This is one of my first attempts at writing Daria FanFic. A big thanks 
to David Louk for editing it for
me.

Dude Ranch Daria 

(Opening scene: Morgendorffer dinner table) 

Quinn: So like the fashion club is having its monthly sleep over party 
and it's my turn to have it at me
house. And since it's like a three-day weekend everybody is coming over 
tomorrow night so we can
watch "Friends". 

Helen: That's great Quinn 

Daria: Yeah a group of shallow superficial people watching another group 
of shallow superficial
people. 

Quinn: For your information it's a very *deep* show with true life 
problems. Plus the guy that plays
Joey is really cute. 

Daria (sardonically): Talk about profound. 

Helen: Daria…. Quinn that sounds like fun, what are you doing this 
weekend Daria? 

Daria: Well I was going to have my cult meeting here but we have a 
tendency to sacrifice fashion
fiends. So I guess I'll just go over to Jane's. 

Jake: I though you said you weren't in a cult Daria. 

Helen: Jake...Daria do you always have to be so sarcastic? 

Jake: It's the cult. 

Helen: It'd be nice if you'd make some other friends. 

Daria: You mean like Quinn's? Have friends that would dump me if I 
didn't wear Calvin Klein’s? 

Quinn: Actually Calvin Klein is so out right now. 

Helen: Oh Daria. 

(Cut to shot of Daria's room, Daria is talking on the phone) 

Daria: So Quinn's having her monthly make up party here this weekend. 
Can I stay over tomorrow
night? 

Jane: Sure. Me, Jesse and Trent were going to the mall to see 
Armageddon. I was going to invite
you anyway. 

Daria: The mall? Ok, I guess. 

Jane: I’ve got to go. 

Daria: Seeya at school. 

Jane: Later. 

(Cut to end of school. Daria and Jane are at Daria's locker.) 

Jane: At least we get a whole 3 days away from the Hellhole. 

Daria: *Only* 3 days you mean. 

Jane: Right. So we’ll pick you up around 6 since the movie starts at 8. 
And we have to make that
drive to The Mall of the Millennium. And I'm sure you'll want to stop in 
the Doodad store before the
movie starts. 

Daria: Yeah, maybe I can get some more free Doodads. Who knows maybe 
I'll be their Millionth
customer too. 

(The fashion club walks by) 

Sandi: Quinn make sure you get the Fat-Free Pretzels. 

Quinn: Of course Sandi. I would never eat the ones with 1 gram of fat. 

Tiffany: Yeah those fat grams can really add up. 

(Cut to Daria on the couch watching Sick Sad World, waiting for Jane) 

TV: Could there be pro-smoking subliminal messages in your anti-smoking 
TV ads? Contradicting
Commercials when we return. 

(The doorbell rings) 

Daria (opening the door): Well's it's about time you... Oh. 

(Cut to show Sandi standing there) 

Sandi: Um, Quinn's cousin or whatever, where's Quinn? 

Daria: Hiding her Calvin Klein’s. 

Sandi: Quinn has Calvin Klein’s? Those are so out. 

Daria: So is talking like you have a stuffed up nose. 

Sandi: Uh, What? 

Daria: So can I come in or something? 

Daria: Or something. 

(Sandi looks confused. Daria sighs and steps aside. Quinn starts coming 
down the stairs) 

Quinn: Daria did the doorbell ring? I hope it wasn't a fashion club 
member cause I don't want them
to see.... Oh hi Sandi. You look really cute. 

Sandi: Oh, so do you Quinn. So you have Calvin Klein’s? 

Quinn: Of course not Sandi. Those are so out. 

(They walk off as Jane comes up to the door) 

Jane: You ready to go? 

Daria: Yes. 

(Cut to the four of them in the tank. ) 

Daria: Why do you guys always have this thing? Doesn't your drummer ever 
need it? 

Trent: Uh. I dunno. 

Jesse: Cool. 

Jane: Careful, don't give a straight answer. 

Trent: So Daria, have you seen Armageddon yet? 

Daria: Nope. 

Jesse: Liv Tyler is pretty hot man. 

(Jane glares) 

Trent: Plus her dad is in a band. It's tough being in a band. 

Jane: Oh yeah, all that sleeping... (They don't hear her. Trent and 
Jesse are rambling on about their
band.) 

(Cut to the boys till rambling and the girls looking put out. Jane leans 
over and whispers to Daria) 

Jane: So are you going to put your moves on Trent at the movie? 

Daria: Do you ever quit? 

Jane: No 

Daria: Are you going to put your moves on Jesse? 

Jane: You bet. 

Daria: When you do I'm going to *move* to another seat. 

Jane: You could always sit in Trent’s lap. 

Daria sighs: I hate you 

Jane: I know. But aren't sisters-in-law supposed to hate each other? 

(Daria rolls her eyes and the pull up to the mall) 

(Cut to them on that train that takes them to the mall) 

Jane whispering: You're not going to throw up again, are you? 

Daria whispering: Well, malls mixed with your Yenta act do turn my 
stomach. 

Trent: You feeling sick Daria? 

Daria (Though VO: Lovesick): No. 

Jesse (to Trent): That reminds me, you owe me a shirt. 

(They enter the mall. They are having one of those business promotions 
where there is a line of
booths trying to get people to sign up with various things) 

Daria: Just stare straightforward. Walk fast. Act naturally 

Lady: Would you like to win a trip? 

Daria turns toward her: As long as it is away from Lawndale. 

The lady giggles: Oh yes. You can win a trip to Paris. 

Jane: Sign me up. 

Lady: It's a dollar per raffle ticket. 

(The four of them each add a quarter. Jane takes the ticket and puts her 
name on it) 

Lady: The winner will be announced at 11 tonight. 

Daria: Don't get your hopes up Jane. We aren't going to win. 

Jane: Not with that attitude we won't. I wonder why there weren't very 
many entries. 

(They walk on) 

Trent: Maybe nobody wanted to learn French. 

Daria: Pourquoi pas? C'est la longue du amoir. ("Why not? It's the 
language of love.") (I know it
probably isn't right but I'm doing my best!)) 

Jesse: Huh? Something about amour? 

Trent: That's cool Daria. French is pretty. 

Daria: Non merde (No sh*t) 

Trent: Wow, what's that mean? 

Jane: I like Spanish better 

Daria: Only because you speak it. 

Jane: And you speak French. 

Daria: Oui, your point? 

Jane: I don't remember. Let's buy our tickets. 

Jesse: One for Armageddon 

Jane: Whatever happened to paying for the girl? 

Jesse: It's the 90's, go Dutch. 

(Jane, Trent and Daria buy their tickets. cut to them at the candy 
counter) 

Jane: Three bucks for a candy bar? 

Jesse: Large popcorn extra butter. 

Jane: My fave. Willing to share? 

Jesse: Better make that a jumbo, and a large Pepsi. 

Daria to herself: Hmm Red Vines or Hot Tamales? Both are red, both full 
of sugar and both three
bucks. 

Trent: I like those too. We could each get one and split them. 

Daria: Ok. (To counter person): Red Vines a small sprite and (to Trent): 
What kind of soda do you
like? 

Trent: You don't have to get me a soda. 

Daria: I owe you one. Remember? 

Trent: Oh yeah, Sprite. 

Daria: (to counter person): Add a sprite to that. 

(Cut to them in movie theatre) 

(Jesse and Trent run up to the third row from the front. Jane and Daria 
roll their eyes and go up.
Jesse is on the end with two seats in between him and Trent) 

Jesse: Jane and I are sharing popcorn so we gotta sit together. 

Trent: Daria and I are sharing candy! 

(Cut to them halfway through the movie. Jane is snuggled against Jesse 
and she acts scared when
something scary happens. More for show than anything else. Daria is 
trying hard not to look at
Trent. She is finding this difficult because the movie is boring. She 
finally gives in and looks at him.
Then she can't stare at him. Trent looks over at her. Daria looks away 
then looks back at him) 

Trent: Did you want some more candy or something? 

Daria: No, I um, just wanted to see if you were awake. 

Trent: Oh. I hope this movie is over soon. 

Daria: Me too. 

(The movie does end! Cut to the four at the food court sitting at a 
table) 

Daria: Big surprise they saved the world. 

Jane: Yeah and they only took out Asia and France to do it. 

Jesse: Awe, who needs them? 

Daria: Excusez moi? 

Trent: It was kind of predictable 

Jane: Kind of? 

Daria: Just once I would live to see the world completely wiped out. So 
far we've beaten Aliens,
Dinosaurs, Twisters, Giant apes, Volcanoes and now comets and asteroids. 
It's almost like we need
the ego-boosting self-assurance that humans can beat all. 

Jesse: Yeah! 

Jane: Well if push came to shove who would you want to go out on the 
giant Comet? 

Daria: I'd volunteer the fashion club. 

Jane: But then who'd save the world? 

