Corporal Punishment by Renny Scene One - Quinn walks in the front door and into the living room where Helen is sitting on the couch. Helen: Quinn! Where in the hell have you been! It's 12 on a school night. Quinn: Uh, I was out with Jesse, uh, I mean Jamie. Anyway, his dad's benz got a flat and we had to walk home. Helen: You expect me to believe that? Why didn't you call for help? Quinn: Well, if I had one of those Motorola flip phones, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Helen: Don't start asking for things now. You are on punishment. You can't go out on any dates for the rest of the week. Quinn: But moooooooooooooom! Helen: I don't want to hear any of your whining. While your father is at his stress management seminar, I make all of the decisions. Quinn: I thought you already did. Helen: I said I don't want to hear it. Go to your room. Quinn: Like, I was going there before you stopped me. Scene Two - Quinn walks into Daria's room and Daria is sittting on her bed watching Sick Sad World. TV: Monica Lewinsky gets a sex change when Sick Sad World returns. Quinn: Your room gets weirder every time I come in. Daria: If you never came in, you wouldn't have that problem. Quinn: Whatever. Anyway, I can't wait for dad to get back. Things just aren't the same without him. Daria: I know, there better. Quinn: No there not! Dad would never put me on punishment. Not after that experimental trial thing. Daria: Mom put you on punishment? It must be a slow week at the office. Quinn: I can't go on any dates for the rest of the week! What am I supposed to do at home? Daria: We could exchange opinions on world domination and the moral issues behind it. We'll make a bonding experience out of it. Quinn: Like, why would would I want to bond with you? Scene Three - Quinn's room a day later. Quinn: Hello? Oh, hi Jesse, I mean, uh, Jamie. No, I can't go out tonight. Can you believe I'm on punishment? My mom is having a slow week at the office. I know. Plan to be here for 7. Maybe something might come up by then. If not, wait for me until something does. Daria: Did I just hear you planning to defy mom's strict rules? I am astonished. Quinn: I hope mom is busy tonight. I hate these slow weeks. Daria: Your in luck. One of her clients skipped out on bail and she has to get her assistant to track him down without alerting local law enforcement. Quinn: Perfect! Now I can meet Jesse, I mean, uh, Jamie tonight. Daria: Not before we discuss the topic of donations. My world domination fund is running a little dry. Quinn: I'll give you $20. Daria: $50. Quinn: $35. Daria: Sold. Now I can make a downpayment on that used Russian spy satellite. Scene Four - Helen walks in to the kitchen and Daria is sitting at the table. Daria: Mom? What are you doing home so early? Helen: Daria, what a night I have had. My client was hiding in a secluded cabin in the woods and my assistant had to drive all the way out there. Can you believe he has been living off of home grown turnips and rainwater? Daria: Don't you have to turn in him to the local poice? Helen: Of course not. Client/attorney privelage. Did you order anything? I have not eaten since this morning. Daria: No. I'm just having some left over lasagna. Helen: Where's Quinn? Did she eat yet? Daria: Uh, she she had an emergency fashion club meeting at Sandy's. I think canvas shoes are coming back. Helen: Well, I did tell her she couldn't go out on any dates. I guess a club meeting is okay. Daria: Yeah, anyway, it might be a while. They are starting a petition to get the new editor of Waif fired. Helen: It's so good that she has such an important role in the club. Why don't you get involved in something like that, Daria? Daria: Have I told you about my plans for global takeover? Helen: Well, look at the time. I must get started on these notes. I'll be in the living room if you nee me. Scene Five - Quinn walks through the front door and into the living room. Quinn: Mom! What are you doing home so early? Helen: Quinn, how did the petition go? did you get results? Do you need any help? You know its been a slow week for me. Quinn: No, uh, the