Camping Chaos written by Julia Wright, ssworldfan@aol.com Scene 1: School, Jane and Daria are sitting in a boring class Mr. DiMartino: Class, SOON, we will be taking a school-wide CAMPING trip. It will happen NEXT week, and we need as many VOLUNTEER chaperones as POSSIBLE. Jane:(leaning over to whisper to Daria) Maybe we can get Trent and Jesse to do it. Daria: Do you really think that they would want to go with a bunch of immature high school students camping? Jane: What better do they have to do with their time? Daria: True. Mr. DiMartino: Daria, Jane, do you have something to SHARE with the rest of the class? Jane: Actually, I was thinking that maybe my brother and his friend would chaperone on the trip with us. Mr. DiMartino: Trent? On a CAMPING trip? I'll believe THAT when I see it. Jane:(whispering to Daria) All the better to get Trent to come. So he can torture his former teachers. Good way to get Jesse to come too. Daria: Besides the fact that you are going to be there. He wouldn't miss a chance to spend a week with you. Scene 2: The Lane House Daria arrives and knocks on the door. Jane answers. Jane: Hey, just in time. A Sick, Sad World Marathon is coming on. Daria: Have you asked Trent and Jesse yet? Jane: No, I wanted you to be here to help me convince Trent. Daria: Remind me to hate you later. The two settle down in Jane's room, just as the marathon starts. Jane is painting and Daria is engrossed in the episode, when a guitar chord shakes the house. Jane: You wanna go watch the chaperones practice? Daria: Do you wanna die a slow painful death? Jane: We're going anyway. Daria: Damn. Jane: Now would be a good opportunity for us to ask them. Daria: Us? This was your idea. Jane: So? You want Trent to go just as much as I want Jesse to go. Daria: Prove it. Jane: You're blushing. Daria: I hate you. Daria and Jane walk down the stairs and into the basement, interrupting a practice. Trent: Hi, Janey. Hey, Daria. Jane: Hi. Daria: Hey. Jane: Daria and I have something to ask you guys. There is a camping trip for school and they need volunteer chaperones. Trent: No way, Janey. Jesse: Trent, man, it could be fun. Trent: You just want to go because Janey is. Jane: Trent, all of your old teachers are going to be there. So is Daria. You can get ideas for songs! Trent: Teachers? Ugh. But I guess I could bug them. All right. I'm in. Jane: Thank you so much. I wouldn't want to spend a week with a chaperone I didn't know. Trent: A week? Aw, man! I'm beginning to regret this already. (But Daria is going to be there, he thought to himself. With no parents. Yes!) Scene 3: School, Mr. DiMartino's class Jane raises her hand and waits to be called on by Mr. DiMartino. Jane: I have two volunteers to go on the camping trip. Mr. DiMartino: REALLY? SOMEONE is willing to go somewhere with IMMATURE peoples such as yourselves? Jane: Uh, yeah. Trent Lane and Jesse Moreno. Mr. DiMartino: Trent and Jesse are willing to come back and PARTICIPATE in a school activity, considering when THEY went here, they could even come to CLASS? Jane: Uh, yeah, I guess. Mr. DiMartino: Why am I constantly plagued by MISERABLE students? (to himself) Scenes from years before begin to flash in his mind. He sees visions of Trent sleeping in class, coming in late to class, Trent's empty seat during class, Trent eating in class, and Trent making rude statements. Mr. DiMartino shudders. He is pulled out of his reverie when the bell rang. Scene 4: The Lane House after school Jane: Trent, the camping thing is all fixed. You can't back out now. Trent: I know; I wasn't going to. Jane: Then how come you look so miserable? Trent: I don't know. I just don't think this camping thing is such a good idea. Jane: Come on, Trent. It will be fun. You can torture teachers and make fun of the preppie kids. Trent: I guess it could be fun. But I doubt it. Jane: Fine, think whatever you want. But if it will make you feel better, Daria and I will pay for gas and stuff for you and Jesse, to say thank you for going. Trent: You guys don't have to. Jane: We want to. You are saving us from stupid chaperones. Oh, did I tell you that you and Jesse are sharing a group? Trent: No. Who's in our group? Jane: We're not sure yet, but we know that it's Daria and me. (Jane smiles.) Just what you want. A week with Daria and me Trent: It's not so bad. (He smiled to himself.) Jane: Yeah, well, Daria's coming over later to help me with some math homework. Don't practice your guitar too loud. Trent: We won't. Wouldn't want to disturb the working mind of Janey Lane. Jane: Shut up, Trent. I didn't