Daria: Who cares? At least we’d live our last hours without them.... 
Plus they'd have to wear those
*ugly* space suits. It'd be worth it. 

Jane: Could we send Upchuck too? 

Daria: Do you really have to ask? 

Intercom: Jane Lane please come to the main office. Jane Lane 

Jane: What'd I do now? 

Daria: Maybe they didn't appreciate your PDA display while people were 
trying to save earth. 

(Cut to them at main office) 

Jane: I am Jane Lane. I am turning myself in. 

Guy: Jane, you have won our raffle. You won the trip. 

Jane: Hey I almost forgot about that. 

Guy: Well pack your bags. The plane leaves tomorrow. It's all expense 
paid trip for 4. Here are you
plain tickets. 

(Jane takes the tickets. She looks confused) 

Jane: Since when is Paris in Wyoming? 

Guy: Paris dude ranch. 

(The 4 look stricken.) 

Daria: You got us all excited about some hick house in Wyoming? 

Guy: You didn't think we'd really give away a trip to Paris for a dollar 
raffle ticket did you? 

Jane: Well that explains why there weren't very many entries. Oh well. 
At least it's a trip out of here. 

Daria: I guess so. Now I have to go back and face the Fashion club so I 
can pack. At least it will
give me another chance to mess with Sandi's mind. 

Jane: What mind? Hey, do you think Helen and Jake are going to let you 
spend a 3-day weekend
without parents? 

Daria: Yeah, if my mom thinks there might be some chance of me getting a 
*boyfriend* she's let me
go anywhere. 

Jane: So I see you share a common interest with your mom after all! 

(Cut to Morgendorffer’s living room. Helen and Jake are sitting on the 
couch. Helen is talking on the
phone and Jake is reading the comics. Helen hangs up her phone. Daria 
and Jane walk in) 

Daria: Jane and I won tickets to Paris. Can I go? 

Helen: Daria would you stop being sarcastic for just one damn minute? 

Daria: Actually I wasn't kidding. 

Jake: You won a trip to Paris? 

Daria: Well Paris dude Ranch. 

Helen: Who else is going? 

Daria: Jane, Jesse and Trent (Helen’s eyes light up at Trent's name) 

Helen: Trent. Didn't you go out with him that one time? 

Daria: Um yeah. Can I go? 

Helen: Of course you can sweetie. 

Daria: Well I'm going to go pack. Seeya when I get back, if I don't 
decide to become a stableman. 

Jake: Take a picture of the Eiffel tower for me Kiddo. Wow, Paris! 

Helen: Dammit Jake, do you EVER pay attention. 

Jake: um. Hey Garfield! (He goes back to reading the comics) 

(Cut to Daria’s room. Daria is packing) 

Jane: I don't think you want to ride a horse in that skirt. 

(Stacy wanders in) Stacy: Oops I thought this was the bathroom. What is 
this place? 

Daria: A twisted Burlesque house. 

Stacy: Wow. (Looks at the suitcases) Where are you going? 

Jane: Paris. 

Stacy: Oh, I hear there are really cute guys there. 

Jane: Maybe some would even call you for a second date. 

(Stacy thinks for a moment then wanders out. Just as Daria finishes 
packing Quinn barges in) 

Quinn: You are not going to Paris. 

Daria: I am 

Quinn: This is so unfair. There are cute guys there. Why would you go? 

Jane: They are all sharing a brain with a one-track mind. Amazing. 

Daria: Have fun watching Fashion Vision’s tribute to Paris. 

Quinn: That was on last night. 

Daria: Well see you when I get back...SIS! 

Quinn: OOOOO 

(Cut to Jane and Daria walking to the tank.) 

Jane: That was fun seeing Quinn's face like that when you told her you 
were going to Paris 

Daria: Too bad it was a lie 

Jane: Well only a partial lie. 

(They climb in the tank. Jesse and Trent are asleep) 

Jane: Yo. Trent WAKE UP! 

Trent: Honestly officer I was only going 35...Oh Janey...Um? 

Jane: Drive home. Go to sleep. Must get up early to go to Dude Ranch. 

Trent: Oh yeah. Jesse, wake up. 

Jesse (half-asleep): Of course I'll come back Liv. Oh hey. 

Jane Glares. 

(Cut to next morning about 5:30. Jesse and Trent barge into Jane’s room) 

Trent: Wake up. 

Jane: Why? 

Daria: Cause we have to get up early to ride with the horses. 

Jane: Huh? 

Daria: Just get up. 

Trent: Come on I don't want to be late. 

Jane: You stayed up all night didn’t you? 

Trent: Of course. Why make life difficult? (Cut to airport. All look 
tired. 

(Jane's wearing her usual top with a pair of Jeans. Daria has on the 
outfit she wore in "Road
worrier". Trent is in his usual outfit and Jesse has a pair of jeans and 
a white T-shirt on) 

Trent: At least we're flying first class. I hear those seats are great 
for sleeping in. 

Jesse: Yeah. 

Daria: I'm glad it's only a 4-hour flight. 

Trent: Only 4 hours to sleep? 

Jane: You have enough sleep stored up that you could stay up 
continuously for a week. 

(They walk through the metal detector nothing beeps.) 

Daria (when away from airport workers): You forgot the Hijacking gun 
Jane. 

Jane: I thought *you* were bringing it. 

(Cut to airplay.) 

Daria: Ok we got seats 2a, 2b, and seats 4a and 4b. 

Jane: Why don't you and Trent take the 4's and Jesse and I will sit in 
the 2's. 

Jesse: Cool. 

Daria (to Trent): You want the window seat? 

Trent: Only if you don't. 

Daria: It's yours. 

Trent: K. I hope they have breakfast soon I'm starved. Wake me up when 
it comes. 

Daria: Ok. (Trent falls asleep. Daria tries to stay awake but falls 
asleep) 

Jane: You ever ride a horse? 

Jesse: Yeah, at my Grandmas. I used to ride all the time when I was 
little. 

Jane (yawning): You think you could teach me? 

Jesse: Yeah. 

(They fall asleep) 

(The plane turns and Trent ends up leaning against Daria.) 

(Daria wakes up at the announcement of Breakfast. She realizes Trent is 
leaning against her. She
smiles a little.) 

Daria: Trent, wake up. 

Trent: Huh? Oh hey Daria. (Looks embarrassed) Sorry. 

Daria: Um no problem. Glad I could be of service (Though VO: Dammit): 
They are about to serve
breakfast. 

Trent: Good, food. 

Daria: Well not exactly "good food". 

Trent: Any food is good when you’re hungry. 

(Daria leans forward and taps Jane) 

Jane: Are we there yet? 

Daria: No. 

Jane: Where are we? 

Daria: On a plane to nowhere. They are about to serve breakfast. 

Jane: Oh, better wake up Jesse. He'll die if he misses food. (Nudges 
Jesse) Wake up. 

Jesse: Jane this better be food. I don't like being woke up. 

Jane: They are serving breakfast. 

Jesse: Why didn't you wake me up sooner? 

(The breakfast cart comes and they eat.) 

Daria: Well if the 4 food groups were Fat, sugar, coffee and plastic, 
we'd have gotten our daily
nutrients. 

(Cut to Quinn's room) 

Quinn: Good morning. Did everybody sleep well? 

Sandi: Well your snoring woke me up a few times but other than that.... 

Quinn: I do not snore. I think I heard you talk in your sleep though. 

Sandi: Whatever. 

Stacy: Sandi what is that on your forehead? 

Quinn: Eww gross. Did you forget to exfoliate last night? 

Sandi: No. It must be from this pillow you lent me. 

Tiffany: Pimples are so annoying. 

Quinn: I know. I'm so glad that I don't get them. 

(Sandi glares. Cut back to plane) 

Jane: Why don't you go back with Trent for a while. I want to talk to 
Daria. 

Jesse: But.... Ok, cool. 

(Daria sits down next to Jane) 

Jane (whispering): How's it going with Trent? 

Daria: We were both asleep until breakfast came. 

Jane: Bummer. 

Daria: You really need a boyfriend 

Jane: Well I think I almost got Jesse trained pretty well. You outta 
have Trent trained soon enough. 

Daria: You make me sick. 

Jane: Need a barf bag? 

Daria: Well if it's all right with you I'm going to go back to sleep. 
(She falls asleep.) 

(In the seat in front of them) 

Trent: So, I think Jane really likes you. 

Jesse: Yeah? 

Trent: Do you like her? 

Jesse: You're *like* her brother man. 

Trent: I *am* her brother. So what? 

Jesse: I don't want to talk about her with you. 

Trent: Oh. 

Jesse: What about you? You seem to be hitting it off with Daria. I saw 
you sleeping on her 

Trent: That was an accident. 

Jesse: Sure. You should go for it. 

Trent: Go for what? 

Jesse: Daria. 

Trent scowls: I'm going back to sleep. 

Jesse: Well switch seats with a Jane since Daria is asleep. 