puppy killer turned himself in. Helen: What? I thought you were at an emergency meeting to stop Waif from bring back canvas shoes. Quinn: Of course, I mean, we decided that canvas soes wouldn't be so bad if you hook them up right. So we focused all of our attention on serial puppy killers. Helen: Oh, all right. Are you sure you don't need any help? Quinn: Yeah. I'm going to my room now. Helen: There's the doorbell. I'll ge it. Jamie: Uh, hi Mrs. Morgendorfer. Can you give this to Quinn? Quinn: Jesse, I mean, uh, Jamie! What are you doing here? Jamie: I found your jacket in my back seat. Helen: What! Quinn! Why was yuour jacket in his back seat? Quinn: Uh, Jesse, I mean, uh, Jamie, I'll see you in school tomorrow. Jamie: Okay. Bye Quinn. Bye Mrs. Morgendorfer. Helen: Quinn, where in the hell did you go! Quinn: I told you. I went over to Sandy's. Helen: Quinn, I didn't become a lawyer for this. Now tell me where you were and why your jacket was in his back seat. Quinn: Jesse, I mean, uh, Jamie gave me a ride to . . . OOOUUUUCCCCHHHH! Helen: How dare you lie to my face! Go to your room now! Scene Six - Quinn comes running into Daria's room and she is crying. Daria: What happened to you? Quinn: Mom hit me. It came out of no where and I fell back like a bullet hit me. Daria: So mom does believe in corporal punishment. Some might say you deserve it, but since I helped to cover for you, I will not intervene any further because I'm already in trouble. Unless you plan to make any further donations to my world domination fund, which I have secretly named THE NATURAL ORDER. Quinn: It's just like you to pretend you are not part of this family. Daria: No. It's just like you to pretend I'm not part of this family. Scene Seven - Quinn's room the next morining. Quinn: Daria! Look at this bruise. What am I supposed to tell everyone? Daria: You could tell everyone you tried to save a cute puppy from a serial killer and got hurt in the process. Or you could just tell the truth. Quinn: The truth? What has gotten into you? I don't want anyone to know mom hit me. I's sooooooo embarassing. Daria: Fine with me. Live in denial. Scene Eight - Mr. O'neil's class. Sandy: Like, Quinn, what happened to your face? Quinn: It's just an allergic reaction to Clinique. Mr. O'Neil: Quinn, are you alright? Quinn: Yes. Now stop staring at me. Ahhhhhh! Now your all staring at me! Scene Nine - Quinn runs out of the classroom and into the restroom. Jane is hiding in one of the stalls and hears her crying. Jane: Crying toilet, reveal yourself. Quinn: It's me. Can I stay over your house tonight? Jane: I think you have thought of a way to inspire Trent to move out. We'll get into the details later. For now, why are you crying and why isn't your circle of superiors with you? Quinn: It's nothing. Okay, I'll tell you. But only because no one will believe you if you say anything. My mom hit me because I missed curfew and tried to lie about it. I don't want anyone to know and Daria isn't helping at all. Jane: Plot thickens at the Morgendorfer's. Should I bring popcorn? Quinn: Why are you in here anyway? You don't have anything to hide from. Jane: I wouldn't be to sure. One of my sister Summer's kids is in my economics class. She might recognize me. Scene Ten - Quinn's room after school. Quinn: Why are you in here? Helen: We need to talk. Quinn: Don't you mean scrap? Daria: Just to let you know, I have programmed social services and your law firm's rival firm into the speed dial. Helen: Daria, could you give us some privacy. Daria: Okay, but I'm warning you. I have the phone in my hand and I'm not afriad to use it. Helen: I'm serious Daria. Scene Eleven - Daria and Jane are in the pizza place. Jane: So, how is everything at home? The talking tiolet told me all about it. Daria: I knew everything would be okay when I saw Quinn and my mom in a rare show of emotion. Too bad I didn't have a camera with me. It would have been the perfect diversion for my world domination scheme, although I am thinking about submitting a script for Celebrity Death Match. Ally McBeal as my mom vs. Marsha Brady as Quinn. THE END.