"Candy Girls": A Daria/Jawbreaker Crossover. Summary: when Quinn is killed in a birthday prank, the Fashion Club must take the blame off themselves. But when Daria discovers their folly, how do they keep her quiet? Author: wierdgrrl [Music: Jawbreaker theme music] (Opening scene. The Fashion Club is seen walking down the halls of Lawndale High in profile, then turn a corner and begin walking toward the camera as a voice over starts [in Daria's voice]. Sandi is wearing a tight, strapless green dress. Tiffany is wearing a red one of the same design, Stacy is wearing her usual skirt and blue tee shirt, and Quinn has her hair pulled back in a chignon, wearing a pink sleeveless dress.) DARIA: Well, first I guess you need to know about them. You know, the beautiful ones. They went to your school too. The one in the green, that's Sandi Griffin, she was like Satan in Heels. The one to her left is Tiffany Blum-Deckler, known to herself as Foxy. A legend in her own little mind. The leggy one with the pigtails is Stacy Rowe, doomed to be popular because of that face- and because she was best friends with the one in pink. That's Quinn Morgandorffer. (Scene changes to Quinn's room. The camera drifts over pictures of the FC having fun and finally rests on a sleeping Quinn, wearing a white tanktop and underwear.) DARIA: Everybody loved Quinn. Where Sandi ruled with terror, Quinn ruled with kindness, and that pissed Sandi off. Sure, Quinn was pretty, but... she was sweet. I used to daydream about what it must be like to be her... Quinn Morgandorffer. It's a shame what happened to Quinn... (Suddenly three black-cloaked figures swoop down on Quinn and tie her up. A black-gloved hand slides a jawbreaker into her throat and duct tapes over it as Quinn screams. The three quickly carry her out.) (Cut to see the three whip off their masks in a car, revealing them to be the FC. They are laughing.) [Music: Letters To Cleo's "I See"] TIFFANY: Oh my god she's going to die! SANDI: I wish I had friends that would do this on my birthday. STACY: What?! You'd have us killed! SANDI: Only maimed, my dear. Now, what we're gonna do is stuff her pretty face with pancakes and then tie her to the flagpole at school in her undies. She'll flip for sure! (The three pull into the IHOP, and jump out.) SANDI: Okay Tiff, you take the picture. ALRIGHT BIRTHDAY GIRL, ONE is for witch, TWO is for bitch, POP IT TIFFANY!! (They pop the trunk and stare with shocked looks. Quinn is dead and pale, her eyes open in a silent, anguished look. Sandi rips off the tape.) STACY: What's that in her throat? SANDI: I put a jawbreaker in her mouth so she wouldn't scream, and I think we killed her! TIFFANY: You gagged her with a jawbreaker?! (The remaining FC members are now seen in the car, driving to school. Stacy and Tiffany are crying.) STACY: We've got to call the police! SANDI: Oh no we don't. This gets out and we're screwed. STACY: Our best friend is dead! SANDI: Do you have any idea what that means? TIFFANY: Your a shoo in for prom queen? STACY: That's not funny. SANDI: Here, gimme the phone. (dials a number, and imitates Quinn's mom) Helllloooo? Yes this is Helen Morgandorffer calling because my daughter Quinn will not be in school today. I'm aware she has had alot of absences but I want you to send her work home with her girlfriends, okay? Goodbye. (clicks off.) TIFFANY: That was good. (Sandi glares at her) I'm just saying you're in control! (They pull into the Lawndale High parking lot.) SANDI: Okay, our friend is dead in the trunk of this car. That is a sad, fucked up thing. But we are going to go in there and act like everything is peachy keen. (The FC walks into the bathroom. Sandi is wearing a red tube top with a matching short sleeve cardigan and red capris, Stacy has a blue tube dress, and Tiffany has a green halter top and blue capris.) [Music: Imperial Teen's "Yoo Hoo"] SANDI: All right, bitches, out! Move it, move it!! (Daria walks out of a stall and begins washing her hands, but Sandi pushes her to the door) DARIA: (meekly) Hi Stacy. STACY: um, yeah, hi. (Once she leaves, the FC starts doing makeup. They are right in the middle of it when Ms. Li walks in) LI: What are you up to girls? Having a smoke, a toke, some dope? Get out of the girls room, trouble brews in the girls room. (looks critically at