Trent: Fine 

(Jane comes back and sits with Jesse. Trent goes and sits by Daria. He 
looks at her like he is
thinking hard. The plane turns again and this time she falls against 
him. He smiles and falls asleep.) 

(Cut to a few hours later. Daria is awakened by the landing 
announcement. She realizes she is
leaning against Trent. She blushes and sits up. She figures he doesn't 
know because he is asleep. She
wakes him, Jane and Jesse up.) 

Daria: We are landing. 

Trent: Oh 

Daria: When did you get here? 

Trent (looks confused): We came here together remember? 

Daria: No, I mean in that seat. Jane was sitting there when I fell 
asleep. 

Trent: I guess she wanted to sleep with Jesse. So we switches seats. 

Daria: I wonder if what they really did was considered sleeping 

Jane: I heard that. 

(The plane drops and Daria looks sick) 

Trent: You ok Daria? 

Daria: Uh huh. 

(Cut to them getting off the plane) 

Jane: So somebody's supposed to meet us here and take us to the horse 
house. 

Daria: Well there's somebody holding up a sing that says "Lane" 

Jane: Well that's my last name. 

Daria: Good job. 

(The four walk up to the man) 

Man: Are y'all the lucky winners of the trip to Paris Dude Ranch? 

Daria: Winners? 

Jane: You know the real definition. 

Trent: That's us. 

Man: I'm Billy Joe. I'm the manager of Paris Dude ranch. 

Daria: Pleased to make your acquaintance. 

Jane: I'm Jane 

Trent: I'm Trent, Janey's brother. 

Jesse: I'm Jesse, Janey's boyfriend. 

Daria: I'm Daria, Jane's friend. 

Billy Joe (to Jane) Well aren't you miss popularity. 

Jane: No. Let's get our bags so we van get *out* of here. 

(The four get their bags. Cut to them in back of a pick up truck) 

Jane: See if we were really in Paris we'd be in a limousine right now. 

Daria: Watching Sick Sad World. 

Jane: And drinking the world’s finest carbonated beverages. 

Daria: But at least we're sitting on the worlds finest bales of hay. 

Trent: I'm surprised there isn't a pig back here. 

(Cut to Jesse asleep and snoring) 

Trent: I stand corrected. 

Jane: Hey! 

(They pull up to the ranch. There's a big old building, a farmhouse, a 
corral, and some stables.
Behind the big building there is a pool. They hop out of the back of the 
truck. ) 

Billy Joe: Welcome to Paris Dude ranch. Let's go inside and meet the 
other guests. 

Jane: Yes let's. 

(They enter the building and there are 8 other guests, An elderly 
couple, two teenage boys about 17
and 18 and a younger couple with 2 kids about 8 and 10. Billy Joe goes 
to the front of the room) 

Billy Joe: Well looks like everybody is here. Pretty small group this 
weekend. Why don't y'all go put
your stuff in your rooms and come back here and meet and mingle. We have 
assigned you all to four
rooms. Lanes you have room one. Olsens room two. Edermens room three, 
and Masons room four.

(Cut to their room. It's pretty small with two sets of bunk beds on each 
end of the room. There is a
closet and a small dresser.) 

Jane: I call a top bunk 

Jesse: Me too! 

Trent: Damn. (To Daria) Looks like you and I are stuck with the bottom 
bunks. 

Daria: Stuck with? Last time I slept on a top bunk was when I shared a 
room with Quinn. She'd
kick the bottom of my bed. Not something I want to relive. 

Trent: Well now you can take revenge on Janey. (He smiles) 

Daria: Well you could help by kicking Jesse's bed. (She smiles) 

Jesse: Hey! What’d I do? 

Jane: Yeah what'd we do? 

Daria: You took the top bunks. 

(Billy Joe opens the door) 

Billy J: Come on Slowpokes. 

(The four go back downstairs. There is a food table out. The boys head 
over to it. The other guests
are meeting and mingling. The two teenage boys approach Jane and Daria) 

First boy: Hey I'm Tristian and this is Brad. Who are you? (Tristian 
looks like Trent except he is a
little shorter, a little more built and has his hair combed. Brad looks 
like a blond, taller, more built
Upchuck) 

Jane: Jane 

Daria: Daaaar-eeee-aaaaaa (she pronounces it slowly and she 
over-enunciates it) 

Brad (to Jane): You Jane. Me Tarzan. 

Jane: You Tarzan. Me uninterested. 

Brad: Come on I know how to please a lady. 

Jane: Then please go away. 

Brad: Ooo, frisky. 

Tristian: Where are you two from? 

Daria: A little place I like to call Moron Town. 

Jane: Lawndale. 

Tristian: Where's that? 

Daria: Far, far away in another land. 

Tristian (smiling at the sarcasm): Well we're from Boring, Oregon. 

Daria: Probably not as boring as Lawndale. 

Tristian: It’s actually called Boring. It's the name of the town. 

Daria (sardonically): I bet people come from all over to live there. 

(Trent and Jesse come back. Jesse is still eating some fried chicken) 

Daria: And these are our garbage disposals 

Trent: I'm Trent, Janey's brother. This is Jesse. 

Tristian: I'm Tristian. And this is Josh. 

Jane: Or Tarzan as he prefers to be called. 

Jesse: Huh? 

Daria: Well me must mingle on and meet the other mystery guests. 

(Brad and Josh wander off. The four are approached by the two kids. 
Think Tad and Tricia a little
older and with dark hair. Well Tad and Tricia after Daria and Jane got 
done with them) 

Girl: I'm Emily. I'm supposed to be nice and introduce myself. 

Daria: Well at least she's honest. 

Boy: I'm Eric, Emily's brother. I like fire. 

Jane: How cute, a little pyro. I'm Jane. 

Trent: I'm Trent 

Jesse: I'm Jesse 

Daria: I'm thrilled, who's next? 

(The kid’s parents walk up. The two kids walk away) 

Dad: Hi, I'm Evan Olsen. I hope our two little angels weren't bothering 
you. 

Daria (Thought VO: Why do parents always call their kids the opposites 
of what they are?) 

Jane: Oh no, they were just delightful. I'm Jane 

Mom: I'm Elizabeth. 

Trent: I'm Trent. This is Jesse. 

Daria: I'm still Daria. 

(There is a crash somewhere and the parents exchange glances and head 
off in that direction. The
elderly couple approach the) 

Man: I'm Earl. This here's my wife Ethel. It's our 50th wedding 
anniversary. This is where we met.
Such a great place for a romance to start. (They look at each other and 
smile. Jane nudges Daria
who glares and makes sure Trent didn't see. The four introduce 
themselves.) 

(Cut to Billy Joe at the front of the room again) 

Billy Joe: Well I hope y'all got a chance to meet each other. I'm Billy 
Joe. This is Bobby Ray (He
gestures to a tall skinny man about 35. He has blonde hair and is 
wearing overalls), Betty Sue (He
gestures to a woman who looks like an older version of Mrs. Bennet.), 
Bobby Joe (He gestures to a
man in his late 20's who looks a lot like Joey from the "3 J's") and Ol’ 
Henry. (Henry is a man about
60 with a build like Jesse except he is taller. He has long white hair.) 
If any of y'all need something
you can ask one of us. I hope you all enjoy your stay. You are free to 
roam the grounds. Dinner will
be at 6:30. 

Jane: Isn't everybody supposed to have two names? How did Henry get a 
job here? 

Daria: Well he introduced him as "Ol Henry" so I guess that counts. 

Jane (to Daria): You wanna get some lunch? 

Daria: Nah. I'll just wait till dinner. 

Jesse: Let's go horseback riding. 

Jane: Ok. What do you say Daria? 

Daria: I say I’ll miss Sick Sad World. Speaking of which didn't we 
recently see something about
horses on it? 

Jane: Oh yeah. Suicidal Stallions I think. Something about them jumping 
off cliffs. 

Daria: As long as they don't do it while I'm riding them. 

Jane: I can see that the horse’s life isn't your main concern. 

(Cut to the four at the stables. Bobby Ray is helping Eric onto a horse. 

He sees them and comes over) 

Bobby Ray: Howdy y'all. 

Jane: Yo. We want to ride a horse. Well, four actually. 

Bobby Ray: Any of y'all have experience? 

Jesse: Yah. I ride all the time at my Grandma’s. 

Daria: I rode around on a pony at the circus. 

Trent: Um I've ridden a few times. 

Jane: Me too. 

Bobby Ray: Ok then, one wild stallion and three tired mares. Jesse you 
get blaze. Jane you get Ol'
Red. Trent you take Jafar. And Daria let's put you on Quinn. 

(Daria looks highly amused. Jane smirks.) 

Bobby Ray: Is there something funny? 

Daria: Quinn is my sister’s name. 

(Cut to them on horses. Bobby Ray gave them basic instructions) 

Jesse: Come on Blaze. 

