DARIA COAST TO COAST
BY
Patrick Moore
CMoore1703@aol.com



Daria, Jane, Brittany, Trent, and Mystic Spiral are owned by MTV. 
Used without permission.

Hanna Barbara owns space Ghost, Zorak, Moltar, Brak, and Blip.  Space Ghost 
created by Alex Toth.  Used without permission.

Cartoon Network owned by Time Warner.

Apologies to all.



(Begin Transmission…)

(As the show begins, Space Ghost looks for Zorak and Moltar.)

Space Ghost- Zorak…Moltar.  Where are those two?  I can’t get the show started 
without a director and a musician.  
Where am I going to find some in five minutes?  (Just then Brittany and Mystic 
Spiral comes in.)

Brittany- Hi, Mr. Ghost!

Space Ghost- You can call me Space Ghost.  Who are you?

Brittany- I’m Brittany from “Daria.”  You’re going to interview Daria and Jane.

Space Ghost- Say, Brittany, can you direct?

(Theme opening and Space Ghost teleports on stage.)

Space Ghost- Greetings, I’m Space Ghost.  Joining me is two of the stars 
of the hit cartoon “Daria.”  Mystic Spiral, play me to the desk.

(Mystic Spiral plays music, while Space Ghost teleports to his desk.)

Space Ghost- Now please welcome, Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane.

(Daria and Jane walk on stage and take their seats.)

Space Ghost- What are you doing here?  You’re surpose to be in the TV.

Daria- We’re cartoons.

Jane- just likes you.

Daria- We’re not live action, like Tom Cruise.

Space Ghost- All right, you can stay.

Brittany- Look at me!  I’m the director.

Daria- Brittany, what are you doing here?

Brittany- Moltar isn’t here.  So I’m taking over his job

Jane- Do you know to work those buttons in there?

Brittany- I’ve seen the show.  What can go wrong? 

Daria- A whole lot.

Space Ghost- Can we get this show started, girls?

Jane- When your good and ready, SG.

Space Ghost- What superpowers do you have?

Daria- We’re just two ordinary girls who go to school and have fun.

Space Ghost- Any powers at all?

Jane- Nope!

Space Ghost- You’re no fun at all.

Daria- We’re not the Power Rangers, Space Ghost.  Just ordinary girls.

(Space Ghost hears the ringing of his videophone and answers)

Space Ghost- Hello!

Brak- Space Ghost…message…Zorak…Moltar…villain…Blip…

Space Ghost- Brak, I can’t hear what you’re saying.  (Signal goes off.)  
I lost the signal.

Brittany- Maybe, I can try and get the signal back on, Space Ghost.  (Brittany 
presses a button, only to get on the screen an episode 
of “Birdman.”)

Space Ghost- (Screams) Turn it off!  Turn it off!  (Brittany turns off “Birdman.”)

Daria- My Dad used to watch him, when he was a kid.

Jane- Who, Space Ghost?

Daria- No, Birdman.

Jane- I thought it was Batman.

Space Ghost- Batman’s a jerk.  What does he have that I don’t?

Daria- Comic books, cereal, tee-shirts, socks, puzzles, his own TV series…

(Interrupt Transmission)

(Resume Transmission)

Jane- Welcome back to “Jane and Daria Coast to Coast.”

Daria- Daria and Jane.

Jane- Space Ghost had to go the little ghost room for a minute.

Daria- Lets hear some music from Mystic Spiral.

Jane- That’s M-Y-S-T-I-K Spiral.

(The band plays “It Smells Like Cartoon Planet.”)

Daria- That was Mystik Spiral, ladies and gentlemen.

Jane- Now what do we do?

Daria- We can show clips form our show.

Jane- They wouldn’t allow it.

Daria- Lets hear another song from Mystik Spiral.

(The band plays “Highway 40.”)

Daria- Why is the band playing songs from “Cartoon Planet?”

Jane- Space Ghost doesn’t like their songs.

(Space Ghost returns.)

Space Ghost- Welcome back.

Daria- We did that already.

Space Ghost- Oh.  Want to hear me sing?

Daria and Jane- NO!

Space Ghost- Daria, you were on this show called “Beavis and Butt-Head.”  
How did it change your life?

Daria- I taught me that giving a show to two idiots could cause trouble and 
high ratings.

Jane- It worked for Forest Gump.

Daria- He was different.

Space Ghost- Well, that’s all the time we have today.  This is Space Ghost signing off.

Moltar- Think again, Space Dope.

Space Ghost- Metalice?


Moltar- No, you idiot! Its Moltar.

Space Ghost- Where’s Brittany?

Zorak- She’s a little tied up. (Laughs)

Space Ghost- Where have you two been?

Moltar- Didn’t Brak tell you?

Space Ghost- My videophone was on the blink.

Zorak- We were at the Supervillians Convention.  Didn’t Blip give you the note?

Jane- It looks like we better get out of here.

Daria- Maybe the Pizza Palace is still open.  

(Daria and Jane leave.)

Space Ghost- Prepare to fry, mantis.

Zorak- Can we talk this thing over?  It was the monkey’s fault.

Space Ghost- It is Blip’s fault.  I’ll ground him for a week…then zap him.

(Credits roll as the Daria theme song is playing.)

(We stop to see Daria, Jane, and Mystik Spiral at the Pizza Palace.)

Jane- You played great, Trent.

Trent- Thanks.

Daria- I have this feeling that we forgot someone.

(Scene changes to Brittany bound and gagged in a closet.)

Brittany (Muffling) Jane…Daria…Anybody…  This place smells like moldy cheeses.

THE END.