Title: CAT FIGHTS Author: ACLI Round 1 DING!: Lane Basement: September 1 (Daria stands at the top of the basement stairs looking down at Trent, Jane, and an unfamiliar looking blond waif. She peers suspiciously at the three. Jane glances up and sees Daria.) -Jane: Daria! (She runs up the stairs and gives Daria a big snuggly-huggly. Daria's hands stay limply at her sides.) -Daria: Where the hell'd she pick up this habit?* (Over Jane's shoulder, Daria sees the waif playing with Trent's hair. She scowls.) -Jane: Ohmigosh! (Grabs her arm and pulls her down the stairs.) Daria, this is D'Arcy. D'Arcy, Daria, Daria, D'Arcy. (giggles) -Daria: Hi -D'Arcy: (Grabs Daria's limp hand.) Hi! I'm D'Arcy. How are you? I just moved here over the summer. I hope I don't have too much trouble fitting in! -Daria: (Watching her hand that is still being shook.) Oh believe me. You'll do fine. -D'Arcy: (Stops shaking Daria's hand.) I don't know what I would have done without Jane and Trent this summer! They tell me you went on a family trip with your parents and sister for the summer, how was it, I've always wished I had a sister, I bet its like having a best friend live with you. But anyway I would have died with boredom without them. -Daria: So you and Trent spent a lot of- -(New York accent from above): I thought I kept you pretty entertained. -D'Arcy: Robbie, you're back! (A figure descends the stairs**) -Robbie: D'Ahcy, I left ten minutes ago. -D'Arcy: So you didn't miss me? (pouts) (Daria zones out in disgust for a couple of minutes) (During her zone)Robbie: Well, you're mother was there so I- -D'Arcy: Why do you have to keep mentioning that? -Jane: What? -D'Arcy: He used to have a crush on my mother! -Robbie: (Jokingly) Used to nothing. (D'Arcy glares at him) -Jane: That's disgusting! -Trent: Actually, I've seen her mother, and- (Jane glares at him, disgusted) -D'Arcy: Show them your arm! -Robbie: (Notably sheepish/embarrassed) No. -D'Arcy: Show them!! (Robbie shakes his head no and D'Arcy kicks him to the ground.) -Robbie: I like this. I remember last time after you did that we- (He shuts up after receiving an evil look from D'Arcy. Daria tunes in to see D'Arcy sitting on Robbie's chest.) -D'Arcy: Take it off and show them!! (Daria gasps, unsure of what D'Arcy wants him to show, and Robbie looks over. As he turns his head his hat falls off revealing a bald tattooed head. Daria stares.) -Robbie: (Sticks out his pierced tongue) Hey, I'd shake your hand, but I'm a little detained. -Daria: Can't speak, must speak. Hey. -D'Arcy: Show them your arm! -Robbie: I can't, D'Ahcy. You're sittin on it. -D'Arcy: I don't care, show 'em anyway! -Robbie: D'Ahcy, start thinkin and get offa me!!! -D'Arcy: (Sarcastically) I never thought I'd here you say that. -Robbie: (Shocked) Me neither (Regains original attitude of aggressiveness) Now get offa me! (D'Arcy obliges and rips Robbie's shirt off at the same time.) -Robbie: (Triumphantly) Serves you right! That was your shirt. -D'Arcy: No it wasn't. -Robbie: (Dejectedly) I know, but wouldn't it have been ironic if it was? -Jane: You have a tattoo? (A closer look reveals a medium tattoo of the name Julianna.) -Daria: (A little overwhelmed by the people the Lanes met while she was away.) I better leave, I have to…bye. (Trent and Jane are too busy talking and laughing to notice her leave.) Round 2 DING!: In Front of the school: September 2 (A large group of students are standing around buzzing with chatter. Daria is standing alone when Jane runs up to her.) -Jane: Ohmigosh! Daria! You will not be-(SMACK!) (Jane looks stunned for a second. Daria drops her hand shocked that she has just smacked her best and only friend.) -Jane: (Thinks for a minute.) Have I been acting like that since you've been back? -Daria: (Cautiously) Yes. -Jane: Sorry. I guess D'Arcy's been rubbing off on me. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, Mr. O'Neil had a nervous breakdown over the summer. We have a new English teacher! -Daria: Great. I'm sure he will enlighten us all. -Jane: Oh, Daria (Daria's hand raises to smack her again) Sorry! Sorry! -Voice: Jane! Daria! Ohmigosh! I'm sooo glad I found you guys. (Daria looks up to see D'Arcy in a knee length black skirt with a slit way up to there, a strappy black tank-top, a silver necklace, and also chunky platform Mary Janes. Daria looks down at her own usual outfit.) -Jane: Hi D'Arcy. -Daria: Where's Robbie? -D'Arcy: (Gives her a brief evil look as if to say 'Why do you wanna know? He's mine!' She quickly regains her usual sunny disposition.) He was right behind me (giggles). I swear, he couldn't find his way out of a paper bag. -(OS)Robbie: Keep talkin', I'm followin' the sound a' your voice. (D'Arcy glances around to see Robbie with his back to her.) -D'Arcy: Turn around. (He does so, putting his arm around D'Arcy, raising one eyebrow and snapping*** his fingers at Jane and Daria.) -Robbie: Hola, chicas! (He winks at them) -D'Arcy: (elbows him) Do you have to flirt with everyone. -Robbie: You know it. (D'Arcy rolls her eyes and the bell rings.) Round 3 DING!: Homeroom (Daria and Jane sit next to each other in the back.) -Jane: The new English teacher covers this homeroom. It's something King. Mr. or Mrs.