what? QUINN: Nothing! Nothing at all! DARIA: About a certain sibling? QUINN: Double-eep. JODIE: Quinn? You know where Rachel is? QUINN: No! Yes! Maybe! No!... Perhaps. JODIE: Um-- QUINN: ALRIGHT! I KNOW WHERE SHE IS!! JODIE: What?! Show me where she is! QUINN: Now?! JODIE: Yes! QUINN: But school-- DARIA: Like that's bothered you before, Ms. Shop-till-you-drop. [Ext. Morgendorffer household.] [Quinn, Jodie, Daria and Jane walk up and inside.] JANE: How'd you know she'd crack so easily? She's managed to convince every- one you're her cousin for over a year. DARIA: Yes, but Quinn doesn't have a good track record of lying to her elders... [Flashback to "Daria Hunter": Int. Morgendorffer kitchen.] QUINN: Alright, alright! The whole school's going on a paintballing field trip! [Flashback to "Daria Dance Party": Int. O'Neill's classroom.] QUINN: Alright! So I don't have a great-aunt Audrey! [Flashback to "Big House": Int. Morgendorffer living room.] QUINN: You're confused about my use of the word date. I meant that I was going on a date to meet with my algebra study group. [Present: Int. Morgendorffer upstairs hallway.] DARIA: [To Jane] Okay, so most of the time. Point is, we, along with Jodie, are upperclassmen now. I just had a hunch she wouldn't be able to fib for too long. JANE: Bah-rilliant, Brain! JODIE: Shh. [Int. Quinn's room.] [Rachel is filling one of Quinn's many travel bags with a few supplies.] RACHEL: I won't leave this one behind. I'm gonna get outta here... before I have a chance to change my mind. [The door opens to reveal the four girls.] RACHEL: What?! JODIE: Rachel! RACHEL: Jodie?! How--... Daria! QUINN: Uh... Heh. RACHEL: Quinn?! You ratted on me?! QUINN: Yeah-well-that-um-and-may-but... Yes. JODIE: Rachel, why did you-- RACHEL: [Interrupts] I don't believe the one person I thought I could trust betrayed me like this! [Quinn looks hurt as Jane makes her way to the front.] JANE: Let me handle this. I'm good with ki-- [Rachel throws the bag in Jane's gut and escapes. All but Jane chase as she falls to the ground clutching her stomach.] JANE: Wouf! Ohh, my ever-lovin' liver! Oh-ho!... [Ext. Morgendorffer household. Rain slightly sprinkles.] [Jake is just getting home (he makes his own hours), and begins to open the door when Rachel rushes past him, barely missing collision.] JAKE: Whoa! Hey, who-- [Jodie runs out, knocking Jake over.] JAKE: Waugh! [Hits the ground] JODIE: [Already far away] Sorry! [Quinn and Daria get to the door.] QUINN: You okay, Daddy? JAKE: Ow. My nose. Ow. My face. QUINN: [To Daria] Should we go after them? DARIA: ...Maybe not. [Ext. Lawndale streets. Raining.] [Jodie chases after Rachel a while, until the latter trips over her shoe and falls. Jodie gets there to help her up.] RACHEL: Let go of me! JODIE: Why?! Why are you doing this?! RACHEL: Oh, look at that! Ms. Perfect *doesn't* know everything after all! JODIE: What?! RACHEL: I'll tell you why! Nobody likes me! *No*body! JODIE: Rachel, that's crazy! Everyone at home loves you! *I* love you! RACHEL: Then why hasn't that been shown?! Would you be willing to listen for a moment? JODIE: Yes! RACHEL: Of course *you* would, Perfecto. Look at me. All my life you've been better than me, then Evan comes along and takes my identity. I'm no longer the youngest! I've never been the oldest! And because I'm stuck in between, I'm always compared to one or the other. [Still in anger, tears begin to come down her face; she rubs them off] I'm the middle child. Too old to have fun, but too young to do anything interesting! Do you know how that feels? Huh? Do you know how that feels at all?! [Pause. Jodie looks at Rachel in thought.] JODIE: [Sincerely] ...No... I don't... RACHEL: Yeah! [Realization dawns] ...Huh? JODIE: ...I don't know how that's like at all... Um... [shrugs] Sorry. I'm *not* perfect. Never have been, never will be, never *wanted* to be. [Pause.] RACHEL: If you're not perfect... Then how did you know exactly what to say? [Jodie kneels down for a sisterly hug.] JODIE: You know that I'd actually like to be more like you. Mom and Dad try pull the same stuff on both of us, but you've always managed to avoid it and be yourself instead... I wish I had your will. RACHEL: No. I... I realized what I was doing was wrong; running away. But pride kept me from coming back... That and the hell I'd get from Mom and Dad. JODIE: Heh. Don't worry, I'll protect you. RACHEL: You're acting perfect again. JODIE: I didn't mean to!... Oh, c'mon. Maybe Mr. Morgendorffer can give us a ride home. RACHEL: Okay. [Int. Morgendorffer living room.] [Jane and Jake sit on the couch with their backs against each other and moan. Daria and Quinn stand by. Jodie and Rachel enter, soaked.] RACHEL: Um... Gee, sorry about that, Jane. JANE: Ahh, `salright. Not like I need a digestive system all the time. QUINN: [To Rachel] I'm sorry, too. RACHEL: And I'm sorry. [To Jodie] And I'm sorry. JODIE: [To Jake] I'm sorry. DARIA: Jeez, I always knew you were one sorry bunch, but... JODIE: Sorry. JANE: Dagnabbit, woman! [Ext. Landon household. Rain letting up a bit.] [Jake's car pulls up and lets Jodie and Rachel out. Jake drives away as the girls walk up to the door.] JODIE: Are you ready for this? RACHEL: As much as I'd ever be. [The two walk inside holding each other's hands. Jodie keeps her promise to protect her sister from the full wrath of their parents. The door closes behind them.] END AUTHOR'S NOTES: Phew, yee-howdy! This was a tough one. I don't think highlighting minor characters was as fun as it used to be. I think I went for too minor (Rachel hasn't even been MENTIONED on the TV show yet). This story took longer and ended up shorter than the others. You'd better like this story, dammit! This may be the first to star Rachel, which made it tougher. What other stories are there to compare it to? Maybe a couple of minor appearances she made in CE Forman's fics, but that's it. Just remember that just because this story is a first, doesn't mean it's a best. On the plus side, this is my first use of someone else's characters (Bronstein's Hadley and Riker), and I think that turned out pretty good. I also am the second to specify what specific bumper music is playing between acts (Peter Guerin is the first). But I'm the first to point out where the .wavs are. A little free advertising for you, Damon. Oh, and, uh, while you're at his site, check out my Daria theme song remix. ;) Daria mentioned running away. This is just one thing I'll touch on in my next fic, a flashback episode called "Rearview Mirror." Someone on one of the Daria chats suggested this title, but for the life of me I can't remember who. If you're that person, I'd like it if you'd tell me so I can credit you when the story comes out. Thanks.