Jane: Hey! Wait up! 

Daria: How many times have you ridden Trent? 

Trent: Um, once when I was little. I'm kinda nervous. 

Daria: There IS something unnerving about being on am animal that cars 
are named after. 

Trent: Not to mention something called "Horse Power". You could stick 
back with me if you want. I
don't want to go fast. Um, giddyap Jafar. 

Daria: Ok. Move it Quinn. (Daria kicks the horse to get it moving. She 
gets a look of satisfaction on
her face) 

Trent: Pretending it's your sister? 

Daria: Yes. I just have to remember not to actually hurt the horse. It's 
probably a lot stronger than
Quinn. Not to mention smarter. 

(Jesse comes galloping by on his horse. Jane isn't too far behind. Trent 
and Daria are right next to
each other going pretty slow. They go around a few times in an 
uncomfortable silence) 

Daria: I don't like just going in circles. 

Trent: I wonder how much longer we have to do this. 

Daria: Well I'd be willing to get off next time we get to the stables if 
you are. 

Trent: Sounds good to me. 

(They ride up to the stables and Daria gets off. Trent stays on and 
looks nervous) 

Daria: I thought you were getting off. 

Trent: Uh, so did I. 

(Daria gets a look of understanding. She goes and takes Trent’s reins 
and holds the horse steady) 

Trent: Um thanks. (He uses both hands to slide off. He starts to walk 
and almost falls) 

Daria: You ok? 

Trent: Yeah, it just felt weird to walk. 

Bobby Ray: You two all done? 

Daria: Yes. We started getting dizzy going in circles 

Bobby R: Well those will be your horses for the weekend. You have to 
take care of them. 

Daria: Excuse me? 

Bobby R: You have to clean their stalls and brush them. 

Trent: But... 

Daria: I just don't have good luck when I'm around things named Quinn. 

(Jesse rides by and comes to a stop) 

Jesse: You two quitting already? 

Daria: We just don't have your endurance Jesse. 

Trent: Jess, did you know that we'd have to take care of the horses? 

Jesse: Of course. It's a dude ranch. What’d you expect? 

Daria: Dudes. 

(Jane goes whizzing past) 

Jesse: Ah man she got ahead of me. (He chases after her) 

(Cut to fashion club at Cashmunds) 

Sandi: It was so great of you guys to come with me. 

Quinn: It was so great of you to drive us. 

Tiffany: Well we're the fashion club. This is what we do best. 

Quinn (holding up a light purple silk tank top): Isn't this cute? 

Tiffany: Really cute. 

Stacy: Completely cute. 

Sandi (Holding up a baby blue baby tee): I don't know. I like this one 
better. 

Tiffany: Oh yeah. 

Stacy: They are both really cute. 

Sandi: If you don't like my shirt Stacy just say so. 

Stacy: I do like it but.... (She looks like she might cry) 

Quinn: Oh look, half off shoes. 

The other three: OOOOOOO! 

(Cut back to the dude ranch. Trent and Daria are in the stables. Billy 
told them to take the sadles off
and stuff) 

Trent: Slave labor on vacation (Daria is in the next stall over) 

Daria: Yeah no wonder that had a raffle. Nobody would pay to come here. 

Trent: Well technically we each payed a quarter. 

Daria: *technically* we each payed a quarter to go to Paris 

Trent: Well yeah, if you want to get technical about it. 

(They finish with the horses when Jane and Jesse come up to them) 

Jane: Yo 

Jesse: That was awesome. I can't wait till the trail ride tomorow. 

Jane: I never thought riding could be so much fun. 

Trent: Um trail ride.....? 

Jane: Yeah Bobby ray or Billy bob or whoever told us that tomorow they 
are taking an all day trail
ride. 

(Tristian and Brad enter) 

Brad: Jane.....Baby! 

Jesse: Jane baby? What's that supposed to mean. 

Jane: "Tarzan" this is my boyfriend. 

Brad: Boyfriend? 

Jesse: Me Jesse you dead meat. Leave Jane alone. 

Brad (turning towards Daria: So Darla, you going on the trail ride 
tomorow? 

Daria: It's Daria. And yes I would never miss a change on riding in the 
woods on a horse. 

Brad: Maybe we could ride two in the sadle 

Daria: Yeah, you and your ego would probably make great partners. 

Tristian: Come on Brad. I think you've been twice rejected. 

Brad: Resistance is futile babe. 

Daria: But capitulation is unsatisfying. 

Brad (looks confused: Oooo Frisky. 

Tristian: Come on lets go. 

(Trent goes with Jesse into Jesse's stall) 

Jane (whispering to daria): Does Tristian remind you of anybody? 

Daria: He kind of looks like Trent 

Jane: Kind of? They could almost be twins. Though Tristian has a better 
body. 

Daria: I wouldn't say that..... 

Jane: Only cause you're in blind love with Trent. 

Daria: I meant I wouldn't say that they looked like twins. 

Jane: Sure. 

Daria: And who does Brad remind you of? 

Daria and Jane in unison: Upchuck 

Daria: Is there somebody like him no matter where we go? 

Jane: Yes. That's why nobody is completely content where they are. 

(Jesse and trent come out of the stall) 

Jesse: Was brad hitting on you earlier Jane? 

Jane: Why? Jealous? 

Jesse: Of that Pipsqueek? 

Trent: What time is it? 

Jesse: 6 

Trent: I'm hungry. 

Jane: You're always hungry. 

Trent: Not when I'm sleeping 

Jane: What's the first thing you do when you wake up? 

Trent: um....I eat. 

Jane: I rest my case. 

Trent: What case? 

Jane: I...Daria help me out here. 

Daria: Sorry you're on your own Kenneth Star. 

Jane: Jesse help me get my horse.....um....unsaddled? 

(Cut to them at dinner eating BBQ ribs and baked beans) 

Daria: I wonder if the cow we're eating came from this ranch. (The other 
3 get an uneasy look, then
shrug and keep eating) 

Jesse: Now this is good food. 

Daria: Trent said that the airplane food was good. 

Trent: Well this is great food. See, any food is good when you are 
hungry. But great food is
something you'd eat even if your full. 

Jane: His logix is almost Intriguing. 

Daria *almost* 

Jesse: Trent knows food man. Speaking of food I'm sleepy. 

Jane: It's only 7. 

Jesse: I know but we I didn't sleep last night. 

Jane: Whose fault is that? 

(Billy Joe comes over) 

Billy J: Y'all enjoy dinner? Get to bed early tonight you'll have to get 
up early to feed the animals.
(The four look at him like he grew another head) 

Daria: How early is early? 

Bill J: Six, you know, Early to bed, early to rise. 

Daria: Sure. Makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead. ( Bill walks away) 

Trent: Did he say 6? 

Daria: Yes 

Trent: As in 6 A.M? 

Daria: Yes. 

Trent: To feed animals? 

Jane: Yes Trent. That's what he said. Anybody else want to go swimming? 

Daria: Aren't you supposed to wait a half hour after eating? 

Jane: Yeah but if we drown atleast we won't have to get up at 6. 

Daria: Lets go change. 

Trent (shaking his head in amazment): 6'oclock 

(Cut to them at the swimming pool. Jane is wearing a black two peice 
with boy cut shorts and a
halter top. Daria is wearing a plain black one peice. Jesse is wearing 
green trunks and Trent is
wearing blue trurnks. The two kids are in it and their dad is on a chair 
reading a newspaper. Jesse
runs and jumps in and splashes the two kids) 

Emily: Hey! 

Jesse: Sorry. Hey kane did you see that splash? 

Jane: Yes. And I also felt it. 

Daria: I think the whole ranch felt it. 

Jesse: Come on you guys jump in. 

Daria: I think I'll climb in thankyouverymuch. (she and Jane climb in) 

Trent runs and jumps doing a poor copy of Jesse's cannonball. 

Jesse: You call that a splash man? 

Daria: I liked Trent's better. 

Jane: You would, 

Daria (glaring at Jane): I was talking about the fact that it didn't get 
me wet too. 

Jane: Sure sure. 

(Daria splashes Jane. Jane splashes her back and swims away. Trent goes 
after her and dunks her) 

Jesse: Cool sibling rivalry. (Trent lets Jane back up.) 

Daria: Atleast Trent let Jane back up. I don't know if Qyinn would be so 
lucky. Of course if I
dunked Quinn her make up would smear and she'd rather be dead then seen 
with smeared make up.
So I'd be doing her a favor. 

Jesse: Cool. (Daria splashes Jesse at his lame reply. Jesse looks 
suprised and splashes her back.
Jane Comes over and splashes Daria. Trent splashes Jesse. Then they all 
stop and get sprayed with
water) 

Jesse: What the hell? Who's doing that? (Emily and Eric emerge from 
behind a set of chairs holding
super soakers) 

Eric: It's payback time Jesse. 

Emily: We'll teach you to splash us. 