-I'm not sure. (A Good looking guy walks in. He's a spiky haired young looking student.) -Jane: Damn. (Both their mouths are open.) -Football Jock: (Haughtily) This is a sophomore homeroom kid, scram. (The kid's shoulders slump as he mutters some four-letter words under his breath. He approaches the big guy. The door bursts open. D'Arcy is there, wearing a black suit jacket over her ensemble. (She probably got called down to the principles and was told to cover up a little.) All the guys including the kid stare.) -D'Arcy: (Fiercely) Stop picking on him and sit down! -Jock: Yes ma'am. (Sits and all talking stops.) Are you the teacher? -Bimbo Girl: Yeah, are you Miss King? -D'Arcy: (Confused) No. Why? Are you? -Bimbo: (Even more confused) No, I do think so. -Kid: (Slams his fist onto the teacher's desk.) I'm Miss King! I, mean MR. King! Actually, it's Jon. -Bimbo: That's great kid, now sit down and shut up! We're trying to figure out who the teacher is. -D'Arcy: (Mockingly) He is the teacher. -Jon: Thank you. Are you sure you're supposed to be here? This is a sophomore homeroom. -D'Arcy: I'm actually a senior, but I registered too late, so they shoved me in here. (Jon says a silent thank you to the god of schedule making.) -D'Arcy: (Looks at Jon with big Doe eyes.) I'm sorry I was late to class, Mr. King. -Daria: (Mutters) Slut. -Jane: She is not a slut. -Daria: You saw what she was wearing. Now she's flirting with the teacher. What do you call her? -Jane: A friendly person. -Daria: (Sarcastically) Like Quinn? Just face it she's a slut and a bitch. -Jane: If anyone's being a bitch, it's you. (Jane's fist is flying towards Daria's horrified face. ) -Jon: What the hell do you think you're doing?! (Jane stops a split second before her fist makes contact with Daria's face.) -Jane: (Puts her hand down.) Sorry. (To Jon, not Daria.) -Jon: (Sighs) Fine. (Mutters) jeez sophomores. (D'Arcy hears him and gives him a sympathetic look he smiles at her and Daria can be seen in the back glaring at D'Arcy.) *Thoughts **For full description see Character ***Snaps and then puts thumb up and points index finger to look like a gun CAST LIST FOR CATFIGHTS In addition to the regular "Daria" characters, many of the primaries in this story are our original characters and should be explained. That is what this cast list is for. -D'Arcy Carrington: 18 year old high school senior, prettier version of Kate Moss but blonder, filthy, stinking rich, but not at all stuck up, Daria's rival for Jon's affection and Jane's friendship -Jon King: skater-boyish looking but not acting 21 year old English teaching genius/hottie, spikey bleached blond hair (normal at school), tongue ring (not at school), teaches 10th and 12th grade does end up dating a student, Daria? Or D'Arcy? "Dirt poor white trash" -Robbie White: where do we begin? This may sound not hot to some, but with this guy, it works, hot he is hot, very very hot, think of the best looking guy you know…way hotter, no hair, tatooed head, base-ball cap wearing, blue-blue-blue eyed…hottie with a tongue ring (sorry a slight obbsession of ours), words do not do him justice, everyone loves him, with a couple of extreme exeptions, strong New York accent, born and raised in Seattle, his mothers eccentric friend and everyone else who could pull it off spoke with a New York accent around him while learning how to speak, 16 years old and also rich -The Carringtons: Father: Nathan- a drug dealer but a nice, cool one who strongly resembels Jon in an "I'm 20 years older than him" kind of way Mother: Julianna- a high school teacher brown hair and hazel eyes strikingly beautiful and young looking, often mistaken for 20 when actually well that's none of your damn business. Brothers: Twins: Brendan and Jeff 20 year old louses, Johnnycake a 16 year old friend of Robbie's, and Trent a 9 year old cutie. All the brothers blend into the woodwork. -The White's: Father: Robbie- a middle school principal, commonly refered to as…well any number of four letter words, think Little Robbie only better looking, with hair and 10 time the jerk that Little Robbie is Mother: Gillian- a middle school teacher, brown hair, brown eyes, strikingly beautiful & young looking, often mistaken for 20 when actually…well that's none of your damn business. Brothers: Twins: Dave and Roger 20 year old louses, they blend into the woodwork Sisters: Liz an adopted 15 year old who looks remarkably similar to Gillian, despite the adoption, Ellen and Jasimin a 6 and 5 year old adorable, yet annoying at times. NOTE: THE CARRINGTONS AND THE WHITE'S ALL LIVE IN ONE DOUBLE FAMILY HOUSE.