want you to disturb Daria. Trent: Oh, well, okay then. Jane smiles as her brother leaves the room. Scene 5: Daria has just arrived at Jane's. Jane: I just don't understand this stuff. Why, why, why?!!? Daria: Luckily, it doesn't have to be turned in until Monday, so we have all weekend. Jane: Hey, Daria, you want to spend the night here tonight, so we can get this done and have the rest of the weekend for fun stuff? Daria: Uh, I guess. Jane: Trent and Jesse have a gig tomorrow night that we can go to. Daria: Sure. I know I am changing the subject, but I wonder how the camping trip is going to go on Tuesday. Jane: I don't know. I want to know who is going to be in our cabin. Daria: Too bad we don't find out until Monday and we are leaving Tuesday. That gives us no time to switch cabin mates. Jane: Yeah, I know what you mean. We'll probably get stuck with Brittany or something. Daria: Ugh. Or Quinn and the Fashion Club. They both laugh, but then stop short. Jane: What if we really did? Daria: I don't want to think about it. Let's get back to the math stuff. Jane: Okay, but you should call your people. Daria: Oh, yeah. The funny farm. Daria calls her mom and tells her that she staying the night at Jane's. No objections are made, for some weird reason. The two get on with the math and finally finish it. Nothing really interesting happens at Jane's that night, so we are going to skip over it. If you want, you can make something up. Scene 6: School on Monday. Daria and Jane are in history class with Mr. D. Mr. D: Today, we are taking a POP quiz. Take out a BLANK sheet of PAPER and number it one to FIVE. The pop quiz isn't very hard for Daria or Jane, and both do well. Mr. D. has the class grade each other's papers, then collects them all, skimming over the scores as he goes. Mr. D: BRITTANY, how can one person be so STUPID? Brittany: I don't know. Mr. D: I am getting sick and TIRED of stupid students running the school. There are just too MANY of them. (to himself: I wish I could just rid the world of all the stupid people.) Mr. D: And Kevin is the WORST. He can't even get a bad grade for HIMSELF. He has to cheat off his STUPID girlfriend. (He continues to himself. Stupid football players. They shouldn't even exist.) Mr. DiMartino stops his verbal bashing just in time for the bell. The students jump up and hurry out of his class, all except for Jane and Daria, who take their time. Mr. D: You two want to cause problems, ALSO? What is it with stupid PEOPLE? Jane and Daria walk out of the room without answering him. Jane: What's his problem? Daria: I don't know, but I think we should avoid him on the camping trip. Jane: I totally agree. We should tell Trent and Jesse too. They weren't exactly his favorite students. Daria: Okay. We better get out of here before he comes out. Scene 7: The next day, Daria is getting ready to leave. She hears Trent's drummer's van, The Tank, outside. She hurries to finish breakfast and get her stuff. As she goes outside, she sees Trent, Jane, and Jesse in the Tank. Jane and Jesse are in the backseat, leaving the only spot for her in the passenger seat next to Trent. Daria: Hey, everyone. Jane: Hi, Daria. Ready for our big adventure? Daria: No. Trent: Hey, Daria. After everyone said hi, the Tank pulled away from the Morgendorffer house. Trent: We put some extra seats in the back, so we can take more people with us if it's needed. Daria: Okay, I just hope that we don't get stuck with the fashion geeks or the stupid cheerleaders. Jane: We'll find out in a few minutes. The group drives up and park the Tank. Trent and Jesse sign in, while Jane and Daria sign in with their homeroom teachers. Trent and Jesse come back to the Tank, and look over their list. Jane and Daria are the only ones they know one it. Mrs. Barch: Students, we want all of you to go with your chaperones, if you know who yours are. If you don't, go see Mr. DiMartino and he will look it up for you. Jane and Daria go over to Jesse and Trent, and no one else is over with them. They are looking at the list when Daria and Jane approach. Trent: You guys know any of the people on this list? We hear a groan, and it came from Daria. Group 7: Chaperones: Trent Lane and Jesse Moreno Students: Jane Lane Daria Morgendorffer Brittany Taylor Kevin Thompson Michael Mackenzie Charles Rutthiemer Quinn Morgendorffer Sandi ??? Joey ??? Jeffie ??? Daria: Quinn just had to be in our group! Jane: It's okay. Trent will protect you from the evil beasts known as the Fashion Club. Just then Upchuck wanders over to the group. Upchuck: Are you Trent and Jesse? Trent: Yeah, I'm Trent. Upchuck (directing himself to Daria): Rrrrowl. Are you in this group too? Daria: Leave me alone, Upchuck. Everyone else in the group begins to show up. They load into the Tank. Trent is driving, and Daria is in the passenger seat again. The only reason she did was to keep away from Upchuck and to save Trent from Quinn and Sandi, who seemed to have fallen in love with him. Jane and Jesse were in the next set of seats, and everyone else is crowded in the back. Quinn and Sandi are chattering about Trent, and he can't take it anymore. Trent turns on the radio and blasts it until he can't hear them anymore. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen comes on. Trent starts signing. 'Too late, my time has come, Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time. Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go, Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth. Mama, ooh, I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.' Trent: I love this song. Daria: Yeah, me too. Trent: Sign it with me, then. Daria: Uh, I don't know. Trent: Come on. Trent was signing and Jane and Jesse started in. Daria had to give up. She started signing. 'So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye. So you think you can love me and leave me to die. Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby, Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here. Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, Nothing really matters, Nothing really matters to me. Any way the wind blows.' Quinn: Ugh. That is one bad song. Sandi: Is that like your cousin or whatever signing? Quinn: I don't know. She never signs. Sandi: She kind of good, in a not my type of music way. Quinn: Hey, Trent! Can we listen to some better music? Like, the Cranberries or Backstreet Boys? Trent starts laughing. Trent: That's a good one, who ever you are. No way! Daria: Trent, Quinn wasn't joking. Trent raises his eyebrows and makes a disgusted look. Trent: You mean she actually LIKES that stuff? Daria: 'Fraid so. Trent: Ugh. No way! (he yells back to Quinn.) The ride to the camp site was pretty quiet, except for the music, an occasional singer, Quinn and Sandi chatting about Trent, and Brittany complaining about the passing shopping outlets and not being able to go to them. They arrive as the sun is setting. The teachers show each group to their cabin and let everyone settle in. Daria and Jane share a bunk, as does Trent and Jesse. The other bunks belong to Sandi and Quinn, Brittany and Kevin, Upchuck and Mack, and Joey and Jeffie. Jamie didn't come because he was in the hospital with a broken leg that he had gotten in football. Quinn: I wish Stacey and Tiffany could have come. Sandi: Too bad they had to go to the manicurist and Dr. Shar's this weekend. Quinn: Now, we have Trent all to ourselves. Sandi: Yeah, but I think your cousin or whatever likes him. Quinn: I see what you mean. Oh, well. We can get any guy over her. Scene 8: The Cabin After dinner, the students were instructed to go back to the cabins, where chaperones were to read the list of rules and everything like that. Everyone in the cabin is sitting on their bunks, while Trent read the rules. Trent: No one is aloud out of the cabins after 10:00 without a chaperone. Wake up is at seven a.m. Ugh. Okay. Well, those are the last of the rules. We better turn in now, if we want to get up on time. Daria: (directing her comment to Jane) Geez, it's cold in here. I wish that they had decided to take us camping in May, instead of December. Jane: Yeah, me too. It gets cold at night. (She smiles wickedly) You know, Trent is over there, looking might lonely. Daria glares at Jane, then glances at Trent. He is staring at the bunk above him, looking lost in thought. Daria: Go to sleep, Jane. Everyone goes to sleep, except Trent. For some reason, he could not sleep, which was very unusual. He felt like something bad was going to happen, but he didn't know what. Everyone wakes up on time, and gets dressed after having showers. The group goes to the dinner hall (whatever you want to call it). Daria is sitting in between Jane and Trent, who looks half dead. Daria: Trent. Trent! When she finally gets his attention, he looks kind of embarrassed. Trent: Huh? Daria: You okay? Trent: Yeah. I just didn't get enough sleep last night. Daria: Oh, okay. Everyone goes on with eating their meals, and Daria is ecstatic that Quinn and Sandi weren't at the same table as she was. She couldn't have made it through any ore mindless drivel. Scene 9: After breakfast, somewhere