Daria: But we're in a pool and we're already wet. Doesn't that defeat 
the purpose of a super soaker?

(Emily and Eric look at each other confused/ They shrug and keep 
shooting. The dad looks up from
his paper) 

Evan: Kids! Stop bugging them. 

Jane (to the kids): Are you going to let him talk to you like that? 

Kids: NO! (they run off and start shooting their dad) 

Evan: Stop it. That's it we're leaving. (He gets up and leaves and the 
kids follow still soaking him.
Cut to Trent getting splashed from behind. He turns around and sees 
Daria.) 

Trent: You're going to get it Daria. 

Daria: But I didn't.......(Trent dunks her then lets her up)......Do 
anything. It was my evil friend 

Trent: Huh? 

Daria: Jane. It was Jane. (Trent looks at Jane who is smirking) 

Trent: Oh, sorry daria, I... (she splashes him big time)......*cough* 
Didn't mean too. 

Daria: All is forgiven 

Trent: In that case (he splashes her) 

Jane: Let's have a race. 

Daria: I'll judge it. (she swims to the other side of the pool) Ready. 
Set. GO! 

(The other three race off suprisingly leaving Jesse in the 
dust.......er......Water) 

Daria: And the winner is Trent. 

Jane: I won by a mile and you know it! 

Trent: Dream on sister 

Jane: I demand a rematch. 

Daria: Ok this time go there and back. REady, SEt GO! (This time only 
Jane and Trent take off.
When they come back it is clearly a tie but Daria likes to see Jane 
peeved) 

Daria: Trent wins. 

Jane: I don't think it's fair to have a partial judge. 

Daria: You mean you don't think it's fair to have a judge that judges 
against you. 

Trent (Missing Jane's inuendo): Janey she's your friend. If anything 
she's be partial to you. 

(Jane starts to say something but it silenced by a death look from 
Daria) 

Daria: Why doesn't Jesse judge then? 

Jane: OK. Jesse you judge. You look so cute in green by the way.... 

Jesse: Cool. Thanks Jane. 

Daria: I'm sure this will be completely impartial. 

Trent: Why don't you race too Daria? 

Daria: Ok. If Jane promises not to drown me if I win. 

Jane: Oh, you won't win. 

(Jesse starts them off. They come back, Trent first Jane second then 
Daria about a foot behind
Jane.) 

Jesse: Trent wins. 

Jane: My own boyfriends turned against me. Atleast I beat you, Daria. 

Daria: How do you know I didn't let you win? 

Jane: What you don't know can make you feel good about yourself. 

Daria: They say ignorance is bliss. 

Trent: So is winning. 

Daria: So you are both in Bliss. 

Jesse: Actually all three of you are in the water having a pointless 
conversation. 

Trent: And *what's* your point? 

Jesse: Good point. 

Jane: Can we get out now? I think I'm starting to prune. 

Jesse: I think I'm starting to pineapple. 

Daria: What's that mean? 

Jane: Do you have to question everything? 

Daria: Yes. Why? 

Jane: Let's get out already. 

(The four get out. Trent and Jesse leave to go change. Jane and Daria 
get their stuff and what the
boys forgot. Tristian and Brad walk up) 

Jane (sarcastically to Daria): Oh goody. 

Tristian: Hey were you guys in the long? 

Daria: Yes. We started turning into fruit. 

Brad: Lovely Ladies in bikini's. 

Daria: We aren't wearing bikini's 

Brad: You should be. 

Daria: Well you should be pushed into the pool. 

Tristian: Allow me (he pushes Brad into the pool) 

Daria (To Tristian): Why do you hang around with Him? 

Tristian: He's my little brother. 

Jane: Oh, Bummer. 

Daria: Don't you just hate annoying younger siblings? You should meet my 
sister. 

Tristian (mockingly): If she's annoying why would I want to meet her? 
(Daria looks suprised at his
sarcasm. But then smiles at it) 

Jane: I had to spend a night with her once. 

Daria: I've had to spend most my life with her. 

Daria: So Tristian how come you two cam to horse haven? 

Tristian: We won this raffle. We thought it was a raffle for Paris. Brad 
thought he could meet models
and go to topless beaches. So he signed us up and Here we are. 

Brad: Come on in babes. The water is wonderful. We could have our own 
topless beach right here. 

Jane: Weren't we leaving? 

Daria: Yes. By Tristian. 

Tristian: Bye. 

(cut to the four a few hours later. They are in their room about to go 
to sleep. Jane and Daria are
sitting on Darias bed and the two boys are on their own beds) 

Jane: I think Daria made a new friend. 

Daria: what? 

Jane: Tristian. You two seem to have a lot in common. 

Trent: Isn't he the one that thinks he's Tarzan? 

Jane: No, that's Brad. Tristian was pretty quiet till he came to the 
pool after you left. Turns out he's a
sarcasm machine. Brad happens to be his annoying younger sibling. 

Trent: Oh like Daria's sister. 

Daria: Actually, Even Quinn seems good compared to Brad. 

Jane: Brad's starting to make Upchuck look good. 

Daria: I wouldn't go that far. 

Jesse: Is Upchuck that guy from the flea market? 

Jane: Yup 

Jesse: The one that left the booth and in turn all my records were 
stolen? 

Jane: Yup 

Jesse: I hate that guy. 

Jane: Yup 

Daria: Atleast Tristian isn't like that. I don't think I could stand two 
of them in one place. 

Trent (he looks put out): I'm going to sleep. 

Jane: What's wrong? 

Trent (sharply): Nothing. Im just tired. 

Jane: Whatever. Goodnight. 

Trent: Night Jesse, Jane, Daria. 

Jesse: I'm going to sleep too. 

Jane: What? No goodnight kiss? 

Jesse: You're all the way across the room. 

Jane: It's 12 feet. I guess I'll survive the night. (Daria starts to say 
something but Jane interupts her):
Don't even say it Daria. 

Daria (innocently): Say what? 

Jane: Whatever you were going to say about my boyfriend. 

Daria: I never get to have fun. 

Jane: I thought you didn't like fun. 

Daria (changing the subject): You think something's wrong with Trent? 

Jane: No. Why? Worried? 

Daria (quickly): No. Goodnight Jane. Remind me to kick your bed when you 
get up there. 

Jane: Goodnight Daria. (sarcastically) Sweet Dreams. 

(Cut to next morning at 6) 

Billy Joe (opening the door): Time to get up. 

Daria: No it isn't. 

Bill J: It's 6. 

Daria: Exactly my point. 

Billy J: Gotta feed those horses. 

Daria: Why can't they feed themselves? 

Jesse (half asleep): God you guys I can't sleep with you two blabbing 
away. 

Daria: I think that's the intention. 

Jesse (still half asleep): Daria, Trent SHUT UP! 

Daria: Trent isn't awake. It's Billy Bob. 

Billy Joe: Actually it's Billy Joe. 

Jesse: Who cares? Shut up. 

Billy J (To Daria): Well you get them up. 

Daria: Oh sure, make ME do the dirty work. (she kicks Jane's bed. Jane 
sits straight up) 

Jane: Dammit Daria. What? 

Daria: Time to get up. 

Jane: No it's isn't. 

Daria: That's what I said. You don't want your horse to starve do you? 

Jane: I don't care. 

(Daria goes over to Trent's bed. She shakes him gently. ) 

Trent (looks alarmed): Daria? What's wrong? 

Daria: Um, nothing. It's time to get up. 

Trent: No it's isn't. 

Daria: Yeah I know. But try telling that to Billy Joe. Now get up. 

(Cut to them at the stavles half asleep and half heartedly feeding their 
horses.) 

Jane: If this isn't Hell I dont know what is. I'm starting to miss Mr. 
DiMartino. 

Daria: Well listening to Jesse snore all night wasn't a picnic either. 

Jane: Niether was being shocked awake by somebody kicking your bed. 

Daria: Yeah, well you forgot to remind me so I had to remember to kick 
it myself. My horse doesn't
seem very hungry. 

Jane: Maybe it's on a diet. 

Daria: Trying to get into a size three saddle. 

Billy J (coming over): You guys all done? 

The four: Uh huh. 

Billy J: Well we have a nice big breakfast all cooked up for y'all. 
After that you get to clean out your
horses stalls. Then we all head off on the trail ride. Oh and tonight 
there is a square dance after
dinner. 

Daria (bluntly): A square dance. How quaint. 

Jane: Remember when they made us learn square dancing in PE? 

Daria: Yes. I ended up dancing with Kevin. 

Jane: Let's get some breakfast. 

Jesse: Cool, breakfast. 

Trent: A sqaure dance? That means country music. 

Jesse: Yuck. 

(Cut to them eating breakfast. Pancakes, bacon and eggs.) 

Jesse: This is the 3rd meal i've had here and I gotta say they have the 
best food. 

Daria: Even worth getting up early for? 

Jesse: Almost. 