Sandi) Ms Griffin? (begins buttoning Sandi's cardigan) Please cover your bosoms, this is not a brothel. Do it yourself! Be nice, girls!! (Out in the hallway, Sandi leads them all out, looking pissed) SANDI: Peachy fucking keen. STACY: But how do we take the blame off us? TIFFANY: How about, she was watching TV sucking a jawbreaker and choked? Or maybe she was practicing, if you know what I mean, and swallowed! (laughter) SANDI: That's IT!! Rape! (Daria walks into Ms Li's office.) LI: I'm so glad you came Daria. Could you bring your sister's work home? DARIA: Um, ok. (puzzled) [Music: Jawbreaker theme] (Montage of Daria walking home and the FC trying to get there first. We see the three drag her body to her room and collapse on the bed.) SANDI: That is NO 105 pounds. (The FC arranges her on the bed. Sandi starts spreading her legs.) TIFF: Panties on or off? SANDI: (thoughtful) Rip 'em. (All of a sudden a voice screams. It's Quinn. The FC members all jump in alarm) QUINN'S VOICE: Aaagh! Stoooooopppp!!! STACY: (holding a birthday card) It's that birthday card we gave her, it must have gone off when-when we (whimpers) KILLED QUINN!!! (Shot of Daria outside door. She is horrified.) SANDI: (pissed) GIMME THAT! (snatches birthday card away from Stacy) STACY: Sorry. SANDI: Look, let's accept this, alright? I killed Quinn. I killed the teen dream. Deal with it. (Daria is outside the door, listening. A scared look crosses her face. And the door opens) SANDI: HEY!! How long were you listening to me, Quinn's cousin?! DARIA: I-I wasn't-homework, I have Quinn's homework-I uh, um... SANDI: You know I can tell if you lie? I have this talent, I can smell a lie- STACY: Leave her alone, Sandi! (Shot of Quinn lying on the bed, dead) DARIA: You-yyyy-ou killed Quinn! (runs) SANDI: CATCH HER! (A chase ensues, and Daria is wrestled to the ground.) SANDI: OK listen up you little geek. I know who you are. You're the loser in the corner at the dance that the geeks won't dance with because they're on the Internet screwing old perverts, thinking they're doing some hot babe. Now I know you will tell on us because you do tell. A RAT. But if you keep it mum's the word, I'll make you one of us. Popular, desired, envied. It can all be yours, so what do you say? DARIA: Yes. ( Montage to David Bowie's "Fashion". We see Daria transformed; hair cut and dyed into a blonde ringleted coif, makeup applied and clothes picked out. She is led in front of a mirror, looking not unlike Jawbreaker's Fern Mayo. She smiles.) (Next day, at lunch. Sandi is wearing purple capris, tank and sweater. Tiffany is wearing a pink floral dress and a white cardigan. Daria is wearing a fuschia strappy dress, her hair and makeup perfect. Daria takes out a brown bag. Sandi leaps over the table and snatches it.) FC: DARIA< NO!!! DARIA: But my mom always says- SANDI: We never, EVER eat at lunch. Understand? I mean, don't get me wrong. We're not anorexic. That's reserved for the Karen Carpenter table. Speaking of which, there's Stacy! (Stacy approaches the table. She is wearing a pink peasant tank, black flares, and a blue pleather jacket with black platform sandals.) SANDI: Look what the kitty dragged in. TIFF: Meow. STACY: You look really nice Daria. DARIA: Thank you. SANDI: Look how far our Stacy's fallen in one day. And you'll fall even harder when the cops get to Quinn's. Because we all saw you do it, remember. STACY: Fucking liar! SANDI: Watch your step Stacy. There are no holes in my alibi. I made cock sure of that last night. STACY: What is that supposed to mean? SANDI: Oh, you'll find out soon enough. (Kevin sits down at their table, accompanied by the 3 J’s. He gazes appreciatively at Daria.) KEVIN: Fresh meat and no introductions? DARIA: Oh, I'm- SANDI: Vylette! Her name is Vylette! KEVIN: Um, if you need someone to show you around, I can do it. Britt won’t find out I promise. JAMIE: By the way, how’s Quinn? JOEY: Shut up, Jamie! SANDI: Kevin, can you stop by tonight? I could do with a little kink. KEVIN: You got it, Sandi. See you, Foxy. (Later in the day, kids are going to the buses. Stacy is nearly run over by Sandi, Tiffany and Daria in their car while waiting for the bus. All of a sudden Ted DeWitt-Clinton pulls up.) TED: Want a ride? STACY: OK, thanks Ted. [Music: The Friggs’ “Bad Word For A Good Thing”] (Ted