in the woods. Each cabin has been instructed to go on a hike and take notes of things they see, hear, and smell. The only rule is, they have to stay on the path. The group comes to a fork in the path and they aren't sure which way to go. Trent decides to just pick one way, and he goes to the left. Trent: Oh, well. We had to pick one side or the other. After walking for a while, the group comes to another fork. This time, he picks right. Later, the path completely ends without anyone realizing it. The group keeps on walking and ends up in the middle of the forest. Trent: Damn. I guess I screwed up this time. He looks really upset at messing up. Jane: It's okay, Trent. We still love you, don't we Daria? Daria: Um, sure. Trent: Thanks you guys. Now, we have to get out of here. Trent leads the group back to the path and takes a look at his watch, and sees that they are late. They were supposed to bring the group to the main lodge for a meeting the teachers had planned. They got back to the meeting, and Trent had to check his group in with Mr. DiMartino. Mr. D: So, TRENT. Out of high school, and you STILL can't tell time? Trent: That's not it, Mr. D. We were so.... engrossed in what we were doing that we lost track of time. Trent mentally thanked Daria for using big words. Mr. D: Oh, just go get back to your GROUP. Trent: Sure. (mumbling to himself): D*mn*ssm*therf*ckingsonofab*cth. The meeting was pretty stupid. It was just for the teachers to tell the students to have fun and listen to what their chaperones told them to do. It was now free time and everyone had to go back to their cabins. Trent was lying on his bed when two shadows appeared over him. Quinn: (sitting down on his bunk) Hi, Trent. I just wanted to let you know that I really like you. Trent: That's great. Quinn didn't like his dead-pan voice when he said this. Quinn: You should be honored that someone likes you. I mean, someone besides DARIA, that is. Trent: Leave Daria out of this. I don't like you. Quinn: Well, fine then. Act that way if you want. You and Daria deserve each other. Quinn walks away in a huff, leaving Sandi there staring at Trent. Sandi: So, Trent. It was really cool the way you told Quinn off and everything. I like guys with an attitude. Trent: I don't like you either, Sandi. Sandi: Oh, fine then you loser. Sandi also walks away from Trent in a huff. Trent: Thank God that's over with. Now, I can finally get some sleep. Just as that was said, we hear Upchuck once again hitting on Daria. We also hear Quinn and Sandi fighting, Brittany and Kevin making out, and Jane and Mack having a conversation. Jesse is nowhere to be seen. There is a knock on the door, and Mr. DiMartino walks in. Mr. D: Hello, EVERYONE. I am here to inform you that there is a MAJOR storm warning and that no one is to leave the cabins. A TEACHER is to be in every cabin and lucky ME gets stuck in here with YOU. Everyone groans. No one wants him in the cabin. Mr. D: (to himself) Now is the perfect chance. I can finally get rid of them. He smiles to himself, and laughs the evil laugh heard in The Daria Hunter. Scene 10: The Cabin, later that night. Everyone is hungry, and luckily Jane had two bags of potato chips in her suitcase. The group dug in, and the food is soon gone. Trent is talking to Daria and Jane, then he decides to go to sleep. Mr. D: TRENT, I see we still love SLEEPING as much as ever. Trent: Yeah, Mr. DiMartino. Mr. D: The thing I hate even more than STUPID people are stupid SLACKERS. Trent: I'm not a slacker. Mr. D: Yes, you are. You NEVER turned in your HOMEWORK, you SLEPT through class, and you just BARELY managed to GRADUATE. Trent: So? Mr. D: I HATE slackers. I'm going to rid the WORLD of them. Starting with YOU! Mr. DiMartino reaches in his pocket, revealing a small pistol. He aims it at Trent. Mr. D: I've ALWAYS hated you, Trent. You were the WORST student I've EVER seen. Now, I am going to get RID of you. Just as Mr. DiMartino starts to pull back the trigger, he falls down. Jesse had hit him from behind with a big stick. Trent: Jesse, man! Where have you been? Jesse: I was out trying to find some flowers for Janey, but then I remembered it was winter, and all the flowers were dead. I heard Mr. D screaming, and I grabbed a stick and came in here. I saw the gun pointed at you, and I hit him. Trent: Thanks, man. The two best friends hug. Mr. DiMartino is laying unconscious at their feet. With the help of Jesse, Trent takes his assailant and drags him into the bathroom and locks him in. Daria is on the phone, getting ready to call the cops. Scene 11: