"Day" A One-Act Play By Delenore (Delenore@aol.com) **Please, do not copy this without my permission. My art is special to me...** (Curtain opens. The scene takes place in an average school computer lab. Daria walks in through doorway, Stage Right. She plops her backpack down beside a computer, Center Stage, and sits down. She slouches and puts her head in her hands.) Daria: What a day. (Rubs eyes, then looks at watch) Where the hell is Jane? (Shakes her head, then slouches again.) _One day_ to do an essay of my choice. (stares at the screen for a moment) What to write... (Brittany enters though doorway. She is carrying pom-pons. Brittany looks at Daria and smiles.) Brittany: Oh, Daria, I'm so glad you're here! (Bounces over and sits in seat next to Daria.) Daria: (Looks at Brittany, taken aback.) Um, why is that, Brittany? Brittany: I need your advice. Daria: (Incrediculous) You? Why? Brittany: Well, um, you see... Kevin's being a jerk again, and he says stupid things and... stuff, you know? Daria: (Interest is gone) No- Brittany: And, um, sometimes I wonder if I should stay with him, you know? (Daria begins typing on computer.) But we've been going out for so long now, like since freshman year, and I wouldn't want to mess that up, you know? Daria: (Pushes up glasses) No- Brittany: (Brittany gets more hyper and more worked up as her lines progress) But then sometimes he says something, like how he liked going to see _Titanic_ with me on Saturday and making out with me in the back of the theater, but we didn't go to see _Titanic_ on Saturday, because I had cheerleading practice, and then I asked him if he went to go see _Titanic_ and make out with some other girl on Saturday, but he said no, but then he gave me my necklace back, except for it wasn't my necklace, it was someone else's! Daria: (stops typing and gives Brittany time to finish) ... and? Brittany: (stares blankly at Daria) Any advice? Daria: (sighs) Well, seeing as I have never dated the quarterback of the football team - or anyone, for that matter - I've never seen _Titanic_, made out in a movie, or ever been in competition with another girl, I really can't help- Brittany: OK, thanks, bye! Daria: Huh? Brittany: I've gotta go! (picks up pom-pons) Cheerleading practice. Daria: What about Kevin? Brittany: (confused) What about him? (exits) (Daria sighs, rubs her head for a second, then returns to typing. Charles walks in.) Charles: Hello, beautiful!! Daria: (Mumbles) Hi, Charles. Charles: (Crosses to where Daria sits and stands right behind her) What is that that I see you typing with those slender fingers of yours? Daria: It's my essay on how sports organizations contribute to the stupidity of jocks and cheerleaders. Charles: Rrrowwl, feisty! Daria: (Stops typing) Do you need something, Charles? Charles: Me? Other than the company of a gorgeous woman at this weekend's dance, no. But I think I can offer you something! Daria: (Continues typing) What do you have that could possibly interest me? Charles: Oh, nothing really... just a free class period that I could type that arduous assignment up for you in! I wouldn't want you to worry your pretty little head any more than it has to! Daria: And why would you do that for me? Charles: Well, let's just say that I have use of my father's red Saturn, my mother's platinum credit card, the school event of a lifetime... and an empty space in the passenger seat. Daria: You need a date. Big surprise. Charles: Think of it, Daria! Who could resist an enchanting evening, dining at an exquisite restaurant, dancing the night away, all with yours truly? Daria: Uh, me? Charles: It's an even trade! I finish your assignment- Daria: You mean butcher it. (Moves mouse, clicks it. The printer next to her jumps into action.) Charles: -And you accompany me to the night of your dreams! Daria: The night of my dreams is when those nice men in white come to my room, give me a nice new jacket, and take me away in a padded van. Charles: Huh? Daria: (Sighs) Go away, Charles. Charles: (Starts to walk away, stops before he reaches the door.) My offer still lasts, my sweet. (exits) Daria: (To the deserted doorway) Unfortunately, I don't think my stomach will. (Picks up printed essay, looks at it, then crumples it up and tosses it at the recycle bin. It lands short of the basket.) So much for launching my basketball career. (Begins typing again. Quinn pokes her head in. She is carrying a backpack purse.) Quinn: Daria? Daria: (Sighs) Hey, Quinn. Quinn: What are you writing? Daria: It's my essay on why circumcision is a good idea. Quinn: (Makes a face) Eeeew! A Sex Ed assignment! Daria: Not exactly... Quinn: (Dismissive) Yeah, OK, whatever. (Pulls out a compact mirror from her purse and starts messing with her hair.) Hey, since you're typing already... Daria: (Rolls eyes, stops typing) What? Quinn: (Pleading) You wouldn't mind typing up an assignment for me, would you? Daria: That depends. Lemme see your draft. Quinn: (Begins to fidget.) Well... I don't have a draft, exactly. Daria: So, you want me to... write it for you? Quinn: (Brightly) Yeah! Daria: Um, no. (Starts typing again.) Quinn: (Desperat.) _Please_, Daria! This is an important assignment! I need it to pass!! Daria: (Monotone) What class is this for? Quinn: Ethics. Anyway, I'll pay you. Daria: (With disgust) You'll pay me? Quinn: Ten bucks? Daria: That's pretty low. Quinn: Alright, alright, fifteen. Daria: (Angry) No, I mean that's pretty low to _pay_ someone to write an _ethics_ paper for you. Quinn: (Frusterated) OK, fine, be difficult. But it's on your conscience if I fail! (turns and walks out) Daria: (Watches as she leaves, and says, sarcastically) She should've bribed me sooner. (Looks at computer, frowning, then lifts a finger and holds down a key.) DE-lete! (She begins typing again. Jane walks in, carrying backpack.) Jane: Hey, Daria. Daria: (Gloomy) Hey, Jane. Jane: What's that? Daria: (Sighs) It's my essay on why Y2K may prove helpful to our capitalist society. Jane: That's what I like about you. Always looking on the bright side. Daria: Yeah, thanks. Jane: Hey, are you busy after school today? Daria: Maybe, I don't know. It depends if I get this essay done. (Sighs, tired.) Why? Jane: I thought maybe we could get some pizza or something. Daria: (Surprised) OK, sure. Jane: (Picks up backpack) Great, I'll see ya later then! Daria: Sure. (Watches Jane leave. Daria focuses her attention back to her computer screen, sighs, and grins a little. She grabs the mouse and moves it while she says commands out loud.) File... new. (Starts typing) "The Importance of a Strong Friendship." End.