Another Damn
Mary Sue Fanfic
Text ©2008 The Angst Guy (theangstguy@yahoo.com)
Daria and associated characters
are ©2008 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent, just want to bother me, whatever)
is appreciated. Please write to: theangstguy@yahoo.com
Synopsis: The author writes a Mary Sue story for Daria. The
cause of literature is hurled back into the Dark Ages.
Author’s Notes: The events in this story took place only in the author’s
imagination. He once worked as a magazine editor, hence the origin of this
tale. The reader is assumed to have a working knowledge of the major characters
from the Daria series, so prolonged personal introductions are not given
in the story, which would make the introductions longer than the story itself.
The whole story revolves around a comment Daria made in an interview published
by Women’s Wear Daily in June 1998, in which Daria, commenting on her
wardrobe, says, “My boots send a clear message: ‘I can kick you.’” (See the article
at Outpost Daria.)
There are no other notes, except that in the original version of this tale, I
accidentally called it a “Mary Jane” fanfic. Duh.
Many of my sillier stories make
use of a free font called Cuckoo for the titles and subtitles. This cheery,
useful font can be easily acquired from Urbanfonts.com or Abstractfonts.com.
Acknowledgements: For obvious reasons, no one was allowed to beta-read this
story. I acknowledge this and am grateful for it.
*
INT = Interior scene
EXT = Exterior scene
VO = Voice over (off screen)
1. INT: AFTERNOON, FRONT HALL,
MORGENDORFFER HOME
Daria walks into the house from the mailbox, opening an
envelope addressed to her. Standing in place, she pulls out the letter and
reads it. As she does, her face takes on a shocked expression. Moments later,
she lowers the letter.
DARIA: [stunned]
He rejected my story. [looks at letter again] And he sent me a badly
photocopied form letter he didn’t even sign. [dark look] For that . . . he must pay.
2. EXT: LATER, ON A HIGHWAY IN A
CAR DRIVEN BY
JANE: Help me out here, Morgendorffer. You want to see the
editor who rejected your story with a form letter, so you can . . . do what?
DARIA: [scowls] Just drive.
3. EXT: THAT AFTERNOON, OUTSIDE AN
DARIA: Park by the door there. Keep the engine running.
JANE: Listen, while you're inside, can you get me a soda?
And some chips, any kind. And a hot dog, if the vending machines have one.
Microwave it before you come out, and put on some ketchup and mustard, and if
they have relish—
DARIA: Stop the damn car, already.
Daria gets out of the car once Jane stops. Daria goes into
the building.
JANE: [yells out of
car window] If they have chips, get the barbecue
flavor!
There is a short pause.
THE ANGST GUY: [VO,
inside building] AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!
Daria runs back out of the building and jumps in the car.
DARIA: Love these boots. Home, please.
JANE: [groans,
stamps on the gas, races out of parking lot] Where’s my food? And am I gonna do this every time you get a damn form rejection
letter?
DARIA: I'll pay for pizza tonight.
JANE: [defeated]
Damn it, Morgendorffer, you know all my weak spots.
They drive away.
Original:
8/14/02; modified 1/20/03, 06/16/06, 09/22/06, 10/31/08
FINIS