(Tristian and Brad come over) 

Brad: Good morning ladies....sleep well? 

Daria: Well your aproach was unapealing. Now lets see your departure. 

Brad: For you Daria I would go to the end of the world. 

Daria: But would you stay there? 

Tristian: Brad, shut up. G'morning Daria. Jane, Jesse, Um Toni. 

Trent (he scowls): It's Trent. 

Tristian: Oh. Sorry. Well we're going to go change. 

Jane: into what? Nights in shining amour? 

Daria (looking at Brad): Don't count on it. 

Brad: Oo Frisky. (He and Tristian walk off.) 

Jane: Oh la la Daria has a boyfriend. 

Daria: Shut up. 

Jane: So many boys to choose from. I think Ill stick with Jesse. 

Jesse: Cool 

Daria (Thought VO: and I'll stick with Trent) 

Trent: I'm going to go change too. You coming Jesse? 

Jesse:. Um I guess. (they leave) 

Jane: I don't think Trent likes Tristian. 

Daria: What do you mean? 

Jane: He kept scowling at him 

Daria: I don't like when people forget me name either. 

Jane: Well this trail ride will give you and Trent some quality time. 

Daria: Yeah, quality time to embarrass myself. 

(Cut to them all saddled up and ready to go) 

Trent: I can't believe I have to spend all day on this things. 

Jane: Just don't fall asleep. 

Trent: Thanks for the advice. 

Billy Joe: Ok we are gonna ride for 2 hours then stop for asnack. Then 
ride for another hour and
stop for lunch. Then we head on back down here. I'll be up front for 
those who want to take it kind
of fast. Ol' Henry will take up the back. 

Daria: I'm going to have to take the latter on that one. 

Trent: Me too. 

Jane: I'm going up front. You coming Jesse? 

Jese: You bet. 

(The two kids and their dad go with the faster group. Their mom and the 
elder couple stick back) 

Daria: I wonder where Tristian and Brad are. 

Jesse: I dunno. 

BIlly J: Tristian and Brad decided that they were to tired to come. They 
are going to help set up the
square dance. 

Trent: Um I think I'm too tired to. 

Daria (not realizing that he's kidding): Oh no you don't. You can't 
leave me here in the slow group all
by myself. Come on. 

(Daria realizes her mistake and blushes) 

Trent (smiles): Ok but only cause you want me to. 

Daria: Yeah well um......thanks. 

Trent: No prob. 

(They head off. Cut to about 15 minutes before they stop for snack) 

Trent (casually): So uh, Janey says that you like this guy Tristian. 

Daria: Well Ms. Lane has mistaken me for my sister again. I'm not 
somebody who likes every guy I
see. 

Trent: So you dont like him? 

Daria (sighs): First of all I don't know him. Second he lives in another 
state. Long distance
relationships aren't worth it. Unless of course it's with an annoying 
sibling named Quinn. 

Trent: Oh. 

Daria: Why? 

Trent: I uh, was just wondering. Can't a guy look out for his kid 
sister's friend? 

(Daria looks hurt and hides it by turning away. She turns back to him 
with her normal deadpan
expression.) 

Trent: What's wrong? 

Daria: Nothing. Um sorry. 

(They stop for snack and Daria gets off her horse and ties it to a tree. 
She starts to go look for Jane)

Trent (still on his horse): Uh Daria? 

Daria (sharply): Yes? Oh. (She goes and takes his reins. He gets down. 
She goes off in search of
Jane) 

Jane (seeing Daria): Bout time you got here slowpoke. (She sees Daria's 
upset face) 

Jane: What's wrong? (mock sincerety): Did you embarrass yourself infront 
of your crush? (Daria
doesn't react. So she tries a different approach) : What happened? 

Daria: It's stupid really. We were riding and he called me "My kid 
sister's friend". He's called me that
before but I thought it was just around other people. It just made me 
realize that that's all he really
thinks of me as. 

Jane: My brother is stupid. He was probably just making a joke or trying 
to cover something else
up. 

Daria: He asked me if I liked Tristian. I said "No" and asked him why he 
wanted to know. Then he
said "Can't a guy look out for his kid Sister's friend" 

Jane: See, you asked him why he wanted to know. He didn't want to tell 
you. He was covering
something up. 

Daria: I don't know. 

Jane: I'm sure that's all it is. But the question is what is he covering 
up? 

Daria: Probably nothing. Where's Jesse? 

Jane: I dunno. Said he'd be right back. Where's Trent? 

Daria: I don't know. I kind of left him to look for you. 

(Trent and Jesse come over) 

Trent: We come bearing the gift of Granola bars. 

Daria: I'd settle for a candy bar. 

Jesse: Are you kidding? Granola is ranch tradition. 

Daria: Oh. Well then we wouldn't want to break tradition. 

(Cut to them back on their horses) 

Trent: Why did you storm off like that? 

Daria: When? 

Trent: When you went to talk to Jane. 

Daria: I um needed to ask her something. 

Trent: Oh 

Trent: Daria? (he gets the thoughful look on his face. Like he did in 
"The Road Worrier" right before
he asked her about "wasting his life") 

Daria: Yes? 

Trent: When you got your Belly Button peirced did you want to? 

Daria: Well not really. 

Trent: Oh. Then why did you? 

Daria: Um, so you could get the special. 

Trent: Oh. It looked really nice. 

Daria: Well I got to try something new. And I had an extra hole for a 
couple of days. 

Trent: I guess you're letting me off easy on this one. 

Daria: Just don't make it a habit. 

Trent: Oh and Daria, the tattoo offer still stands. I mean when you're 
ready and all. 

Daria: Well I could get "Quinn's sister" tattooed on my forhead so all 
her friends would know. But
then every time I'd look in the mirror I'd be reminded of the 
unfortunate sisterhood. (Trent does his
laugh/cough thing) 

Trent: I guess I'm lucky to have a sister like Janey. 

Daria: Lucky is understating it. 

Trent: I'm glad you moved to lawndale. Before you came Janey didn't 
really have anybody. She
always hung around with me and Jesse. 

Daria: Now you have us both hanging around you. And Jane hanging all 
over Jesse. 

Trent: Yeah, but you're cool Daria. 

Daria: Um thanks. 

Trent: I'm glad that Jane and Jesse like each other. But sometimes I 
feel like she's stealing my best
friend. 

Daria (thought VO: Well I'll help you take revenge): Well maybe you want 
somebody too. (Thought
VO: Why do I open my mouth?) 

Trent: Heh. Maybe. What about you? Do you want somebody? 

Daria (Thought VO: I want somebody to end my life for me): um (she 
blushes and can't think of an
answer. She is saved by Ol' Henry) 

Henry: Ok this is where we stop for lunch. 

(Cut to them eating lunch) 

Daria: Well the trail ride is half over. 

Jesse: It's gone by fast. 

Trent: Not really. I have a feeling that I'm going to ve sore tomorow. 

Daria: I have a feeling I'm going to be tired tomorow. 

Jane: You guys are such wusses. We still got a square dance tonight. 

Jesse: Cool 

Daria: Oh good. I'll proabably get stuck dancing with Brad. 

Trent: Don't you need more than 8 people to square dance? 

Jesse: They'll hace some people come in from town. Square dancing is 
what they do for fun out
here. 

Daria: Yeah, it's right up there with yodeling. 

Jesse: There will probably be some line dancing too. 

Daria: WHo'd of thought, you of all people would know all this about 
country style living. 

(cut to Quinn talking on the phone with Sandi) 

Sandi: That was a really great part Quinn. 

Quinn: Thanks Sandi. Where is it going to be at next month? 

Sandi: Um it's going to be at my house. 

Quinn: Oh, I can't wait. I love fashion club slumber parties. 

Sandi: Me too. So are you coming to the Y to go swimming later? 

Quinn: Of course Sandi. I got a really cute new bikini. 

Sandi: Oooh. Do you need a ride or are you going to have your *mother* 
bring you? 

Quinn: No, of course not Sandi. Joey Jeffy and Jeremy are coming too. 
One of them will drive me.
Are Stacy and Tiffany coming too? 

Sandi: Yes. I'll see you later then Quinn. 

Quinn: Bye Sandi. 

(cut back to the trail ride. The four are getting back on their horses.) 

Jane (to Daria): What do you say we take the horses and ride off to a 
big city? 

Daria: Do they have bi cites in wyoming? 

Jane: There's only one way to find out. 

Daria: Idon't think I want to be a horse thief. 

Jane: Bummer. 

(Jane and Jesse head off with the fast group. Daria and Trent still go 
slow. Ethel pulls up next to
Trent and Daria) 

Ethel: How you kids holding up? 

Daria: I don't know about holding up, but I think we're holding ON for 
dear life. 

Ethel: You'll get the hang of it. If an old granny like me can do it, 
two youngens like yourselves can. 

Daria: Sure. 

Ethel: You two remind me my husband and me when we first met here back 
in 1946. We fell in love
at first site. 