pulls up to Stacy’s house. She steps out of the car and writes her phone number on an index card and gives it to him. He smiles at her.) (Cut to Sandi’s room, where Kevin is kissing her. She moves her head down and kneels on the floor when the doorbell rings.) SANDI: I better get that. KEVIN: Don’t go. SANDI: Don’t come. (leaves) KEVIN: Nonononono wait!! (sighs in annoyance) (Opens the door to reveal two cops.) COP #2: Are you Sandra Elaine Griffin? SANDI: Maybe. (Cut to Tiffany and her dad eating dinner.) DAD: It is so hard to be both a mother and a father to you. And I was watching Oprah yesterday- TIFF: I guess that’s the mother in you. DAD: And it was called “Is Your Child A Follower?” TIFF: I’d like to leave now. DAD: And yes, Oprah, my child is a follower! TIFF: You are SO lame! DAD: What happened to my little girl scout? Remember the Tiffany concert, oh you loved Tiffany. “o/ I think we’re alone now…o/” (doorbell) TIFF: Oh thank GOD!!! (Cut to Stacy standing by a pool with spotlights on it. Transister’s “Flow” is playing. Someone is swimming under water. The person surfaces and it’s a sort of mirage Quinn, wearing a one shoulder blue bathing suit. She appears to be crying. All of a sudden Stacy’s mother runs out and tells Stacy something, then hugs her, crying. Stacy is looking over her mother’s shoulder at the water. The mirage Quinn is still staring accusingly at Stacy.) (Cut to next day. Stacy is walking down a hall of crumpled and frozen people. Nobody is moving except Stacy, wearing a jean jacket and skirt. Many people are crying. JoeyJeffyJamie are all in a general state of catatonia.) LI: It is with great sorrow that I announce Quinn Morgandorffer was found raped and murdered yesterday at her home in Lawndale… (Ms. Li’s voice fades. We now see Sandi, Tiffany and ‘Vylette’ walking in the halls. Sandi is wearing a blue tube top and skirt, Tiffany another dress and cardigan combo. Daria is wearing a pink and white floral dress with a fake pearl choker.) SANDI: Well, I’ve always liked to have a little Bowie going on. Cheekbones, you know. TIFF: What’s your type, Vylette? VY: Well, personally I’ve always been partial to- SANDI: Say no more. (Points at Drama Club poster) Vylette, this is Ted DeWitt-Clinton. He’s your teen dream. Of course, he’s in drama so we can’t guarantee hetero status. TIFF: But it doesn’t matter, he is beyond fine. SANDI: Oh God, here comes Stacy again. STACY: Sandi, this has gone too far, we have got to tell the truth. SANDI: Oh, I think not. Eh, Vylette? STACY: What the hell? VY: My name is Vylette. SANDI: Learn it. TIFF: Live it. SANDI/TIFF: Love it. SANDI: Ladies? (jerks her head to the left, and they all leave) (Cut to Stacy and Ted talking. We see only their silhouettes moving. They appear to kiss every now and then.) STACY: I have ti tell you something. About Quinn. TED: What? (Montage of the past events intercut with Stacy speaking. When she finishes, Ted looks horrified.) (Cut to that night. We see Daria dreaming. All the events rush past her quickly and then we see her behind prison bars. Daria sits up with a horrified shriek. She runs to the mirror and stares hard, remembering she is still Vylette.) (Sandi and Tiffany are talking at Sandi’s locker.) TIFF: I’m just worried. Vylette is outedging even us in popularity. It’s a little disconcerting. SANDI: Oh, she’s just like a poor person who won the lottery. They don’t yet know how to act so they drape themselves in riches. It’s sad, really. (Suddenly, Imperial Teen’s “Waterboy” starts up outside.) SANDI: What the hell?! (The two storm outside, where Vylette is dancing on top of her red convertible. Sandi promptly drags her inside and to the girls room, banging Vylette against the wall several times.) SANDI: What the FUCK are you doing?! VY: Only what you taught me. SANDI: We taught you to disrespect us?! VY: You only taught me to rule. SANDI: So rule, bitch, but don’t forget I made you, and I can break you just as easily. (Cut to next day. Vylette steps out of her car and walks into school to see posters of her previous self below the words “Who Is Vylette?” She promptly faints.) (Later, in the nurse’s office. Daria’s eyelids flutter and she wakes up. DARIA: It was all a dream, just a dream. They don’t know who I am… NURSE: Daria, wait! (Daria runs into the hall, which