Dinner at Eight By Beth "Hello?" "Hello," a sleazy voice purred. Trent just rolled his eyes. "This is Charles, and I was wondering if Jane--" Trent sighed and cut him off. "Look, if you don't stop this, I'm gonna call the cops, okay?" "But--" he hung up and went to find his sister. In her room, Jane was trying her hand at her own version of Sumi-e painting. Daria was sitting on the bed revising a satire she had written about her family. "Heey, Daria." said Trent. She blushed and said "Hi" very quietly. "That 'Upchuck' kid called again" he continued. "Next time, I'll go beat him up." "Thanks, Trent" said Jane. "Maybe I could do a photo essay on it." "And sell it to 'Sick, Sad, World' " Daria commented without thinking. "America's biggest pervert finally gets what's coming to him. I've got a book on medeval torture you could use." She blushed again as the two of them laughed. Trent went to his room for a nap and Daria sighed. "What's the matter, Daria?" Jane said with a grin. "You wanted to talk to Upchuck? Or maybe...Trent!" she started painting an asian style dragon sleeping in a bamboo grove. It vaugely looked like Trent. Daria ignored Jane's teasing and watched her add an almost impreceptable scaly goatee to the dragon. "What time is it?" "Almost seven. Why?" "Crap. I've got to get home and start dinner." Jane turned and stared. "I didn't know you cook." she said with a raised eyebrow. "Mom's never home early enough, and besides that, she only knows how to make one thing: Lasagna." "What about your dad?" she asked, painting a phoenix bird staring at the lethargic beast. She had obviously been using Daria as a model. It had the same expression she used when watching Trent, and looked... interested. "He always assumes that mom will do it. And Quinn still believes that faires prepare all her meals in the night while she's asleep." "Where'd she get the idea that Joey, Jeffy, and What's-his-name can cook?" Jane asked innocently. "Please don't put that image in my head." said Daria, dumping all of her papers in her bag. Jane smiled and added a self-carachature in a tiny sparrow looking on the scene with amusement. Daria thought it looked like it was up to something. "Well, I gotta go. Would you two like to come eat with me?" she asked. "I don't think that anyone's home to bug us." "Sure" said Jane. At her house, Daria started a pot of boulliabase, and settled down to talk to her friends. Everything was fine until Helen waltzed in at the ungodly(for her) hour of seven forty-five. "Oh, hello kids!" she said with a lunatic grin on her face. "Eric had a nervous breakdown right there in the office, so in the confusion I managed to slip out a little early!' "Um, Mom, this is Trent; he's Jane's brother." Helen was too euphoric to notice his earrings or tattoos. "Hello, so nice to meet you! Won't you two stay for dinner? I know, " she said, going into the kitchen. "I'll make lasagna!' Daria inadvertantly cringed at the word lasagna. "Oh, damn." she said cheerfully. "Your father's started some soup. Oh well. Where is your father anyway." "In the back, asleep." But Helen was already triapsing around the house, looking for something to do. "I haven't seen her like this since her boss got into a car accident, four years ago. " said Daria. Later, Quinn burst through the door in a fit of rage. "THAT STUPID JERK!!!!" she screamed, stamping her foot. "Oh, honey what is it?" said Helen, coming to the rescue. "HE CANCELLED OUR DATE JUST BECAUSE HIS STUPID GRANDMOTHER DIED!!!!! " she shrieked. "He killed his own grandmother just to get out of a date with you?" asked Daria evenly. Trent and Jane had to turn away to keep from laughing. "Daria, " Helen said warningly. "I'd kill her just to avoid being asked. " whispered Trent. "I'd prefer it if you just killed Quinn; and believe me, you're going to get asked." Daria whispered back. While Quinn was screaming, Jake came in, surveyed the situation, and with his typical heroics sank to his knees sobbing. "GRANDMA DIED?" he wailed, and started whimpering "gramma, gramma" "NO, Jake," said Helen, who's good mood was fading fast. " 'Grandma' is still with us." with an added "unfortunately" under her breath. Daria put her head in her hands and moaned. At dinner, things had pretty much settled down. Quinn had convientiently wedged herself between Trent and Daria. The only one who could tell how much Daria wanted to kill her sister was Jane, who thought the whole thing was a scream. "So, I hear you have a band, uh..." she searched for the name. --Oh no, thought Daria. She's getting warmed up to flirt.-- She was still trying to remember the name, so Jane finally mouthed something across the table. "Corey. " she squeaked. "What's it called?" Trent wasn't impressed. Both Quinn and Daria shot Jane a look of gratitude. Daria sat back and waited for her sister to crash and burn on her own. "Well, " Quinn finally said after a period of silence. "Do you have a girlfriend, Corey?" Trent looked for a way out. Finally he said, "Yeah. Her name's Angela." Daria felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. She knew he wasn't lying, because she had heard him mention "Angela" a few times before. She had no idea that she was his girlfriend. "Well, Jakey, that was excellent boulliabase." said Helen. "I didn't cook it" said Jake. "Actually, Daria made it. " said Trent. "It was really good, Daria." he said, and smiled at her. Daria walked them home. Trent dropped back, and when she was sure he couldn't hear, she sighed. "What's the matter, Daria?" asked Jane. "You've been sighing all night. It's about Angela, isn't it?" "No, it's just--" "Daria, what makes you think that it's so impossible between you two? All you have to do is ask him." "It's not that simple." "Oh, bullshit. Do you think that the only guys attracted to you are necropheliacs, or sheltered geeks that you have to lie to yourself to convince your brain that you like back? Give yourself some credit." They neared her house. "You're my best friend, and I know that your'e better than that. By the way," she said as she went inside. "Angela is Trent's guitar's name. We name everything." Daria stood there numbly until Trent caught up. "Heey, Daria. Thanks for dinner. It was really good" he smiled and went inside. "My pleasure," shes murmured and turned back towards her house. THE END