Daria: How do we remind you of you and your husband? 

Ethel: Well we weren't too enthused about this place either. We both won 
the trip in a raffle thinking
it was a trip to Paris. I was 5 years younger than him. But I was smart 
and sarcastic as they came. I
was pretty mature for my age. Earl was in a Band. 

Trent: Hey cool. I'm in a band. 

Ethel: You look like the type. His band was called "Magestic Swirl". 
Well anyhow you two make a
cute couple. 

(Trent looks down. Daria blushes and looks away) 

Daria: Um actually we aren't a couple. 

Ethel: Oh, my mistake. Well you'd make a really cute one. It think I'm 
going to catch up with Earl.
See you two kids later. (she rides off) 

(Daria and Trent ride together for a few minutes in an awkward silence) 

Daria: So, um do you know how to square dance? 

Trent: Not really. Just what they tried to teach me in highscool. 

Daria: Oh. 

Trent: I wonder what it's like to be married for 50 years. 

Daria: I dunno. They must really love each other though. 

Trent: Yeah. 

Daria: Unless they are staying together for the couples discounts. 

(Cut to them riding up to the stables) 

Daria: Well we survived. 

Trent: Yeah. 

Daria: Now we just have to eat dinner, square dance and then we can 
return to our barracks and
become unconcious stones untill they wake us up for some more slave 
labor. 

Trent: I think I'm going to need a vacation from this vacation.

Daria: Well when you get home all you have to do is return to your 
normal schedule. 

Trent: Sounds good. I wonder where Jesse and Janey are. 

Daria: Making out behind a bale of hay probably. 

Trent (laughs a little): Lets go find them 

(They put their horses away and go search for their friends. They find 
them in the main house waiting
for everybody so they can have dinner) 

Jane: Yo. It's about time you guys got here. 

Jesse: We've been waiting forever. 

Daria: I doubt it. 

Jane: How was the ride in the Slooooow group? 

Daria: A slower version of yours. 

Jane (whispering to Daria): That isn't what I meant. So did you hit it 
off with Trent? 

Daria (to Jane): Leave me alone. (to Jesse)So Jesse are we all going to 
be sore tomorow from the
ride? 

Jesse: Probably. But we'll be on a plane or in a car most of the day so 
it won't be too bad. 

Daria: Wow, we have to leave already. I don't know if that's good or 
bad. 

Trent: Well if I'm sore tomorow it's bad. 

Jane: I kind of like it here. Beats gym. 

Daria: It beats listening to Quinn talk on the phone saying "cute" every 
other word. 

Trent: It beats....um..... 

Jane: All you do is sleep and practice. 

Daria: Or do both at the same time. 

Trent: That takes talent man. 

Jesse: Maybe they'll let us play at the square dance tonight. 

Trent: yeah. They need some good music. 

Jane (to Daria): Well I have to admit. Even *their* music is better than 
country. 

(Cut to the fashion club at the pool. Quinn is sitting on the edge of 
the pool wearing a teeny bikini
that is pink and purple. The three J's are crowded around her. Sandi, 
Stacy and Tiffany are all in the
water.Sandi is wearing a turquoise bikini. Stacy is wearing a french cut 
yellow suit and Tiffany is
wearing a blue two piece. 

Sandi: So, Quinn are you like ever going to come in the water? 

Quinn: I guess. 

Joey: I like your suit Quinn. 

Jeffy: I really like it. 

Jamie: I like it most. 

Quinn: Oh you guys. Thanks. 

Sandi: My suit is a french import. 

(The three J's ignore her and keep gawking at Quinn) 

Stacy: Your suit is really cute Sandi. 

(Sandi glares. Quinn gets in the water. The three J's get in after her. 
A girl comes swimming by
splashing Stacy) 

Quinn: Uck, I can't believe that she actually has her head in the water. 

Tiffany: Oh yeah, chlorene is so bad for your hair. 

Stacy: Is my make up smeared? I hate when people splash me. 

Quinn: Me too. 

Joey: I'd never splash you Quinn. 

Jeffy: Me neither. 

Jamie: I'll protect you from splashes Quinn. 

Sandi: Well I guess we should get out and do our fashion club work. We 
have to rate other's bathing
suits. Then we see how many people are wearing the same style. I think I 
saw three people with
your swimsuit Quinn. 

Quinn: I don't think so Sandi. 

Joey: Well you look better than anybody else could in that suit. 

Jeffy: yeah! 

Jamie: Definately the best. 

(Sandi glares) 

(Cut back to ranch, the four are finishing up dinner) 

Jane: I guess we should go change for the square dance. 

Daria: Why? 

Jane: You don't want to smell like a horse all night do you? 

Daria: Well everything else around here does. 

Jane: Just come on. 

Daria: Fine. 


(Cut to a few minutes later. Daria has a slightly different hair style) 

Daria: Have you lost your mind? 

Jane: You should be thanking me. Not insulting me. 

Daria: Thanking you for making me looks strange? Is this your way of 
telling me I can't get a guy unless I become Quinn? 

Jane: You aren't Quinn. You are just looking "different". And I know you 
want to. Now are we going to go out there or stay in front of the 
bathroom mirror all night? 

Daria: Let's go. 

(Cut to them walking into the dance room. They see the guys sitting down 
across the room. Jane walks over with a reluctant Daria behind her. 
Jesse is weaing Jeans and his leather vest. Trent is wearing jeans with 
no holes and his usual shirt.) 

Jane: Yo. 

Jesse (looking up): Janey, they are going to let us perform 
tonight.......Wow, you look nice. 

Jane: Thanks. 

(Cut to Trent looking at Daria. Daria is looking at Jane. She looks at 
Trent) 

Trent: You look different. 

Daria: Is that good or bad? 

Trent: Good. not that you look bad how you usually are....I 
mean......You look nice Daria. 

Daria: Um thanks. (quickly) You look good too. 

Jane: Wow there are more people here than I expected. 

Jesse: Yeah. Like I said this is what people that live here do. 

(Tristian and Brad come over. Tristian is wearing Jeans and a dress 
shirt with one of those neck thingies. Brad is dressed basically the 
same) 

Brad: Woah sexxxxxxy ladies. 

(Jesse glares at him and Brad backs away remembering the earlier 
threat.) 

Brad: (quickly) I think I'll go over there and talk to that girl. (Back 
to himself) Dont miss me too much. 

Daria: Don't worry. 

Tristian: Hey. Wow, Daria you look really good. 

Daria: Um thanks. You look good too. Real cowboyish. 

Jane: Mystic Spiral is going to play a few songs tonight. 

Tristian: Who's that? 

Trent: It's me and Jesse's band. 

Tristian: Cool. I play guitar and sing. 

Trent (looking annoyed): So do I. 

(The band starts playing a semi-fast country song. ) 

Tristian (to Daria): You wanna dance before they start the organized 
square dancing? 

Daria: I guess (they go out to the dance floor) 

Jane: Oh la la. 

Trent: Will you please stop saying that. 

Jane: What's your problem? 

Trent: Nothing. 

Jesse: Jane you wanna dance? 

Jane: Sure. 

(Trent is left alone and looks around. He sees a girl and goes over to 
her. The girl has blonde curly hair and a lot of make up on. She is 
wearing tight jeans and brown suede shirt) 

Trent (quickly): Hi, you wanna dance? (He barely waits for an answer and 
pulls her out on the dance
floor.) 

Girl: What's your name? 

Trent (Looking at Tristian and Daria): What? 

Girl: Your name? 

Trent: Oh, um Trent. 

Girl (Flirty): I'm Ginger. 

Trent: Ok. 

Ginger: Are you from around here? 

Trent (not really paying attention): Um sure. 

(Cut to Tristian and Daria dancing) 

Tristian: What's up with that Trent guy? 

Daria: What do you mean? 

Tristian: He just ran over to that girl and practically dragged her out 
on the dance floor. 

Daria: Huh? (she searches the room for Trent. When she sees him she 
turns pale. Trent looks away
when Daria looks at him. One will look and the other will look away. ) 

Tristian: I get the feeling he doesn't like me. 

Daria (Not paying attention): Uh huh. 

Tristian: Is something wrong? 

Daria (snapping out of it): No. (She moves closer to Tristian.) (Trent 
sees this and pulls ginger
closer) 

Tristian: You like him don't you. 

Daria: No. Um, who? 

Tristian: Trent. 

Daria (looks away): Um. 

Tristian: It's ok. He's a jerk for dancing like that with another girl 
in front of you. 

Daria (defensively): He is not a jerk. (sadly) I'm a jerk for thinking 
he'd actually like me. 

Tristian (staring at Ginger): Hmm. 

(the music ends) 

Daria: I'm going to sit the next one out. 

Tristian: Uh huh. 

(She goes over to a table and sits down. Tristian follows when he sees 
Trent and Ginger heading for
the table) 

Daria (to Trent): Um hey. 