is still papered with her picture. Cries of “Take off your mask, Daria!” and “It’s Daria fucking Morgandorffer!” can be heard. She gasps and faints again, at the feet of Sandi and Tiffany.) SANDI: It’s over, bitch. (The girls laugh and walk on.) (Later, Daria comes to again. Stacy and Ted are by her side. STACY: Daria, are you okay? DARIA: My god. I am nothing, worse than nothing! I’m shit! STACY: Daria no, you’re a wonderful person- DARIA: But that’s never gotten me anywhere…. SANDI: Oh look, how sweet. It’d be like Terms Of Endearment. Too bad the guy’s gay. TIFF: And the two leads suck! STACY: (pinning Sandi against a locker) WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? I heard they found some guy and pinned Quinn’s death on him! What have you done, Sandi? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? SANDI: You’re so forceful, Stacy. Kinda turns me on. TIFF: I’m sure Daria likes it! (kissy noise) (Sandi turns to leave but Stacy blocks her way.) STACY: It’s over, Sandi. SANDI: I am PETRIFIED. (she leaves) (Later that night, Stacy is sitting on her bed talking to Ted and Daria on three-way. Stacy is wearing blue pajamas, Ted a –shirt, and Daria her blue tee and yellow shorts.) STACY: I mean, she’s so evil! And she’s only in high school! We have to expose her at the prom tomorrow night. DARIA: Great. Why don’t we pick up some pig’s blood while we’re at it? TED: Cute, Daria. (Stacy’s mom comes in) MOM: Stacy, I was just at the Morgandorffer’s and Helen sent over some of Quinn’s things you might like to have. (Stacy takes various items out of the bag and finally comes upon the speak and record birthday card. She presses the button, expecting to hear Quinn’s protesting wails, but is surprised to hear…) CARD: I killed Quinn! I killed the teen dream! Deal with it! STACY: Oh. My. God. (redials Daria.) Daria, I have a plan. (The Lawndale gym at prom time. The theme appears to be nothing so much as “Our Crappy Gym With A Couple Of Streamers.” Daria/Vylette and Stacy enter. Stacy has on a blue strapless gown and Daria a long red dress. Tiffany, in a red strapless dress with black boa, and Sandi, in a white ball gown with her hair piled on her head, see them and start laughing.) SANDI: Carpet munchers! (Tiffany is talking to her date, ignoring Sandi.) TIFF: This is lame. How about a little room service? SANDI: Um, Tiffany, I think you’re forgetting a certain announcement. TIFF: Oh, I’m so sorry, Sandi. SANDI: That’s okay, we can’t always be up to speed. (everyone laughs at Tiffany, who looks crushed.) (Ms. Li steps up to the stage.) LI: And now, I’d like to announce the Prom King and Queen of… Lllllawndale High! (Cut to Zach fiddling with the sound system backstage. LI: Our Prom King is… Kevin Thompson! (Kevin ascends the stage yelling “Woo!” and “I’m the QB!”) LI: And our queen is… (Brittany and Sandi look hopeful.) LI: Sandi Griffin! (Sandi ascends the stage, a shower of silver balloons falling around her. She smiles wickedly as Ms. Li hands her the mike.) SANDI: Thank you soooo much. It’s such an honor to be chosen- (At that moment a voice cuts her off. Her voice.) VOICE: I killed Quinn! I killed the teen dream! Deal with it. (Sandi is clearly shocked and horrified, but keeps smiling. The mike cuts out, cutting off her “What is that?”) SANDI: Ms. Barch, fix it! VOICE: I killed Quinn! I killed the teen dream! Deal with it! DARIA: That’s her voice! TIFFANY: No way. That’s sooo wrong. (People are getting very angry as they realize it is indeed her voice. They throw corsages at her as she runs from the stage, weeping.) END MUSIC: “Freaks” Silverchair AUTHOR'S NOTES: I first conceived of the idea for this fanfic while watching Jawbreaker, the movie it is based on. It occured to me that the "beautiful ones" in Jawbreaker played the same roles as the Fashion Club. Sandi, the bitch; Tiffany, the follower and the Bitch's right-hand man; Stacy, doomed to be popular because of her looks, but kindhearted within; and Quinn, who everyone loves. Daria was cast as "Fern Mayo/Vylette" because she is a fringe girl like Fern, though Daria chooses such a path rather than having it thrust upon her. Besides, it was easier to explain how the Fern character got into the Liz Purr character's house. Ta ta for now, and expect to recieve another fanfic soon. For now, Allie