The Police Station The cops have just arrived and have taken Mr. DiMartino down to precinct. They have asked Trent and everyone else in the cabin to come down for questioning. After questioning everyone, the group was told to go back to the cabin and enjoy the rest of their trip. Trent: I knew something bad was going to happen. Daria: Yeah, that was pretty weird. You said something was going to happen, and it did. Trent: Yeah. Well, that was a weird experience. Jane: I never thought someone would want to kill my brother. Trent: Really. I never thought anyone hated me that much. Daria: He's a weird psychotic TEACHER. He doesn't really count. Trent: Yeah, well, it still seems a little weird. The rest of the trip back was silent. No one knew what else to say. They arrived back at the cabin, and everyone took their normal spots on the bunks. Trent: I can finally go to sleep without waking up every five minutes again. Jane: You're back to your normal self. Trent smile at Jane: Yeah. Soon, everyone is asleep. It was late when they had gotten back, and everyone was tired. When the cabin woke up at seven the next morning, there was snow falling outside. It had been falling all night and was now stacked up so high that no one could open the doors to the cabins. They were stuck in there until someone came to dig them out. Jane: Well, anyone up for a game of cards? Soon, a rousing game of poker was taking place. The game included Jane, Daria, Trent, Jesse, and Mack, who could not stand anyone else in the cabin. Everyone was getting on his nerves except for his poker buddies. They decided to play for potato chips, since no one had any money. Daria seemed to be very good at poker. She had a large stack of chips in front of her, but that could be because she wasn't very hungry either. Everyone else was taking little bites out of their chips every once in a while. While they were playing cards, Quinn and Sandi were giving Brittany a make-over. Kevin was talking about football with Joey and Jeffie. Upchuck was running around the room, watching everyone else. No one would pay attention to him. Scene 12: Later that night in the cabin Someone knocked on the door, and Upchuck, not having anything better to do, jumped up and answered it. The person at the door worked for the camp and had dug them out. He informed them that there was a meeting for everyone at the main lodge. Trent: All right, everyone. Let's get ready to go. The group was soon ready to go, and they headed to the main lodge. Ms. Barch: All right, students. The teachers have decided that since everything is going wrong, that we should go home. Pack up your things tonight. We will be leaving at eight o'clock tomorrow morning. Thank you. Everyone was dismissed to go to dinner after that. Next, they all went back to their cabins. Daria: I don't want to go home yet. I have to face my parents. Trent: I'm certainly ready. I want to go home and sleep in my own bed. Jane: Trent, you could sleep anywhere. Trent: I know, but it was a good excuse. Everyone laughs. The cabin begins packing, and soon the cabin looks bare. Now, the people are sleepy. They lay down on their bunks and are soon deep in sleep. The next morning... Ms. Barch: Wake up everybody! Everyone jumps up except Trent. He is still asleep. Ms. Barch walks over to him. Ms. Barch: You man! Wake up! She hits him over the head, and he finally rises from slumber. Trent: Uh. Ms. Barch: Get your cabin to load everything in the cars, and be at breakfast in thirty minutes. Trent: Uh. Sure. Ms. Barch leaves, and Trent rolled over and goes back to sleep. Jane throws a pillow at his head. Jane: Trent! You need to get up! Trent: Oh, fine. I'll sleep when we get home. Scene 13: The Morgendorffer house Helen: How was the trip, girls? Quinn: Well, Stacey and Tiffany didn't go. And then there was this really hot guy that was one of the chaperones. Sandi and I really liked him, but he rejected Sandi so I didn't go after him. It wouldn't have been fair to Sandi. And then... Helen: Daria, what did you think of it? Daria: Well, I was trapped in a cabin with Quinn and Sandi, my friend was almost killed by Mr. DiMartino, and we were snowed in for a day. All in all, it sucked. Helen: Oh, yes. I heard about that teacher being arrested. I hope no one was hurt. Daria: No one was. Helen: I think this was a good trip for you girls. You should go again with your friends next year. Daria: No way! Quinn: Mo-om! Helen: I think it would be good for you. Daria and Quinn: No. Helen: Jake, help me here. Jake: Has anyone seen my newspaper? ~*The End*~