Trent: Hi. 

Ginger (Staring at Tristian): Wow are you and Trent twins? 

Tristian: No. We are not. 

Ginger: Well you could be. Cept you (to Tristian) have more muscles. You 
want to dance? 

Tristian: YES! (they head to the dance floor) 

Daria: I guess we've been dumped. 

Trent: Yeah. So you wanna dance? 

Daria: Um I guess. (ThoughtVo: God please don't make me trip and fall on 
my face) (They head out
to the dance floor. The both look uncomfortable.) 

Trent: Relax Daria. You look nervous 

Daria: I guess I'm not used to dancing. 

Trent (accusingly): Oh, well you seemed to be doing fine with that 
Tristian guy. 

Daria (narrows eyes, equally accusingly): And you with Ginger-spice over 
there. 

Trent (get a grin on his face realizing how stupid it is): Heh. 

Daria (starts to relax): So what songs are you going to play tonight? 

Trent: Icebox woman and behind my eyelids. We might try out our new song 
"Unexpected
Infatuation". 

Daria: Oh. 

Trent (trying to be nice): That was really good advice you gave me when 
we went to alternapalooza.

Daria: Correction- Tried to go to Alternapalooza. 

Trent: Right. But it was still good advice 

Daria (blushes): Um thanks. It takes a lot to go after a dream Trent. 

Trent: Yeah, I guess. 

(The song ends) 

Trent: Well I guess better go get Jesse. We need to get ready. Thanks 
for the dance. 

Daria: Um, yeah sure. 

(He leaves. Jane comes over) 

Jane: So you two were dancing. 

Daria: Aren't we observant. 

Jane: I hope they (pointing to Jesse and Trent) don't get laughed off 
the stage tonight. 

(Brad comes up) 

Brad: Where are your two beaus? 

Jane: Planning your homicide. 

Brad: May I have the next dance? 

Jane: Yes, you may have it all by yourself. 

(Brad catches a glare from Jesse and looks nervous.) 

Brad: Daria, save the last dance for me. 

Daria: You've already had it. 

Brad: Frisky! (He walks off ) 

Daria: Isn't "Frisky" a cat food? 

Jane: mmmmhmmmm. (cut to Trent on stage) 

Trent (over a microphone): Hello. We're Mystic Spiral. We don't play 
country music. But you'll still
be able to dance to our music. 

Jane (to daria): If you have no shame. 

Daria: You read my mind didn't you. 

(They play thier songs. Daria and Jane watch. They play their new song) 

I didn't expect it.p> But now I don't know,

How I didnt see it sooner.

Don't know if I can hide it,

So I'll try to abide by it.

But how can I ?

It's too unexpected.......

(I'm just trying to give you an idea of what the song is about. Trent is 
a much better song writer than
I am- Naomi) 

Jane: I wonder where this song came from. 

Daria: His mouth. 

(The song ends. Trent looks at Daria and smiles. She smiles a little. 
Everybody claps.) 

(Billy Joe comes up to the microphone) 

Billy J: Thanks Mystic Spiral. Now for some square dancing! 

(Jesse and Trent head over to Daria and Jane) 

Trent: You want to try square dancing Daria? 

Daria: Um, sure. 

(They go out on the dance floor. Cut to various shots of them square 
dancing.) 

Daria (after a few songs): I think I'm going to go sit down. 

Trent: Me too. (cut to them sitting at the table) 

Daria: You played really well tonigh. 

Trent: Thanks. I don't think these people appreciated it to much. 

Daria: It probably sounded to them what country music sounds to us. 

(Jane and Jesse come over) 

Jane: Yo. I'm tired. 

Daria: Do-si-Doing can do that to a person. 

Billy J (over microphone): Line dancing time! 

Jesse: Come on! 

(Cut to various shots of them Line dancing. ) 

Daria (trying to stay with the dance): Line dancing sure is stupid. 

Jane (mockingly): Isn't that little out of line Daria? 

Daria: Funny. 

(Cut to later. Billy J is at the microphone again) 

Billy J: Ok everybody. Last dance. Make it special. 

(Jesse and Jane head out on the dance floor) 

Trent (to Daria): I guess we should, it being the last dance and all. 

Daria: Yeah, I guess we should. 

(A slow country song comes on. Trent puts his arms around Daria. She 
puts her arms around his
neck. She gets nervous again. She stares straight at his chest. You can 
tell her wants to lay her head
on his shoulder) 

Daria (Though VO: Oh what the Hell) (She lays her head on his shoulder. 
Trent looks suprised but
then smiles. When the song ends she looks up at him. He smiles) 

Daria (breaking away): Um, you are a really good dancer. 

Trent: So are you. (He's smiling at her) 

Daria (Deadpan as usual): I'll be right back. (She heads to the 
bathroom) 

(Jane and Jesse come over to Trent who is still smiling) 

Jesse: Wasn't that the best. 

Trent: Yup 

Jane: What are you smiling about? 

Trent: Nothing. 

Jane: Well it's about something obviously. Hey where's Daria? 

Trent (He returns to his normal expression): Try the ladies room. 

(Cut to ladies room. Daria is standing in front of the mirror. She lets 
this wide grin spread across her
face. She then regains her composure and returns to her normal deadpan 
expression.) 

(cut to them in their room. They are all laying on thier beds) 

Daria: Um, who's going to turn out the light? 

Jane: Trent's closest. 

Trent: But I'm comfortable. 

Daria: Fine I'll turn off the lights. Then I'll stumble in the dark back 
to my bunk. On the way hopefully
I'll refrain from tripping over the mess we've made and killing myself. 

Trent: It's ok Daria. I'll do it. 

Jane: Oh that got him 

Daria: Guilt trips are lifes best weapon. 

Jane: It's amazing what people will do for love. 

Daria (warningly): Don't make me kick the bunk. 

Trent (oblivious to what has been said): Goodnight everybody. 

(Cut to them next morning at breakfast) 

Trent: Glad I don't ever have to get up early to clean up after an 
animal again. 

Jane: No, but you still have to clean up after yourself. 

Daria (to Jane): And you'll be cleaning up after Jesse. 

Jane (pointedly): And maybe someday Trent will have somebody to clean up 
after him. (Daria
glares) 

Jesse: Man, I don't want to leave. 

Daria: Well you could stay here and we could sell your plane ticket for 
money. 

Trent: I guess we'd better go pack. 

(They head for the room. Tristian stops Trent) 

Tristian: Hey Trent. 

Trent (bitterly): You remembered. 

Tristian (Ignoring the comment): She's a great girl. 

Trent: Who? 

Tristian (Looking at Daria going into her room): Her. 

Trent: Daria? 

Tristian: Yeah, Daria. She deserves somebody who's going to treat her 
well. 

Trent: Yeah. 

Tristian: You. 

Trent: Me? 

Tristian: Yeah you. Haven't you seen the way she looks at you? 

Trent: Um, no. 

Tristian: Are you oblivious or something? Don't let her get away. 

(Tristian walks off. Trent looks somewhat confused. Then thoughtful. He 
smiles a little) 

Trent (to himself): I won't. 

(Cut to them on the airport) 

Daria: Well I guess it's back to Lawndale. 

Jane: Yeah I guess so. You know, we still could sell our tickets and 
drift from state to state. 

Jesse: But we have a gig tomorow night. 

Daria (Mock sincerety): Oh, then we must get back. Wouldn't want to 
deprive grungers of Mystic
Spiral. 

Jane: Damn. 

(Cut to them on the plane. Trent and Jesse are sitting together. Daria 
and Jane are sitting behind
them) 

Trent: This has been an ok weekend. 

Daria: Um yeah, But it was no Paris. 

Trent: You coming to the gig tomorow night? 

Daria: Don't I always? 

Trent (smiles): yeah I guess you do. 

Jane: Just don't run off again. 

Daria: If I do, I promise I won't send Brittany with the message. 

Jane: Whatever you do don't try to make a deal with her. 

Daria (imitating Brittany): What deal? 

Jesse: We gotta do this again sometime. 

Daria: Maybe next year we can win a trip to "Rome space camp" 

Jane: Well I'm going to blast off to sleepy land. 

Daria: I think I'll get on that shuttle with you. 

(Cut to showing all four of them. Jane and Daria are asleep. Cut to 
Jesse and Trent only) 

Jesse: Have fun this weekend? 

Trent: Yeah. 

Jesse: You and Daria spent a lot of time together. 

Trent: Yeah, we did. (He smiles quickly. Returns to deadpan) 

Jesse (sees the smile) You like her. 

Trent: What? 

Jesse: You like Daria. 

(Trent smiles) 

Jesse: You gonna tell her? 

Trent: Not yet. I have to make sure she likes me back. I don't want to 
lose her friendship. 

Jesse (returning to his regular not caring self): Cool. I'm going to 
sleep. 

Trent: Yeah. Me too. 

THE END